Second week on the job and on site teammates do not like me but virtual members do.

Anonymous

April 13,2023 at 11:18PM UTC

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Second week on the job and on site teammates do not like me but virtual members do.

Is it even possible to be a part of a team where everyone gets along and is welcoming as a whole?

Im the only woman on the on-site portion of my team while the others are all remote. During my first week, the teammates were cordial and welcoming but during the middle of the week they started to shift to being passive-aggressive and attempting to "ice me out." I didn't let that behavior deter me from continuing to present my best self by being friendly, and cordial, and continued to be productive with my training and making connections outside of the team to get to know people. The behaviors of passive aggression consisted of them, begrudgingly greeting me in the morning and end of the day, when I would ask a question half the time they would simply look at me for a few seconds and then turn around to go back to their work. so the next day, I decided to use my work-from-home days and ended the week at home to continue my training in peace and even started the next week using my work-from-home days as well. When I came back into the office. Another colleague, I got acquainted with told me, "My lack of presence was felt and missed in the office." I scoffed at the comment internally given the behavior I experienced but I did notice that when they were no longer exuding the passive-aggressive behaviors from last week that day I was back in the office. I still took my lunch alone because I've learned from past similar situations like this that people only need to show you their true side once for you to believe it.

There's also a part of me that can understand the avoidance they have towards me. As I suffer from an allergy that gives a sporadic dry mouth that turns into bad breath so it can be "trying" to have to endure being in the company of someone who has that which is all the reason why I take my lunches alone. Don't worry, I'm due for surgery soon.

The question I have is, should I give these teammates another chance to build rapport? Or just keep focusing on my work and building my rapport with the virtual members who have been more receptive to me in a positive manner?

If you experienced my situation what would your approach be?

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AnonymousApril 14,2023 at 1:35AM UTC
I believe in giving everyone second and third chances. I take the approach that I'm the new person coming into their territory. I must be flexible. I also don't jump to conclusions. So I've had a nice time working with all sorts. As long as they don't cross my boundaries, I'm good.
Judith ObatusaApril 14,2023 at 2:51PM UTC
A trauma counsellor that I consulted during a very horrible job situation told me that you are on the job to work, not make friends; if friends happen, that's a bonus. Face your front and keep an open mind.
AnonymousApril 17,2023 at 4:20AM UTC
Speaking from the the view of the onsite teammate we just acquired a new coworker that most of us had no clue was coming on board. Leadership knew and the executive assistant. We're all working a hybrid schedule and my team only found out because someone working in the office that day mentioned it in our team meeting and we all started asking questions because NOTHING was told to us. I met the person when I was in the office but outside of speaking to the new employee once or twice, I don't have time to do anything more. We are already short staffed so I work through lunch at my desk, I wouldn't be able to have or invite her to lunch even if I wanted to. Unfortunately, I can't change what I have to accomplish to entertain a new person when I don't even have a clue what your job is going to be. What are the expectations that you have to feel welcome? It is easy for the virtual people to "appear" to like you and be welcoming but maybe you arrived when people are dealing with tight deadlines or something or you have introverted coworkers. I am an introvert and I don't come across as very friendly when you first meet me but most people quickly change their minds after working with me for a short while. Give people a 2nd or 3rd chance and get the lay of the land from the person who is onboarding you. They can usually tell you who the friendly people are, the quiet ones and so on. Good Luck!!