I recently took what I thought was my dream job, but it's turning into a nightmare.

40 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

   OMG get the eff out of there! With your work ethic you can find a better place.

2. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

   I’m sorry, that sounds like a crappy situation.

   Are you in the US? “Banging on” is not a common expression here. I’m asking because in the US, there are very clear and strict laws about the payment of hourly workers. If you are US-based, it might be worth looking into. Until then, if I were you, I would be professional, but do the minimum required to keep the lights on - certainly take your lunch break! Maybe you can go to a nearby café and search for jobs… The fact that you had four offers means that you are obviously hireable, so don’t settle for this terrible environment. I personally would not leave until I had something new lined up, but only you know your own risk tolerance and situation.

   Good luck to you in getting out of that terrible place!

3. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 1:55PM UTC

   I am.
   I've traveled a substantial amount, and so I tend to pick up slang from other countries. I'm considering talking to an attorney.

4. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 3:24PM UTC

   Me too - I referred to something as "bog-standard" the other day and everyone looked at me like I was insane...

   You don't need an attorney to report a business for labor law violations. Some good links have been posted for you. If you are told that you must work through your legally mandated break, do whatever you can to get it in writing. Once you have that, they're in for a world of pain.

   I hope that you are planning on clocking out and enjoying your lunch today! Good luck.

5. Goalsetter498760February 8,2024 at 1:45PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. That is seriously awful.

   For myself, I would do my best to stay until I found a better job but I'm very much not in a place financially where I could walk away if I needed to. I did exactly this with my last job - the casual racism and making me do the job of 3 and a half people (literally - that's how many people they finally had to hire to replace me) was too much for me but I had to stick it out until I could find something else.

   If you can sustain yourself for awhile, I would seriously just leave. That place sounds horrific and to top it off, they're participating in wage theft. (And you know once you start actually clocking yourself out for a lunch break they're going to get mad at you about that also.)

6. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 1:59PM UTC

   It's the same thing here. I have never been given a firm outline of my job duties, but I have enough on my plate to fill the 9 hours I'm here every day. The same person who changed the time requirements without notice is constantly pushing more onto me, telling me, "This is your job now," while she spends half the day scrolling through Facebook. She also likes to drive the bus over people, pointing out every miatake to the owner, or taking credit for something she had nothing to do with.

7. Goalsetter498760February 8,2024 at 7:16PM UTC

   My immediate frustrated eyeroll on your behalf was so real. I've been there and done that. I'm so sorry a job that should have been a great fit for you turned out to be this absolute trash heap.

   Please do your best to care for yourself while you figure out what to do. These situations can really wear you down quickly. (Ask me how I know!)

8. Anabel Ruiz-MoralesFebruary 8,2024 at 1:47PM UTC

   Reach back out to the other 4 companies you turned down and ask yhe recruiter if there is a possibilty the job is still available. You never know! I would start there, good luck!

9. Jess WhittekerFebruary 8,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

   Good morning!
   I am shocked by what you've told me. Nobody should be treated this way, no exceptions. This is an abusive environment, and I understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing your location. In the US, you can go to the Wage and Labor Board for help. In most Western countries, they have a similar organization to assist employees. I am outraged on your behalf.

   Normally, I would suggest that you leave when things get this bad, but in the current job market, I recommend searching for other opportunities during your lunch break as the previous commenter suggested. If there is anything else we can do to assist you, please let us know!

   Wage and Labor Info: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-employment-regulations-different-countries-knwmf/
   International Employment Law Guide:
   https://www.deloitte.com/global/en/services/legal/analysis/international-employment-law-guide.html
   Word Bank PDF: Labor Regulations throughout the World:
   An Overview:
   https://documents1.worldbank.org/curated/en/221471546254761057/pdf/Labor-Regulations-Throughout-the-World.pdf

10. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

    I follow a couple lawyers on instagram who speak of wage theft and other employment issues. Even if they don’t practice in your area, it is helpful to gain perspective.

    Are you one of the 8 protected classes?

    they are:

    @paigesparks

    @attorneyryan

11. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 3:08PM UTC

    Only gender.

12. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 2:46PM UTC

    The lunch break may be a state labor law thing. It is where I live. A person who works more than six hours must clock out for a thirty-minute break (by law), and salary workers are required to take a break with their salary and schedule based on the 30-minute break. A full-time, 40-hour week will have a schedule that comes to 42.5 hours because of this. A lot of companies have been hit with violations for this. There is not supposed to be any working through lunch, although some people do, but companies are not allowed to require it.

    The stay or quit before you have a new job question depends entirely on how much your mental health and financial situation can stand. If you leave, sign up for any social service benefits (cash assistance, food stamps, Medicaid) that might be available while actively searching for a job. Hopefully, you have several months of money saved to help you with rent and other bills.

    If you stay, keep your head down, do your job, and avoid toxicity as much as possible. Continue looking, and to lift your spirits, engage in something outside work that helps you escape the poison you endure at work. If you have documented the racist behavior, check with your EEO representative or an employment attorney.

13. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 3:08PM UTC

    I'm in agricultural position, so there are exemptions for certain wage requirements. I guess gender qualifies me, but none of the rest apply.

14. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 2:07PM UTC

    I am assuming then that the racist behavior you mentioned was not directed at you but at other employees.
    The documentation of racism, etc., unless you are a direct witness, would not mean much then. I have worked in environments like this where people have significantly different values than I do, and I applaud your desire to help your coworkers who are being mistreated. It speaks more to the company's culture than anything you can do, such as stand up and speak for others. For this, I applaud you. It is one thing if you can find ways to use your privilege to influence others. It sounds like you are not in a position to do that, however, because outside of being tri-lingual, you don't have much of a voice. Others have offered help getting the EEOC or labor boards involved, and that is the best you can do now, so I suggest you take them up on the offers.

15. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 2:48PM UTC

    Depending on the state, you can also report wage and hour violations to the attorney general's office. I know you can in Massachusetts.

16. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 7:09PM UTC

    I checked into my state labor laws and was unpleasantly unsurprised to find my backward thinking state does not mandate any breaks for employees. Employers here are not obligated to allow an employee any breaks at all.

17. KittyFebruary 8,2024 at 3:27PM UTC

    You will get through this. I would suggest at you find another job first then give notice. Hold your head high- you will find a new position where you can thrive and have a supportive environment. They are out there so don’t lose heart- I’ve been in a nurturing place for 8 years and retirement is on the horizon- wishing you the very best-

18. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 3:54PM UTC

    Take your lunch, it is not legal for them to tell you that you can't. I would read the employee handbook again, beginning to end.

19. Colleen HansonFebruary 8,2024 at 4:08PM UTC

    I would start looking for a new position immediately. Not knowing your financial situation it's hard to tell you to just walk away without something else, but if you can afford to do so then that is up to you. I have been in a similar situation and it became so horrible that I just left one day and never went back. If you are being forced to work during your lunch hour, DO NOT clock out. If they are going to force you to clock out then you need to make sure you are not available to "work" during that time. Contact your state Labor department and let them know what is going on. When I went through this I let my employer know that I had contacted the state and that I would be filing a claim for unpaid wages (all the time I was forced to clock out for lunch but told I could not leave the phones). They ended up owing me 20 hours of overtime. I did not end up having to file a claim because they paid me for the time, however after that threat they hated me because they knew that I was not going to be a pushover that they could take advantage of. Several of their employees were convicted felons that had difficulties finding work with their criminal records, so they got used to taking advantage of everyone and threatening them with their jobs if they caused a stink. I, on the other hand, had a background in Paralegal work for an Employment attorney, so I knew the laws and was not going to work for free! The 5 hours of overtime I was working each week (since I was required to work through lunch) was an additional $125.00 per week that I was not getting! Nope!

    Please try to find something else, things will more than likely never get better where you are at.

20. Kimberley Ferretti HammettFebruary 8,2024 at 4:49PM UTC

    Apologies if I'm reiterating any advice below (I haven't taken the time to read through the comments) but this resonated with me so much and I am so sorry you are in this position! It is so frustrating when you are excited about the work and deflated by the environment.

    I don't usually give straight advice without knowing the full person and situation so I think take in what you hear and line up with what you think applies and works for you.

    But my thought is a balanced approach here. Work on getting out of there as soon as makes sense but while you are there, do everything you can to keep yourself sane and even make the most of it.

    Firstly, can you reach back out to any of those passed up opportunities? What if their 2nd choice isn't working out so well? What if a new similar opportunity is available with them? I don't think it would look so bad to say "I took a different opportunity because I really aligned with the work but I'm finding where they lacked in culture compared to your org is more impactful to me than I anticipated and now I keep thinking about our conversations.". Could be worth a try.

    Secondly, on your path to looking for other opportunities outline a plan with boundaries. What is your "quit line"? Will there be signs in your mental health or bank account or personal ethics that can tell you if you reach that threshold, it's time to walk away? That can help you to not only pay attention to your boundaries, but also to have outlined your decision so you can focus on everything else vs trying to ask yourself every day "should I be here". You'll know it when you see it.

    Thirdly, make the most of it while you are there. You said this was your dream job which makes me believe you were excited about the role/type of work/job description. So if it's all the other aspects of the environment that are the problem (which is a more than valid reason to leave), the positive aspect still remains true. If you have that position now, success there is leverage to get that position or even better elsewhere. Think of ways you can impact and learn the most while in that role. Is there a project you can complete quickly? Is there a change happening in the company your role can learn more about and be a part of? While it may be a concern to see someone only 3 months or so into a role applying on my team, if you can tell me "hey, I've already been running with this and am loving helping the org grow, I just want to do this for an org I align with more", I would have so much respect for that.

    Finally, for whatever time you are there, see if there are intentional ways you can avoid and counteract the negative environment for your own energy. It's not a cure, but a band-aid until you can get out of there. For all the negative, non-inclusive talk around you, how can you put yourself in spaces with loving, open people? For all of the negs on the expectations they set, how can you spend time with people who keep their word or in situations that are more consistent. Again, not a cure, but it can be refreshing to even just walk into your regular coffee shop and get that same drink exactly how you like it from your favorite barista to remind yourself that your experience at work is not universal. (Funny enough I've had nearly the same exact experience, twice!! In my last role, I was told I didn't have a set "in office" time and often got in around 9:15/9:20 with no issue for nearly 2 years, then suddenly that same manager started slamming me for coming in late! It felt very targeted and frustrating and without an answer from them on what changed.. you're going to stay in frustrated and even on edge until you teach yourself that just because it seems like they are being unfair, doesn't mean the rug will be pulled out from under you everywhere else. )

    I hope some of this advice/perspective is helpful to you and you make your own of it. Vent any time. I could tell you all sorts of mismatched culture stories (like basically being told to lie multiple times by bosses that claimed to be a loving, Christian family company!) and I survived & thrive beyond them. You got this!

21. AnonymousFebruary 8,2024 at 8:10PM UTC

    This is beautiful, balanced advice. I’m not the OP but I’m here to read the comments for the same reason. Thank you kind soul.

22. Kimberley Ferretti HammettFebruary 8,2024 at 9:10PM UTC

    Aw, thank you, that feedback means so much to me! I get frustrated with blanket advice being given out so I feel passionate about giving guidance that helps other make their own informed decisions. I'm so glad to hear that it has resonated with you! Good luck to you :)

23. Cheryl GoodwinFebruary 8,2024 at 9:32PM UTC

    Hi Kimberly,

    Your advice is the best I have seen on this site! Such a positive way to handle the situation which many people have experienced.

    It makes me feel better about my previous jobs that didn’t work out where I assumed I was the only one to blame. I wish this website was available 30 years ago because it would have really helped me. I still work on a temporary basis and much of the advice on here has helped me as I continue to work and will do so for a couple more years. Then I’ll retire!

    Thanks for your advice.

24. Kimberley Ferretti HammettFebruary 11,2024 at 4:49PM UTC

    Thank you and I'm so glad to hear you have benefitted from anything I've written! Congrats to you on your journey to retirement, that's exciting! I'm sure you've learned lots about navigating life and work along the way. As much as the internet can be overwhelming with opinions and information, I'm also glad there are spaces available to hear various perspectives and learn from them.

25. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 12:36AM UTC

    It sucks when your work place doesn't get better.

    I would aggressively look for something else. I would hate for you to profesionally struggle on top of being unemployed. Why not stay. Use the bare minimum of energy to do your job while looking for a new one. At least you'll stay on top of your bills while looking elsewhere.

26. Ava WestFebruary 9,2024 at 1:27PM UTC

    See if one of the other 4 positions would still consider you and bounce! That place is toxic.

27. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 2:14PM UTC

    Sounds like an opportunity for quiet quitting. Get out with a new job. Work at your own pace and proper hours with breaks. Any one roughs you up lodge a formal written complaint and they will

    leave you alone and you can leave at your leisure. Do your best but don’t try and please anyone. Work no more and no less than is necessary for the check. If they don’t like it they can let you go. Then you collect unemployment. If they deny it you appeal and they will have to appear to fight the appeal and when unemployment finds out the hostile work environment they will side with you, fine them and grant your unemployment

    make sure you document everything! Hopefully they wil just leave you alone until you fond

    something else. Good luck!!

28. AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 4:04PM UTC

    There is a movement to report abuse at work and also to form a law

    https://www.dignitytogether.org/take-a-stand

29. Lillian PettisFebruary 9,2024 at 4:47PM UTC

    I’d spend all my free time looking for my next role and then walk away from this toxic pit.

30. Stephanie Branch LekowskiFebruary 10,2024 at 2:26PM UTC

    Get. Out. Now.

31. Jayme GrakalFebruary 10,2024 at 2:34PM UTC

    I am having that exact issue. I quit a great paying hybrid job because I moved further away. Found a job closer at a lower pay, but half the commute. What a mistake! I've been bullied when I walked in the door. Not trained also told read the checklists in the folder. Management non existent. The one girl who was helping me quit when I was there 3 weeks. My supervisor who started a week before me broke her leg one month in and hasn't been back. Leaving me with the bully alone with no supervision. I'm an older woman and have never dealt with anything like this. I'm also wondering if I should quit, but have bills to pay. So for now I'm sticking with it and looking. My mental health is taking a toll.

32. Linda QuarshieFebruary 10,2024 at 2:34PM UTC

    when you can’t pay the bills and the landlord/mortgage co has your stuff on the curb and people are rummaging through your stuff… you get the picture (unless you have enough savings to make it through). You sound like an extremely intelligent, poise and confident person, stick with it and look for something, potential employers also don’t like knowing that you will quit when “the going gets tough”. You said that there were 4 other opportunities you walked away from to take this on, which means what you do is in demand and you will/should find something soon. Friend, you’ve got this, chin up and walk through that mud to the other side and I hope you are already looking. Good Luck!

33. Jennifer BilodeauFebruary 10,2024 at 2:51PM UTC

    Start floating your resume - maybe see a doctor and let them know the stress your under. I was in a similar boat at one point in my career where I took a job that got me off unemployment (after a layoff) when jobs were scarce. I was there a week and never saw anything like it. The owner punched a warehouse worker having brawl. Every other word out of the owner's mouth was F. He couldn't use my name, he called me "big words" because I had a college degree. I went to my doctor and said I needed a few days to get my ducks in a row. He put me out on medical for 5 days which was enough time to talk to unemployment about the poor conditions before quitting to protect myself from not being able to collect, and apply for new jobs/interview. In fact, I found a new position by the end of that week and just never returned. I just had to get the Dept of Labor involved to get my last paycheck from the creep.

34. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 3:04PM UTC

    I know the bills are hard.
    I was unemployed for a long time. I would honestly suggest quitting. This is ridiculous. Your health is way more important, I know it get said a lot, but it's true. I stayed in a place I thought I liked longer than I should and turned down other opportunities only for the one I stayed out to have caused me physical and mental pain. Still, I learned from it and took it as an opportunity for growth and started paying more attention to my health and more in other ways I didn't before. Quitting without a backup could actually motivate you to even go beyond your usual searches. Honestly, I'll say quit. Some credit card debts in the meantime while you find something better (with a clearer mind out of the toxicity) could help and you can pay itback with your new job. But at the end of the day, do what you think is best. Oh and also, I say burn the bridges too. Burn it all down. You can leave for lunch and never go back. I've done that before too. And find out if you can sue them. Do your research on that

35. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 3:15PM UTC

    Sounds very toxic. Can you circle back to the roles you turned down? I’d start there. And otherwise, get out as soon as possible if you feel your mental health taking a hit.

36. K. AveryFebruary 10,2024 at 3:16PM UTC

    Look for another opportunity ASAP

37. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 1:42PM UTC

    If you had 4 other options, then you are likely to find something else, so start looking!

38. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 7:10PM UTC

    In my state, employers are not obligated to provide any breaks to employees, meal or otherwise.

39. maria roseFebruary 12,2024 at 8:06PM UTC

    Since you already have been told the obvious (find another job but don't quit until you have one lined up). I am going to add another obvious not mentioned. You need to evaluate the potential prospects better in the sense you need to see how the whole company is reviewed overall. You claimed it was your idea of a dream job but you didn't have a realistic idea of what the work entailed if you needed to be trained to do the job and thought you had to ask permission to take a lunch break. Your main job skill to this company is your translation skills for the clients who don't seem to be coming in at any scheduled appointment times. I don't know where you are located but there are labor laws in every location, Find them and know your worker rights, take off the rose-colored glasses, and look at the real job situation when interviewing/searching for any new job. But don't just up and quit unless you have a financial support system in place to pay your necessity bills (like a large emergency fund to live on while you look).

40. AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 8:22PM UTC

    I'd try to find a new job first and then quit boom and that's it. It would be better if you can hold on. Give yourself a timeline and save save save. And I'd make sure to take all that time you gave them for free because that's wage theft otherwise and you can hit them with that (and hey maybe they'll lay you off and you can then collect for a bit)