Nothing like some good old fashioned misogyny to ruin a great job prospect.

Anonymous

July 28,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

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Nothing like some good old fashioned misogyny to ruin a great job prospect.

I recently interviewed for a position with a company that does B2B sales. The initial, face-to-face interview was great and the second interview was conducted via phone with one of the company’s partners that I would be working under in another region. Halfway through the conversation, he asks me how old I am… of course, I blurted out my age (let’s say it’s 35). His response was “So you’re 35 and you look 25. You’ll definitely crush it in this role.”

I’ve never met this man nor did I even know his name prior to the day before. They’ve obviously done their research on me which is totally fine, but the question and comment are not. I know this isn’t legal, but what do you do in the moment??

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AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 5:16PM UTC
I would probably make a joke that I would hopefully crush it in the role because of my qualifications and experience in sales and not just because I'm pretty. How he reacts to that spiciness would definitely influence my opinion of the company.
The comment was definitely inappropriate, but he may have a point that could be viewed as a red flag. As a company partner he theoretically has an idea of the companies that his company does business with. If he thinks that your looks are going to be an asset to you, you might be in for some misogyny from customers. Might not be the case, but definitely something to consider.
Good luck! :)
Audrey KirschJuly 28,2022 at 5:26PM UTC
This is the person you will be working under. He's not likely to change so comments like these will be the norm. You were probably too shocked to say anything, but should have politely ended the interview by saying that you're not interested in a position where you will only be successful because of your looks.
AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 5:28PM UTC
In the moment I would not have volunteered my age (I'm much older than 35) and then I would have half jokingly ask "isn't that question illegal "
But that just what I would have done in the moment.
AnonymousJuly 28,2022 at 7:08PM UTC
Ask yourself internally if hired are you willing to tolerate that kind of behaviour? If the answer is no, then you need to decide whether you will or won’t take the position if offered, unfortunately ignorant pigs like this exist in all environments. You can still set healthy boundaries in a diplomatic way to protect yourself. I agree with another poster who say to jokingly but not jokingly respond without directly answering, isn’t that question illegal? Nothing to do at this point since the situation has come and gone. But if you take the position be on guard with this weasel and be prepared with similar clever responses. That kind of response would make someone like that think twice before asking another inappropriate questions again.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 29,2022 at 1:11AM UTC
Not sure exactly what your question is - are you asking what I would have said if I was asked that question or what I would do about this interview?
If the first one, it probably would have depended on how caught offguard I was - I can see myself answering before I even really realized what he was asking. I have told a guy in an interview - who asked me if I had kids - that's a totally illegal question, you can't ask candidates that. I had already decided he was an ahole and that I would never accept a position at his company so I wasn't completely surprised when he asked me that.
Personally, I would consider this a bullet dodged - I would never go to work for a company with "leadership" like that guy.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 12:48PM UTC
Been there and went with it.
Needed the money as a newly single mom in a divorce. Worked the front office/admin of a fabrication shop almost 1.5 years and left when the Virus took over the world as my excuse. Moved onto something more business oriented but almost 2 years in now I’m wondering if this is my end game. I expect more of myself but keep falling short. If I decide to look again I’ll research better, pay for resume help and decide after some input. I’ve never not had a job within 24 hours through my life, not one to job hop (yr + each position through life w a SAHM period) but I want something to ride out 20+ yrs and enjoy.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 12:53PM UTC
That statement might be true if he was implying that “youth” is advantageous given the type of clients you’ll be working with - in the way that being tall is great for basketball or modeling.
It might not be how he personally operates. I’d ask some carefully worded questions to discern between the two. Another guiding question is: Are you more upset that he asked your age? Or that society is obsessed with youth?
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 1:25PM UTC
Great insights.
Amy CollinsJuly 30,2022 at 12:57PM UTC
How old are you? "Old enough to know better" LOL :)
Crystal HowellJuly 30,2022 at 1:02PM UTC
Wow, do you really want to work here? It's illegal to ask your age, you have to think what else will they do ?
Think hard and report to HR,shouldn't be tolerated.
Never tolerated, if ever asked again, is that question
allowed by HR?
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 1:39PM UTC
Run. I've accepted roles where I should have picked up on that weirdness. My time there was full of appearance comments.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 1:39PM UTC
It's illegal to ask an age during an interview. I'd contact the BBB.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 2:07PM UTC
Ewww. Gross and creepy. I would’ve just changed the subject
Kerry L SchneiderJuly 30,2022 at 2:31PM UTC
Hit up Glassdoor with that shit. You can review your interview.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 2:54PM UTC
Welcome to the real world. Not everyone knows how to do an interview, let alone do it well. People ask all kinds of around the edge questions to get your age, marital status and whether you have kids or not. "So what year did you graduate high school or college?" "What were you doing when X happened? How would you explain this to your kids?" This guy just asked up front.
As far as complementing your looks for the sales job, move on. We all know it pays to look better and younger when you do sales. We also know that women have an edge when doing sales with men, particularly older men, but we just don't say it out loud. It's a dirty little secret that all salespeople, especially women, know and exploit to their benefit.
For those who don't do sales, before you get in a huff and say "Never! That's so demeaning." think about the basics of sales. You are selling you and your relationship with your product. Both you and your product need to look good and sound good, and any salesman that says otherwise is lying.
Over the years, I've read tons of articles, gone to seminars and taken classes to perfect a better image for my voice, my personality and for my looks or how I present myself. It's all about advertising your product and self promotion.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 4:47PM UTC
I agree, it's just the inconvenient truth. Whether we try to censor it doesn't change reality.
I used to work at Lenscrafters and the manager (female in her late 20's early 30's_ gave her coworker a sales tip -- "sometimes you gotta flirt with them a little".
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 2:56PM UTC
What would I do in the moment? Nothing.
Interviews go both ways - the employer is getting to know the employee to see if they are a good fit, and the employee is getting to know the employer to see if they are a good fit.
If this partner is not someone you want in your reporting chain, then if the firm reaches out to move you to the next round, then decline to continue. If they ask why, give them the reason.
Good luck in your job search!
ChrishoggJuly 30,2022 at 2:57PM UTC
Hi Anonymous --- I agree with your comment here, except for one thing.
You say, "Silver lining if want to see it is that you look 25…. Just saying."
Isn't your comment an "ageist" statement and stance?
Why would "looking 35" be a cloud but looking 25 be a "silver lining" to that cloud?
And isn't how old we look, totally situational? For example, had this position been for a senior / high-level position, perhaps the "silver lining" would have been if our 35-year-old looked 45, or even 50.
Ageism (along with 50 or so other -isms) is a serious topic that deserves the attention that it is getting these days (I just celebrated my 80th birthday a couple of months ago), but it (along with the other -isms) is a multi-faceted issue that, like an onion, has many layers.
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 6:20PM UTC
I have removed the comment.
Just trying to make a joke…… forgot that is not allowed on message boards.
For the record I have actually experienced ageism, so no I did not think the comment was ageist. Clearly you do so my apologies if you are offended.
ChrishoggJuly 31,2022 at 12:34AM UTC
Hello back --- And thanks for the reply.
No, I was not offended, at all.
But I was trying to make the point (and could have done a better job) that all of the -isms that we all are faced with are not as simple and straight-forward as they first appear or that we try to make them out to be.
For example, I saw an organization's group photo on LinkedIn the other day (about 14 people), which accompanied a post about how the organization valued diversity, and yet everyone in the picture was white.
And I thought, Hey, that doesn't look very diverse ... until I stopped for a moment and thought, maybe everyone (or half, or some number) of those people are neuro-diverse, or are formerly-incarcerated, or are recent immigrants, or whatever.
And if I may, I think jokes are allowed on message boards, although in my case about half the time my "jokes" are taken as being serious, and I often end up apologizing as well.
Maria Paula CalvoJuly 30,2022 at 3:29PM UTC
If I´d been in your shoes I would have probably acted as you did as a reaction to an unexpected question. However, I do believe an option to such a question may be to disqualify it politely, stating for example that it is not relevant for the conversation and promptly switching to another topic... make it look as irrelevant to stop on that point for any reason and move on
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 6:20PM UTC
Yes, it's illegal to ask someone's age when interviewing for a postion, but, all the indignant advise of turning the guy in is probably not going to benefit you. Word gets around fast and some will not want to 'touch" your resume - fair or not. Women really need to stand up for their rights in a gracious and professional way without declaring war. Sometimes humor can get the message across - and if it doesn't work, well, then, it's probably not the place to be. Thinking of answers to awkward and illegal questions can be helpful. The best answer I've heard to that age question was the candidate saying to the interviewer, "I'd ask you how old you are, but, it'd be illegal". with a big smile and move on to another subject
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 11:44PM UTC
Standing up for your rights by going to HR, filing a grievance is not declaring war. Not every discriminatory comment can be batted away with a flutter of our lashes and a cutesy retort. In fact I'd advise against this strategy as the perpetrator needs to be advised that the conduct, comment (fill in the blank) is inappropriate and violative of the company's ethics and standards.
AnonymousJuly 31,2022 at 6:53PM UTC
Couldn’t agree more! How do we stop this cycle if no one stops the behavior. It’s not war to tell HR to let him know it’s not legal. You’re actually doing him and the company a favor in the long run, so they don’t lose other female candidates because of the behavior. You will find something better out there. Good luck!
AnonymousJuly 30,2022 at 10:10PM UTC
OP, I really do feel for you here. I've recently had similar comments thrown my way by a Sr. Director *where I work.* Oh, but it was because they needed someone who was considered "diverse" and young looking so that it wouldn't "look like a bunch of crusty old Sr. citizens." I took that as a joke at first but he followed that up that I didn't look like I graduated college too long ago. I also dismissed that comment too at first until we had our performance reviews where the same guy said that our merit increases were based on our time in the current level of work. You better believe I went to HR to make sure I corrected any misconceptions about my career level based on how I look.
By being being objectified in such a manner based on my looks rather than talent or skill robs me of any real accolades later even if I do a fantastic job at the task. And for those who are knocking on OP, I empathize with her, because if you're not ready for that level of crass, you generally feel in shock and almost sick to your stomach. My answer to the interviewer would have been, "although I look young, I bring a wealth of experience and conviction to any role I hold as evidenced in my resume. With that said, I believe the questions on age go against EEOC policy." Be gracious, thank him for his time and then report him to the recruiter or HR rep. I understand this is an answer in retrospect but, OP, you did nothing wrong, answered the best you could in the spur of the moment - my advice is that if you can stomach working with a person like that be ready for more dismissive remarks for when you actually become a rock star salesperson there. I'm opting to find a more progressive work environment myself as the level of microagressions towards me from male coworkers is relentless here where I work. I have really, really thick skin but this has become soul-sucking despite my highly rated feedback from stakeholders. (I might as well be future you posting to warn you what it's going to be like if you accept that type of comment.) Best of luck to you in your job search!!!
Bradford McCormickAugust 1,2022 at 1:38PM UTC
You said it a lot more pithily than I did.
People should'nt get away with this kind of stuff. But you have to help them to hurt themelves, not just try to insult them or whatever.
Kristen SteinerAugust 1,2022 at 1:56PM UTC
Bradford, seriously? May I ask politely that you elaborate exactly and in detail how you understand that the question is illegal for age discrimination reasons and why women, who are objectified based on their appearance, are particularly "prickly" about being evaluated on age/looks? And why I don't think I particularly need to learn about a man's analysis of my looks because he has risen to a high position in any company?
AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 7:07PM UTC
In the moment, you either answer the question, like a lot of people have said, or you answer but then ask "Can you help me understand how that relates to the job?", understanding they will cross you off the list. Either way, you close the door on that not-so-hot opportunity.