I just need to vent.

29 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 5:37PM UTC

   I can't relate to your situation but I do feel for you. I gather by reading this that you are not only supporting yourself and your son, but also contributing a lot to the household as your mother's retirement income isn't making it very far either. I can understand why you crash after a few days off. It's not nearly enough for you to completely shut off and recharge. Are either of your jobs long term, what you want to be doing for the long haul? Any eventual opportunities for growth at either place? I mean, it sounds like you don't even have time for a job search between the two. Do you at least get some holidays off (paid)?

2. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 5:52PM UTC

   I am fortunate enough to receive holiday pay at one of my jobs. So I have those, and all of this has been me trying to get time under my belt, so I can potentially move up to ONE job that might take care of having to work 2. It makes me feel bad that I don't even care if I'm late, and that I'm already on the verge of burnout again and I've been back a week and 1/2. There are pros to these 2 jobs, but I believe there are also more cons. I also can't seem to find anything out there even though my resume has been on Indeed for a few months. Either the pay is terrible or the job is. So I know I am fortunate that I am at least fairly happy with the two. It's just that I don't take time for myself, you're correct, I live with my mother and am helping her but I hear the same complaint from her at least weekly. I don't know what to do about it. So I also feel stuck.

3. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 6:27PM UTC

   I have nothing for you but a big hug. I don't want to villainize your mom and I'm not there to see what's going on, but from where I sit, I'm not sure she's being fair to you when you are being stretched so thin.

4. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 5:38PM UTC

   It sounds like you are exhausted and your brief respite reminded your body and soul that you need to rest. You are a caregiver, a person with two jobs, and have a mother who is voicing perhaps your own doubts that somehow despite giving SOO much, it is not enough. That is a LOT! That is a reason to be in a funk! Your feelings are valid.

   In addition, the financial strain is real. Since you have no PTO, any attempt to "escape" from work, comes at a great cost. I am sorry that is your situation. That is not fair. You are a hard worker.

   Also, I am NOT going to tell you "at least you have an income." But I am going to tell you that you should be practicing reminding yourself how much you are giving and that it IS enough. You are doing so much and spend your entire life trying to hold it together! There are very few people on this board that could maintain that schedule and stress for a prolonged period of time.

   So, to get out of this funk, I suggest giving yourself a bit of kindness. Recognize that you are working extraordinarily hard and are in the middle of a marathon. Ignore your mother. You ARE doing enough! And most of all, understand it is okay to have all these feelings. You probably just don't even have time for your own feelings except when you get a break from working so hard for a few days.

5. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 5:58PM UTC

   I appreciate your kind reply. And you're correct. When I get a day off, I'm usually doing things for everyone else. So lately I've noticed that everything is starting to build again and I do not like dealing with the breakdown when it finally hits the ceiling. It's 10 times harder to pull myself back together if I give in to it. I just wondered if anyone else had this issue. I'm grateful that I took time off and did something to create memories. Especially with my son...who is 19 and going into his second year of college.

6. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 6:41PM UTC

   I completely hit a similar wall a while back. I was working an intense job, taking care of my mom and grandfather, and my brother just kept dropping off his kid since I "worked from home." You only have SO much to give, no matter what others ask of you. And for the record, I am super proud of you for taking some time off. I know how hard that decision must have been for you and you made the choice to be with your son. Good for you!

7. Zeecil KimmelAugust 22,2024 at 5:47PM UTC

   It sounds like you need a big hug and some straight-up kindness. Even if you are lucky to have two jobs - it can still be hard and you need to give yourself some grace. I hope you find a friend or relative (your child's godmother?) who can tell you what an amazing Mom and daughter you are - and that you are ENOUGH.

8. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 8:29PM UTC

   thanks. It's easy to forget that as a person, I also have value when everything seems like one train wreck after another. :)

9. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 6:26PM UTC

   Sounds like burnout. And it's not to be taken lightly. There are health risks associated with burnout. So of course you can ignore it but eventually you will have to pay the piper.

   A few days away will not put a dent in burnout. There are some shifts in lifestyle and mindset that need to happen before you can see any meaningful steps towards recovery

   I would start by looking at your daily schedule and making some changes to include meditation and maybe a walk in the sunlight during the day. These are not huge changes but are good first steps.

   I would also visit your doctor and get some basic tests and blood work done to ensure you're not deficient in anything.

   Finally find ways to include some joy in your life. Institute some boundaries with mom and make sure to plan active with your son.

   Just a few suggestions that can help with a subtle shift.

10. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 7:52PM UTC

    I appreciate your input very much. I am doing everything I can with my son. He's soon going to be ready to leave home. So anything I can get, I take. I am in agreement that it's time to have a boundary discussion with my mother. I did not move in with her to make it harder. I chose that so we could help each other. It's more my retired mother getting into her rants but I notice her sitting on the couch and sending out facebook links that I don't even have time to look at, and it just burns my brain. I don't have time for social media. This is as much as I can handle!

11. WandaAugust 22,2024 at 6:52PM UTC

    I guess the first thing you really need to do is, stop entertaining the negative self-talk, even if it's only for one nano second. You are where you are in this season of your life. Sure, it's far from perfect and it has its challenges but you're out there making the best of it instead of lying down and bemoaning your fate. So, give yourself kudos and a solid high-five just for doing that.

12. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:49PM UTC

    Thanks

13. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 7:55PM UTC

    I agree with some of the other commenters pointing out you are probably burnout with a schedule like this. Listen to your body. Don't give 100% at work. Do 80% most days and know that on some days you will function at 50%. (Some people spend their lives at 50%. You probably work with a few and see they get on just fine.) Recognize that a return to work after a week out needs a slow ramp up to reach full speed. Reserve energy for you and your family life. After all our life outside of work is why we work. Keep your head up and good luck out there.

14. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:40PM UTC

    I've always tried to be 100% at work. Now I'm wondering if it's worth it, if I'm not going to get help or understanding from my workplace.

    There is only one of me. Not 2, not 3. Just me. And I don't want to run myself into the ground if my work doesn't care enough after 3 years to help me with at least a week vacation every year. I haven't gotten a raise since I started, and I'm afraid to ask because I have seen a lot of people let go due to "budget cutbacks". I know they can't get anyone else in here now after it's been since Covid at what I'm being paid to do all the things that I do. So they need me. I'm just asking for some understanding and support from my work and my peers. I've been feeling burnout and not understanding what it meant. That I don't take the time for myself, because it's all about taking care of my son and helping my mother, (which proved to be a possible mistake in hindsight). I'm trying to do better. I never say I'm trying to do the best I can, because I don't even know what my "best" is anymore.

15. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 8:44PM UTC

    Dear Human,

    This is your brain. I'm so thankful you took time to relax our meat suit. We benefited from the lovely vitamin D and serotonin boost, but gosh... you know what sucked? That my supercomputer didn't get to power down.

    I mean, here I am keeping your fleshy air filter breathing and the tiny pump that's distributing vampire V8 juice throughout these organs (which somehow I manage to make work together) keep going.

    I'm going to be honest with you. I made you write this post while the windows of your soul were updating so that other self replicating blobs of jelly could use their own tangled mess of neurons like me to command their ten (more or less) tiny sausages and suggest to you that we are stagnant. We are a puddle of potential.

    Can we make a bold move here and ask for PTO? 3 years with no reward or incentive to stay? We're smarter than that!

    "Amigdalia" is in here, telling the office that you're scared of the decision making meat puppets. But forget her! Let's make a stand together and if we don't get what we need from those bottomless bags with safety valves in them, lets keep looking for meat bags with company money that are not morons. I hear there are a few out there, like you see on Glassdoor.

    There's this other chick in here too, "Hypothalamusandrea" and she's all up in my business... What about me? What about my emotions? Talking about "she doesn't know who she's messing with!" or "she can't afford me at over time". She's like...A LOT, but we need her.

    So yea, I highjacked you to write this post, because we think you're so, SO worth it!

    We want to protect you like you want to protect that tiny human with the cutest windows of the soul we've ever seen, who are also watching and learning.

    We think that the fairy jelly blobs will tell you the same.

    That I deserve a real break so that I don't glitch anytime soon.

    Much Love,
    Your Brain

    P.S. Hypothalamusandrea baked a really sad cake and bought it to the office, she's trying to make us eat it, but it could really use some sprinkles (and maybe one of those fancy sparklers). She says you've hidden them somewhere in here and only you know where to find them. Please help!

16. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:33PM UTC

    Yeah, this sounds like a good idea. I just need to get to have a face-to-face meeting with the people I work for. Which is almost as difficult to get as a break. Thanks for being positive and being decent in your reply. It's appreciated.

17. AnonymousAugust 22,2024 at 10:00PM UTC

    Well, first of all, it's not unusual to feel out of it when we return from vacation. We are busying getting ready, saving money, gassing up the car, remembering to pack it all, sigh. I'm exhausted already just thinking about it. However, there are other issues going on here. If it were me, and I wanted a better balance in my life, I would first, find a position with better benefits, like a state job, university job that guarantees time off and earned monthly annual and sick leave, and go that route. Then hopefully you can find just 1 job that pays what you need to support just you and your son. I'm not being non-empathetic, but I would move out on your own, and if you have a little left over monthly to provide that to your mother. Or perhaps have a conversation with her about how she could downsize, or find a better living situation without you. You are definitely tired, working tirelessly to provide for your son and mother, but you are not giving yourself anything. The ocean is a wonder drug, honestly, I live in a coastal state, and when I'm there all my worries go away. Until I come home to reality, just like we all do after vacation. Take steps to improve your working life, that will result in a better home life. Then that life will improve so you can take time off for yourself. Unless you like living with a parent, or working 2 jobs and burning the candle at both ends. But from what I read, you don't, and you have to make change for yourself. Once you take baby steps to do this, then you will truly feel much better after vacation and feel like you got to get away without worry. Wishing you all the best and hope your vacation left you with calm memories of being by the sea and you know what I do? I play spa music with the sounds of the waves. It helps ground me. Good luck to you and please keep us posted.

18. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 5:01AM UTC

    I work two jobs as well. My vacation time, is for me to relax. Hang out at home, catch up on sleep, organizing. Next time, send your son if you can, on his own, and you take a break, just for you.

19. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 2:05PM UTC

    One thing I have done as I've gotten older is protect my time and space. So, whatever time off I do have, I use it to recharge. I've gotten creative with my time. For example, when I used to use a week to visit family, now it's 4 days. I tell them ahead of time all the catch up news on the phone and only use key time to drive or visit, but have a couple days for me (to do post-vacation chores, shopping, laundry, or just rest and prepare for work).

    Protecting your energy is important. Food,hydration, are all key. Be sure you're not over extending yourself with your travel plans.

    I hope this helps.

20. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 3:01PM UTC

    This is not your employer's fault. Your choice to work two jobs. And are you 1099 on both jobs? No PTO?

21. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:22PM UTC

    Since you don't want to entertain changes to your schedule or outlook I guess my suggestion would be along the lines of what you expect from this board so I will spare you.

22. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:31PM UTC

    I would definitely like to change things. Perhaps 1 job instead of 2. I have been working hard gathering time under my belt so it looks better on my resume. I never said I don't want to entertain a different outlook, or schedule. I said that I am exhausted. That I need a different point of perspective. Otherwise I never would have tried posting this to begin with.

23. AnonymousAugust 24,2024 at 3:37PM UTC

    Completely unsupportive and unhelpful, not to mention severely lacking in compassion.

24. AnonymousAugust 23,2024 at 6:42PM UTC

    I want to thank everyone for all the great advice you gave me. I can at least try to use these ideas to save myself more trouble down the road. God Bless. ❤

25. Lynne SpringerAugust 24,2024 at 6:57PM UTC

    Sad to say- I heard and hear the same from my mom. I do what I can. She can take it or leave it. I stopped letting it weigh on me. I am not superwoman.

26. AnonymousAugust 28,2024 at 5:25PM UTC

    I guess most moms are like that. I feel like 49 going on 19. The most frustrating part is that it comes out so condescending. I'm glad one person out there feels me directly!

27. AnonymousAugust 26,2024 at 2:22PM UTC

    Im sorry you are having to live like this. It sounds exhausting for sure. Can you save any money at all to get out into a small place on your own? Can you look for a different part time job so that you aren't getting home so late?

28. AnonymousAugust 28,2024 at 5:31PM UTC

    I work a regular shift at my day job, I just get paid much lower than I should be. 3 years here, no raise, and a lot more responsibility. So any part-time job after that l would be available will be in the evenings. I don't want to work later than 10. Working on weekends sucks the life right out of me since my day job is super-stressful.

29. AnonymousSeptember 3,2024 at 4:11PM UTC

    I am stuck in one of those catch 22's. My son and I moved into my mother's home about 5 years ago knowing she was going to retire. She was so much better then. She didn't sit on the couch all day or send facebook messages (that I don't have time to read). She has an autoimmune system due to having rheumatoid arthritis and she fell about a year ago and ended up needing a rotator cuff surgery. The entire point of us moving in with her was so that my now, 19 year old son could help her with the heavy stuff, and I keep shelling out cash as well to help. Everything extra goes to her, I save a little when I can, but life keeps happening. I wouldn't be able to leave unless I can get one great job that covers what I make working 2. That is the catch. I have my resume out there, I just need to find the time to make a couple different versions of it, so it's geared toward management or administration. I have thought about that many times! Time to let go and let God.