Please help me FairyGodBoss Women!

13 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 10:49AM UTC

   You need to complain to someone higher up or quit. My micromanaging (bully) boss started out doing similar things. A year later, I’m on the verge of losing my job even though I’ve been with the agency twice as long as my boss without a mark on my record. If you’re developing blood clots as a result of the stress, what comes next? Does your employer encourage the micromanaging or is there someone over her that you can go to. I work for a state agency and unfortunately, they foster this toxic environment but my friends working for privately owned companies are appalled that my supervisor is allowed to behave the way he does. Report her and ask for a transfer. If they won’t accommodate you, get out. Your job isn’t worth your life.

2. AnonymousSeptember 25,2021 at 12:29AM UTC

   Thank you for the advice I truly appreciate it.

3. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 11:11AM UTC

   I had a boss like that. EVERY MINUTE it was something different; she couldn't make up her mind and was rattling off crap left and right. Meanwhile, my associate could do no wrong.

   I was eventually laid off b/c I had breast cancer and my associate complained that I was getting radiation during my LUNCH - and I was coming in early/staying late - often the first in and last out. ("Breast cancer is unprofessional in the workplace")

   It ended up working out to a HUGE benefit to me and it's part of my story.

   My point: move on. Your health isn't worth it and no one in your department has the guts to let her go.

   I am glad you are looking to move on. In the meantime, go off her list. Tell her that she said XYZ is to be done. Do your best. X, Y. If Z doesn't happen, no worries b/c tomorrow it wouldn't have mattered with her wanting A, B, C.

4. AnonymousSeptember 25,2021 at 12:31AM UTC

   Thank you I appreciate you taking the time out to respond and sharing your story. I hope everything works out for you as well.

5. LisaSeptember 22,2021 at 12:29PM UTC

   I had a boss who would watch me walk out of my office and into the ladies room, and then count the minutes until I left the bathroom. It was so bizarre!

   I was a consultant at the time. I went to my agency and asked them to intervene. He left me alone about that afterwards.

   ALl that to say - if she's that far up your butt then you need to have a discussion with her. Write down all your talking points. Show her - gently - how you set your priorities and how she then screws that up for you.

   This is a trust and control issue for her.

   You also need to be aware that her priorities might change depending on what is presented to her during the day, and that might mean a change to your priorities.

6. AnonymousSeptember 25,2021 at 12:42AM UTC

   You know sometimes you think you are all alone in a situation but when I hear your story something needs to be done. I don't know what that is but it needs to be address. Thanks again for responding and sharing your story.

7. HarrietSeptember 22,2021 at 12:47PM UTC

   One thing you could do is pull her aside and ask her how much information she needs to be updated on. This may help her stay at ease.
   Another thing besides looking for a better job is try to find a balance in communication between you 2. Something that could help ease the stress

8. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 12:49PM UTC

   No job is worth impacting your health like that.

   I would look into ways of managing your stress, because they’re just good practice. But I would also start looking for a new job. Bosses like this don’t change. Even if they start to trust you, their controlling patterns are not something you can break free from.

9. Cindie BeachSeptember 22,2021 at 1:11PM UTC

   THIS

10. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 1:30PM UTC

    I've dealt with a micromanager. I read a lot about it and it seemed like there is no definitive solution to wake them up to their ways. My best defense was realizing the cause of the micromanagement was her insecurities as a manager. Apparently it's pretty common for people to get promoted to a supervisor/manager role with absolutely no training on the role (why???). This leads to SO many problems. So my suggestion would be to see if she could get some training.

11. AnonymousSeptember 22,2021 at 1:38PM UTC

    I have the same thing. My boss has my calendar and yet calls, texts, emails, and bags on my door while I am on a call or doing training or whatever. She did it again yesterday afternoon. I am over it. She did at least apologize for interrupting my call yesterday so I told not to worry about it as she has never missed interrupting a call yet. LOL (I don't advocate for you saying this to your boss necessarily.) By the way, she wanted to know what day someone was coming off leave. Clearly something that could have waited 5-10 minutes.

    I would say you need to have an honest discussion with your boss about the best way to work together. How to prioritize or just best practices.

    Good luck!

12. Reet AriSeptember 22,2021 at 2:00PM UTC

    First step, calmly tell her that she is creating stress for you based on her changing priorities on you. Instead of a daily 1:1, you'd like a weekly one on Monday, set up the priorities you have for me and then I will manage all my additional work around that.
    Second step, follow up with an email to her after that conversation recapping what was said.
    Third step, after each Monday meeting, send her a recap in email.
    Fourth step-When she readjusts your priorities after the Monday meeting has been completed, ask her to send it to you in writing, because this differs from the priorities that were agreed upon during the set 1:1 meetings.

13. AnonymousSeptember 25,2021 at 12:48AM UTC

    Thank you and I will take everyone advice into consideration. I might add the last person that approached her in the most diplomatic way, she made his life a living hell until he quit on site. He did everything you mentioned and asked me I was have a high threshold for pain. Wow!