I’d like to hear thoughts from mothers - with young and old children.

14 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 2:02PM UTC

   I left a full time office position for a fully remote position almost 2 years ago. My kids were 9, 5, and 2 at the time. The older 2 were in school and the youngest went to daycare. They are now all in school, and I was offered a full time office position at my previous employer making a little more than I currently do, but to me, it was a definite no. My kids have told me they like that I work at home, and I like being closer to them. We live 2 blocks from their school, and before I was remote, I worked 35 minutes away.

   Returning to an office environment would have to be a HUGE change in pay for it to seem worth it. Obviously there is the commute time, gas cost, vehicle wear and tear, etc, but I think the biggest things for me are knowing I can be at my kids' school to pick them up in under 5 minutes if needed, getting them to extracurriculars doesn't take extra planning, and I have been able to volunteer at their school during PTO events for the kids. I feel like I am definitely more present but still able to focus on my career.

   I suggest number crunching to see if the numbers make sense. Is this hybrid/potentially office position a stepping stone in your career that could lead to more (if you want more)? How far away from your child would your office be? There are so many variables that could make this change worth it for you.

2. CEJNYCNovember 4,2024 at 2:07PM UTC

   My kids, who are now adults with kids of their own, benefited greatly from having both parents working outside the home. We brought them fresh perspectives when we were at home and/or doing various things with them. You can call it "quality time," if you wish. At the end of the day, we were both role models for them in how to create life balances. It made them more resilient and open to new ideas. Each of our children now works outside the home, as do their spouses. They have continued the lifestyle we lived.

3. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 2:43PM UTC

   I had worked remotely for several years - but was completely in meetings and did not have a ton of flex time during office time. It was easier only because of commute times/ errands after work or if ill. They still needed the after school care- activities and grew from them. I think if the commute is doable- it is good for both parent and child to have away time. They grow more self sufficient if they have the opportunity to do so.

4. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 3:02PM UTC

   I will say this from a child who had a mother who worked and my friends mother's did not. My mom working was the best thing possible. I grew up more self sufficient than my friends, able to reason out decisions. Mom would have us put something in the oven when we got home from school that she had prepared and was sitting in the refrigerator. Yes, different time and place, but my brother and I were 7 and 8. Sure it would have been nice to come straight home from school and share something with my mom, but is really about quality time in the long run. We had the best dinners around as we all hared how our day went - Mom, Dad, my brother and me. There are times, I really wish mom had been at home, but I was more of a daddy's girl. If I needed to, I could call dad and talk ( he owned his own business in town) and if needed, he could come home if it was really that important. Mom worked about 30 miles away.

5. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

   My dad also owned his own business that my mother worked at. We lived in a small town and usually if I needed something I'd call Dad to deal with it. One time in the summer when school was out I had to call him to come home and get our cat off the roof. :) Meanwhile after I went to college, my 13 year old brother would stay home alone while my parents were away on business trips and cook full meals for himself, like ribs.

6. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 3:35PM UTC

   I have never experienced being a stay at home mom or having a stay at home mom. My mother always worked which seemed normal to me. My brother and I were both very self sufficient and independent once we outgrew after school daycare around age 8. My own daughter thrived in daycare and it really prepared her well for school since she went to a center that had a curriculum like a preschool. So I'm biased due to my experiences but it was the best for our family for both of us to work and give our daughter independence early.

7. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 3:54PM UTC

   I raised my kids on a hybrid schedule. I deliberately changed jobs and took a demotion knowing at that time I wanted the flexibility and freedom for pickups and class chaperones days. I needed to raise my kids and that would take time away from my career. I did that until both were off to college. With sports, after school activities homework etc there was always so much going on and one of us needed to be available. My husband took the train into the city so I worked from home 4 days per week after my husband left for work. My kids saw mom working in the home office and also had the understanding that they were a priority. Once they were in high school I switched jobs to be in the office 2 days per week. By then it was me that preferred hybrid. I wanted to balance everything. Now I consult and am fully remote unless needed in the city for client meetings.

8. JB09718November 4,2024 at 4:11PM UTC

   Can’t speak personally but I worked as a nanny for several years with different kinds of working moms (full remote roles, hybrid roles, moms who traveled for work, moms who just worked part time etc.) Common thread for children who were thriving with their mom working is engagement and availability. Especially if your child is sick, I had one family where both parents traveled for work and I was on deck for the sick kids no matter what which was rough for everyone.

   also planning and prepping will

   keep you sane. Most moms I worked with had me do laundry/light cleaning or had services for them, and meal delivery or meal plan. Everything and anything to take away the extra chores so you can all spend more time together.

9. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 5:10PM UTC

   Are you a single parent? That feels relevant.

   I grew up with a single parent who worked a LOT. Of course I missed her, but the time we did get to spend together was always quality. In retrospect, I have no idea where she summoned the energy from. I think if you're worried about it, you're pretty unlikely to let your kid down.

   Also: Consider just asking your kid about it! Let him know that you're a little nervous about making a big change and you want to make sure he knows spending time with him is important. Ask him if he's worried, if there are any activities he wants to make sure you hold time for -- Don't underestimate the little dude!

10. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachNovember 4,2024 at 5:53PM UTC

    I am a mom of adult kids. I raised my kids at the height of the "mommy wars"- and I'm sad that they still continue. What I can tell you is that if you love your kid and provide a stable environment for him, he will be OK. Really.

    I've had the benefit of watching kids grow and whether their mom worked or stayed home, for the most part, the kids are okay. Fully functional young adults-- many succeeding greatly. And truly some moms worked and some didn't.

    I raised my kids while working part-time when they were young and full-time, out of the house once the youngest was 9+. He did just fine. To my knowledge none of my kids have any resentment for my working. The opposite, they still refer their friends for career advice and seem proud of me.

    For myself, I had a "stay at home mom"-- and she wasn't there for me. She was playing bridge and drinking wine with her friends, or shopping (for her, a full-time calling)- from a young age, she didn't worry about being home for us. I actually wished she had a job so I'd know where she was and where to call her (this was pre-mobile phones.) Trust me, that was more damaging than if she worked a demanding full time job.

    Give your kid stability and love. He'll respect you for it. Do what's right for YOU and your family. Either way, he'll be OK.

11. AnonymousNovember 4,2024 at 7:48PM UTC

    I think if a parent is able to be home close near to their children it is always the best! Not everyone has had that opportunity of having a good loving parent being able to do that for them. So Kudos to you for having been able to do that.

    Detachment is hard, for both the parent and child, and fortunately children do tough things out the best way they can under circumstances so I know this cannot be too easy for the both of you.

    I’ve been blessed to have had my mother home while I was growing up and it was always a blessing to know that she was there whenever we needed her.

    As the Generation X grew up those choices of being home parents declined significantly. They were so busy focus on education and working to make the money for their children, most did not have the capabilities or opportunities to stay at home. So, snowplowing and buying them everything under the sun became Generation Y/ Millennials life. A substitute for parents unable to be there.

    I myself did have opportunities of doing both, and I can tell from not being around I did see some hardship. When I finally did have an opportunity to be home I seen the difference.

    Yes, they did miss me but I don't think they resented me.

    If you have the opportunity financially to work from home and you are feeling like you need to stay a bit longer feel free to do so. However, if you must go then that is okay too, it is okay to feel overwhelmed about not being there.

    Take some time to talk to your child and observe them to get a feel on how they are making out with out you to put your mind more at ease.

    The times have been changing within the past few decades, and parents are beginning to see the benefits of those precious years. Again, some are blessed with the opportunity to be home and some are still unable too.

    I think that whatever choice you choose you will be okay, follow your heart and know that, it just takes a little time to get through the separation anxiety.

    I wish you all the BEST!!

12. AnonymousNovember 5,2024 at 1:25PM UTC

    follow your heart. people will tell you otherwise, but being a mother is unique to each of us. I raised 4 children, and never wanted to be more than 10 miles from them for similar reasons, even when they were all in school full time. Also, do't fall for that "quality versus quality" time stuff- that's a joke. You cannot replace the QUANTITY of time you have with your children, and it's often during those "dull" or routine moments that real memories are made, lessons learned, critical conversations are had....All 4 of our kids are now grown , educated, married- and we have 6 grandchildren now...and guess what? ALL of them have opted to have one parent HOME or working from home...ALL of them are doing this, so that should tell you something-- they benefitted from me being "available" all those years and want the same for their children. WE gave up ALOT for many years, but you cannot put a price on that time. (I went thru divorce with first two children, remarried and had two more- I've been a single Mom, and remarried mom- no luxuries here, but follow your heart. that's all I'll say!@)

13. AnonymousNovember 5,2024 at 8:30PM UTC

    Only you know the answers. I have a wide age range 5-18 when they were all in school at the same time. Older kids helped with younger kids because of our work schedules. I used afterschool care for the youngest one unless my husband was on the early shift then I didn't since he was home. It is just hard to know, you know your kids. I am a little older now and my kids are grown, but they are well adjusted.

14. AnonymousNovember 6,2024 at 1:28PM UTC

    I had the same struggle years ago. I put up with a career and bosses that I hated just so that I could work from home and be present when my children got home from school. Was it worth it? Probably not to be honest. I was often frustrated trying to balance work with my kids popping in. If I could’ve been a more relaxed mother than being with them, a shorter amount of time probably would have been best. They are now grown and probably wouldn’t care either way. When they were older, I got the opportunity to have a significant raise but not work from home and I took it, My kids were old enough to stay home alone so it wasn’t a problem. Maybe you could wait until your kids are a little older.