I am an executive assistant and have worked with my current c-suite execute for 7 years now.

24 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 11:12PM UTC

   I would say you are always justified in your feelings! Now whether you take action on this, is maybe a different consideration. On the surface, it does seem strange that you have not received a Christmas gift from your boss of 7 years (assuming he celebrates Christmas?). Does he send other employees gifts? What about other forms of appreciation throughout the year - does he provide that to you? I don't really have a solid answer for you but you may want to explore reasons for his behavior and also determine if this is something you want to address directly with him. It does sound as though this is weighing on you quite a bit so I think it is worth exploring those feelings.

2. AnonymousDecember 15,2022 at 11:55PM UTC

   I would feel very under appreciated but his family may see you as their employee or company resource. Do they give their other employees (housekeeper, handyman or nanny) holiday gifts? Some people feel very entitled and don't feel the need to even say thank you. They feel it's your job to serve them.

   I say shame on them and see it as a lack of character.

3. AnonymousDecember 16,2022 at 1:37AM UTC

   I am not sure if they give other family employees gifts. Technically I am employed by the firm. I think they are just entitled and think they are ungrateful

4. Mary PoolDecember 17,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

   If this is how you feel, then it is probably time to move on.

5. AnonymousDecember 16,2022 at 4:42PM UTC

   Especially in the C-suite, Christmas and birthday gifts can be problematic because where does it stop? Does the firm give out bonuses at Christmas? If so, they might feel that is enough and prefer not to do something more personal. Acknowledging personal milestones, like work anniversaries and birthdays, can be done by email (presuming they know when they are) or a simple card, and I don't have a problem with that. Still, I think that giving gifts opens the door to people who don't get them feeling left out and resentful.

   When I worked for a small non-profit, the board of directors always brought small stockings with treats and a couple of gift cards, as did the Executive Director. Everyone (including volunteers and interns) got them, so they obviously could not be extremely generous.

6. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

   You need to lose the attitude. This is a forum for people to speak their minds and get feedback/support. If you can't do that respectfully, you should move on from this forum and leave the interaction to people who can.

7. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 2:19PM UTC

   Thank you so much for saying this

8. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

   Your job description should never include doing anything personal for a family that is out of the scope of the company work. You are not a maid or household employee.They are treating you like an indentured servant, getting free labor out of you because they are cheap, taking advantage of you, and this is wrong. I would contact the labor relations board and report not getting paid for doing work for a family that is outside of a company's work or business. You will need to tally up the days and hours of time spent on the family and turn it in to the labor board (be factual, not emotional, provide facts and figures). Stay away from HR or the executive team at all costs, and if you can, also consult a labor attorney. You need to either start billing the family for their home services you provide or refuse to do them. Be very strict with them - they are cheating you! "Extra duties as required" does not include anyone's personal business outside of the company.

9. misskelleypDecember 18,2022 at 5:26PM UTC

   TERRIBLE advice. The only part I agree with is that, depending on the company (is it a family owned company?) his wife should not be sending you work. You work for the COMPANY, not his family (unless it's a family owned company). Unfortunately, you've set a precedent, and extricating yourself from doing personal work for them is going to be difficult. Might be easier/better to simply find another job where you might be more appreciated. OR you could have a professional conversation with your boss about expectations. Be prepared and bring a breakdown of how much of your time you spend on his family's personal work vs work for the company and ask if that is as expected? If not, you can talk to him regarding how to wean his wife away from your free assistance. If he says yeah, so? Then you are a PA in addition to being an EA. Good luck.

10. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 8:34PM UTC

    The advice is spot on, as this happened to me except that I fought it and won - I had to be compensated for all the extra time I spent doing personal and family work that was not part of the actual business of the family firm, and the family had to stop using employees as extra home hired hands. They weren't happy but it was not legal either. If you can afford your own business, a Mercedes and a mansion you can hire household employees.

11. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 2:20PM UTC

    Wow aggressive much! Someone sounds angry and disgruntled. Take your anger and I’ll-advised words to Twitter, they’ll like that there

12. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 2:39PM UTC

    You do not sound like a manager who inspires people to work with you and give their best.

13. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

    Wow. I’ve been reading Fairygodboss for at least two years now and never seen a response like this. Please try to be more respectful of individuals that are asking for help and guidance. To be honest, in this day and age, she shouldn’t be doing family things for her boss. It used to be the norm… but.. because it’s been happening for 7 years it might be worth it to have an adult conversation with her boss about her feelings and see if there is a solution. He probably doesn’t even realize that she’s upset.

14. Coach SrideviDecember 18,2022 at 3:04PM UTC

    You said you do a lot of personal work for his family and if it's something which is not part of your JD, I feel that you should look at the possibility of slowly geting out of that habit without hurting/ spoiling the work environment. It looks like they are taking you for granted and also treating you only as a PA and nothing more than that. You seem to be attaching yourself to them as well instead of only work hence this expectation which leads to stress. This might slowly affect you and your work and then your personal life as well if left unchecked/ controlled and push you to a negative mindset.

15. Veronica Appleby-RyanDecember 18,2022 at 3:25PM UTC

    Need to speak with him and now, what are his job expectations with you. Mention a christmas bonus, it may not even occurred to him. And have prepared a self review throw in hours going to grocery or whatever falls from wife. He will read it, Dont be disrespectful or scornful,

16. Daniela PardoDecember 18,2022 at 3:29PM UTC

    It's annoying they are not thoughtful enough to get you something. To be fair, not everybody is into giving presents. Do they show appreciation in other ways?

17. Shelley MunroDecember 18,2022 at 4:28PM UTC

    Do you get a bonus from the company, but nothing directly from them? Do they give gifts to other employees?

    Some execs like to keep everything under the business so there’s no question of ethics or tax issues. However, if you aren’t getting anything, or it’s not commensurate with all the things you do then perhaps it’s time to search for a position where you will be appreciated.

18. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 4:38PM UTC

    It sounds like it’s just totally not on his radar. I wouldn’t take it personally. To ask, do you give him a holiday card? Admittedly a small token gift or card is something I’d think to do with clients - but not really with teammates, my boss, or direct reports. Some (all?) companies also have rules that you can’t give or receive anything worth more than like $50 to avoid any ethics/bribery concerns.

19. AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 8:08PM UTC

    You are not wrong to feel that way. I would too if in that position. Even a card shows care and concern, but it seems that it’s not on his radar. Is this affecting anything else about the job? Is it worth leaving over though? Are you having feelings of resentment creeping in? Only you would be able to answer that, and really assess how you feel and what your next move would be…although, when ready to leave, sometimes you just really feel done and it can be very clear.

20. Crystal HowellDecember 18,2022 at 10:38PM UTC

    An executive assistant is for work, not a personal assistant.

    You might bring up in the review kindly, and ask for appropriate raise. They would have to put it into your job description, as if you were getting their cleaners and god for bid have an accident, who pays? Think it through, write it down when it is personal and bring to their attention, if in 30 days nothing changes, look now for a job as it takes that long to get an interview. Consolidate your debts, housing, and car while you have a 7 year job history, prepare now, don't allow yourself to be used anymore.

21. Michelle S.December 19,2022 at 12:34AM UTC

    Personally, I would buy myself a Christmas present, within reason, and walk into his office, and say thank you so much for the Christmas gift. And if he has questions, let him know that you purchased it for yourself because you’ve noticed other people around the office getting gifts, and it hurt your feelings that after all these years, he never considered you. Buy yourself something nice! But outside of that, I definitely understand why you feel that way and, although I’m sure this comes across as sexist, a lot of men aren’t thoughtful and observant of things like this, generally. Especially professionally. That’s why it’s important to do it for yourself.

22. Melissa NobileDecember 19,2022 at 11:43AM UTC

    I think after 7 years, I’d be a bit put out…

    My husband has 2 admins who help him during the year. Note: they don’t work for him, but for the entire department.

    I am crafty, so we discuss what the gift will be and I make. We have a small gift for each of them. Over the years I’ve sent hand made lotion, hand made mittens and scarves, monogrammed cups filled with chocolate… you get the gist. I’m not sure the other group leaders give anything, but the admins certainly appreciate our gifts and I know they look forward to them.

23. AnonymousDecember 19,2022 at 7:11PM UTC

    All the other admin do get from their boss. That’s very nice you do this and I am sure they are appreciative!!

24. AnonymousDecember 24,2022 at 3:51AM UTC

    Are you paid and treated well? If so, why would you let the lack of a $75 at most gift bother you? I say $75 because with a lot of companies that's the most you can gift. My boss gave me a bottle of liquor that I know was gifted from someone else and I don't care. He is my number one cheerleader when it comes to promos and bonuses. That's what I care about and so should you....