Not sure what to do.

Anonymous

August 9,2022 at 1:37PM UTC

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Not sure what to do.

I've been in my role for almost 2 yrs now. Within a month of starting. New manager was hired. His approach is very micromanaging and his communication skills are lacking. He prefers to talk to the men the team more than the women. I've tried numerous times to open the channel of communication without success. I've even gone to the director for suggestions and also to bring issues to his attention.

Recently I was given a project, which I completed ahead of scheduled and shared it with the manager and team for feedback before finalizing it.

I heard nothing back from my manager or team. The project was to create a job fair flyer for an upcoming event in Sept. An email was sent just recently with flyers that were not what I created for use. My manager created something else.

For me this is another example of poor communication. I don't want to work for a manager that cannot communication. If the flyer I created wasn't what he wanted, why not provided feedback when I asked for it or give me specifics?

what was created by him looks unprofessional as well. I don't want people to think I created what was put out because it was my project to start.

I'm ready to quit because of him. I love my job and what I do. I love the people as well.

Any suggestions before I call it quits?

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AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 1:53PM UTC
Yeah, he's a jerk and your organization is toxic.
Suggestions before you quit: take every training opportunity you can. Reduce your spending and increase your savings. In your free time, put something on the web with your name on it that you can be proud of, even if it's just blog posts (like here maybe?). Get some side gigs going through Upwork or a similar online resource. Put energy into your relationships with people outside of work, especially family.
#1: Just stop caring. They don't care about you. You have every right to stop caring about them. Put in your time. Don't give them any reason to complain about you. Do what you're told.
#2: Document everything. bcc: all your communications to a personal email. If it's legal where you live, record all conversations with people who may be illegally discriminating against you.
#3: Look busy.
Good luck!
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 5:31PM UTC
These are really good suggestions!
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 3:36PM UTC
Talk to him - ask him why he didn't use the flyer. Ask for regular 1-1 meetings and set them on his calendar to force the issue.
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 10:41PM UTC
I have a one on one scheduled this Thursday.
I sent an email stating I wanted to discuss it during that time. I would like to know why what created wasn't used but also if it wasn't what was wanted why I wasn't provided feedback about changes.
Thank you
BethBAugust 11,2022 at 12:20PM UTC
A suggestion. Be careful in how you ask why it wasn’t used so the question is about learning rather than an accusation.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:29PM UTC
And have another person in on this meeting if possible, just in case he wants to flip what you two discussed. He sounds like he could be a sneaky individual. Always CYA -- Cover Your Ass, sis.
Li luAugust 11,2022 at 1:05PM UTC
Totally agree! Depending on a number of factors not noted here, he could absolutely claim she is being hostile for even raising the issue with him. Tread lightly.
Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)August 11,2022 at 1:21PM UTC
Yes- it’s just a flyer- I’d just ask him & not make a meeting out of this
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:47PM UTC
Make sure you focus on the tasks or actions and not the person. The conversation will be more productive if your manager doesn't feel attacked. For example, I would like to understand if there were any concerns with the flyer that was created. This will help me gain a clearer understanding of your expectations. Once he responds you can add something like, your feedback is valuable, how can I go about receiving ongoing feedback going forward?
Hopefully with honest communication (minus any feelings, stick to facts for now) your relationship can improve. And if not, I promise you, you will still grow and learn from this. This is a great opportunity to practice communication skills. We will always encounter difficult individuals in the work place. Take this lesson with you on to the next job if things don't improve. Best of luck!
Tamara AllenAugust 11,2022 at 12:58PM UTC
This is great advice! Stick to the facts, not the feelings. While your feelings are 100% valid, it’s easier to provide and receive feedback on the facts/ situation
Elizabeth White-PetersAugust 9,2022 at 3:50PM UTC
Would HR do DEI training for the ENTIRE department? There are always good managers & poor ones. Sometimes it's a lack of awareness on gender or racial or age aspects of leadership. Professional development and policy implementation can adjust company culture, which would educate management.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 9:39PM UTC
The challenge with many DEI trainings is that the people who need it the most don't voluntarily make the time to attend.
And many companies only make that training voluntary for leaders. Another challenge is that DEI training often focus on the most egregious examples, which tend to light touch if they address at all what she's experiencing. This is a leadership problem, likely above her manager.
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 5:40PM UTC
Just wanted to say, congrats on being professional and getting the project done before it was due. You even took the time to have your team review it!
JYJAugust 10,2022 at 3:05PM UTC
He's toxic. I don't know why I'm consistently amazed that in 2022, sexism is alive and well. If he has an issue with the quality of your work, he owes you feedback to set expectations, but this reads more like he's another idiot comfortable in his boy's club. You can do what you love with managers who don't operate at that low level. Get that portfolio together. Market is still hot!
Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)August 11,2022 at 1:20PM UTC
He OWES her feedback- she must ask for it-I agree
GirlBossanova934974August 11,2022 at 12:29PM UTC
I would reserve the 'sexism' charges for another day. What your manager has shown is inexperience and lack of judgement. I am a business owner myself. I give a task to an employee and I expect it to be done by that employee. If it is not what I wanted or customer is not satisfied, I give it right back to the employee to fix it. I am not paying people so I can do their work for them. This is what many managers do not get! As for the marketing issue at hand, flyer are not emails and vice versa. I have seen this practice go very poorly. Years ago, I had a VP of Sales who would take Powerpoint slides for large enterprise accounts and try to make landing pages and emails out for them for small business accounts. It was a disaster. The VP was finally let go after 18 months of frustration for everyone concerned.
Bridget HarringtonAugust 11,2022 at 3:38PM UTC
I left my last company partly because of behavior that you just described. I was hired (I was told) because of my broad marketing and promotional experience. I spent many hours creating materials on the specs that were requested. Nearly every single time, my direct manager would re-create them herself. What she executed was not effective or professional. It's funny that you mentioned Powerpoint slides, as that was her vehicle as well. As to qualifications, hers were that she was an English teacher and that she had worked with the owner of the company for most of her adult life. They enabled each other's incompetence and grandiose ideas. There is NO WAY one can get ahead in that kind of toxic environment. If one wants to "wait it out," I guess that is an option. In my experience, organizations tend to hold on to these kinds of people and let go of the ones that can actually do the work. I've never understood it....but I refuse to work with it.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 12:38PM UTC
Unfortunately this is my current situation as well. And it’s absolutely suffocating so I totally understand and I completely empathize with you.
It has nothing to do with sexism. It has everything to do with your manager’s insecurity about their inability to lead you.
In my situation I just try to avoid talking to management. I don’t really need to talk to them for anything. All my work is handled through sales reps or other internal departments.
So for starters, can you try to avoid them?
If not, then unfortunately, it’s time to get on Indeed.
Best of luck.
Julie AndrewsAugust 11,2022 at 12:56PM UTC
He doesn’t sound sexist as much as he sounds insecure.
And there is nothing worse than an insecure, micromanager who doesn’t communicate. The idea that your project was actually distributed with a product different than what you turned in with no communication beforehand tells you all you need to know. Unless his obvious lacking is apparent to those who can insist on more, I would work hard to get far away from that. Been there. It’s misery. And not worth one additional moment of angst.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:03PM UTC
I agree with everyone else that this is definitely a matter of immaturity and insecurity by your manager. Is there sexism as well? Hard to say without more details, but I trust your judgment and what you are experiencing. If you think it's sexism as well, it probably is! These biases happens a lot these days. Many people are in leadership roles for which they aren't really prepared. You have a lot of individual performers that are automatically promoted without the skill sets to coach and lead. This happens A LOT in the tech industry. Your best bet is to ask for a transfer while concurrently looking for another role externally. People like this typically blindside you with evaluations as well. And it doesn't look like your leadership is willing to step in. Good luck!
Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)August 11,2022 at 1:13PM UTC
Either ask Manager why he created another flyer or send an email to him- document this and his response or lack thereof- then let it go and move on.
Sounds like you really do love your job & want to make this work-with new manager….Not everyone knows how to manage- you may have to help him with this- in little ways-
Kimberly G. SmothersAugust 11,2022 at 1:24PM UTC
It's worth going direct. Ask him why your flyer wasn't used and if there was something he could have given you guidance on regarding the newly distributed version. Don't be afraid to let the manager know it concerns you because you thought you did a bang up good job on it and received no feedback yet a different flyer was used. I wouldn't go the route of the sexism claim at this point, he's probably more comfortable talking with the guys. If you really love this job, you are going to have to work on developing the rapport with this manager. Good luck!
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:51PM UTC
There's definitely sexism at play here. It's a familiarity bias. She's as much part of the team as everyone else on the team, regardless of gender. As a new manager, he should be building relationships with every single direct report, not just the ones he favors.........
People quit managers not their jobs.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 6:05PM UTC
I don't dispute that sexism exist but that is a separate problem from the fact that the manager allowed her to do a project, submit the project, he did not respond to her submission, and then used other work. That's not sexism. He's just a total jerk
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 1:40PM UTC
Yes, I have a suggestion. Update your resume, and secure a new job. Then quit. Your boss has no interest in communicating or giving honest feedback.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 2:09PM UTC
Run as fast as you can.
Been in my business for half of my life. Had one toxic manager, it was so bad, I quit on him. Will not get better, just worse. Also went to HR about the guy, they did nothing, even though I had everything documented and proof he was toxic. Just leave asap, you will be happier.
RickAugust 11,2022 at 2:26PM UTC
Giving the situation the benefit of doubt that it can be recovered, in an appropriate way remind the manager that the project was assigned to you, that you spent time on it, that provided an opportunity for feedback and that a different tack was taken without your knowledge. The follow up is, is there a reason your work wasn't selected AND is there a reason you weren't notified. The response to these may indicate the direction you need to go.
An additional, question for the manager in a separate conversation is "How do I best communicate with you?" This is an open ended question that can be very helpful. What you are really asking is how do I manage you.
M BaazaAugust 11,2022 at 2:42PM UTC
@Rick, Theoretically this would be ideal but given that she has tried to communicate with him several times prior to this incident; im not convinced that having a professional, honest, conversation like that is going to be helpful.
Bridget HarringtonAugust 11,2022 at 3:32PM UTC
I agree that she should probably look elsewhere --- the real issue here is that her manager does not communicate and is dismissive. She's tried to work with him and he appears to be the issue. This is not something to "get over." It isn't a petty thing. When people leave jobs for other than a new and better opportunity, a bad manager is usually the reason.
Joanne RosenAugust 11,2022 at 4:01PM UTC
From reading your post, I don't think you DO love your job anymore. You love what it was supposed to be, not what it is.
You can definitely try to fix things but I don't hold out much hope for it. I've worked with supervisors like that. They aren't willing to change.
Good luck.
Joanne RosenAugust 11,2022 at 4:03PM UTC
That was a rather rude answer. That isn't at all what the OP said. That was a single incident in a long history going back 2 years. How was that even the slightest bit helpful?
Please, people, be polite and think about what someone else is feeling before you say something.
Judy CroninAugust 11,2022 at 4:17PM UTC
I think we're all here to be constructive, no? Telling someone they should "get over" an issue is the antithesis of this whole column. Perhaps think before snarking next time.
Danna Furnace-GrimesAugust 11,2022 at 4:37PM UTC
If you truly love everything else about your job, then quit putting your worth in the hands of someone else. It sounds like you are being a team player but the boss is not appreciative. Hold your head high and keep moving forward, he will burn out and move on. Management that doesn't make good use of their teams talents usually burns out or changes focus within six months to a year. If it's worth it, wait it out and keep doing your best. Otherwise, find something else. the most important thing is that you should NOT let this person steal your joy or your self-worth. You can't control him and you shouldn't try. Good luck to you! I would love to have you as an employee. Your doing great.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 4:44PM UTC
I feel bad about this but your question has some challenges when it comes to punctuation and such. If it in any way reflects your work- and it may not at all- your boss may be displeased.
However, none of that would excuse his poor communication. Has there been any feedback from him at all?
I would suggest that you schedule a meeting with him and use the job flyer as an example as you did with us and explain that you would have reworked it to his liking but you need feedback.
Again, I don’t mean to be harsh but I’m trying to be honest to be most helpful.
AnonymousAugust 13,2022 at 7:55AM UTC
I have to agree, when someone puts out a post with bad grammar and misspelled words, I assume they are not professional in their communication. Always re-read what you send before sending.
AnonymousAugust 13,2022 at 1:07PM UTC
Actually, you should feel bad about your feedback because you have obviously not understood her message. She also has not gotten proper feedback from the manager. Everyone makes typos, geez. She is asking for advice not a grammar correction.
AnonymousAugust 13,2022 at 7:14PM UTC
I did say that I felt bad because it might sound harsh although I did try and convey that it was meant to be helpful.
I was only pointing out the grammar to make a larger point, not, as you saw it, to give her a grammar lesson.
I’m so sorry you misunderstood me. If you read it again, particularly the second and third sentences again, you may understand. But if not, there’s not much more I can add.
AnonymousAugust 11,2022 at 4:56PM UTC
Wow I don't have time to contemplate this fully but one thing I will say is that is truly unprofessional insulting and everything else to go ahead and create another flyer and not even tell you that your work on that project was not going to be used. That's flabbergasting
Communication CoachAugust 14,2022 at 7:17AM UTC
It's not only bad business practice/management, but, downright rude! Manager needs a remedial business etiquette class!
Communication CoachAugust 11,2022 at 5:04PM UTC
There are quite a few of us that have been in the situation of loving our work, but, not the people around us. When it's management, it really can overshadow our positive work experience. Almost always a manager stopping the communication (or never communicating, as OP's ecperience) is the first and biggest sign of not valuing the worker and wanting them to move on. If your work is not valued and you are not respected it is time to look for another position where you will have mostly postive days and some support as well as good work acknowledgement. Please look around and keep that search to yourself - best wishes on positivity!
Lynda BoothAugust 12,2022 at 12:24AM UTC
The number one reason why people leave their jobs is their manager. I would say you are going to be another statistic to prove this. Find somewhere that you are valued. You are worth it!
AnonymousAugust 12,2022 at 3:43AM UTC
I would start updating my resume, take advantage of any training available from your employer and look for a new position. You have asked for communication and feedback from coworkers, HR, your manager and director. Their lack of response and inaction is your sign to move on.
Sara DukeAugust 12,2022 at 5:17AM UTC
This ?. Do not waste your talent and energy where it is not appreciated.