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Anonymous

June 26,2023 at 4:06AM UTC

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I feel like i am being targeted at work from many directions. My new boss is the most negative person I know, never praises you, though I think he does this with most people. I believe he targets me because he wants to oust me and is trying to make my life miserable. He always sides with the other party even when I am in the right, he purposely emails me with criticisms almost every Friday afternoon to disrupt my weekend. He never wants to listen to my side of the story. The last awful thing he did was say in an email about something negative he said someone said about me.. When I responded to him to let me know the context so I can respond accordingly, he then wrote me back that we would discuss it later. When i met with him, he read the email to me (which I believe he or someone modified the content) and I asked him to send it to me and he said he would and never did. I loved my job before he came on board.

I am keeping my eyes open for new opportunities and have applied to a few jobs. I am a manager of my dept., i I make a good salary, and I am of a protected class on a couple of levels.

He is being very careful because he doesn't want a lawsuit, so he is trying to conjure up a performance case. All of his emails show dates of events and he outlines activities that occurred.

Any thought or insights would be helpful. I have been with the company for 10 years btw.

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Leader595233June 26,2023 at 12:44PM UTC
Stay away from HR until you decide to exit.
They are not there to help you especially when it comes to management. I was in HR for 20 years and got out because I began to see and really understand this was the case and I didn’t like it.
Keep documenting everything that you do and blind cc yourself on everything you send to them. Be sure to print it out everything as well so you will have it ready for the law suit. Don’t be afraid to call them out on making stuff up either.
Eventually you will have to file a complaint with the EEOC and sue the company.
AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 12:20PM UTC
do you have proof that what he is saying isn't correct ... keep it and send it to your personal e mail. if does things did happen , then you are out of luck.
GirlBossanova934974June 27,2023 at 12:28PM UTC
I wouldn't take this sort of behavior from your new manager, so personally. He is just a BAD MANAGER! bad in that he doesn't stick up for his direct reports and just gets rolled. The fact that he sends negative critical emails on FRI afternoon shows a significant lack of judgement as well. As you get older and wiser, you always ask yourself, "Can this wait until Monday"? I have a similar situation right now. My manager gets rolled every time. She wants to be the IT software developer and would rather not be a manager BUT at the same time get paid as a manager. Meanwhile, I am on my way OUT THE DOOR via applying for all sorts of outside jobs. One last thing. You might look into transferring to another division or department. I have done that once in my career. I got out of a really lousy division just in time before a bunch of layoffs hit. Always an option!
Jessica MezzettiJune 27,2023 at 12:37PM UTC
If you feel like you're being targeted, you probably are. I had a boss like that, 3 other employees were in on it too. I stayed out of it and they fired me.
Linda KellyJune 27,2023 at 12:56PM UTC
I went through a similar situation and my new boss kept intimidating and harassing me. He even drive to a customer meeting at 85 miles an hour to scare me. He eventually reorganized the company and eliminated my position. I’m in a better place but I suffered for over a year.
AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 1:28PM UTC
take a deep breath. he's pulling you into a toxic vortex. Yes, I know you're trying to do your best and respond appropriately, but I sense that you're being sucked into a deep well o poison. this "boss" or manager or whoever he is - is a bully and a creep. But you're playing into his hand, so stop please. You aren't weak and you aren't stupid-- but he's making you react and be vulnerable. Sounds like he's having a graet time doing so. Instead, severely limit your communication w him. Do not ask about anything. Respond with "yes" or "no". Do your best. Stay under the radar. Monitor this. Should he continue to demean you, and continue to scorch you...then he'll be showing his true colors ...Send his emails to your personal email, every single time... Again, DO NOT ENGAGE w him. do what is asked, yes/no, keep pressing on...At some point, he will stop the games or he will up his game on you, and then you can take your case/and evidence to HR.
AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 1:32PM UTC
love this advice. esp about the hotline/reporting. Also, take control. be one step ahead o this manager, love the "weekly report" suggestion-- Stay ahead.
Marcia SmithJune 27,2023 at 1:33PM UTC
Time to go! This situation will never improve and I advise that you begin a serious job search and exit as soon as possible. Toxic environments like this are bad for your mental and physical health. Clearly these folks have no morals - so there is really no telling what will happen next. Start therapy if you are not already seeing a therapist. This will help you deal with all the negativity. Engage in a lot of self-care and gather those around you that you know really love you, so they can help you get through this awful mess. Good luck - you deserve MUCH better!!
Mary PoolJune 27,2023 at 1:58PM UTC
You need to follow up by email with each and every contact. When he doesn't support you, you must email why you believe your position is correct and ask why he disagrees. When he doesn't follow through, you must send an email asking for an update. You need to contact the person who sent the alleged email and ask them if it is true. If it isn’t true, he will look bad, and you can report him to management. When you start pushing back, he will either escalate to a point it can hurt him or back down. Either way, your time there is limited, so I'd actively start looking for another position.
You need to take a stand and be willing to accept the consequences of the stand, or you need to accept his behavior. I’d take a stand. Your time within his department is limited, and practicing to stand up for yourself will benefit you in the future.
Chrissy Regan SmytheJune 27,2023 at 3:14PM UTC
To add to this, always send a copy of any email to your personal email address so you have a record. It sounds like this guy wants to build his own team. I’d take the stand.
AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 4:20PM UTC
It sounds like he is perhaps building a case to try to bring in his own lieutenant. Definitely share with HR the things he is doing to you and also speak to an employment attorney. Use the words hostile workplace and be sure you share the documentation. Ask for a mediator (HR) in your 1-1's if you don't feel safe. Use that word as well- not feeling safe. As a woman you should be heard and with that kind of tenure should have some protections. I would not spend a whole lot of time on tit for tat with him as then you give credence to his assumptions and accusations. Make sure that those who work under you know that you fully support them as he may use them as pawns to get you out.
AnonymousJune 27,2023 at 5:21PM UTC
I hear you -- been going through the same all 2023 -- my boss is young and is intimidated by my education -- basically trying to find a new gig to get out of there - lots of resumes, some interviews, but no offers, Do you think it's the economy?
Rebecca MillikenJune 28,2023 at 2:16PM UTC
If you work at a large company and they have an employee hotline, call it. But just so you understand, they often say they are anonymous but they really aren't.
I agree with documenting as some have advised.
I don't agree with arguing with every single point. He wants you do do that. I have been in similar situations and I try not to engage unless I have to. I just do my job. I don't care about what other people may or may not say about me. If my boss was trying to play games and get to me, I wouldn't let him.
I was at my last job for 14 years and a previous job at a similar company for 8. I always saw managers come and go but I stayed there. Many of them were fired but some just moved on to other jobs or other positions within the company.
Try not to let him bother you. Ignore his Friday afternoon stink bombs. Ignore him as much as you can. By all means, document and keep track of every single thing. Just don't play into his hands. If he really crosses the line, you'll have ammunition.
If he's doing this to everyone, know it's not personal against you. Put yourself in your work bubble and ignore. Good luck.
AnonymousJune 28,2023 at 7:54PM UTC
OP here. Thanks all for your thoughts and insights. The latest thing he did happened today when we went on a lunch cruise and the company had a group picture taken. It seemed as though he purposely stood in front of me right before the picture was taken so I could not be in it. He is much taller than I am and only half my head was shown. SMH.
What do you make of that?
AnonymousJune 30,2023 at 3:03AM UTC
If he did that on purpose, it is an extremely petty move. Perhaps he feels threatened by you and trying to eclipse you or steal your thunder? This is obviously not a healthy situation for you. There are really only two options: remove yourself from the situation, which it sounds like you are working on, or change your perspective on the situation so that you can go into your workplace and maintain some peace, no matter what he does. Or you can do the latter while working on the former.
At any rate, remember what he is doing is about him - his insecurities, his pettiness, and his unresolved issues - and not about you. You’ve been there a long time, you must be a valuable asset to the company. Hang on to that while you are going through this! This negative situation and these unfortunate circumstances will eventually change. This, too, shall pass.
Rebecca MillikenJune 30,2023 at 6:07PM UTC
Sounds like a jerk. I know it's easy for me to say, but don't let him get to you. And know that you cannot possibly be the only person who thinks he's a total a-hole.
AnonymousJuly 1,2023 at 1:31PM UTC
First of all let me say i am sorry to hear that this mess is happening to you. I am going through the same thing. It took a toll on my mental and physical well-being. I did have to talk to Employee assistance and other entities. They heard and listened to me. Yet, the stress was so severe I suffered a heart attack this past April - i am 59 years old. I still am overwhelmed by all of the double standards and biases. I do good work and all my evaluations up to this leader have been glowing. I received promotions along the way to reflect my hard work. But nothing i do at this place is ever good enough. I lost my confidence and self respect. I don't feel strong enough to job hunt and since i had the heart attack i have dr appointments and wouldn’t feel right taking off at a new job to go. At least in this job, i can always point out that other people take off for themselves, for their families, for their cars, for their pets. I make all of my dr appointments as the last patient of the day so i wont be gone during the busy part of he day. I advise to keep all of your notes and try to be respectful to your leader - so he won’t say you’re insubordinate. May I also suggest you research Workplace Psychological Safety Act. Please help get this bill passed in 50 states. Good luck to you.