Coworker Undermining Me

92 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 4:32AM UTC

   No. You have your out, nothing good can come from the additional drama at this point. Just sit back and enjoy the last few days.

2. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 5:22AM UTC

   I think there is a way for you to communicate that a toxic work environment developed over time. The fact that you love your role and hate to leave it says a lot. It's up to you, but sharing this can create a learning experience for everyone, especially you.

   All the best!

3. Crystal HowellApril 23,2022 at 8:02AM UTC

   I f you are leaving to better your career and finances, it was meant to be.

   The staff doesn't need to know the reason, just deflect a better opportunity came up. The boss's boss, I would be honest in a positive way.

   First, have you spoken to your immediate boss and ask why is work being taken away, at least have that conversation logged, when you talk to his boss. You can say, it appears you are not satisfied with my work, give examples.

   I'm leaving as the department is no longer satisfying to my career needs. Don't burn bridges.

   Enjoy your new life, your family will be happy. Good luck.

4. Oluwaseun OyeApril 23,2022 at 1:53PM UTC

   Definitely tell him/her, especially if you are leaving or if you do not want to leave maybe the boss's boss could do something about it.

5. CassandraApril 23,2022 at 6:56PM UTC

   This is a tough one. I would not make anything up. Either be honest, or simply say that you would rather not discuss it, or that it is a great new opportunity/challenge for you.

6. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 8:14PM UTC

   Ah, the exit interview opportunity…what to do… it is a tough quandary.

   on the one hand, leaders should know if shenanigans are happening that are impacting retention—especially if others have left and there’s a pattern. And it’s good to strike and get your story out if you know you’ll be trashed talked by this undermining coworker.

   on the opposite side, sometimes it’s better to leave gracefully and just put the past behind you. Remember there are two sides and their reality might be different from yours.

   one thing I am considering (because I have a boss whose behavior towards me is hateful and undermines my confidence) is just writing all of the experiences that made me leave on paper and then burn it to clear the air so I can start fresh. Ok, maybe make a copy.

   the only real downside to a negative exit interview is if you ever want to return later on…but if it’s that bad…

7. MaryamApril 24,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

   Instead of burning your notes, consider writing a book some day. :)

8. AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 11:15PM UTC

   If it makes you feel better then share your story. But please be aware that most everyone else does not and will not relate to your story. It's your experience.

   So if it helps you heal and put the drama behind you then share it and hope they understand. You may get a few eye rolls but who cares. You're gone.

9. Heather BinghamApril 24,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

   Only you know all the people involved, and why you think they really want to know. Perhaps you would like to tell just one person, so that you leave unburdened. However, if you aren't that worried, or you don't know who to trust, perhaps the speculation will do more damage to the perpetrator than any direct feedback would achieve. It is nice to know, however, that your other colleagues care - perhaps that will be enough to enable you to leave positively.

10. AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    To your coworkers: you found a better position.

    To your boss's boss, tell them if you want to, but do it in writing and have someone you trust read it over before you do it. It will become part of your personnel file, as will whatever you say in person without your own documentation. If you put it in writing, you'll have a copy.

11. AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 12:59PM UTC

    Your boss allowed this to happen and there were no consequences.
    In my mind, there are a couple of options: leave quietly, have a candid conversation with HR in your exit interview, or go out in a blaze of glory by reporting to the big boss why you’re really leaving.

    Straight talk express: no one will give you a second thought once you complete your last day. You might get a going away lunch or a Starbucks gift card but as soon as you walk out that door, the employer will be onto the next thing. Consider how much time you want to invest in this. You simply will not see any ROI.

    If you do tell the big boss what happened, here’s what I’d expect to hear: I’m so sorry that happened, thanks for bringing this to my attention, we’ll definitely look into it. Then absolutely nothing will happen.

    What you won’t hear: we’re going to change this, what can we do to make you stay.

    Best of luck.

12. AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 1:21PM UTC

    Been there... I explained that I was seeking new opportunities, ended my exit interview and left it at that. Hold your head up high and leave without dissing the new hire. Your immediate boss did you a dis-service by allowing this to go on, but if your boss's boss, if h/she is doing their job, they already know what is happening. Nothing is secret in a company when there is a bad employee or boss. Don't burn the bridge between you and your soon-to-be-former employer. You never know when you may need to walk that bridge again.

13. Annetta MosesApril 24,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

    I suggest you look forward and not backwars. At the point where your manager reassigned some of your work to the new employee, the company should have expected you to resign.

    Thank your old company for the income opportunity. Indicate the new position aligns with your current career goals.

    Good luck.

14. Rosa GoesApril 24,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

    Move on and let it go. Tell them it's a better opportunity, more income and growth. But moving forward let this be a lesson. You could have had a conversation with your boss about the new hire before giving 2 weeks notice. Whatever the outcome, at least they would have known how you felt.

15. CrystalApril 24,2022 at 8:38PM UTC

    Tell them you found a better opportunity and your ready to move on. But if you have an exit interview then you can be truthful there if you feel like it will make a difference. Like the others are saying if your not going to look backwards and your ready to move forward then just let it be and get ready for a better positive experience

16. AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 10:58PM UTC

    Definitely agree with the moving on with your life, but at the same time, if you do have an exit interview you could be honest, but not necessarily “name names.” That way you don’t have to worry about it coming back to haunt you.

    We never know who we’re going to work with in the future and you wanna leave jobs with as little drama as possible in case you end up having to work with someone from there indirectly (this happened to a former coworker who left in a blaze of glory; only to, a couple years later, have to work indirectly with us. She left such a stain, she felt really embarrassed being in the same circles as the people she openly and publicly complained about).

17. Ouafae Ait OuaarabApril 25,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    I would really mention the name of people that were the reason why you are leaving your job in the exit interview so the HR is aware of these no sense trouble maker employees.

    We have to be open about our feeling and voice our opinion in the workplace otherwise nothing is going to change in the work system if we remain silent.

    Good luck!!

18. Marquisha ThomasApril 25,2022 at 4:05PM UTC

    Some don’t have an HR department though (small family

    businesses, etc). So you could still speak your truth, but depending on whether it’s going to be completely private, and their policy, stating what happened so that it can be addressed further, but not necessarily naming that persons’s name could be protective for herself. It all depends on how big the company is and whether that is something they have in place! We don’t all have that luxury…

19. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    You're already leaving and telling the bosses boss won't do anything except maybe make you feel better? Take the high road, leave with grace and dignity. You already won with another job. Best of luck to you & congratulations!

20. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 12:24PM UTC

    Just say you found a better job with better career growth, more responsibility, and more interesting projects to work on and leave it at that.

    It doesn't matter why/how your projects were taken away from you - if your manager isn't giving you stuff to work on that keeps you engaged, that's on them. The "why" doesn't matter.

21. Joycelyn M. SiameApril 25,2022 at 12:26PM UTC

    If you have an opportunity to have an exit interview with you boss' boss, or HR, I would mention it. Remember if you do, to handle it professionally and with poise.

22. Cherish BarApril 25,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    Exit interviews don’t happen enough. Absolutely tell them why, especially since they’re asking. It may have a positive impact and bring positive changes for the other coworkers, it may not have an effect at all. Either way you should definitely tell them exactly why you’re leaving.

23. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    If it is that obvious to you it's probably obvious to them. Leave with your head held high and move on. Cut your losses. The moment you make it personal and emotional you lose ground. Sadly unless it's outright harrassment or a hostile work environment. Leave it alone. I am happy to read you do have a new job. Leave the negative mess behind. These are coworkers not friends.

24. Sandra DuganApril 25,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    I think you can be honest and still walk a' fabulous new life. Your co-workers undermining tactics won't stop when you leave and I believe your boss's boss needs to know - not necessarily to take action but for general information.

25. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 12:46PM UTC

    Which narrative is ultimately going to serve you better: the one in which you're running away from a bad boss or the one in which you're moving toward a new opportunity? Choose the one that feels more empowering.

26. Christi MillerApril 25,2022 at 12:47PM UTC

    Look towards your new future and not back at your son to be past. Move on with grace and dignity. Good luck in the new role.

27. Erica MitchellApril 25,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    I say tell the truth so they can improve on it. If they don't know, they can't fix it. Just say it in a respectful way.

28. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    If given an exit interview, I would state generically that I don't know what my future steps in my career is in the organization and leave it at that - you don't want to burn bridges because you never know what will happen in the future :)

29. Sabrina RahmanApril 25,2022 at 1:09PM UTC

    I was in a similar situation where opportunities were taken away from me because of a conniving gossiping lazy snake of a coworker.

    Management covered up her wrongdoing.

    I wrote it in the resignation letter because it is formal documentation I could rely on later.

    As I had reported this person to HR before I had established an email trail. I took copies.

    Sometimes one manager is biased. Once you formally state reasons, it is circulated to the executive board. Then it’s investigated. And there’s a chance the issue might be corrected.

    Depends on how much you feel the need to get justice.

    If you are afraid of risking a reference I can understand. But that role I talked about was a big deal because I was promoted to a level I hadn’t worked at before.

    Still, I’ll take the risk if it means I don’t have to leave with management dissing me in the reference as a direct result of being humiliated by that coworker’s influence on them.

30. Paula Manczuk-HannayApril 25,2022 at 1:12PM UTC

    Having found myself in a similar situation, I chose to tell a light version of why I was leaving. I had a good relationship with the CEO and when he asked, I told him. I framed it from the perspective of the situation not meeting my needs, which caused me to look. When he probed, I gave relevant details. Not in a back biting way, but from a position of honesty and as objectively as I could. However, had he not asked, I would have left without a word. I took his inquiry at face value, and because I respected him, I told him the truth. It didn’t damage me in anyway, but I do understand that is a risk. Friends who still worked at the org I left, told me some things changed after I left. I believe my information helped. Again, I know that is not always going to happen.

    I disagree with those saying that if you know, the higher ups know. I have not found that to always be the case, especially if the person acting as the filter is good at managing up. If that assumption is the only thing keeping you from speaking up, I encourage you to reconsider.

    In the end, you know the situation. Do what you think is best, but do so as professionally and as objectively as possible.

31. Jennifer WuolletApril 25,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    Yes, This!!!! So many times, people don't have a clue there is an issue and they lose good employees for it. You don't have to blast but providing some details, especially if you have evidence is really important.

32. EllenApril 25,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

    This. 100%. I would keep the conversation factual (as opposed to emotional) and include specific high-level examples without going into details. It serves no one when employees leave an organization and don't provide honest feedback on the reasons. If you are stay professional in the content of the conversation and your demeanor I can't see how this would negatively impact you. You are already leaving.

33. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    Choose your words carefully. Anything that you say, can... and will be used against you :-)

    Best to say, I am leaving for an opportunity that will allow me to expand my career goals.

    That's it. You do not owe anyone an explanation :-)

34. Jean NeuhartApril 25,2022 at 1:39PM UTC

    There's no reason to go into the details so remain the bigger person, and be an adult. All you have to say is that you are leaving for a position that will allow you better opportunities to reach your personal and professional goals.

35. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 3:52PM UTC

    I truly don't understand your POV. In what way is explaining the reasons why you're leaving, if asked, not being the bigger person or not being an adult about it?

36. Bradford McCormickApril 25,2022 at 1:43PM UTC

    I once left a job where two weeks out a coworker threatened me with bodily harm "in ways that would not leave marks", and he was entirely credible. This was a big commercial bank. And when I reported it management threatened to fire me. You are going to a better place?Remember Lot's wife in the Bible.

37. JeanetteApril 25,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    you’ve already decided to leave. I wouldn’t share any details.

38. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:12PM UTC

    I left a job I liked over a similar situation. I didn't tell them where I was and still haven't. I haven't even posted my job in LinkedIn because I have people watching my page. It was a good thing you left. Sometimes we have to be pushed to leave a place not good for us or we can't grow in.

39. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 1:53PM UTC

    Find someone you trust to list as a reference.

    There’s too much concern for burning bridges, being take out context, and retaliation for speaking truths with respect to companies who don’t offer the same courtesy.

    Employer’s are supposed to confirm you worked there, not disparage you because you gave them feedback they didn’t want to hear:

    “Many employers will release only basic information when contacted for a reference to protect themselves from lawsuits. They usually confirm employment dates and job responsibilities, salary history, and might include information about whether you were dismissed or chose to leave on your own.”

    https://www.m-s-lawyers.com/news/what-to-do-if-a-former-employer-gives-you-a-bad-reference.html

    Best of luck!

40. Kristie TriceApril 25,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

    Organizations can't change what they don't acknowledge. And if they don't know there is an issue, then they can't begin to address the root causes. During your exit interview you will have the opportunity to share what you liked about the company and areas in which they can improve. Lack of trust is a reasonable concern which I think you can discuss with your boss's boss or HR.

41. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:01PM UTC

    I am posting anonymously in case I am read by someone in the company where I work. And I love my job and am proud of the company where I work. In a similar situation as you and "happened" to be reading the book of Ecclesiastes at the same time. From 10:4: "If the spirit of a ruler rises against you, do not leave your post, for calmness lays to rest great faults." I decided the LORD wanted to humble me to make me more like Him; after all I have asked for that. That verse was so impactful, I went back and reread the book. From 7:8-10: "The end of a matter is better than its beginning. The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Do not be hasty in your spirit to be vexed (I had to look up that word and was surprised by the definition.), for vexation rests in the bosom of fools. Do not say, 'Why were the former days better than these?' For it is not wise of you to have asked about this."

    I trust GOD more than (wo)man, so I will trust this is a word from Him and not just a coincidence. Therefore, I decided not to "leave my post," but to be still and wait on the LORD. Joy comes from The Big Picture.

    So, if you really like your job and don't want to leave, and it's possible for you to stay, consider the words of your Creator and see if they apply for your situation. Peace and blessings to you, no matter what you decide.

42. Brenda CrawshawApril 25,2022 at 2:39PM UTC

    While I am certain that you mean well with this, not all people share your paradigm. I proffer my own citation from your source to support rather than chide the OP.

    Titus 3:10

    As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him

43. SMHApril 25,2022 at 2:01PM UTC

    Ask yourself what you stand to gain by telling them? If you’d be fixing things for friends you are leaving behind that makes sense. If you’re hoping for a counter offer with them agreeing to can the antagonist, ok.

    but if the answer is nothing but the satisfaction of revenge, well, that’s probably not worth anything really.

44. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:05PM UTC

    wow it's incredible ,,, if you speak your truth ... you are a trouble maker ??? a drama queen ??? this IS the exact reason work environments are toxic,,, cuz of people like the people commenting here. bosses NEED to knopw , after that what they do with that info is out of your hands. no place will ever hire you back, if u left.

45. LifeLongLearnerApril 25,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

    That s not really true. Places will hire you back if you were a valuable teammate. I have seen it happen in every company that I have been with, large or small.

46. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 3:38PM UTC

    I am an example of just this. By far THE most toxic and abusive boss ever in my life, I was with my current employer for 4 years and had to devise an exit plan because my boss was wicked. She eventually moved on, ironically to the same employer I left to work for. By that time I was gone, thankfully. I got mortally ill, no hyperbole, working under her. I was lying in the hospital bed with oxygen tubes in my nose while her poor assistant was forced by her to call me almost daily to ask for updated sick notes. I finally contacted a lawyer. I asked the assistant not to call me anymore and that I would be dealing solely with HR through my lawyer. When HR got wind of what she was doing, she was ordered to stop.

    11 years later I am working for them again only in another department (doing the same thing). The company was good but that woman was wicked. It'll be hard for me to hold back if I were to ever see her in public. Her former direct reports from various companies have gone on to spread the word of her behaviour throughout our relatively small industry.

47. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:22PM UTC

    Currently in the same situation. I've found (at least in my current job) that it's often not a matter of employers being UNAWARE of a toxic employee, but being unwilling to deal with the individual. I currently work for a company that allows a female supervisor to bully, harass & demean employees. This is a small business, so you can imagine the atmosphere. I see no point in trying to further explain a situation to the owners that they are already WELL aware of & allow to continue. I'm retiring in 3 months time & cannot wait! My advice is, leave & be thankful you're out of that environment. I will be.

48. KApril 25,2022 at 2:28PM UTC

    I'd just shrug and say "I had a better offer." Says it all without saying anything.

49. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:28PM UTC

    Definitely tell your boss’s boss because it might not be the first time this happens. Also, you already quit so you have nothing to lose by being transparent and he’ll appreciate your honesty and openness. I’m sure you will also feel better afterwards.

    I’m in the same position and that’s exactly what I’m planning to do myself.

50. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

    "It's not you, it's me. I want a new adventure."

51. Brenda CrawshawApril 25,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

    I would absolutely request an exit interview with your boss's boss since they directly asked you why you are leaving. I get the sense that they may have an inkling of what's gone down. Make a list of the instances where you were undermined AND the results. Be as unemotional as you can and make it all about what those actions mean for the company.

    As far as your coworkers are concerned you can just say that you were offered an opportunity you felt you didn't want to pass up. They don't need to know what went down - and it would reflect poorly on you to share that at this point - and it sure sounds like they will find out soon enough! Those kind of people are scorpions and they can't help but bite everyone.....

52. Phyllis LawsonApril 25,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

    You tell your boss’s boss that you was undermined by a new employee so that she will know about what she is doing so you don’t have to feel undetermined you state how you feel.

53. Heather Stewart BrownApril 25,2022 at 3:02PM UTC

    If you are determined to leave already I would wait for your exit interview.

54. Patti Kelley-ClarkApril 25,2022 at 3:09PM UTC

    I'm of the opinion of don't burn your bridges. While it's fine to move on; be careful of what you say at any exit interview unless you never want to use them as a reference or return to that company again.

55. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 3:33PM UTC

    I feel this so much. I left a job after nearly 5 years due to equal opportunity issues. Things like new positions being created that men were promoted into, while all women in the department had their salaries capped and bonus percentages reduced, and were arbitrarily put into mid level tiered positions. Even though many of these women had more credentialing and time in service. No one was allowed to interview for these promoted positions, everyone was called into a meeting and told it was to be.

    I wrote our local VP (not in my direct chain of command, but someone I had a good relationship with locally) a hand written thank you letter, thanking her for her leadership and telling her the truth of why I left. I worked in a highly visible role and people were shocked and surprised I was quitting. Unfortunately people did not have insight into what my specific department was doing, and all I told the masses was that I was pursuing new opportunities. I think revealing the truth is very beneficial both for yourself and the company. A good leader will appreciate you sharing the truth and will admire your integrity.

    I would recommend doing so for your own piece of mind, but also do not expect any immediate change for the organization, if any. Depending on the nature of the problem, it may be complicated for the organization to address. Good luck!

56. EMILY KIKUE FRANKApril 25,2022 at 4:11PM UTC

    I would tell your boss's boss. Outline your talking points and demonstrate as much evidence as you can. This will let the higher-ups know to keep an eye on the underminer and hopefully protect new folks.

57. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 4:22PM UTC

    I wouldn’t share any details about while you are leaving. This is a company where you were essentially forced out! You don’t owe them a damn thing!!

58. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    It hedges on whether you want to help the person taking over in your place. You won't benefit from 100% honesty....but your replacement will.

59. GirlBossanova934974April 25,2022 at 4:56PM UTC

    Stick with the tried and true.....The next opportunity was too good to pass up! Be gone.. Just as a thought........When new hires are brought on board, sometimes jobs and tasks get rearranged. Your old boss should have communicated better with you and assured you that you would be getting new tasks as they would be coming up in the near term. An EXPERIENCED manager knows that job security is low these days and direct reports can feel anxiety when jobs gets reassigned. Best to get out ahead of the problem and lay out the future job responsibilities before rumor mills get going. I remember working at one job and the VP of IT, our department VP, told everyone our new responsibilities in an all hands meeting. When it came my turn, he remarked. "And so and so is going to do what so and so has been doing......ha ha ha whatever that is..." I turned into my 2 week notice in less than 3 weeks. I was making the company around $1.5M per month vs. the rest of them who were sitting in expensive training classes.

60. Bernadette M MartinezApril 25,2022 at 5:10PM UTC

    Be honest with the boss's boss for sure! Like so many other posts, this is a clear indication that your workplace has elements of toxicity that cannot and will not be addressed by people brushing truth under the rug.

    Explain it in detail with the evidence to back it up and that these actions were unacceptable and will ultimately hinder your career and advancement with the company so you were forced to seek out other opportunities where you can apply your talents in a mutually respectful and beneficial environment.

61. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 5:16PM UTC

    This sounds kind of like high school.

    You turned in your notice…have two weeks left… and now “everyone” is asking you why you are leaving? I can just picture this scenario in my mind and it sounds like there’s a lot of office chatter. Unfortunately, your direct manager and human resources aren’t asking you anything at all and have accepted your resignation. I would not bother spending energy trying to explain to the gossip mill, including your bosses boss, why you are leaving. Yes there are people who like you, including the bosses boss… But if you are not valuable enough for the people high up to address your resignation directly, then it’s not worth you contributing to office chatter about it…To be fair, this sounds like a very immature and dysfunctional work environment and I would simply move on. The most professional people I know are excellent at what they do and they don’t get involved in this.. Head up buttercup…Don’t get involved in these types of discussions , where he said she said blah blah blah..

62. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 7:33PM UTC

    There's a middle way to be honest while also providing a professional/diplomatic response- that's by highlighting that you now have a great career opportunity at a wonderful company with a fabulous work culture (aka all the things you don't have here).

    Try not to feed the rumor mill and let yourself grow into the excitement of this fresh start!

    If you have real trust in this boss's boss then consider confiding in neutral terms- trust your gut!

63. Toni Rucker HayesApril 25,2022 at 7:36PM UTC

    Be honest with your boss's boss. To anyone else you just needed a change or you'd rather keep it to yourself. Congratulation to you and I hope you find happiness and success in your new job!

64. Maricia D. C. JohnsApril 25,2022 at 8:21PM UTC

    The truth--nothing less.

    Maricia

65. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 8:34PM UTC

    Your best bet would be to give the same reason that you gave with your notice because anything else would make you look like a liar. The fact that you are considering making up an "excuse" tells me that you most likely didn't give the real reason so you should ask yourself why you have such a problem with honesty.

    Also, your bosses boss should already know so they may just be fishing to see if you will be honest or not. Unless you lied to your boss when you gave your notice. Does anyone there know the real reason? Do you want to help things get better or do you just want to work somewhere that you felt popular? Nothing was mentioned regarding whether you brought this to HR or how you gave your notice so its really hard to tell how this was handled.

    Does any of this matter anymore? If you are willing to explain it to your bosses boss that shows a major lack of spine. You'll spill the beans when there's no consequence to you but you weren't willing to speak up so that you could keep a job that you loved? A new person got their way and you didn't so you quit, from what you've written that's all that happened. Boy, there is a lot of room for growth. The rest of your 20's will get easier. Best of luck at the new gig.

66. Leader135412April 25,2022 at 8:49PM UTC

    Just move on, they'll figure it out. When your gone, she'll set her sights on someone else.

67. Rachel DayApril 25,2022 at 9:02PM UTC

    Your boss's boss? He/she already knows. Just say, "Better opportunity and more room for growth elsewhere". Why close that door on a sour note now? The time to raise issue was when it was occurring. Do you really think telling your boss's boss now is going to change anything there for you? Most likely not.

68. AnonymousApril 25,2022 at 9:07PM UTC

    I wouldn't say a word. Sometimes, its best to just count your blessings and leave the "telling" to others. Good for you! And good luck!!

69. AnonymousApril 29,2022 at 5:53PM UTC

    if your advice is a person in this position should keep their mouth shut, who, exactly, do you think is going to do the telling?

70. KathyApril 25,2022 at 9:20PM UTC

    Cut your losses and move on. The damage is done. Tell anyone who asks that your new job is a growth position with more responsibility and a higher salary. Don't burn bridges. Good luck!

71. ronnie loaizaApril 25,2022 at 9:33PM UTC

    How about thanking each person you really got along with and had no beef with, for their camaraderie and coworking friendship and collaboration. Thank your boss for a couple of things you appreciate about him or her. Ignore (not in a snooty way but as if she was never born and she does not exist, unless you have to walk around her and politely say pardon) and do not burn any bridges. You never know who you will run into again in person or LinkedIn or life, who you may be boss of, or work with or work for. And-- Congratulations on the new job- move on and up in your career and work into your zone of genius!!!

72. Karen GongawareApril 25,2022 at 9:56PM UTC

    It is never burning bridges to tell the truth, but only the truth as applies to facts. How did she undermine you? How did she take work from you? Whey did you allow it? Those are all questions that facts can answer. No emotions. Just facts. Let your boss's boss know why, but only using facts without emotion. Perhaps that way, she or someone like her will not be allowed to harm others.

73. Annie DotroApril 25,2022 at 10:36PM UTC

    Tell him.

74. jossey bareilleApril 26,2022 at 12:04AM UTC

    I'm going through the same... problem is my boss hired his niece!! It's a horrid situation to be in _ just updated my resume

75. AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 12:30AM UTC

    Tell the truth

76. Liz MilneApril 26,2022 at 2:51AM UTC

    Was literally about to type exactly this!

77. Boniog Ma. AgnesApril 26,2022 at 3:54AM UTC

    tell the truth.. and move on..

78. Anita ChungApril 26,2022 at 4:12AM UTC

    Doesn't matter...Move on get on to your new life.

79. AnonymousApril 29,2022 at 5:51PM UTC

    this is the kind of attitude that perpetuates this behaviour and foists it upon people time and again until we can all agree that speaking up to stop it—and not allowing it to continue—should be normalized.

80. KileyApril 26,2022 at 7:32AM UTC

    What do you hope to achieve by telling her? What if she says she will fix it and trys to convince you stay? Would you change your mind about leaving? If the answer is 'no', don't tell her. Move on, and focus on the incredible opportunity you have secured and deserve.

81. AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 11:07AM UTC

    I'd advise you to tell the truth and move on. I got a new job last year in September and decided to stay which was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I was lured in by the salary increase forgetting the new job I was taking for peace of mind and not money as it was lesser than the current salary at the time. They'd employed a new person because Id resigned however after getting the new offer I decided to stay, I bought a car that December but things started to change with this new colleague. She was older then I am and very mean. She ran me over in her car once when we had our first fallout because she got upset as I'd requested she assisted me with work and she was lazy so I had to pick up her slack most of the time as she refused to corporate this was taking a toll on me since we worked in a retail store. Long story short I hated my job even more and resented her Because she started talking trash about me to my employers even after I have countlessly helped her out with her personal matters and with work. I was getting exhausted so we had another fallout which lead to my retrenchment. I am 16 weeks pregnant with my second child, with a new car to pay and no hope for Job employment anytime soon since I'm pregnant. Missed out on 2 opportunities because of my pregnancy. Never ever stay in an unhealthy work environment, if you have decided to leave there's a good reason why you made that choice please stick to it. Tell the truth and leave. She will do it to someone else.

82. Kristie WhiteApril 26,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    Tell them. This is a management problem that needs to be fixed through coaching your boss (at a minimum).

83. Madison LawrenceApril 26,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    Don't regret moving on.
    Your making the right decision. I would suggest not to burn bridges. Just say that the new job offers new opportunities and let it be that. Down the road, if you and your bosses boss become friends versus boss/subordinate, reveal it then. All things do eventually reveal themselves. My guess is most people know why your leaving, they just want to stir up the office gossip. Don't be an active and willing participant.

84. AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

    They need to know. Tell them in a diplomatic way, with examples if you have them. You could be saving the next person from the same situation that you were put in, or at the very least help them start to identify a pattern of bad behavior and incompetence. I left a job due to bullying from my boss. I reported it, but she was defended. However a few years later, they finally saw a pattern of bad behavior (which i helped establish) from her and she was fired.

85. Beverly RuyleApril 26,2022 at 6:03PM UTC

    Not your problem to fix. Move on.

86. AnonymousApril 29,2022 at 5:51PM UTC

    this is the kind of attitude that perpetuates this behaviour and foists it upon people time and again until we can all agree that speaking up to stop it—and not allowing it to continue—should be normalized.

87. AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 6:10PM UTC

    So you dont owe anyone an explaination. However it may be beneficial to let your boss' boss know why you're leaving. (maybe word it differently than you did above.) with specifics and more detail. But most importantly understand what happened, why your leaving and what you learned from this. How would you do things differently should this happen again?

88. AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 6:40PM UTC

    Does your HR do exit interviews? There is your chance to be honest. But be factual, too. Perception is reality and if you are being gaslit, others might perceive you negatively too (going through this now). Your complaints could be taken as bitter grapes unless you have concrete proof. That said, I would still make clear that you are leaving not just for a new opportunity but because something was lacking with your current employer. If nothing else, you establish a pattern. I wish my co-worker who was getting crap from my boss took the opportunity to be upfront about why she left. It would have established a pattern.

89. KellyW43April 27,2022 at 2:50AM UTC

    Anyone who asks why you're leaving, you can tell them you're leaving for a new opportunity. When your boss's boss asks, tell him/her the truth.

    Don't roll over the truth, run right through it and tell them what's going on.

    Because if the new hire did it to you, they'll definitely do it to someone else. Even your old boss.

    At the end of the day, you have a new opportunity. Embrace it and leave this job and drama behind.

90. AnonymousApril 29,2022 at 5:57PM UTC

    i'm honestly perplexed by the ppl on here advising others to keep their mouths shut/don't burn bridges/pretend you're leaving for nothing more than another opportunity/leave it to someone else to do the telling/etc. this is the kind of advice that allows toxic behavior to thrive and then you're out here wondering why things don't change.

91. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 8:18AM UTC

    Tell it like it is.

    I, on the other hand, won't explain, because the real reason will not occur to me until I've taken a lot of time to reflect on it. It will seem like it's one thing, but it will really something else entirely.

    I don't look back at past jobs anymore, because I've grown in ways I never could have and would never trade going back for where I am now.

92. Jerolyn CaterMay 5,2022 at 3:22PM UTC

    Did you have prior issues before the new hire and this was the last straw? My career advice if you are leaving solely based off of the current situation and if you love your job, don't let someone win your position. Maybe you were thinking you were being under minded when each person works differently and this person was bringing new ideas or more efficient ways to do the job and you were not willing to be open for change? I would have for sure spoken to my boss about it and see if you could have a sit down and express yourselves, if the boss still allowed it then I would have taken the compliant to the Boss's Boss (that likes you) and perhaps they could have integrated a new position or had a roundtable discussion to see how you both could bring ideas to the table. Now taking a new job could risk "the grass is not always greener on the other side" effect. I would most def tell others you felt like it was time for a change but never leave a bad impression regarding the new hire or your manager if you are moving on. Also, who is to say that the new hire would be staying? Maybe you left too soon.