My manager of 7 months is highly capable, can be a good coach and listens well.

72 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 11:39AM UTC

   Yes, it’s on you to set healthy boundaries with anyone even your boss. Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. Don’t answer the phone outside your work hrs. If she asks how come you didn’t answer, come up with an easy excuse, driving is an easy one. Bad r3ception is another. Eventually when you stop being available, she will stop calling. You are not obligated to take work calls beyond the scope and timeframe you are getting paid. You can either do that or address it in a 1 on 1…..the first option is better bc in a 1 on 1, she might not think she is overstepping your boundaries or may be offended. So if you are simply unavailable, what is she gonna do about it… I mean really? What could she do,,,…exactly nothing

2. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:16PM UTC

   Speaking from experience, bosses can do whatever they want and their reports just have to adapt to it. Setting up a 1-on-1 is a great idea but an exempt employee isn't guaranteed a personal life.

   What is she gonna do about it? Again, speaking from experience: label OP a trouble maker, complain in the evaluation about work commitment, poor relationships, not being a team player, etc. Put OP on a PIP, dot the i's and cross the t's and shove someone who loves their job into unemployment in a job market that favors young people over older people, especially older people who can't prove their are adaptable.

3. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 10:17PM UTC

   Exempt or not, the point I am attempting to make is whether or not the employer could face legal action for firing someone who refused to answer a call beyond their agreed work hours without additional pay. If the manager decides to take it to that extreme, and the poster carefully documents the instances, she has a legal case to sue. No it should not have to come to that, but people should be aware of their rights.

4. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

   I am going to dive in here and say this is likely not a long term resolvable issue. A control freak who expects you to be on duty 24/7 is going to stay that way. Furthermore, if she is your boss she is in a company that rewards those behaviors. Good luck to her in staff retention, the under 40 crowd has a particularly low tolerance for that “management style” in my experience, no matter the age of the manager.

   My advice? Bleak maybe, but position yourself for a new boss on another tile in the company or look for another job. Unless you have reason to believe those above her do not support this kind of thing. This behavior does not change.

5. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 9:35PM UTC

   Thank you for understanding.

   The good news is that a new division is being created and me and my team are going to the new structure in the next 2 months, it’s official. She’s not responding to that decision well and it’s coming out through these behaviours. Not to blow my horn but of all her 7 sub teams she manages, mine is the high profile one and she’s unhappy about losing us. I chose to work for her and have learnt from her as I too have shared my knowledge with her, we have mutual respect and I want to maintain that bridge when I move to the next division. I see my exhausted peers who’ve worked with her for years…some speak up about it, others grumble. Her downfall is she comes at employee interaction from a top down view and well being is never discussed (eg when my team worked insane hours Feb-Apr I immediately worked out a plan of paid time off for my team to regain their balance, then spoke to her about time in lieu and how I was managing it as she was close mouthed about it - so yes she will take advantage of it but never offer anything so I put my leader hat on for my team and get on with it).

   Going to approach my conversation with her (have our weekly 1:1 which she every week is late to, reshedules up to 2-3 times) and approach it as asking her if she wants to discuss any instance of non delivery (there’s none) or lack of commitment and then turn the conversation to normalise work hours expectations.

6. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

   Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You both are grown adults I would just tell her like it is. You have family obligations from this time to this time. You will not be able to have phone calls at this time but available after. Is part of your role to still work after you have left for the day? Be honest let her know so you can get your peace, sleep and back to being you. Boundaries are healthy and necessary for wellness and your mental well being. Good Luck!!!!!

7. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:12PM UTC

   There are two grown adults, but one has power and the other doesn't. This isn't like setting boundaries with friends or family. Trying to set a mutually agreeable boundary is great, but OP may just have to adapt to this new supervisor's work habits. Supervisors don't have to adapt to their supervisees, especially exempt supervisees.

8. Jackie GhedineAugust 8,2022 at 1:20PM UTC

   What I have found when I work with women in situations similar to this is that those who are all in all the time at work usually don't have anything pulling them to not be at work. They also confuse number of hours at work with success and this is not a metric.

   Create your container around what is and isn't acceptable for you, which you have, and just communicate it clearly so everyone knows their expectations. It is apparent you are a committed employee who also knows how to have crucial conversations. Succinct and to the point, while understanding the need to perform. Good luck!

9. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterAugust 8,2022 at 2:00PM UTC

   Brilliant advice, as usual, Jackie!

10. Jackie GhedineAugust 10,2022 at 10:36AM UTC

    Thank you Lesa!

11. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 9:58PM UTC

    Thank you so much for believing that I do work hard and deliver. I come to a role to do well and represent my manager and team well.

    I am contracted to work 35 hours a week, most weeks I do 60 hours+ and work at least half a day every weekend if not more. Some of this extra time is my manager not understanding what’s required and getting us to overdo things (like 100 slide power point decks) so I’ve managed that, provided my insights as it’s my area of expertise, consolidated etc to find a balance, other times it’s too many meetings with too many decision makers, the rest it’s the long calls she seems to do at night (after 8:30pm and well past midnight) that are absurd. She will call on a cast of a dozen, people are too confused or scared to say a thing, most of us are in our pyjamas by then :D

    Overarchingly, all these extra hours from her and her entire team are not equating to outcomes that are stellar across the board. If that isn’t a sign of better scoping, capability and coaching being required…I don’t know what is.

12. Megan RussellAugust 9,2022 at 12:45PM UTC

    Spot on, Jackie.
    I have worked for multiple female managers who only have work as their time commitment. It may be uncomfortable, but it is 100% necessary for you to form some type of boundary unless you are willing to constantly and consistently be interrupted during personal time. It took me a long time to let go of the guilt that those who wear "busy" as a badge of honor made me feel.

13. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 1:21PM UTC

    i would start looking for another job. Been in your shoes and was told that I was not a team player. I don’t answer my phone after work and I have a work phone which I put away after hours and weekends. I totally separate my personal life. I only work after hours if there is urgent business or I feel the need to get things done that will help me manage my time better. I’ve been successful with those boundaries and left a job where I had a boss who expected everyone to be available to her 24 hours a day. We were even chastised if we didn’t respond to texts that were personal in nature. When I said I don’t operate that way, she was floored. When I’m not in the office (that was before the pandemic) I am with my family.

14. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    I might be in the minority here, I definitely prefer the hard boundary of separating work from personal. This is why I would not want to stay for drinks, or anything outside of business hours. Sure, it's nice to "socialize" but it's basically still in a work environment, and I don't understand why companies don't get this. My personal time is my personal time. :(

15. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:10PM UTC

    One caveat -- someone with 23 years in one organization is less hireable for a variety of reasons, so jumping ship may not be a realistic solution.

16. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    As an executive, my workday often begins after a full day of meetings. There are sometimes timely conversations & messages that I need to share with my directs and peers so that I am not a blocker to their work. A few clarifying questions:

    A) Do your peers work in multiple time zones? I send messages during my normal work hours when it is very early for others. I clearly state that it is non urgent and they can reply at their convenience. However, my husband works in a business that is 24/7 and sometimes the nature of the work demands response in the middle of the night.

    B) Has your team had a conversation about preferred ways of working? If not, I suggest that you lead a workshop where you make a PPTX slide with a few common work structures and each person shares how they prefer to work. Step up and lead! Your boss won’t know unless you communicate.

    C) Have you considered being a bit of empathy? I’m sending some high expectations and judgements. How can you have a constructive conversation with your boss to improve your workplace?

    I don’t think this roses to a level of quitting and I cringe when I hear that as an automatic response for

    most posts. These are all leadership challenges that can be resolved with good communication and a dose of empathy. Need some help? Read conflict resolution books. Instead of waiting for things to improve, be the author of your experience and offer solutions.

17. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 1:56PM UTC

    This is going to be an alternate perspective to offer diversity of thinking.

    Feedback is from the perspective of a manager. Im also going to probe deeper than the surface comments.

    Did you support the choice of her being the manager of your team?
    Do you believe you should have been given her job?
    Do you trust her ability to manage your team?
    Do you know the managers priorities?
    Do you take ownership and ask the questions that you need to get onboard (and/or offer alternate perspectives) with the decisions that she makes as manager oF the team?
    Do your clearly communicate when you will not be able to attend key team meetings and have a plan to catch up on missed meetings?

    If I read between the lines, I see a team member who doesnt agree with the selection of the manager, doesn’t trust her ability to manage, doesn’t understand the priorities of the manager and is taking actions consistent with that mindset—actions like not communicating effectively.

    Ask yourself— How might you be contributing to the dynamic? How might you take ownership of the situation?

    We all love to blame the boss but it takes mature ownership to take a step back and evaluate all angles.

18. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 3:58AM UTC

    Our roles are clearly delineated and I don’t want her job (she hired me for a senior role).

    She is not completely comfortable managing my team as it’s not her area of expertise. She does have a broad remit in terms of teams she manages but they’re linked while my team sits outside that. I did mention to someone else that my team is being moved to a newly created division, it’s been recognised we don’t fit under her so I think her recent behaviour is linked to this change which she fought against.

19. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

    ... or she spends her 8-5 time on the parts of her job duties she likes, and the off-hours communication are the result of your workgroup being low priority rather than "lack of boundaries" as others have suggested.

    If you can be proactive to set up 1-on-1s to get ahead of those things, maybe you can put your side of the department on the front burner.

20. AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 4:22PM UTC

    It's up to you to establish boundaries and enforce them. This is a sign of leadership and clear time management.

    Check your employee handbook and policies, make sure to abide them and meet with your boss and outline your boundaries.

21. Kia HarrisAugust 9,2022 at 12:20PM UTC

    Employers should hire capable individuals and work within the hours set. Emergencies occur but not everyday and every weekend. That would exhaust me and minimize my work product. So many countries have adopted a less than five day work week to encourage balance and well being. Most of us work to have a personal life we can afford - not be available 24/7

22. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    She is your manager and not your parent . What you do outside of working hours is your business and your business alone. I find that if you yield your power to people by answering calls and taking meetings outside of business hours they will continue to walk right over you. Also if you are salaried this job is getting free work out of you during the evenings and weekends . At the end of the day you have to stand up to this person and set boundaries else this is the life you choose. You have to be your own advocate, don’t expect people to speak on your behalf and or wait for someone else to speak first and ask you what’s wrong. Best wishes with all of this.

23. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:05PM UTC

    Yielding your 'power' is only possible when you actually have power. In the boss-employee relationship, the boss has all the power. Being "difficult" can result in being unemployed, so boundary-setting has to be done with a risk-benefit calculation in mind.

24. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 5:04PM UTC

    This mindset and thinking will lead to a toxic work environment.

    If you as an employee feel your boss has“power” over you, your boss has instilled fear and is not leading with respect. This is extremely toxic and damaging.

    Everyone deserves to be treated with respect at work. Set healthy boundaries with your leaders.

25. Lynda Birmantas BeamAugust 9,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    My phone goes on do not disturb at 8:30pm and everyone knows it

26. Beth Whight MoralesAugust 9,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

    I would put a hard stop to communication unless it is a previously scheduled meeting or urgent.
    It won’t matter though, you have developed this working model and it will creep back in. Lol I’ve been there, it will happen again with me, too.

    I came from a company where manufacturing was farmed out overseas and DC was in the US, so I would try to respond to any emails sent at 10p - 11p my time so they could move forward with information they needed - and I was ok with that. But I was also receiving messages from some of my American counterparts that could wait until the next day. The president of the company had hard stops for COB and weekend time - unfortunately he was able to do so because myself and one other senior leader picked up communication and slack and worked evening/weekend hours. It was awful, and it didn’t work out for that reason.

    Your team is a huge contributor and you all know it. So harness the power that creates and reclaim your personal time.

27. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

    In my opinion, the lack of regard for employee work hours automatically makes your manager incapable, and not capable like you say. If she was capable, she would be able to complete the work, delegate accordingly, and schedule meetings at appropriate times as opposed to the situation you are describing here.

    The boundaries are certainly for you to set. You agreed to compensation where you reasonably work X amount of hours or a set time period, and anything outside of that will either need to wait, or be renegotiated into compensation. Otherwise, it's you that gets taken advantage of.

28. KristyAugust 9,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    Unless you agreed to more than 40 hours or nights/weekends availability when you took the role, I think you have every right to put boundaries in place. Since this will be new and you haven't previously, I'd share with her that for your mental and physical health you will be more disciplined in sticking to your 8-5 schedule and won't be answering any work calls or emails. I would also lead by example for your team. I am diligent about logging off at 5 (I'm virtual) but in the rare times I do work outside normal hours I schedule any emails to my team to go the next business day at 8am. Even if you put in your email "not urgent" the fact that they see you emailing at odd hours will create some pressure on them to work.

    I've been very strict with this and declined meetings from people who are senior to me if they're scheduled after 5. So far so good! Good luck.

29. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    You're an exempt employee, so technically you don't have the "right" to a personal life.

    Your 23 years there won't position you for another job, so if it comes down to sucking it up and just accommodating her or risking losing your job, be sure you are in a financial position to stand up to her.

    If you want to stand your ground, just don't take the bait. Don't reply to any communications other than an urgent phone call that is truly urgent. Expect to be written up, but at that point you can appeal to her boss. Keep in mind that her boss probably likes her, though.

    The higher-ups obviously have faith in her, or she wouldn't have the job. Firing a high-level employee is expensive and difficult. Employees lower down on the food chain are more expendable even when it's their boss who is the problem. That sucks, but that's how it is.

30. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 3:18PM UTC

    Not saying I disagree, but it's a sad state of affairs that people see exempt employees as not having the "right" to a personal life.

31. Jennifer MonacoAugust 9,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

    I understand where you are coming from however I disagree with your first statement. Being an exempt employee does NOT mean you are giving up your right to a personal life. As leaders we need to help change this narrative and mindset.

    OP: These prolonged hours and working seven days a week is a recipe for disaster. You will become burnt out, this will make your efforts less impactful and your personal well being will suffer. I would have a 1:1 with your manager to level set expectations (9 hr days max, No weekends, leaving by 5:30 pm daily, etc). Be transparent and honest in your conversation with her. Let her know you are committed to your deliverables however will no longer be sacrificing your health & family time.

    When you reach burnout, it will be difficult to recover from.

32. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:50PM UTC

    Exempt employee here, who is an senior administrative assistant to boot. Not available 24/7, ever. Why would anyone work for someone with the attitude you spouted is beyond me. Your work is not your life; it’s a good mantra to repeat, constantly.

33. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    Oh no, I’ve worked there less than 7 months. I meant 23 years under my belt. I am in a senior role.

    The higher ups don’t have faith in her which is why a new division has been created and I’m the first manager and team moving there. She’s capable in her field of expertise and has a good consultancy background, but she was never meant to manage my team. In my field we never report to this particular subject matter expert so I’m glad her manager saw that quickly and has made the call to get us out. She fought to let us go, it’s not right of course that she was given this team last year because she was convenient and they know she’s ambitious and likes to showcase how large her team is. But that’s for her to discuss with her manager, I cannot wait to move forward. We just released some work tonight and it’s stellar, thank you me for contributing 80% of it!

34. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    Can you journal the after hours communication for 2 weeks and then sit down with your boss? Be transparent that you have two goals: containing your work to standard hours and her knowing you will continue to deliver a strong performance.

35. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:30PM UTC

    Don’t even need to journal these days. The office apps track all the outside hours work I do, last month I didn’t work outside normal hours of 8am-6pm for 6 days.

36. AnonymousAugust 13,2022 at 7:10PM UTC

    Can you review the content of those off hours calls with her with the goal of identifying which will be Ok for you to delay responding to u til the next day? Also develop some stats in case you need to have this conversation with her boss or HR?

37. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:10PM UTC

    I have also experienced this but as I get older and now that I am 60 I value my time and will speak up. If you do not speak up they just will continue to do the same thing and because they may work 80 hours they may expect others to do the same. Best of luck to you.

38. Kimberly G. SmothersAugust 9,2022 at 2:41PM UTC

    How about scheduling a one on one and "go direct" about the issue instead of second guessing? Your manager, in an effort to shine, has morphed into a 24/7 overachiever, probably fueled by the company restructure. She is driven to show how capable she and her team are, and expects no less from you all now. Because you've let her exceed your hard stops, it has gotten worse and will continue until you actually let her know this is unacceptable. I'm sure she's under a great deal of pressure. Put your phone on do not disturb and do not respond to messages in those hours. NONE of them.

39. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    from what you shared, I think she is just losing her shit and might need to get things off her chest and vent a little. sometimes when we are overwhelmed, we fear that other people will see that we are not handling things and will fire us or so. Also, sometimes people have scattered brains and they act as if the thoughts come in without expecting you to reply right then and there. Anyway, I never had a situation like this, so you know best what to do. Listen to your heart and the relationship you already have and not these comments online :) go heart to heart, not ego to ego

40. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

    Sit down in a 1X1 with her and ask her what her expectations are. Tell her that while you are 100% committed to your work, you also have a private life. You need to know what she is expecting specifically while pointing out that you are not available 24/7. Yup, be specific, you will not be available M-F from 5:30 to 9:00 pm (or whatever times you need to be with kids), also tell her that you actually do sleep at night and your phone is off between time - time. Those are not unreasonable things and that while you appreciate she does her best work in the middle of the night, you do not. Also tell her that on weekends, you typically check your emails on Sunday afternoon (or whenever) but you do not any other time unless you are on call for potential emergency. And unless you are a doctor/met on call, there aren’t many weekend emergencies

    Have a co-worker who had this conversation with her boss because she was even getting calls while on scheduled vacation. Boss admitted she was stressed in new position and agreed that co-worker wasn’t needed 24/7. They are slowly doing better.

41. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 3:58PM UTC

    She sounds like a workaholic and needs to find a hobby.

42. DanielleAugust 9,2022 at 4:36PM UTC

    No one should be calling you at 1am. I would have shut that down quickly. You need to set boundaries and stick to them.

43. Cindy LaceyAugust 9,2022 at 5:40PM UTC

    Unless it's an emergency, no one should be scheduling conference calls and meetings for after work hours. If they are, they are not managing their time efficiently. I have stayed to work late in an emergency (daily valued financial records, system was down for a few hours) but only in an emergency. Calling someone at 1 am or scheduling a weekend meeting ( and then not showing up!) Is not acceptable. Schedule a one on one and discuss.

44. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:28PM UTC

    Absolutely agree. Honestly there are busy times but we see them coming (my team literally drives many of the cycles of work to be delivered so we select the times), we launch the cycle early and know when the waves of long days come (like 2-3 days in a month). But lately it’s been going since 26 July…it’s 11 August already riding the peak.

45. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:04PM UTC

    OH. MY. GAWD. This woman needs a reality check. People have lives and families and this working all hours seven days a week needs to stop!!! So sorry you're dealing with this!

46. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:05PM UTC

    Oh, and put your phone on "do not disturb" when you go to bed. There is almost NO work issue that needs to wake me up in the middle of the night. If it's TRULY an emergency they'll call back, and a second call will get through the DND. (although I also sleep with earplugs, so too bad... it'll just have to wait!)

47. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:07PM UTC

    If it's an emergency, please call 911!

48. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:18PM UTC

    Your 5:30-8:30 p.m.
    family time needs to be extended to 8:30 a.m. the next morning, every day. I sometimes work longer for extended meetings and the work associated with them, but this woman needs a tighter collar.

49. Toni Rucker HayesAugust 9,2022 at 6:36PM UTC

    An award winning, 23 year professional does not need to be managed this way. If you're not a doctor you don't need to be on call for her 24/7. I definitely think it's time for a talk. Best of luck to you.

50. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:26PM UTC

    Thanks Toni. Someone mentioned here that did I want her job? Hell no, I specially applied for my job which is really awesome and have a goal and pathway of things that interest me, her job is not that. I’m relearning management in some ways and going into bat for my team and focus on showing them how to get the next step, building their confidence, they work so damn hard for me I am proud of them. Truly not biased when I say in a large company they are well respected and in the top tier of analysts.

51. Nan HowellsAugust 9,2022 at 7:56PM UTC

    I had a boss for a time that had NO regard whatsoever for ANYONE'S time but her own. This was back in the 90s, and she would call late at night, etc. My husband yanked the phone out of the wall one night - this was before cells (yes, I'm old) and that was that. But... ugly. Of course, she also asked me to do personal tasks, such as picking up her breakfast, and faxing her Christmas wish-list to her brother. Ego. It was ALL ego.

52. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:24PM UTC

    Woah, so sorry to hear. And YES! To our families that don’t put up with it and wake us up to it.

    My child was weeping today, second time they’ve cried all year. “I’m worried somethings going to happen to daddy, I feeL abandoned, I feel like you’re running away from me.” it was painful to see that level of sadness and I’m fixing it immediately.

53. AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 8:36PM UTC

    I feel for you very much. As we used to say, there are 3 things that are emergencies: Is the building burning? Is the building structure failing/falling? Is the baby crowning? Well, maybe a couple more: Will that semi stop in time? Will that nuclear warhead fall on us?

54. Leader135412August 9,2022 at 9:08PM UTC

    Just reiterate what the work hours are, and that's when your available.

55. TheodoraAugust 9,2022 at 11:37PM UTC

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this unfair situation. It seems like it’s your whole team dealing with this. Are you guys able to speak with HR to make a formal complaint about her actions? It is wildly inappropriate to call an employee at 1am. Unless you’re saving lives, everyone needs to respect office hours. It’s especially concerning that she seems to have little respect for the fact that you have a family. She needs to learn boundaries and perhaps get a non-work related hobby. I hope this gets resolved quickly!

56. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:21PM UTC

    Yes her entire team goes through it and they seem beaten down by it. No one speaks up and when I openly talk about giving my team time off for extra hours, celebrate their wins, question things that don’t make sense I feel like they’re scared for me. She listens yes, but does not respond and files it away. Hopefully my new boss is coming soon!!

57. AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 7:41AM UTC

    i'm sorry that this is the kind of environment that you are having to deal with - especially post-pandemic. You would think that people are more sensitive about work-life balance and its effect on our families & mental health.

    I would suggest that you set clear boundaries with her. It's a good start that you're thinking of speaking to her about family time being 5h30pm - 8h30pm. But I would rather suggest that you communicate that she respect your time outside of office hours, just as you & your family respect the company's time during working hours. I for one, would say rather not answer calls or emails when you are at home. That way she will learn the bounds. WHEN YOU ARE AVAILABLE, then, and only then, return the calls & emails. And I mean mentally, emotionally & have rested and have time. By doing so, you're teaching her that there is a clear demarcation of when she is entitled to your time, and when she is not. Having said that, carry on excelling at your work during working hours so she doesn't feel the void when you are unavailable. It's going to be a hard adjustment for her, but she will get used to it.

58. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:20PM UTC

    Thank you. I will speak to her at our 1:1 next week. She avoids talking about anything non-task related but I’m going to open with the topic.

    I don’t answer my phone immediately during family time. She then calls my team to harass them as to my whereabouts and if she can’t passive aggressively keep calling me without leaving any message about what she wants, she will make my team pay. They are wonderful and loyal and she knows I can’t stand to have them in that position so will get back to her 8:30pm and then work on and on till midnight or past that most days.

59. Mary BalmerAugust 12,2022 at 2:04AM UTC

    The way she is treating is unacceptable. She is taking advantage of you by knowing if she bothers your team you will give her your time. It is almost a harassment type of behavior.

60. AnonymousAugust 12,2022 at 5:50AM UTC

    All the best with the talk.
    If the behavior doesn't improve within a week, take it up with HR. It's obviously abuse of power. (I.e. If she wasn't your superior, would she still have the guts to do all this, or would she be more respectful of your boundaries?)

    Oh, and since she is doing this with the rest of your team, communicate that this applies to everyone else too. She must respect everyone - regardless of rank.

61. Kate Bishop, Career Confidence & Wellbeing Specialist, Coach & TrainerAugust 10,2022 at 5:01PM UTC

    Talk to her to understand her position and then reiterate your boundaries and what you are going to do when she crosses them.

    This could be you reminding her in writing - she is in an old habit loop and now needs to be re-trained out of it.

62. AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 9:27PM UTC

    Poster I have a clarifying question. Do you work in a business where coverage is critical otherwise there could be interruptions to the customer experience? For example, clinical trials software is a 24/7 business where data is entered daily. A man interruption to service would mean losing millions of records daily.

    if so, does your team have a coverage model where tesm

    members trade off being “on call”?

    I get that work is “not that important” except that in certain companies… the nature of the work factors into this discussion.

63. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:17PM UTC

    No, coverage is not critical. We are a corporate team that oversees a broad number of business divisions on future strategy.

    Two days ago I was stuck on 5 hours worth of teams meetings because she won’t allow people to jump off when they don’t need to be there. We wast so much time and company money on things like this.

64. AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 9:30PM UTC

    I work for an international company and will occasionally take calls for high priority meetings outside of my normal business hours to align with partners in other time zones. I make a point to block off hours that are outside my normal hours so that team

    members have to specifically request it. Meetings don’t typically just pop on my calendar. The perspective of a multi-national company is missing from this dialog.

65. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:02PM UTC

    It’s the first domestic company I’ve worked for. Had always worked for multinationals and during certain projects would line up calls with colleagues in Scandinavia, UK, US, China, NZ you name it! But they were for specific projects and we acknowledged the time invested outside ‘normal’ hours. Here we are all on the same time zone, no shift work, we work similar day time hours. Everything can be achieved in the work day.

66. AnonymousAugust 10,2022 at 11:58PM UTC

    Stop working overtime. Period. You'll live to regret it. Or maybe even die. I almost died from working overtime because my body couldn't take anymore. I ended up developing an autoimmune disorder and now consequently have debilitating kidney disease...all from caring more about people who care nothing about me. No job ever deserves nor should demand that kind of sacrifice.

67. SLTAugust 11,2022 at 2:06AM UTC

    Exactly!!

    Work to live, NOT live to work.

    I love my job and give it 110% 8 hours a day.

    They have my undivided attention.

    At 4, I go home and take care of MYSELF.

    And the break allows for additional success at work! (Yes, I learned this the hard way!)

68. SLTAugust 11,2022 at 2:01AM UTC

    Id say you are available from x to y.
    Voicemail and email was invented for a reason!! Whatever you are required then - it is what it is. Just because she is a workaholic doesn't require you to be.

    I get that you want to help, but she obviously has zero regard for your personal life.

    If you want to have after-hours, tell her on day or days a and b from x to y and STICK with the plan!!

69. Erin BeemerAugust 11,2022 at 12:47PM UTC

    I had a manager like this. I also suffered (mentally, physically and emotionally) and one day I decided that I'd remain in my role on my terms only and advised that I put in the more than the required effort, my family and marriage is a priority and I would not be available 24hours a day. Then stop answering. I think we all agree at times there are real urgencies and of course need to be flexible (depending on the type of work you do), but it shouldn't be the normal way of working and you have to enforce your boundaries to protect your personal life! It definitely is control and I can only recommend to stop playing that game by not engaging. Good luck, it's really a tough place.

70. AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:00PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing that and your courage to draw the line. Just saw a message she sent to me and one of my team, 10:58pm asking for something to be done. I will get to it tomorrow morning at 8:30am. Did not respond to her. It is for a task that will be used at a weekly meeting next Tuesday. We know how to manage our timelines without her pedantic control - I’m starting to realise she’s trying to assert before she loses us so some things she wants her way will stick.

71. Liz MilneAugust 12,2022 at 11:54PM UTC

    Her behaviour is flat-out unacceptable and she should be told that in no uncertain terms. Work between 8:30 and 5:30 and do not answer calls, emails or attend meetings that are scheduled outside of those times unless she acknowledges that you will get time off in lieu of that personal/ family time.

72. Lynda BoothAugust 14,2022 at 12:17AM UTC

    Do not answer the calls after hours. If asked about it, let your employer know your personal time is important and if it is work related it can be handled during work hours.

    I turn my work phone off when my work day is done.