Haunted by my last job.

Anonymous

August 31,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

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Haunted by my last job. I left my previous employer about 6 months ago, I really enjoyed my work, was the top performer, frequently asked to do more and was the lowest compensated by 50% of my salary. Due to the pandemic all kinds of reasons were cited for compensation remaining stagnant and I hung on for job security purposes. However I couldn't get past the pay disparity and eventually moved on to a new role. My former employer hired me for contract purposes in the interim as my role was rather specialized. Against my recommendations, hired someone whose interview didn't seem to match their very impressive resume. Now my team, whom I cared about, and grew from entry level employees, are constantly pinging me to tell me how this person knows nothing, is destroying work that can't be recovered and is driving everyone crazy. My previous supervisor has also invited me for coffee twice now, and has used the opportunity to ask for my advice or input on how this person is handling things. At the last meeting in no mixed words, I told her that they could rehire me on a contract basis if she wanted additional consulting, but that I was no longer able to offer professional guidance on these very specific issues over coffee any more. She reached out again this week to ask if I would be willing to meet for coffee and I don't want to burn any bridges because this employer is my longest tenure and most senior role, how can I ask what she wants without coming off rude?

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Joshua CorderoAugust 31,2022 at 1:26PM UTC
Ask her point blank - I may be available to meet for coffee, what are you hoping to discuss?
Erica MitchellAugust 31,2022 at 1:42PM UTC
I agree with Joshua. Just be straightforward. If you ask the question how he wrote it, it won't come across as rude.
Maegan MAugust 31,2022 at 2:40PM UTC
First off, congrats for standing in your value !!!
I do like the question poised below, that way you get her response and can then follow up with your offer to be hired on a contract basis for professional guidance.
Shelly EdwardsAugust 31,2022 at 3:35PM UTC
I would tell her that you would be happy to meet for coffee to catch up on peronal and friendly matters, but that you are not willing to provide any direct advise or recommendations on a work-related level. It's ok to be clear that you feel for their situation, but you have moved on to a new role and can no longer help them with their work/project issued other to be a listening ear.
Barb HansenAugust 31,2022 at 3:59PM UTC
It's not rude to set your boundaries, nor is it rude to know your value.
If I felt I had given enough free advice, this is what I would do:
I would meet her for coffee. If she asked me for advice, I would restate that I'm happy to consult with her (for the terms I had mentioned earlier),
Side note: We all give away advice and suggestions to colleagues and others during our business career, and having a few conversations with a former colleague on a particular issue would be fine with me, but at some point in time, I would have the same conversation that you had with your previous manager - "pay me for my advice"
AnonymousAugust 31,2022 at 4:39PM UTC
Just remind her that "for coffee" means a personal touch base....not work related.
Set boundaries and enforce them if you want to remain of value rather than barfing out free consulting.
Your former company did not value you while you were there with comparable compensation so you need to force their value of you now.
Further, be very careful discussing work and their new leader with former employees. This may come back to bite you. Besides, while it may feel great and supportive and bump up you ego, it's not professional nor in good form.
You've left the company so you need to change you connection and manner of interacting with all former colleagues.
AnonymousAugust 31,2022 at 5:46PM UTC
Thank you, yes I agree. I have redirected our conversations and just stated that I'm happy to connect personally moving forward. Some are more green to their careers so this has been a learning opportunity for them as well.
JJAugust 31,2022 at 7:37PM UTC
Tell her that if it’s a work consultation you’ll be sending her a bill otherwise you are happy to have a personal chat over coffee.
Looking for a changeSeptember 1,2022 at 10:52AM UTC
Since you left 6 months ago I’d echo what someone else said and say you might be available and ask what she wants to discuss. If it’s the other coworker quote her your fee, ask if she still wants to go to coffee. Then ask how to send her a bill, make it very clear you will be charging her.
Jessica Hill-KnudsonSeptember 1,2022 at 1:12PM UTC
I am so proud of you for setting a boundary like that, it sounds like you said it nicely but firmly.
I have nothing else to add to everyone else's suggestions, they've got great responses.
Beth Whight MoralesSeptember 1,2022 at 1:50PM UTC
I would say you could meet with her, if it crosses the line then send her a bill.
If you do have to send her a bill and she has not specifically said ahead of time that this is a professional consultation, then you need to go to someone higher up in the company. You need to let them know that she is not able to manage the department, that she is still coming to you for advice, that you sent a bill for it as you had indicated that you would, and that you have pretty serious concerns about continuing to be contacted for the role. Let them know that you are happy to help, on a consultative basis until someone can be found who is capable. This way you can secure your willingness to still contribute for the benefit of the company but not have her continue to take advantage of you. And if they opt not to use you, let the team know you will be happy to give them references.
CosmosMomSeptember 1,2022 at 3:12PM UTC
You can accept the invitation and at according say “I’d love to catch up with you- hear about that’s been going on with your life (interject things about hearing about kids or cars or hobbies) to subtly point out you are willing to meet as friends, not coworkers. If the conversation steers toward work you can give non committal “ok no, I hope it gets better!” answers. You’ve set a very reasonable boundary.
AnonymousSeptember 2,2022 at 1:57AM UTC
Take a giant step back. The blow by blow you're being made aware of & just how crazy it's making everyone is unprofessional and you need to shut that down. Which is well within your control.
Whether or not you continue to weigh in on advice is up to you.
Kelley Carmichael DowningSeptember 4,2022 at 11:20PM UTC
Just be upfront. Ask her if it’s work related. If so, reiterate that you’re willing to work as a consultant regarding any work related questions/ “coffee date” that you can no longer provide free professional guidance.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2022 at 12:18PM UTC
As long as you let an employer exploit you, they will. Did they even make a modicum of effort to keep you on board when you gave your notice? Did they want to have coffee then to discuss how they could keep you in your role?
I’ll be frank in a way that your former employer is never going to be. The maintenance of your working relationship is a stop-gap measure until they find someone who is qualified for the role or until they change the nature of the role to spread out all of your former responsibilities to several people. I am very surprised they haven’t thought to contract with you to train the new person directly because that is what is happening after your coffee meetings. Your former boss is taking your insight and expertise and carrying it back to the new guy in the form of training. I’m sure your former coworkers are sad to see you go and frustrated with the changes your resignation have brought to their workday. But your boss has lost staff before and it sounds like they’ve become expert at it.
Move on. That is my advice to you. Those tasks, those former coworkers are no longer your responsibility. You are holding on to something you will not get back, no matter how available and willing you make yourself. Life is short, your working years even shorter. Go find the job and the company/cause that sets your soul aflame if that’s what you need. Whatever you’re looking for is not in your old position.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2022 at 4:56PM UTC
Just ask her, what's up, as you are pretty busy and ask if she has something you can help her with during business (billing) time - offer making time for an appointment on a given (suggest a) day
Telandria Boyd-JohnsonSeptember 9,2022 at 12:40PM UTC
Good for you for setting boundaries and letting your former employer know the terms of how you would like to proceed in a business relationship. No one would fault you for wanting to be compensated for your expertise. Ask her for clarity about the purpose of the coffee chat. If she hints that it is again for business advice, tell her it is time to formalize the consultation arrangement and go from there. It's not rude to enforce your boundaries to people who are respectful. If she finds it rude, it's because she expected to keep taking advantage of your kind nature. Bet on you.
Liz MilneSeptember 15,2022 at 12:56AM UTC
She might be gearing up to offering you your old job back with more appropriate pay?
Take the coffee break, but take an invoice along with you for an appropriately priced 'consultation fee'... Just in case she is trying to squeeze you for an unofficial consult!