Need some answers

Need some answers

I don't know what I am doing in my life right now. I have never been confused.

Let's start with my professional life. I have wanted to quit for so long, but there has been no job offer. Struggling every day.

Personally, I am in a relationship and we wanted to get married, but the guy's parents are not ready because I am 2 years older and different caste. They are just like I am not matching their criteria.

Now, he is ready to leave his parents and marry me, but how do I convince my father to get us married? He is a heart patient, and I can never leave my family.

My parents have done a lot for me, and I can't go against them. I can be a rebel and not marry anyone, but is it sensible to ask your father to get you married to the guy whose parents are not ready to even meet me?

So tired of everything now.

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4 Comments

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  1. Anonymous

    With respect, I don't believe we are suited to help you with your personal life . Especially considering the majority of us are in the U.S. and my guess is you are likely in India.

  2. Anonymous

    I would recommend that you soul search and get as clear as you can on your priorities. Take those top priorities and make a plan to improve the odds of those priorities. If your job is a priority, then improve that. If you can't land a new full time position right now, vow to improve your current job. Take classes, gain certifications, commit to improving. Then find an enjoyable side hustle. Something part time and fun. Earn some extra money and expose yourself to new people and work.

    Since your boyfriends parents are not supportive, spend more time around your parents. Create opportunities for them to know your boyfriend.

    Use your energy in positive ways to improve your priorities. You can make a difference. Get creative. You are not a victim. Your life is merely confronted with challenges. This is a test of what you are made of and who you are.

  3. Elizabeth Stiles West

    Lots of love to you. I'm in the USA so be aware that cultural differences may affect my answer, so my answer may not be the best one for you; proceed with caution!

    The easiest question to answer is the one about the job, my advice is to keep it until you find something better. You should be actively applying as much as you possibly can, making sure your resume is optimized and you are answering interview questions well. Practice with friends, and if you are a college graduate, see if there is someone at the college to help you as well. If your country uses Linked In or a similar website for business contacts, be sure you are using it to the full advantage.

    As for getting married, being 2 years older isn't a big difference; that wouldn't be an issue here (unless he's under the minimum age-- if he's 16 and you're 18, then no; if you're both legal adults, no problem).

    Do the two of you truly love each other and can you deal with the fact that his family may never support you and may treat you badly, even if you eventually give them grandchildren? It sounds as if your father may not approve either. Can the two of you live on your own without family support, and is that something you can handle? Is your mother still alive, and if so, what does she think? Moms usually have considerable insight they can share with you.

    If it's available, perhaps relationship counseling will help you to figure out whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this man in spite of family disapproval. In the USA, there are some happy marriages where neither family approved; for example, there are interracial marriages where the families were prejudiced against marrying someone of a different skin color, and there are same-sex marriages where the families didn't support two women or two men being together. I think that love can conquer all if there are supportive friends in place of family, but it would be very hard to be completely isolated from anyone but your spouse. Are you emotionally connected to your family now? Is he emotionally connected to his?

    Also realize that being married isn't just romance; there may be times when you're worn out, your kid has an ear infection and has been keeping you up all night, the house is messy because there hasn't been time to clean it, and money is low because you just had an unexpected expense. Will you still love each other when times are tough, neither of you looks your best, and you're tired?

    Only you and your fiance can decide. Best wishes to you; I hope that whatever you decide turns out well! Hugs from the United States!

  4. Anonymous

    Find a good therapist to help you work through this personal stuff. This site is for career advisement mostly.

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