Hello.

31 Comments

1. Emmy BemmyOctober 1,2021 at 1:02AM UTC

   There are a lot of things that could be driving this. Admittedly, anytime I get a late-Fri meeting with a big boss, I get nervous... I'm still employed though, so the worrying has been for naught. If your boss is in a lot of meetings, that might be the only free time she has. I know where I work, usually Fri afternoon meetings are light, so that is sometimes the only time to get people together. Try not to worry too much! :)

2. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:12PM UTC

   Hi Emmy — you’re absolutely right :-) I still have my job, and while something completely out of my control that came down from a VP has now dictated my current path… I think it’s a blessing in disguise as this allows me to look for a higher position or rebrand myself for Q4. Thank you for encouraging me to use my power to produce happy thoughts and not fall victim to “how things have always been when people go through this on Fridays “.

3. Deborah MitchellOctober 1,2021 at 1:13AM UTC

   Can you reach out and ask?

4. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:11PM UTC

   Hi Debra, I liked your comment because I too am a straight shooter! And especially for those who work in tech… Where the promised land has been heavily romanticize for us women looking to make a better life… You would think that this would be the easiest way. But as we are women, we are complex, and that’s dealing with middle-management. But you’re right! I could not be too direct here and that definitely hide in my anxiety towards myself. I will work on being more close to myself.

5. Amy EdmondsOctober 3,2021 at 1:18PM UTC

   In my experience, directness is not appreciated in the Midwest. If you can relocate to the Northeast, or one with a lot of cultural diversity, you may find yourself in a more suitable culture.

   This article about communication styles from the University of Iowa was a real eye-opener for me: https://conflictmanagement.org.uiowa.edu/sites/conflictmanagement.org.uiowa.edu/files/2020-01/Direct%20and%20Indirect%20Communication.pdf

6. Christy HedrickOctober 1,2021 at 2:02AM UTC

   I would not read into it and not jump to any assumptions/conclusions unless you don't feel secure in your job. Based on what you shared, it doesn't like like you have anything to be concerned about. I would reach out to her with a proactive tone and ask her if she can share with the meeting agenda is for the purpose of coming to the meeting prepared.

7. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:10PM UTC

   Thanks Christy! This really was the summa dictum. One of my mentors, whom I emailed anxiously after posting the original post, gave me similar advice. No surprise how hard it is to find any semblance of control during these times… But for the sake of myself and my family and the rest of the penumbra I would recommend this as the best operating procedure.

8. VictoriaOctober 1,2021 at 2:59AM UTC

   Hi there, I can totally relate to your anxiety. I get anxious when my boss send me a gchat that says, "hello, can we speak?" with no context. I learned that that is just her way of speaking and she always asks me a question that shows her value in my opinion. You've been at your job for a good amount of time, and you have never had conflict with your boss. I wouldn't worry! Easier said than though I know. Regarding managing anxiety, i think this here (sharing your fears) is an excellent start! I also try and journal to vent so I can be more present at work. Exercise helps as well, even just a walk around the block to distract your mind (that is exercise to me nowadays!) And like someone else said, everyone is ready to go home on friday and most likely will not leave a heavy meeting to the afternoon. Hope this helps!

9. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:08PM UTC

   Yes! Thankfully myself and my manager are in as good terms as I can be with. She’s actually sad to see me leave. And I believe if we can capitalize on the maternal instinct of recognizing who she is as a person versus the role of a manager in a possibly toxic culture company… Maybe the actions of others in the future can be changed by our interaction here. Helpful – thank you!

10. AnonymousOctober 1,2021 at 12:57PM UTC

    I get that same anxiety every time I get a "do you have a minute?" Slack, so I feel you! It might be worth asking "is there anything I need to prepare to bring to this meeting, so we can be more efficient?" It's a way of asking what it's about without asking directly - but you do have to be prepared for a breezy "oh no, we're just going to chat!" response.

11. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:07PM UTC

    You’ll see some of my online comments above I did exactly that! I’m not here to argue the validity of anxiety responses related to professionalism. But I would say slack provides negative space where managers can leverage these anxieties. I respect it from a game theory perspective by if we need to determine what the new normal is I need direction!

12. Jennifer Erica SwedaOctober 1,2021 at 4:15PM UTC

    When I've been in the same boat and felt that anxiety (so common!) I've written back: Sure thing! Is there anything you want me to prepare for the meeting ahead of time? That way, if it's a talk about somthing benign, the boss may just say what it's about. Of course the noss may not and then there's nothing you can do but wait. --iof you're a lready accepted the meeting you can still follow up with my suggestion.

13. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:04PM UTC

    Great advice. I did preface our meeting with several coup d'état… I messaged her asking if I needed to prepare for the meeting 48 hours prior. The next day in a team meeting with people on my same level, I asked her if she could respond back to my message about said meeting. I do believe your way is probably less than terminating but I became impatient. Totally my Italian side coming out.

14. Amy EdmondsOctober 1,2021 at 6:45PM UTC

    Friday afternoon is the time when people get let go. It's happened to me twice. Just in case, review this video to be prepared: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLdkCEnJrX8

15. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:05PM UTC

    Really appreciate you providing a resource that I can use!

16. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:13PM UTC

    Admittedly Amy, this was such a great resource, as I was in so much distress I couldn’t even come back to this community and lessen the load before the meeting! Keep sharing stuff like this – very helpful for us visual learners and for those who are passionate :-)

17. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 10:56PM UTC

    Update to you lovelies: turns out I’ll be placed on bench — which is consultant speak for I won’t be tied to a project until I find another role in the company.

    Thankfully it wasn’t tied to my performance… But definitely reflective of the overall company culture. Would advise looking out for these behaviors or warning signs of them if you are jobhunting!

18. Jasmine ViccarroOctober 2,2021 at 11:00PM UTC

    The real reason is because I was unwilling to relocate to Texas. I’m currently in Chicago and identified extreme sunk cost tied to moving. I’m highlighting this experience in the comments because given women experience some hardship even asking for upward mobility or any experience like this. Be careful when jobhunting because sometimes your role won’t beAble to 60 to the next level if you don’t do your time in at the location or in that department, etc.… So while I am very frustrated. I’ve use my time with my mentor to learn how to control my reactions and still rise above this!

19. AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 12:42PM UTC

    Hi I would suggest bring to clarity to any conversation/ meeting invites by asking simple question-
    1) Is there anything I need to prepared for this meeting
    2) Any specific topic you would lime to discuss etc

    Human mind have habit of complicating things ,sometime when it is not needed as well.

    If there is difficult discussion happen as well- I would suggest face it and be ready to face it. Rather than assuming certain things- please do ask and clarify- this way you are not assuming and complicating. Hopefully this will help reduce anxiety as well.

20. Dawn BOctober 4,2021 at 12:23AM UTC

    I agree with Anonymous’ response about asking how to prepare (in this instance). I happen to be the one who sets up 1:1 with my manager and I always have agenda items to cover.
    Good luck.
    If it goes downhill, stay brave.

21. Shelia Kitchen RancatoreOctober 3,2021 at 2:19PM UTC

    As a leader, I’ve begun including a brief line with meeting requests to dispel the anxiety upfront for others. Sometimes I’ll just write - Need to run something by you, there’s no issue/problem. I would encourage anyone who is scheduling meetings to know your team and proactively tell them the purpose of the meetings even if it’s about their performance, a contract change, etc.

22. Madam anon663October 3,2021 at 4:19PM UTC

    I 100% know what you are feeling, my new manager did this a few times and I let her know right away how anxiety inducing this was to me. She understood as she replaced a toxic manager and made sure to let me know there were no issue when scheduling an unplanned one on one with me. It really helped my mental health.

23. AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:47PM UTC

    Anxiety is a normal reaction given the time and so on, but for context, does your manager normally have 1/1s with you? If so, it could just be that was an available time. If not, maybe she is trying to meet with you on a regular basis and this was an available time.

    Either way, don’t expect the worse at this time, because that will just consume you and worry you more.

    Let us know how it goes.

24. AnonymousOctober 3,2021 at 4:53PM UTC

    I do have a regular 1:1 with my boss - but we always talk on the phone. Two weeks ago, she called me on MS Teams (video, for those not familiar). I was freaking out internally, because we NEVER Teams unless we discuss it in advance (a group meeting or if it's just us, when we have to do a review or do a working meeting).

    She was video calling me because she wanted to offer me a promotion face to face! So....maybe it's something good:)

25. Shelby COctober 3,2021 at 9:26PM UTC

    I read your comment, so I am aware of the outcome. I wanted to add that I always encouraged Managers to regularly give feedback to their employees. I don't really believe in the performance appraisal system because when things are going as they should, everyone knows where they are. Feedback should be given on a regular basis. Since a lot of people are working from home, it is going to need to be scheduled because dropping by isn't an option currently.

26. C AllenOctober 4,2021 at 12:51PM UTC

    Simply ask your boss what the context of the meeting is so that you may be prepared to answer any questions. I think that will help resolve your anxiety.

27. Karen GongawareOctober 4,2021 at 2:42PM UTC

    Don't borrow trouble as my grandmother would say. What's the worst and best that could happen? Either way it is out of your control so let it go.

28. Renee Radcliff SinclairOctober 4,2021 at 3:22PM UTC

    Who knows what this might be about? Maybe they're considering you for a promotion? Maybe your boss wants you to take on a special project of some sort? The point is...who knows? Because you were given no context for the conversation, I would venture this is just a check in to see how you're doing, make certain you have the tools you need to do your job, and just making certain you are happy in your role. I wouldn't worry until given something to worry about (and that may never happen). Carry on.

29. AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 4:16PM UTC

    My father always said, "don't worry until you have to worry." Simple but you will find this works in every area of your life.
    In your meeting on Friday let your manager know how much anxiety this caused for you so she can make a small change in the way she requests meetings that won't send her employees down a bad path.

30. Deborah MitchellOctober 4,2021 at 5:42PM UTC

    Friday has passed, and I hope you are doing well.

31. Dawn S. CrossNovember 16,2021 at 1:16PM UTC

    Hello, we are checking in on you. Hope you are doing ok.