Slowly being pushed out

Anonymous

May 15,2023 at 4:44PM UTC

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Slowly being pushed out

I have been a top performer in my role for three years– gradually expanding my role, going from an individual contributor to managing a team, taking on increasingly visible projects, and "working my way up" to reporting directly to a very senior leader many levels above my own. Along the way, I've gotten several generous pay increases but was (very frustratingly) never formally promoted. Some of my direct reports are at the same level as I am!

At the end of last year, the senior leader I reported to retired from the company and I got a new manager. This new manager quickly replaced almost everyone on my with people he previously worked with– I am now the only "original" team member left. We have a polite, professional working relationship but it is clear that he does not really like me, doesn't treat me the same way as the other team new members (who all received promotions upon joining this team) and certainly does not hold me in the same regard as my previous manager did.

Over the last few months, he has been slowly giving away my work responsibilities and projects to the new members of the team– in most cases "secretly" doing so without telling me. This has resulted in several embarrassing moments where I would for example, perform some data analysis on an issue I am responsible for and send out my findings, only to find that someone had already presented it. Or I would send a meeting invite to a group for a project I am leading, only to find out that they already had the meeting without me and have moved onto a next step.

Each time this happens (multiple times a week), I have brought it up to my manager. He typically replies with a smile and says something along the lines of "oh I know you're busy and I wanted to free up some of your time" or "I didn't want to bother you". I have tried various tactics like adding more insight on top of what others have done, finding mistakes in the work that others have done, taking more initiative, being more aggressive/more passive with claiming back projects, but to no effect. I continue to be removed from meetings and slack channels, uninvited from workshops and transitioned off of projects without my knowledge/consent. My manager continues to smile and just say that we are a team and we should work together. By now, I would estimate that about 70% of my core job responsibilities have been quietly given to others.

How can I come back from this? How can I put my foot down on losing job responsibilities? Is this a lost cause? Is the only recourse finding a new job? I really like this company and I doubt I will be able to find a similar level of pay/benefits elsewhere. Help!

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AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 6:27PM UTC
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What you describe here is extreme, and sure does seem like "they" are pushing you out, likely hoping you'll quit. Whether it's your manager or someone higher up dictating, if you've reached the end of your rope, it's time to ask for a meeting with your manager, and lay out what you've shared here: 70% of your core job responsibilities have been given away without your knowledge (!). You have been removed from communication channels you've long been a part of. Meetings where you would normally have a key role have happened without you. Why is that? If he repeats his "we're a team" mantra, you can note that working as a team means keeping team members informed, so everyone can function more efficiently. You're certainly not "too busy" if the majority of your work has disappeared. Do your best to get a real, satisfactory answer that may be bad news. Be prepared for an answer you don't want to hear. If you're not ready for possible bad news, keep doing what you're doing and collecting your paycheck. In the meantime, dust off your resume and think about what you'd like to do next. That your pay and benefits are great is painful, but without assurance that you actually have a job, what safety net does that actually offer you? All the best to you.
AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 6:45PM UTC
I don't know how you would come back from this. Seeking a new position seems the best option. I know it may seem to be throwing in the towel, but sounds like they've taken enough of your time.
Jessica MinterMay 15,2023 at 7:38PM UTC
Thank you for sharing this story - I'm sure others are in similar situations and can benefit by the actions you've already taken. Good for you calling out the wrongs of the team - that's not easy! It is unfortunate that your previous manager didn't officially promote you as your responsibilities grew...
If you really like the company, I would encourage you to be candidate with your boss...again...letting him know that you don't want to leave, but will if this continues. If the response is the same as it's been - entirely unhelpful - then I would seek additional support from his manager or HR. Also, do you have a sponsor in the org you could lean on to help you build the case and continue to fight?
A managers job is to support their people and encourage their development; not give 70% of their duties away with the unwarranted assumption that they are helping the employee. This makes no sense and his behavior should have consequences/ You have shown that you are a hard worker and valuable to the organization as a whole - so don't throw in the towel without exhausting every possible option - which sounds like going above his head. Wishing you the best with this - I hope you can find support and a solution!
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 16,2023 at 3:47AM UTC
YOU SAID: "letting him know that you don't want to leave, but will if this continues."
What do you do when the boss says "ok then, today is your last day" and you don't have another job lined up and can't afford to be out of work?
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 7:20PM UTC
"ok then, today is your last day" = exactly what he has wanted this whole time. It is a shame how he can seemingly get away with this.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 16,2023 at 9:59PM UTC
Uh, it's not about what he wants. It's about the OP being able to keep a roof over her head.
And you didn't answer my question. What do you do?
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 10:32PM UTC
I understand that. What I meant is that his agenda was to have her out from the beginning.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 16,2023 at 10:37PM UTC
Again, I'm not concerned with his agenda.
I'm concerned that people are dispensing advice that could lead to someone being let go from their job. Someone that may not be financially able/ready to be let go from their job.
Advice like that can have consequences.
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 10:51PM UTC
I agree that any advice here has the potential to have consequences and if it were me, I personally would not go to the manager based upon his actions but that's me though and yet others feel differently as we've seen, as that is their opinion/experience.
Sarah ChambersMay 17,2023 at 7:27PM UTC
That's a really fair point Joan, thanks for posting. My journey has a long history and my comment spoke to that. I lost track of the OP wrt more of their journey. I was speaking to a former colleague and reminisced about solid people across teams we've worked with together (2 companies). We had a long awesome wooden table in the kitchen area when in the office and everyone would gather, or if you're early or later there may be a few then too. I'm an introverted extrovert. But you could also just join and eat. When you work with people that you respect and they respect you, can have fun or be a friendly face, and team up to GSD, it's energizing and pulls at our creative and innovative sides.
I also recently suggested to a colleague exploring all departments with someone who is struggling. I helped someone move into a new department. Hurt my team resources as it didn't include backfill, but he crushed it quickly in his new role and was a really good human that loved the company. Again, thanks Joan for highlighting this.
AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 7:56PM UTC
Honestly, I do not see how you can come back from this at all.
For whatever reason, he wants a team without you on it and has made it clear by taking away job duties, removing you from meetings, etc. He knows exactly what he is doing and he's showing you who he is. It's disrespectful and embarrassing for you to be treated this way with you finding out that meetings and the like have already been conducted. Plus, all of the examples you listed above have been mentioned on IG and YT as signs of being let go, quiet firing, etc.
Even if you were to discuss this again, it's clear that he is not going to support you in your role no matter how hard you work or try. You deserve better and it would seem another role within the company or another company altogether may be the better route for you.
This reminds me of a position that I had while I was going to grad school where my awesome supervisor went on maternity leave and everything literally changed overnight. I wasn't invited to meetings, wasn't given any new work to do, and everything else that I had been working on up to that point was given to someone else. Nothing was communicated at all until one day the new supervisor threatened me in a one-on-one meeting by saying "We have work to do and you haven't done any of it and these are your deliverables." My response was "I am sure you do have work to do but since I wasn't told, I didn't know about it and I am not responsible for that at all nor I am responsible for this, either, since I don't know what this is." During the whole time I was being ignored, I was interviewing and got a new position before they could fire me.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. This post was very difficult to read.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 6:12AM UTC
"This post was very difficult to read"
Same. I'm a passionate manager and hold teamwork as a core value (inside and outside of work). This is a no win. If you are raising your hand, a good manager jumps on that and looks at the overall goals and orchestrating the team knowing their SME and passion.
BTW - this is NOT OK:
"perform some data analysis on an issue I am responsible for and send out my findings, only to find that someone had already presented it. "
Any manager unless they orchestrated this, which is an immediate eject cord (or moment to start your exit), would jump in and address both lack of communication and identify this as a waste of resource time. This has happened. And yeah, I went to bat across all channels on behalf not only for the individual but also in support of the value of my resources. Alignment top down is my common theme, though unfortunately it's commonly met with ongoing roadblocks and lots of finger pointing.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 2:53PM UTC
Thank you for showing us that there are still good managers around who look after their folks! It's sad that the good managers, etc get left out of conversations about work because they are out there. I have had a few in my career.
I also neglected to say above that the company is losing out on a great employee if OP is forced out or leaves on her own accord. It's such a shame as she obviously loves what she does and her company. It's my wish that she is able to transfer to another department in the company where she can thrive and people will enjoy her work and presence. In the interim, I hope she also takes advantage of EAP if her company has it as this is traumatizing, too.
AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 11:49PM UTC
Don't understand the advice to meet with your manager. He's made up his mind and taken the actions he deemed necessary to get rid of you. If you have relationships outside/above him, reach out to others who might give you some support and suggestions on other roles within the organization or at least be willing to serve as references as you seek another position. This one is a lost cause.
G MicheleMay 16,2023 at 2:16AM UTC
Can you take another position in the company even if it is less pay? It is never a good feeling when you have a poor manager and there are red flags with his direction and his actions. Id also start networking with other managers and executives in your company - get yourself noticed!!!!
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 11:11AM UTC
I would talk to a lawyer, document what is happening to you, and sue. Enough is enough with mediocre managers making life impossible for staff! You are already out the door. Take him down with you,
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 12:58PM UTC
if you are feeling brave you could be blunt and ask for severance to leave.
I am not an expert on exact verbiage but something like this: “It has become increasingly evident that my contributions are no longer valued here. Here is all the results and value I have brought to the company <list specific examples and tie them to revenue as much as possible>. I would mention being overlooked for promotion as well. I would state that as a woman (and if you are over 40 state that as well) the market can be more challenging so you would like 12 months severance. (You will be negotiated down to 6).
I personally would have another job lined up before having this convo but that isn’t something you would disclose.
Having been in this situation it isn’t personal but it also isn’t worth the trauma to try and fix. It may not be fixable anyway. You’d be surprised what other jobs may pay more especially since it sounds like you are way more senior than they are giving credit for.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 5:57AM UTC
"Having been in this situation it isn’t personal but it also isn’t worth the trauma to try and fix. It may not be fixable anyway. "
Same and !!!!!!!!!!
Anne KrookMay 16,2023 at 5:07PM UTC
Do you know any of your boss's peers, or his boss, well enough to skip echelon? you can only do this once, so exercise caution unless you are certain you will get a discreet answer.
It sounds as though they are preparing to push you out, and unless you can find someone at the company for whom you want to work, you may not be able to recover from this unless your new boss suddenly leaves.
I'm sorry. I would update your resume and LinkedIn and start looking immediately.
AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 5:37PM UTC
This is great advice. Perhaps she can reach out to her former supervisor and ask for a good word for other departments in the company?
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 8:24AM UTC
Get all your things in order. Download your contributions to a flash drive, get screenshots or downloads of any questionable email communication, and keep your personal belongings with you at all times. Don't do anything wrong, be a model employee. And let him fire you. He will more than likely break a law when he does it, but it will happen in the blink of an eye, and you will be locked out of your work computer along with any link you have to your HR website - paycheck stubs and things like that.
This is a poor excuse for a manager. His behavior will eventually cause him to fail, he will be terminated the first time his actions cause a lawsuit for the company.
Dcre1977May 17,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
If you like the company, how about approaching teams you respect about moving into a role with them.
I am afraid it sounds like you are being pushed out, wish I could say differently.
Lidia AmbroszMay 17,2023 at 12:47PM UTC
I would just prepare my resume and start sending out resumes and reduce the responsibilities on your own so it frees up more of your time to search during the day. it’s clear he doesn’t want you so fighting it unless you have a lot of senior leadership support doesn’t make sense. If you do then ask for a transfer.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 1:08PM UTC
I agree with most of the other posts. I hate to say it but it does sound like they are pushing you out. I would immediately accept the fact that you have to move on, even if it comes at a lower salary; I think in the end you will be happier than fighting a losing battle or worse being laid off. I have heard it said that it is easier to find a new job while you still have one than if you are out of work and looking.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 1:09PM UTC
I find myself in the same situation. It doesn't matter how hard I try to work with my new director they aren't interested in reciprocating at least a civil working relationship. I don't want to be best friends, but I do want a collaborative working relationship. I am waiting for my performance review and then will deal with the outcome after that meeting. I know how excluded you are feeling! I like the idea that if you have the opportunity to work with another team, within the same company, to let it be known. The best of luck and know that you are not the only one dealing with your situation.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 1:23PM UTC
It’s call quiet firing. He’s made up his mind. I am sorry you have to go through this. But as another post stated get all your affayin order , clean your desk, computer, update your resume and start looking. Get referee letters, etc . Take control. Document any situations!!!! He made up his mind… you didn’t do anything wrong!!!’
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 1:31PM UTC
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's also happening to me. I don't have any great words of wisdom but will share my situation with you so that you know you are not alone. I have been considering the best way to respond if I am brought into a performance improvement or termination meeting without warning. I have a stellar record of nearly 20 years with my organization, so my plan is to agree that I have not been working at my full capacity lately, but to point out that every single supervisor I have had in that 18 years (and some were SVPs) has given me rave reviews, so perhaps the issue isn't so much with me, but with my current supervisor's ignorance of my field, lack of respect for my expertise, and unwillingness to rectify the actions that have led to my complete detachment from an organization I helped to start. I plan to point out that I've been pulled off projects that have been my responsibility for years with no notice, I've been undermined by giving me assignments that are not my responsibility anytime I take initiative on a new project that would be under my responsibility - in other words giving me busy work to take up the time that I would use on the new project so that when asked for an update I have to say that I haven't made much progress, sending out emails then finding out that someone else was asked to take over, not inviting me to meetings that are clearly part of my area (i.e. meetings with marketing firm and I'm in charge of communications), etc. You get the picture, because you're in it too. When I addressed this openly with my boss, I was told that he "didn't understand why I would be upset." So, if confronted, I will ask, "Is it any wonder that I have stepped back, and am keeping my head down - bidding my time?" (I was waiting to see if the interim super would be replaced with someone better but unfortunately, he was put in as the permanent replacement.) I know why he is doing this; I am also under no illusions that it will change. I am a devil's advocate and plain speaker working for an insecure super who tries to neutralize anyone who is not a "yes person." He's also not comfortable supervising strong women (the only females who are supported are those that don't argue and who share his view of women as subservient). So, I'm on my way out anyway, but I want it to be on my terms and not tarnish my reputation at a place that I love. I feel like you and I are each battling for control of our professional narrative. I am a finalist for another position that is much better suited to my interests and skills and am just waiting for a phone call (fingers crossed). I am on tenterhooks waiting to see if I'm going to be hired or fired this week, lol (sometimes laughing at the absurdity is the only way to get through the day). You have my utmost support and my best wishes for the most successful resolution possible.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 1:35PM UTC
If your pay is the same then at least for now you have the cushion of high pay and low workload. Try networking with other teams, you'll probably find someone who would love to take advantage of your skills. Then ask for a transfer to that team.
James WarkMay 17,2023 at 1:53PM UTC
It is a lost cause. Your boss is a bully. Undermining you. Either raise a formal grievance or leave.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 3:17PM UTC
I am so sorry! I went through something very similar and ended up being laid off when my role was eliminated. In hindsight, I see now that he was creating a case for not needing my role as a way of getting rid of me. I am not sure about the size of your company, but if you want to stay I recommend you start looking for partners on other teams to move elsewhere within the organization or consider leaving.
Lisa MalkewiczMay 17,2023 at 3:25PM UTC
As painful as it is, Your manager is not doing anything illegal or against company policy. Seems like you;ve already gotten good advice on this thread. Your options are to try and have a better working relationship with your boss, seek a transfer, or find something else.
Erica MitchellMay 17,2023 at 4:45PM UTC
Be assertive but polite and tell him that you can handle all of your responsibilities. Let him know that you'll come to him if you can't. If things don't change, it may be time to move on.
Farah BajwaMay 17,2023 at 4:51PM UTC
I would recommend also having something in writing; like an email to your boss expressing that your concerns. This shows you care and can be used to protect your interests if they do try to push you out. There's also the option to discuss with HR.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 5:34PM UTC
It’s time to go. I literally just lived a very very similar situation and it kept getting progressively worse until I finally quit a few months ago. Same situation with things being shifted, left out of things, even petty things like tagging everyone but me on team LinkedIn posts (super petty but if he forgets once, fine. Twice is annoying but still maybe an accident. There is no way he accidentally forgot just me at least 5 times and never forgot anyone else). I never received any negative feedback, when I’d ask if there was a problem I was told no with a big smile but this C leader had plans to fill the team with his people and I just didn’t fit into that equation. It got very toxic at the end. I don’t wish this on anyone. You can find equal pay and benefits somewhere else, where you will be happier and respected. I promise!
**edit: Something to keep in mind should you consider leaving: I did discuss this behavior with HR a couple times throughout the year I worked for this guy and that did help me negotiate a healthy severance when I left as well. I initiated but we were able to negotiate a mutually beneficial mutual separation agreement, as I wasn’t treated fairly at all and they definitely didn’t want that info getting out to the public.
AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 9:35PM UTC
This happened to me with zero warning when leadership changed. I had great respect for my NE VP who hired me. He left Dec 31, and new VP came in switching things up and with no warning my contract was termed with zero explanation . I was 6 months from being vested and had a huge book of business all lost with no forewarning. I was the top salesperson in the state but questioned things that were happening with recruiting , ie 17 people put on my team and I had no input on who was offered positions and never got to weigh in on who was/wasn’t a good fit. All of this happened over 2-3 months. Anyway I was vocal but respectful and it got me absolutely nothing except looking for a new job. Start looking and leave gracefully.
AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 1:50AM UTC
Three times in my career a clique-ish boss put me down. The first two times I left the group before they took action. The third time, a number of top-performing women, including myself, were effectively demoted by the "good old boys" directors who were protecting their own. I decided to take it on. I had some success with my copious notes and HR: my director was cornered into giving me a key role back. But it was all secretive and awful and the company culture was toxic in general. I quit under duress; no severance. I filed an EEOC complaint (pending). At my new job I'm respected, but I see the same thing happening in sibling groups. New managers bringing in their people (and good folks pushed out). I privately and kindly but firmly let my director know I work better in diverse groups. My new team had 90% turnover in 3 years (all new members "go way back" with each other except for me). SMH. -----Like you, I was concerned I would take a financial hit, but instead I make 30% more now (IC, early 50s). It might not be easy, but it is possible.
Cindy AllenMay 18,2023 at 1:57PM UTC
Time to move on.
These all seem like tactics to encourage you (albeit in a passive-aggressive manner) to quit. All of this could also be used to build a file that presents you, in a very biased manner, as unable to do your job tasks. Unless you have supporters in other leadership positions and across the company who can fight for you, your options in the company are limited. Another question to ask yourself is how unhappy do you want to be at work while you fight this? My advice is to start looking for a company that will value you.
AnonymousMay 18,2023 at 4:20PM UTC
Work on getting out of there right now. You are getting managed out. Being in denial by trying to be "more aggressive or more passive" is getting you nowhere very fast. You are not what this manager wanted, and he/they are doing their best to make you want to quit by sabotaging you; if they weren't, these co-workers who have meetings wiithout you would be told not to do that anymore. Your complaints are just getting you lectures on being a team player. Get out as soon as you can and try to keep your job hunt discreet if at all possible aka don't give them an excuse to fire you. Good luck!