My Supervisor is too friendly with my colleauges (her reports).

Anonymous

June 2,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

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My Supervisor is too friendly with my colleauges (her reports).

I know that I'm not out of line, as this is so unprofessional. I have a supervisor (she is the manager of the department) who manages 3 of us. I'm relativly new and the other two (both female) are extremely close and "BFF-like" to our supervisor (also female). The three of them share inside jokes all day, and my supervisor constantly takes walks/goes to lunch/coffee with the other two, leaving me alone to deal with our walk-in clients. I've had several talks with my supervisor about this, as well as our manager. He's tried to talk to her (she doesn't "get it," he says) but still doesn't think anything of her actions with my colleagues (he even asked HR if there was a policy for such). It's outright favortism, and it's created so much angst that I have been getting physically sick, and of course, feel emotionally bent. I've never experienced this in my career, and I know that it's morally and professionally wrong. I've done all that I can think of (to include documenting everything). I am beyond miserable and am ready to quit at any moment. It's very, very obvious that my supervisor doesn't want me (she even told me that I was not a part of the team...ouch!) and is more upset with me now that I've spoken out. This feels like high school!

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Cheryl WilburgJune 2,2023 at 1:45PM UTC
I had a supervisor very much like this, and unfortunately, it will not get better. My advice is to start looking for something else. Life is to short to work in a Jr High environment
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 11:15PM UTC
yes it gets worse.
AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 5:16PM UTC
You will not change their relationships so you can either figure out a way to accept things as they are and stop letting this make you sick or find another job.
AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 5:42PM UTC
I would when they go out of the office, do the same. But not with them. Don't take on the burden of holding things down when the supervisor won't to get the job done. Document what is going on and let HR also know that this is not working for you. If they don't make changes you are left with no other option than to make a move. It's not ideal but the alternative would be to play along and go with the flow and let it all go.
AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:20PM UTC
Is there a chance that this is because you didn't want to participate? I never used to accept offers to go on walks or go out to lunch and eventually people stop asking. Or, that maybe your personalities just don't mesh? In the end, work is work. People can have good relationships and people can go to work just to work. We can't resent the people that get more out of it than we do.
AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 4:07PM UTC
This entire post reads as your opinion, and without the context of why she said you’re not a part of the team, your “evidence” of her favoritism seems like you choosing to take who she goes to lunch with personally. People who work together for a long time form relationships, it’s not unprofessional, it’s human nature. If the job is affecting you this negatively find a new one, because documenting who she talks to, and goes to lunch with unless you can demonstrate it’s actively discriminatory against you is irrelevant.
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 3:29AM UTC
I was in the same boat at my last job. The bosses besties got the raises and to do as they pleased. That’s often the case. It’s fine to be friendly and get along but when you treat others differently….
misskelleypJune 3,2023 at 7:17PM UTC
It sounds like you're spending a lot of mental energy paying attention to what others are doing. Try simply ignoring it, and just doing your work. You don't say that these others are getting raises or nice assignments that you aren't getting. So they leave the office and you're stuck with the walk-in's - meh. Sorry, I just think you'd be a lot happier if you tended to your own knitting as it were. Stop spending so much angst on this issue and just do your own work, and then go home and have a life. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to clarify.
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 11:15PM UTC
Um that was nasty. Perhaps you do this too?
misskelleypJune 5,2023 at 9:17PM UTC
Nope, but I've had it done to me. Definitely not fun to be on the receiving end - but if you stop focusing on it, and just do your job, you are a lot happier.
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:16AM UTC
Wow - this response is very unkind. Inclusion is the responsibility of the manager.
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 3:28AM UTC
Wow. That wasn’t a kind comment
misskelleypJune 5,2023 at 9:15PM UTC
It wasn't meant to be unkind, simply pragmatic and common sense.
AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 12:48AM UTC
no because favoritism causes a toxic work environment and other issues.
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:11PM UTC
Favoritism can cause a toxic work environment
AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:21PM UTC
Leave 5 min before they do and go get a new job.
Then leave 10min before the next time. Make them stay behind. I think that is your main angst. You are left with the customers as a given..like Cinderella..shake that up.
Otherwise, deal with it, make new friends, and just do the job.
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 3:51PM UTC
I experienced this and saved up a cushion to leave. This is bullying behavior, point blank. Found an even better paying and healthier job within 3 months.
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 7:53PM UTC
They are just using you to do all the work when they leave on their little excursions. This is an unbalanced work situation and your gut knows it. It feels unfair because it is. It is time to remove yourself from this toxic situation. They are selfish. Not once did they offer to bring you lunch or coffee, I am thinking.
leave
Kimberly AnneJune 4,2023 at 11:13PM UTC
I swear this these occurrences are happening on an epidemic scale as never seen before.
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 3:24AM UTC
Sounds like my office. They are all buddy buddy with the boss and they benefit from it. But it cracks me up when they talk about her like a dog.
AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 7:46PM UTC
Not ok. A supervisor should not be "buddy buddy" with her team members. If anything, she could have a lunch/walk/coffee with ALL of you. It sounds like a bullying atmosphere. Can you go elsewhere in the company?