Hi, I have a question for the supervisors, managers: I work in the social work/medical field, nearly three years now, if that helps.

20 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 18,2025 at 7:12PM UTC

   I would say what you are discovering is the inate instinct that informs each person. They "read" people. You also do this based on your post. It's a survival mechanism to fit in and to read threats and to take advantage of situations to survive and thrive.

   It sounds as if this relatively new awareness has you thrown off.

   Its information. Nothing more or less. You have proven coping skills and you have survival instincts.

   No reason you can't improve on your skills and continue to work as long as you like.

   I would look into therapy to help you calm your panic and better read your situation and distinguish between threats and just everyday struggles.

   Your focus on beauty or lack thereof and your your divergent qualities can be balanced with understanding and skills.

   I would try to work on perspective.

2. AnonymousMay 18,2025 at 7:16PM UTC

   That colleague is discriminatory and is adding to a hostile work environment. I would talk to my direct boss confidentially and let them know what was said and that you feel uncomfortable. What if she said your color made her nervous system alarm bells go off? Not acceptable and could be considered bullying.

3. MidwestMaven456May 18,2025 at 10:27PM UTC

   Stop thinking you are special or different because of your being neurodivergent, because we are ALL looked at in our business life. Most of us are average looking and have average wages. None of us are where we want to be. We're in the middle. and that is the 80-20 rule.

   Corporations look at people, hire the ones they need and try to do it for the lowest price. Also, you won't be the first person to get passed over for a pretty face. We are all picked apart at some point for making a mistake or social faux pas. And as far as being taken advantage of, everyone makes mistakes and doesn't always trust who we should. Welcome to humanity, pull up a stool and join us. (Yes, that last line was an attempt at being funny.)

4. AnonymousMay 19,2025 at 2:59PM UTC

   I'm really sorry that this person's thoughtless words made you question the hard work you've put into yourself and your career. I agree with others that it could be a good idea to share this information with your supervisor, but I would really encourage you to try and not let it throw you into a spiral. While it's absolutely true that, regardless of how we act and how we look, there is someone out there who will judge us harshly for it, nobody can take your sense of self from you unless you let them and there is *always* somewhere/someone out there who will greet you as you are with warmth and understanding. Do you have the means to enlist a career coach to help you find a job with a company that more actively works towards inclusion? That might help you in the long run.

5. AnonymousMay 19,2025 at 3:28PM UTC

   Seems that your preoccupation with being seen or identified as divergent after all this time is an overreaction to a search for roadblocks that might never exist. You have done well so far to be productive and not a nightmare. Let's not create obstacles where they haven't presented themselves. Why do that? You never knew because it didn't stop you. You identify as ugly and that too ha not prevented you from building your life and career.

   Try identifying as successful?

6. Sidney BristowMay 19,2025 at 10:01PM UTC

   That person's comments must be deeply hurtful and I am sorry you experienced that. I'm glad you chose to walk away, but the hurt still is very real. After putting nails into a fence, one can pull out the nails but the holes remain.

   Know that you are who God says you are, not necessarily what people want to see in you. The Lord is crazy about you and has gifted you with education and the ability to self-reflect and adapt to your environment. And that's just for starters. The folks who know you well will be able to add to that list!

   Try try try not to let that person's problem become your problem. BLOOM ANYHOW.

7. AnonymousMay 19,2025 at 10:05PM UTC

   You are as you think you are. There is no test in the world that says you’re ugly. Those are YOUR words. Rarely are people super models who btw are not that attractive, need to eat a biscuit and photograph well. Give yourself some grace. And please reach out to a therapist to help you navigate the world better. Remember the prettiest people have the best hearts and are kind.

8. AnonymousMay 20,2025 at 1:51PM UTC

   The world needs you; the world needs variety of perspectives and personalities. You may not click with everyone, but you bring important value, especially in the field you've chosen. The hurt is real but try to push it to the back burner and focus on your personal growth and what brings you satisfaction. Don't be afraid to keep asking for constructive feedback about what your supervisor needs, while also underscoring your contributions to date. Women can sometimes downplay and not want to "brag," but when a supervisor is busy, it's validating to hear details of successful moments from their team. Also, you seem young. I'm in my 50s. Please know that when I was in my 20s and 30s, I still had a lot to learn and hit many bumps in the road. This is a bump that you will drive past.

9. Evelyn LivantMay 20,2025 at 2:48PM UTC

   I changed careers from blue collar to white collar and had a hard time adjusting without being neurodivergent. Learning a new culture and giving a supervisor what they want is normal. We don’t all just get it by osmosis.

   How to advance a career and negotiate are learned skills. My father & husband taught me. I’m mentoring someone right now.

   I would guess you lacked mentoring probably because you’re a woman.

   I would ignore whatever ignorant person said that people recoil from you on some instinct.

10. AnonymousMay 20,2025 at 5:40PM UTC

    I think you are beautiful! To be so self aware is what most people only strive for! Beauty is in the way you treat others and it surely seems like you treat others well and put yourself second. Take charge! Let people know how amazing you are and to that person who openly was rude to you, please do let them know that you expect the same respect to be given to you that you have been giving to them. Stay amazing!

11. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanMay 20,2025 at 8:49PM UTC

    First of all, I am sorry that you are hurting. This was uncalled for and shows a lack of compassion on the part of the speaker.

    Secondly, when someone comes at me with something like this, I often ask myself, how does sharing this information benefit them? Are they really trying to be helpful or do they have an agenda? Was it appropriate for them to share this information with me? (For me it was about my breasts. I am well endowed and when I was thinner, there was no way to hide it or even truly minimize it.)

    Ultimately, I would suggest two things: speak with HR and your supervisor in a general way. Let them know that you have had this interaction (you don't need to reveal who said this to you,) and secondly, if you do not have one, find a therapist or other trusted thought partner who can support you with this and with anything else which comes forward.

    You are wanted and needed. You provide a service which is in short supply and no one should be trying to stop you from doing your job. You are beautiful and fabulous and if this coworker can't see that, and feels the need to project their issues onto you, they can suck it.

    After that rather un-Coachlike pronouncement, let me say this: You've got this. 70 is completely doable. And you have us in your corner.

12. Zeecil KimmelMay 21,2025 at 12:54PM UTC

    The best line I ever heard someone say in response to an insult is, "God created me this way—are you saying He made a mistake?" I believe God created us in His image, so we are all beautiful. You are here for a purpose, we all are, and it sounds like you are doing your best. I bet you are even a role model for others who are struggling around you without noticing. Keep up the Great Work.

13. Darenda CarterMay 21,2025 at 1:01PM UTC

    First things first, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT! You can't always make people see that, but you can continue to be you. I have had problems in the past with people not taking me seriously because I am woman and it was basically a man's world where I worked, but that didn't stop me from moving up the ladder. I have gone all over the place in my years working from blue collar to white collar and back to blue and am now back in white, but along the way I had to learn that no one's opinion of me matters only MY opinion does. I have had so many people tell me I look mean all the time, so they are afraid to approach me, and I have tried to work on that, but I also have a boss now that tells me that people that see me that way are intimidated by a strong confident woman.... So you remember that and keep your head up.... Make up or not you are a SMART, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG woman and NO ONE can take that away from you but YOU!

14. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 1:06PM UTC

    To answer your question directly, it is absolutely not true that “normal” people can pick up/read when someone is “atypical.” There is nothing off in your face that “normal” people can pick up on. Moreover, there is something deeply wrong with the person who is trying to make you believe this when it simply isn’t true. People come in all shapes and sizes and with lots of different behaviors and beliefs. And anyone who says they can tell who you are simply by looking at you, or through some imagined second sense is dishonest and not someone who has your best interests at heart.

15. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 3:21PM UTC

    I agree. That is unprofessional of your coworker to say. Moreover, it shows immaturity and small-mindedness. Good leaders and managers can see beyond disabilities to quality of work. Everyone has something they struggle with and can improve upon. Everyone.

16. Tirrell Twyman TX -HoustonMay 21,2025 at 3:07PM UTC

    First, I would like to say you are NORMAL. Your disability does not make you abnormal and it is no ones business. You don't have to disclose your disability to anyone if it does not affect you doing your job. I will encourage you to continue with your goals. If you can, maybe befriend someone who could possibly help you feel comfortable in your environment(s). Good luck Queen!

17. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 4:46PM UTC

    There are disability laws and i would make a complaint about that person. DO NOT let anyone make you feel less than. That was inappropriate and unprofessional, and she/he definitely needs a course on diversity and inclusion.

18. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 5:40PM UTC

    Honestly, as a neurotypical person who sometimes wondered if I was neurodivergent (I'm not, but some people will label non-conformists as atypicals in a broader sense), I tend to find than some overly social people have more limitations than they think at reading the room, they often fall into gross generalizations instead of relevance or accuracy, they're just the most pushy ones of all to force their subjective and often caricatural narrative into other people's heads. They tend to denegate people's real individualities while painting a symbiotic fantasy of them where they're supposed to get everything and to be the center of attention. All people have their particularities, their flaws and qualities. I wouldn't give too much credit to the big mouths on duty. Good luck!

19. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 8:17PM UTC

    When you say "normal people," who do you mean? Every person is abnormal in some aspect of their life. I had to learn this the hard way (like you), and have always been on the "ugly" end of the beauty spectrum, so although I don't have your lived experience, I understand what it is like to always be picked last, be picked at, and never picked up. Today's society has a warped sense of a person's worth, which has nothing to do with the heart. You aren't worth their time if you aren't beautiful or rich enough. I get it. As a supervisor, I have trained, mentored, and promoted neurodivergent employees, so there are some out there. Having spent the last eight years of my former career in case management, I believe you have chosen a good place to be, as you have a lived experience that allows you to empathize with what many people you may be working with are going through. Good social workers, especially in health care, are worth their weight in gold, and it is a job that will always have a need and clients to serve.

    As I have aged, I have had to toughen my skin to deal with people's reactions and rejections of me, my talents, and my abilities. I have faced sexism and ableism, not to mention the mental health stigma. All this made me more understanding and compassionate as a manager, while being tough when an employee needed a course correction. Be grateful your job decided to keep you on, learn as much from each experience as possible, and keep on doing what you do best.

    Honestly, I think your coworker has a warped sense of worthiness, not you. Go to the mirror and tell the person there that they are beautiful, worthy, and good enough. Keep repeating it until you believe it. Don't pay that other person any mind. Her opinion isn't the one that matters.

20. Tina MorenoMay 28,2025 at 6:16PM UTC

    First, I want to say thank you for your vulnerability—and congratulations on making a mid-career industry change. Social work is no easy path, and it’s clear you’ve fought hard to earn your place. That matters. **That counts.**

    That said, I hope you’ll allow me a moment of gentle honesty. I’ve seen you refer to yourself repeatedly in terms of being physically or socially "ugly." I get that society can be cruel and there is very real bias, but it’s painful to see you define yourself that way. What you internalize becomes the lens through which you see everything—and everyone else’s behavior starts to feel like confirmation of your worst thoughts about yourself. You deserve more compassion from others, yes—but especially from yourself.

    Now, onto your main point: that comment from your coworker was cruel and inappropriate. It would have startled anyone, and it’s okay that it upset you. But that doesn’t make it true or worthy of being internalized. Comparing neurodivergent expressions or mannerisms to some primal fear response is ableist nonsense—and equating it to the kind of fear women experience around safety? Apples and oranges. Both are "feelings," sure—but one is rooted in centuries of real danger, the other in bias or ignorance.

    You asked whether managers or coworkers "know" when someone is different. The truth? Sometimes. But most of us don’t care in the way you think we do. We care about whether someone is doing their job, whether they’re a decent human being, and whether they contribute to the team. That’s it.

    You’ve already shown that you’re capable of learning, adapting, and advocating for yourself. Office culture isn’t some secret club. There are tons of free and accessible resources to help anyone navigate workplace dynamics. But there’s a big difference between learning what’s expected and twisting yourself into someone else’s mold just to be accepted. You don’t owe people a version of you that erases the best parts of who you are.

    Your goals—to grow, to stay employed, to contribute meaningfully—are valid. But you’ll never feel fulfilled if your entire self-concept hinges on whether people find you "normal" or "attractive." Normal is a moving target. And frankly, overrated.

    You’re the protector of your own peace. Set boundaries. Reflect. Seek feedback from those who matter—and brush off the noise from those who don’t. That coworker’s comment says more about them than you. They don't deserve rent-free space in your head. You are more than your diagnosis, your face, or your posture. Keep pushing. Keep choosing environments that see your worth, not just your resume. And if you need a reminder—there are plenty of us who believe in your potential, even on the days you don’t.