Not sure if I am on the autism spectrum but I have always been different and at work it shows.

17 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 1:45PM UTC

   Honestly, and this is well-meant as a learning moment, this post comes off as a little self-aggrandizing.
   It's as if you are better than veteran SWs because you are able to compartmentalize (at the moment). And... as the mother of someone on the spectrum please don't throw a casual self-diagnosis out there. It minimizes the challenges of those who actually have it. It's not a boutique disorder. It's not to be used in the casual way that people use "OCD" to describe habits they are secretly proud of. It's more lifelong challenges than I can possibly describe. And most of those on the spectrum are givers and feel emotions like the rest of us. Some people are just better at putting some distance between themselves and the problem at hand. As to your career? Give it a few years. The "new" rubs off. I've worked in health care with social workers for years. Every single one of them starts where you are. They are wonderful, idealistic, determined humans who are sure they won't be the ones to feel burnout, etc. BUT... After years of being frustrated with the system and realizing exactly how many gaps there are for services when patients go home or families and children need things, the bloom wears off. Yet they persist. They keep doing what they can even when it takes a toll on them. They keep showing up. Have some compassion for them. They've been through the wars. You have been to boot camp.

2. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

   In the case of autism spectrum disorder, narcissism would be accurate according to the diagnosis.

3. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 11:10PM UTC

   Um, no. Actually, they are NOT. I'm pretty well-read on the topic considering I've lived as a caregiver for someone with it for 18 years. Nope.

4. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 2:05PM UTC

   Is there a question here? Is your "difference" is causing trouble at work?

5. customer JohnsonDecember 30,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

   Wow. Awfully catty commenters this morning.

   Just do your job and volunteer to take the sticky situations. If one of your coworkers seems stressed, look for something you could do to make her life easier. As you can see from the previous comments, others may not understand your thoughts as you express them. That means you’ll need to show your skills rather than explaining how you do it. “I can help if you’d like?” Is a good phrase to open doors.

6. Shelly EdwardsDecember 30,2022 at 2:24PM UTC

   I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping an emotional distance from your work, especially when you work in such a tough field as social work. If you allow yourself to get emotionally and mentally involved, you are going to burn out quick. I think that is why so many social workers change careers, due to the burnout and mental exhaustion. I think as long as you can be empathetic and considerate of the patients and families you serve so you aren’t cold to them, then you are actually probably of better service because you keep a distance from the work.

7. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 3:41PM UTC

   Hi there,

   I am a professional living on the spectrum, and from what you've written, it doesn't sound at all like you are on the spectrum. You quite clearly can see and understand why your colleagues are stressed and experiencing negative emotions; you just haven't found the right way to describe why you don't react the same way they do. That said, if you're really concerned about that, the next step is to see a trained psychologist or psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis.

   It seems like the big problem is that your colleagues are judging you and you are judging them.

   It sounds like you are a moderate-empathetic personality with a honed capability to compartmentalize and problem-solve. That's great for a social worker because you have to confront and manage the emotional strain of other human beings all day long, and still shepherd them to a solution or the path to one. You are a conductor on a very unstable train.

   Most people who go into social work, however, are high-empathetic personalities with honed problem-solving skills. This is also great for social work because it means they're able to deeply connect with people quite quickly, and make them feel safe and cared about without any effort to express it. However, without the honed ability to compartmentalize, high-empathetic personalities often drag those emotions and interactions around with them. Like Shelly said to you in a previous comment, social workers tend to burn out quickly, and that's why.

   The interesting thing is that your workplace is very lucky. There's you and your ability to divorce emotionally from the most difficult situations, and there's your colleagues who can create this emotional safety bubble for clients. Rather than being drained by these colleagues, perhaps consider how you can leverage their strengths, and also put your own strengths to use in helping them. That starts with openly recognizing how it makes them good at what they do, and then just explaining how you use your own personality to also help.

8. Balanced372207December 30,2022 at 7:23PM UTC

   Thank you for posting. I needed to read how you cope, because I work in an assisted living facility, and face the same issues on the job. And the "situation of being old and infirm in our country IS awful."

9. Cheryl WilburgDecember 30,2022 at 7:30PM UTC

   I don't believe that has anything to do with being on the spectrum. I think it's called EQ which is basically emotional intelligence. You know how to control your emotions while your co-workers do not. You have nothing to apologize for or explain away.

10. AnonymousDecember 30,2022 at 11:57PM UTC

    Sounds like you have the perfect temperament for your role. We all have strengths and weaknesses in any given situation. The most successful of us learn to use our personal makeup to Excell and gravitate to those situations that provide a chance for success. Success looks different for each of us due to our individual makeup of talents.

    Congratulations for finding an excellent role to compliment your talents.

11. beccashart49@gmail.comDecember 31,2022 at 8:02AM UTC

    As a RN who has worked closely with SWs for many many years, you are a rock star! Working in healthcare in these roles isn't for sissies. You shared that you knew what you signed up for and it sounds like you're doing the best you can surrounded by the drama that some of your colleagues bring. We're all different in how we handle the stressors of this kind of work. You just need to keep on doing you and you'll figure the rest out as you go. Bless you.

12. Tasha PattersonDecember 31,2022 at 1:52PM UTC

    I think it would be extremely difficult to assess and diagnose you from a post, however, so far it doesn’t sound like you have ASD. It sounds like you have boundaries in place, a different perspective on things, and lack of experience (in terms of how long you have been doing your job.) After a while, you may begin to feel the job, but then again you may not, and that doesn’t mean you’re not a good fit. There could be several reasons why you are not responding the way they are, such as your upbringing, current stress level outside of work, current stress level at work, prior work experience, prior life experience, certain privileges that may be afforded to you, certain biases, boundaries, just your personality and temperament, your perspective, your length of time on the job, work load, etc to name a few. It doesn’t sound like you have ASD, but if you want to get assessed, do so…. My only thing is what would it change for you? There may be self-assessing test online too.

13. Elise PilkingtonDecember 31,2022 at 3:32PM UTC

    You sound like you have the perfect skills and temperament for this job. Getting too emotional about these situations does nobody any good. Perhaps you could seek out a coach (maybe a supervisor or a counselor could fill this function) that could help you with the conversations you need to have with families. How to sound more "empathetic" in your dealings with them. You can be matter-of-fact in your own emotional response to the work while still coming across as warm and empathetic in the way you communicate. I don't know that you have autism (I would never try to make that determination) but I've heard that people with autism can observe and learn how neurotypical people behave and incorporate into their own communication.

14. AnonymousDecember 31,2022 at 7:59PM UTC

    Just adding to the conversation in encouraging you, that you are doing a great job honestly of holding boundaries & having a realistic outlook to the field. As to ASD, if you have felt this way in all your past roles- then it might not hurt to look into it. However, I think gender bias expects us to be more emotional outwardly as women- I have been working in social work for a little over 7yrs. and I too am not a very emotional person when on the job. I've learned that's okay and is more often an asset. As you said, social work is difficult, and you can't bring that all home with you as much as is possible.

    This may simply be a difference of years into the field with coworkers, possibly their inability to be able to practice self-care in a way that really works for them, or they may just need that outward "vent" for themselves to do work well. I've also hit my moments of needing to change jobs/positions to get a "break" and my cue was my ability to be "sucked into" the highly emotionally charged stuff at work. Everyone is a little different with that.

    The biggest is taking stock on if their conversations about it are draining you, if they have the expectation for you to "join" them in the emotional venting, or if there's judgement on a "right way" to emotionally respond on the job as an organizational whole. If you're able to use headphones at certain times of a shift (maybe data inputting hours) or have your own office spot that gives you some alone time- utilize it to keep yourself from being brought down if you need to. If you're being judged for not having the same reactions, be honest about those feelings and have that conversation with your particular team, or a supportive supervisor. Always document those moments too!

    If that doesn't change and it is an issue of there is an expectation for you to change your own emotional responses - I honestly would recommend a different SW setting. You want to be in a setting that models healthy SW practices with it's staff first before the clients even, that will keep you from burning out or dealing with bad drama in the long run. Sometimes that venting is a sign no one is actually allowed to take time off, participate in self-care benefits that may be offered, and at worst it can be a very co-dependent environment. That becomes bad more so if your supervisor/manager expects you to take on too much mental/emotional responsibility of cases. That's why I recommend if you begin to notice it's the overall culture- do start looking for a different SW setting.

    If it's simply just a feeling of not "fitting in" or feeling drained when it comes from peers, just share that with your team or whoever you trust first at work, you may find reassurance that no one does expect you to be like them and they might even appreciate your calm approach. I learned in one setting that was why a few workers that did struggle more emotionally kept seeking me out- they felt safe too because I didn't respond that way. You just never know until you take that leap to share, just pay attention if it's a culture of the organization, your team you may be on, or something you've internalized.

    As for ASD, there's so much more that can go into it, I suggest seeking out more information on it, look at your past work history, your life outside of work, and dig into research that focuses on women with it. Again, if it's just this job or has been something you've wondered for much longer than it doesn't hurt to begin learning more. That may help you decide to still move forward with seeking out a possible diagnoses, learning great coping strategies that will serve you and your clients well, or concluding you may just be emotionally reserved. I also say this as someone who is figuring out if I got missed for ASD/ADHD. I started wondering during college, figured it was probably just trauma, but have had more "in-work" and "out of work" struggles/symptoms that flared up during the pandemic forcing me to seek out some more support. My usual coping mechanisms began to not work as well, and it forced me to think again about it may be more than just trauma still. Either way, best wishes to you in this field- it's tough but it is worth it, and regardless of how you handle things emotionally/ASD wonderings - you really are doing a great job with the perspective you have. It'll keep you from burning out, seriously! :)

15. AnonymousDecember 31,2022 at 8:23PM UTC

    I'm a career nurse and a case manager in a leadership position and I think your emotional distance is to be commended and there is NOTHING wrong with you it's just a different "work style". It sounds like you have a full understanding of the complexities of what you are doing and compassion for the patients who are requiring placement rather than returning to home. Personally, I would love to work with someone with such healthy boundaries. It's a difficult balance but it seems like you have achieved it. Best of luck to you and thank you for your work in what can be a thankless and extraordinarily challenging role.

16. IntentionGirl299847December 31,2022 at 8:58PM UTC

    You are fine. It is important to leave work at work and home at home. Too many people go into the helping professions and think they have to be dramatic and emotional or others will think they don't care. Be a professional, keep staying focused, as clients need people who can think and help, not cry all over them. I'd hire you in a heartbeat as you do care and care enough to do an excellent job problem solving.

17. Crystal HowellJanuary 1,2023 at 4:37PM UTC

    You are a true leader, just try and show the others there are always another option to their problems. They lack training or ? You should apply for Director of the unit, or notify your supervisor your thoughts.