DISCUSSIONS

I got an amazing job offer after 4 years at an awful job - why do I feel so guilty leaving?

Anonymous Image

Anonymous

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I got an amazing job offer after 4 years at an awful job - why do I feel so guilty leaving?

I get a pay raise. I get to work remotely from my own town rather than move to the town where the job is (there's no housing), and the new job will pay for all needed travel to the community. I'd have a boss who supports his team and departments like HR or finance to turn to who actually know what they're doing. I wouldn't have to make it all up as I go.

And yet, I'm wavering on saying yes. I don't know why but I feel guilty leaving. I've worked so hard and believe in the work I do, and my boss isn't a bad person she's just chronically disorganized and overworked, and conflict-adverse in a way that makes life difficult for good employees in this kind of environment. I wouldn't even be leaving her in a bad position - new job is letting me wait two months to finish up two of my remaining three projects, and the third project is mostly sub-awarded to the new workplace so I'd still be working on it. In my head I know I need to do what's best for me and staying here, where I never get a day off or a thank you, isn't it. But my heart is having trouble letting go. How do I let go of this guilt?

Why women love us:

  • Daily articles on career topics
  • Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
  • Advice and support from an authentic community
  • Events that help you level up in your career
  • Free membership, always

Like

25 comments

Share

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

25 Comments

Join the conversation
  1. Sarah

    I can understand what you are feeling.
    I think there are a lot of reasons why but the hard reality is that there isn't a job out there that has as much loyalty to you. When the going gets tough, you're getting pushed out the door with a quick "thank you" (hopefully) and then no contact whatsoever. Been there, done that. I was laid-off after years of great service and while I (still!) look for a job, I am reminding myself that no job is a "career" anymore. Almost no one will retire from a long term job anymore. Your career will involve multiple jobs. Take the new opportunity and don't look back.

  2. Anonymous

    Well guilt usually indicates reservations based on something that you are extremely attached to

    What does your heart tell you when you consider staying put? Because there must be a counter feelings of relief and peace. If there is no feeling of relief and joy of staying put, your guilt is most likely NOT guilt. But something very different.

    I suggest you do some serious soul searching.

  3. Anonymous

    It is amazing. Take it.

  4. Anonymous

    Don't feel guilty, take it!!

  5. Anonymous

    What would you tell your best friend or sister to do? If you'd tell her to go, take this opportunity and run with it, then perhaps you should do the same.

  6. Anonymous

    Instead of dwelling on the past, look out for your future. Remember that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish. You deserve to work in an environment that brings out the best in you and supports your professional and personal development. Change is hard, but almost always welcomed. They will be fine without you.

  7. Anonymous

    Try to understand why?
    Something is holding you back. It could be fear and anxiety about making a move. It could be impostor syndrome. Many people call this feeling guilt because it's sounds more noble and less scary.

    You need to understand what's at the root of your hesitation to grow and embrace opportunity for a better career..

  8. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Guilty about what? Wanting a better job? That company could lay you off tomorrow and never think twice about it.

    I promise you, neither your boss nor your team members have ever, WILL ever say "gee, I'd love to take this great new job, but I would feel so guilty leaving anonymous."

    Never. Going. To. Happen.

    They'll get over it. Trust me on that.

    You have a responsibility to yourself to do what's best for your career. You have to do what makes you happy. Well, first you have to believe you deserve to be happy.

    Don't let this bother you or give it one single second more of bandwidth in your brain. Don't look back, use your energy to look forward to the exciting new opportunity you have in front of you.

    If you need permission to take this step forward in your career, you've got it!

    GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW ADVENTURE!!!!!!

  9. jnewburg@gmail.com

    Saved me the trouble...I came here to say exactly this. I could not agree more... this is exactly how you should be thinking about this change.

  10. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career Coach

    You recognize that it is okay to walk away from something good to go for something great. As women, we are typically conditioned to sacrifice ourselves for the benefit of others.

    Let yourself feel good about this opportunity for yourself AND being able to leave on good terms with your current company.

  11. Anonymous

    Wow, you say the job is awful but yet you desperately want to stay? Why? Are you afraid you are not capable ? I don't think they would have offered you the job if they didn't think you could learn the position.

    Maybe some therapy? Maybe learn why you don't feel worthy of a better life?

  12. Anonymous

    Sounds like a bad relationship lol

  13. Daniela Pardo

    It's ok to cry and feel sad about leaving your job; it's like breaking up with a boyfriend who doesn't love you as much as you love them! But don't change your mind, there's a reason why you were looking for a job :) have a full melt down and then move on! You got this.

  14. Kirsten DiCarlo

    The best career advice I ever got was, "You can love a job, but it will never love you back". Take the new job with no guilt. Chances are that if your company could replace you tomorrow with someone less expensive, they'd do it in a heartbeat.

  15. Anonymous

    Quite often, it is hard to leave after being with the same employer for really any period of time. You feel like you are abandoning those still there, you may feel you are letting people down, you are jumping from the known to the unknown. It's completely normal to feel that way. Just know that you will get past it.

  16. Erika Hanley-Onken

    It’s always hard to leave. It’s human nature. You’ve invested so much of yourself. But it’s a sunk cost and you have to look ahead. There is such a great opportunity in front of you. Give yourself a little shake, have a great meal, remember the good work you did and the good colleagues you had, and then start the new job fresh!

  17. Anonymous

    Hold your nose and take the plunge. We get comfortable and don't want to go through the hassle of finding a new job. Free yourself from this toxic (4 you) environment and fly away, grow and meet new challenges and people.

  18. Anonymous

    I have encountered this odd mix of feelings- feeling guilty about leaving a job I'm not happy in to go to one that looks like it will be amazing.

    Here's how my guilt was resolved for me: at the time, I had a nine-year old who was torn between leaving a sports team he loved and going to one that offered more playing time. As I was lamenting that I didn't want to leave my staff in the lurch (the source of my guilt), he said to me: "That's not a hard decision. You don't like your job; you complain every night. I like my team".

    His perspective was eye-opening. I gave notice the next day. The new job was the happiest job I have ever had.

    In your case, how will you feel in 6 months if you turn this down for the sole reason of feeling guilty for leaving your current job?

  19. Anonymous

    You answered your own question. Maybe your emotional conflict comes from guilt, which is unfounded. Enjoy the new role. Always remember, if a job suddenly decides to drop you.....there is no guilt on their part!

  20. Anonymous

    I always ask people - who do you work for? If you don’t say for yourself then you need to shift your mindset!! When organizations need to make changes for what ever the reason they have no issues of moving you out of the organization- whether they like you or not!! It’s strictly business!! Yes - you will be leaving behind some things and people but just think about what you will be gaining! So don’t feel guilty about doing something that your organization would do to you in a second if they had to

  21. Anonymous

    Yes, choosing to move on from a long term job situation - whether good, bad or indifferent, can bring on some momentary discomfort - including getting those warm fuzzy nostalgic feelings for all you've done and the people you've worked with.. It happens, but don't let it prompt you into remaining some place where you're not being supported - either professionally or personally.

  22. Tonya Stewart

    Two words, Trauma Bond!

    You deserve this new position. Take it and move forward with your healing.

  23. Anonymous

    Put yourself first. Then let the old employer know you are walking toward the future of your career and wish them the best. Tell them that you want to leave them in a good way and can you put together a guidebook for whomever replaces you to be able to get the job done well. Then plot it out and don't look back. Leave with your head held high, and lead with your head not your heart!

  24. Anonymous

    Please don't feel bad about leaving, you're doing what's best for you, company's do it all the time. Congratulation and enjoy your new adventure.

  25. Anonymous

    First of all...Congrats on your new job offering!!
    I'm sure you had to hurdle through many doubts and limiting thoughts to get to where you are - the new job offer, so congratulations for the accomplishment.

    I agree with all the responses to your message and I would like to respectfully recommend you explore this feeling in therapy - after starting your new job of course ;)
    I say this because I have been there and the way you explain how you feel indicates there is something deep rooted, possibly having to do with attachment, people pleasing or something you might have received at your old job that you did not get while growing up (?) The root cause may be an array of things. I think it is worth exploring so that this does not repeat itself with your new job. All forms of relationship may have a pattern, and the relationships we build in the workplace are equally important to keep on a high frequency as those at home.
    Much success on this new journey.

Browse recent posts

jljl3ph
Plan construction projects with the Concrete Calculator, a practical online tool for estimating material quantities, calculating concrete requirements, managing costs, and simplifying building work.
Hiii everyone!
I'm. Current looking for remote jobs
Your trusted partner for a cleaner, healthier home in Los Angeles, California. At Quick Clean Carpet Care, we've been providing top-notch carpet cleaning, upholstery cleaning, pet accident treatment, hard floor cleaning, rug cleaning, window cleaning, and house washing services for over 9 years. Our team of experts uses eco-friendly solutions and state-of-the-art equipment to leave your home sparkling clean and germ-free. From stain removal to deep cleaning, we've got you covered. Serving Los Angeles and surrounding areas, we're committed to delivering exceptional customer service and unparalleled results. Call us today to schedule your appointment and experience the Quick Clean difference!
Your trusted partner for a cleaner, healthier home in Los Angeles, California. At Quick Clean Carpet Care, we've been providing top-notch carpet cleaning, upholstery cleaning, pet accident treatment, hard floor cleaning, rug cleaning, window cleaning, and house washing services for over 9 years. Our team of experts uses eco-friendly solutions and state-of-the-art equipment to leave your home sparkling clean and germ-free. From stain removal to deep cleaning, we've got you covered. Serving Los Angeles and surrounding areas, we're committed to delivering exceptional customer service and unparalleled results. Call us today to schedule your appointment and experience the Quick Clean difference!
See more
Fairygodboss VIP
Achieve your career goals.
Be part of the largest online career community for women to find jobs, advice, and support — for free.
Fairygodboss members