Standing up for yourself in the workplace

Anonymous

May 10,2023 at 10:01PM UTC

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Standing up for yourself in the workplace

I had a situation with a colleague where there was a conflict and her raising her voice at me and essentially disrespecting me. My response was that I remained calm.

Today, there was a situation in a meeting when a male colleague developed a negative stance and raised his voice. I stood up for myself and did the exact opposite of what I did before. I believe he respected me more and will not try that again. The fact is that I felt good about it and I am happy that I stood up to him.

I am no longer going to be someone's punching bag at work. I feel really good about standing up to him. My assistant was also in the meeting and described the discussion as fiery. I apologized to her for having to witness this, but again I feel relieved.

Do you think I did the right thing? I couldn't take the calm stance any more and need to let people know that certain behavior will not be tolerated.

Interested in hearing thoughts and insights. Thanks.

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AnonymousMay 10,2023 at 11:50PM UTC
I am proud that you did! I wish I had the confidence to do that. You handled that correctly
AnonymousMay 11,2023 at 1:00AM UTC
I always get up and leave. No words. It shuts the room down perfectly.
Becca A.May 11,2023 at 2:29AM UTC
You did great! As sometimes people need to have the same behavior done to them in order to understand that what they're doing is not welcomed.
Im also relieved you went about it this first and then shared how it went here within the forum. As opposed to sharing the disrespectful behavior you were experiencing first THEN reacting based on the feedback shared. As many would have given you the suggestion to, " ignore them. dont say anything. just walk away." which clearly you did the first time and it resulted in no changed behavior and instead spurred them on even further as Im sure they evaluated your controlled response for acceptance of it. Making them feel safe in continuing to do it.
"People will treat us how we allow them to treat us." Never forget that and even though that ill-behaved employee acting,'tame' now still be on guard and be ready to walk them back over the line if they cross it again.
AnonymousMay 11,2023 at 4:47PM UTC
That kind of thing is all individual, and you do not know yet whether there will be a price for standing up to yourself.
People are the heroes in their own narrative, so he may be telling people that you're a b____ and you'd have no idea until you get a reprimand or a poor evaluation.
I am more easily triggered by bossy men, but it does seem that men will respect me when I put up a boundary and women will conspire against me behind my back. Being non-confrontational is supposedly a womanly stance, so be careful if you have old-fashioned colleagues.
AnonymousMay 12,2023 at 4:31PM UTC
Yes, but...if you are yelled at in a meeting the best thing to do is put a hand up or simply walk out. Follow up that meeting with and email asking for a redo of the meeting with a calmer tone and let the person know in no situation is it ever acceptable to raise their voice at you. Let then know that if there is a conflict you are happy to come to a happy medium if there is civility in the discussion. You will not ever tolerate berating, hostility, loudness and/or yelling. Set the parameters and hold firm. I would also send the same mail to the woman you mentioned. Not sure why the gender disparity there but both of them did disrespect you. Not sure if the mansplaining was the trigger but both should be.