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I have hearing loss and concentration problems and my desk is in the middle of a 20’s-30’s group of coworkers who are loud and disruptive.

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Anonymous

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I have hearing loss and concentration problems and my desk is in the middle of a 20’s-30’s group of coworkers who are loud and disruptive. Even my manager gets in on it and conversation is happening literally over my desk to the other side of the room. I’m usually quick on the job and at this place I’m being reminded weekly to hurry it up. I’m in my 50’s and have enough professional experience to know when coworkers and mgrs cross the line. I’ve heard several elderly people “jokes” and my mgr attempts to make me look bad in a meeting because they couldn’t find documents that were there, and she made menopause jokes to a man. I was upset after this meeting as I’d had it and my mgr was arguing with another manager in the same meeting. Prior to this I’d also heard the whole team poke fun at the city I live in and little memes were made by my manager, printed and tacked at each team member desk. I already complained about the noise level, and the ageism going on and I was told by someone who thinks he’s a therapist but never finished college that I am internalizing things that aren’t directed at me. He is wrong as one ageist “joke” was said to another coworker and myself when everyone else was at lunch. I left and went on stress leave. HR even tried to tell me how sorry my manager is and she apologized at a meeting and they don’t know what else I want. I think this may be a case for harassment or discrimination. What do you think?

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  1. Anonymous

    Wow! I am sorry you are having this experience. You did not say how long you've been at the company. But it sounds like you work with a different generation. The manager is way out of line and the HR team supporting the manager by apologizing for them is not professional. I would work with your doctor to stay on leave until you find a different job somewhere else where you are not being harassed by ageism, menopause and bad jokes. It's tough to prove and better to just move away from it.

    Be careful who you complain to. I would get out of there as fast as possible.

  2. Anonymous

    Document every day. Organize your mail that make reference to any improprieties and forward them home so you can print them. Then work on finding a new job.

    Quit, then sue. It is ageism, blatent and obvious. I worked in a place like this and I was harassed by a team he flipped on me too. I felt like I was a chicken thrown in with angry pitbulls and all of them were laughing and having a great time watching the chaos. Only one person, a man, came to me privately and told me he doesn't agree with what is happening to me. It was a relief that someone could see how awful they were.

    Go to the EOC: https://www.eeoc.gov/youth/how-file-complaint

    and find a local lawyer (they'll tell you where to go) and find one that gets paid only upon winning a case. So you are out no money.

    Follow all the instructions. Prepare for a battle.

    Do background checks on the major players as you may find something awful out like I did!

    If their lawyer ever notes that you were not allowed to print things out, offer to pay for the copies. That shut them up in my experience.

    Goodluck and I am sorry. I'm in my 50's now and I can't even FIND a job in my industry. Even though people over 50 is 36% in the US, my industry only has 3% of the workers over 50. I'm sure the female amount is closer to .05%!

    BTW, I won. Not for much-- like 29,000. But I felt like a million bucks because I had been told... don't bother suing, they NEVER settle out of court. Liars. From the very top to the very bottom of that organization.

  3. Anonymous

    Before you decide to make it a case. Sit your manager down preferrably with HR in the room. Let them know about the incidents that happened merely by repeating what was said and not making it emotional when you do. Let them know that as you understand it that ageism and taunting falls under harassment and hostile workplace and that you expect it to stop and expect the same respect that you provide to others be given to you. Acknowledge the age differences openly and suggest that you hope the manager can set the example for how all types and levels of experienced workers can get along and not be rude or mean to one another. Jokes at someone elses expense do not belong in the workplace. Memorialize the conversation after it happens to yourself the manager and HR. BCC yourself at home email address. This should stop it. If it does not you could file an EEO claim or ask HR to do an investigation internally. Doing so will likely create a ton of stress and anxiety for you and often leads to worse behavior. Clearly this crew is very much into being seen and are competing for showmanship and being liked. You can alternatively rise above this. Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones and ask for the company to reimburse you for them if they stop what is limiting your ability to get work done in this noisy workplace. Don't change who you are to solve this instead hold your ground for fair and even communication across all ages. Good luck.

  4. Desiree Johnson

    If you haven't contacted HR yet then do so immediately. If you have and nothing has been done then contact a lawyer.

  5. Anonymous

    What exactly do you want and what exactly do you want to do? Do you want to sue? Do you want to be moved to another area of the building? Be clear on what you want and then you can decide the path to that goal.

    Aside from hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable, what are your damages?

    I'm not saying don't pursue what you want to happen but I'm saying this post is just a list of slights and uneasiness. You need to get very clear.

  6. Anonymous

    My damages are gagging and nausea before work, headaches and migraines, lack of sleep, increased anxiety and depression, and having to leave something I was accomplishing that I am passionate about, sans the people working around me—Lost wages.

    After telling HR about the ageist “joke” directed at me, and their response of “the gentleman who said that is always joking around and super nice, AND IT WAS A JOKE!” I couldn’t believe it. I left early after that and never went back. I will be contacting the EEOC, going on disability and possibly filing a workers compensation claim if I can.

  7. Anonymous

    Good luck.

  8. Anonymous

    My suggestion.... document details,include dates, times, and who else was there. When things happen tell them flat out to stop as it I'd offensive. I would also request to have your desk moved so you are more isolated, maybe near a wall or corner.

  9. Anonymous

    So your manager printed memes about your town and put it up on others desks? What?? This makes no sense. Did you take pictures? This is a hostile work environment. Go to HR immediately and file a grievance. Also, get an employment attorney. I bet you having your manager in the room with HR and an attorney will stop it.

  10. Anonymous

    Dont tip them off anymore. Photograph, save emails, document everything then contact an atty. Like racism and sexism this crap has to be called out and stopped. Their way would be for you to leave. Dont fall for it. Lift the rock under which these things live and let the world see.

  11. Anonymous

    Yep its amazing that people in their 20s and 30s think people in their 50s are equivalent to being 80+. Its like you stop existing and you’re thrown into a bin. If you’re 37 and experiencing it, just imagine how bad it will be when you are 50+, can’t get by, you can’t get a job (or even an interview.) Speak up every time you encounter it. Silence implies consent.

  12. Anonymous

    Document everything. Do not go to HR. They are not your friend. They are there to protect the company. You are in a hostile working environment that appears to be discriminating against you based on age. But you will have to have evidence of that. So when you're being exposed to age related comments and insults, you must document who said what and when. Consult an employment attorney with your evidence. You don't have to put up with this kind of bullying.

  13. Anonymous

    Do you know what 'protecting the company' means? Think about it for a minute. If HR is there to protect the company, wouldn't you think that that would mean, that they would be protecting the company from idiotic behavior such as this leading to potential lawsuits and such?

    And by the way...is accounting your friend? IT? Sales? Marketing?

  14. Anonymous

    HR's way of protecting the company from lawsuits is to align with upper management on the ways they can "legally" dismiss the employee. Unfortunately, anything you say can and will be used against you.

  15. Anonymous

    Perhaps your experience, and I'm sorry if that's been the case, but that is not what I nor my colleagues do.

  16. Anonymous

    I love to hear this! What org do you work for? I want in. Seriously!

  17. Anonymous

    We are not hiring, unfortunately. Actually, I anticipate the need to be finding a new job in the near future as I anticipate the path my company is currently on, we won't last much longer. That said, I've experienced this at other organizations I have worked for as well and I truly hate this reputation we have because of a few individuals who should not be in the HR profession (as a policy officer, my husband experiences the same...because of a few bad apples, everyone hates the police).

  18. Anonymous

    Oh no! Man, it has been a rough couple of years out there and 2024 was just awful. I mean, there's plenty out there if you can survive working a couple of minimum wage jobs. Re: HR-Unfortunately, in 35 years of working, I have never worked with an HR professional who acted with integrity. You are right that I shouldn't have used a big paintbrush on that because as always, there are stellar individuals in every group of professionals.

  19. Kris Wolfram

    I work in HR and I would take this situation seriously. You should not paint all HR as bad.

  20. Anonymous

    This is obnoxious and terribly unprofessional. I am so sorry. It’s bullying.

    If it were just the noise/distraction issue, I’d suggest decent over-the-ear headphones and some white-noise tracks off YouTube.

    As it appears your manager is in on it, you’ll need to look elsewhere for arbitration.

    I know for at least sexism, to meet the “severe and pervasive” hostile work environment standard it has to be, like, dozens of incidents (of low severity). So document, document, document. Might also be worth looking at the EEOC.

  21. Leader135412

    Just remind them in a polite way how unprofessional they all are.

  22. Anonymous

    Document to a location outside of work (ie email records to a personal email).

    Separate objective information (what was said, who said it, what was done) from emotions. You will have to explain that yes, their bullying caused you distress, but no, it did not cloud your perceptions. I know it’s invalidating AF, but I see that they’re already trying to play the “but I didn’t mean it that way” card to weasel out and that doesn’t actually matter the words and actions harm your mental health.

  23. Anonymous

    Noise cancelling headphones.

  24. Anonymous

    Why should she have to spend money on headphones when the others are doing nothing to accommodate her?

  25. Anonymous

    Yeah ur not paranoid but realistically with the change in administration the legal system isn't on ur side.

    I think the suggestion made about noise canceling headphones will do u a world of good! I don't have the same issues as OP but I prefer to listen to music or brown noise to help me concentrate.

  26. Anonymous

    As a fellow hearing impaired person, I get this! I well remember frustration with my old boss who told me I had to "do something" about my hearing loss. Like I could magically fix it!

    This is definitely discrimination and harassment. You could for sure pursue that but I know that it can be hard as HR is often not really for the workers but for the bosses.

    What I might do is ask for accommodations. What would help you? Having an office of your own? Having your desk in a quieter place? Even working from home? A lot of my office went back in the last couple years, but I am still working from home because it's far better for my working life. I do better there. I can hear in meetings since I had headphones on it and it's quiet around me. I can use soft music to mask my tinnitus when it's quiet.

    So if any of that is possible don't be afraid to discuss with a doctor and get a note! They HAVE to give you reasonable accommodations.

  27. Anonymous

    "You could for sure pursue that but I know that it can be hard as HR is often not really for the workers but for the bosses." Bosses are still employees of the company.

  28. Anonymous

    I've seen this post multiple times over the last few days and until now, I somehow missed the 'hearing loss' piece in your heading! As an HR manager, I'm pissed off for you. Totally inappropriate behavior and HR doesn't know what they are doing. Not that I do. Instances where any possibility that there is any sort of discrimination, harassment, etc. going on, I will have a conversation with either my general counsel or my director, or both. Are you documenting everything? Have you asked for any accommodations based on disability?

  29. Anonymous

    Let me take this one step further in my response...I had an employee call me one day (he was in another office in another state), his manager had made some general comments which really offended this employee (I'm not going to share specific details on what the comments were or why he took offense) but immediately set off alarm bells and within a week, I was on a plan to his location for a full investigation which led to his manager being termed.

  30. Anonymous

    I have been documenting things and putting approximate dates and some actual dates things happened as well as who was around. One coworker was spoken with, the one HR defended as an office jokester, who now completely ignores me in an office where everyone acknowledges everyone. I’m about to take an SDI loa and I think they’re going to term me because they already said I’m not getting an office and have to stay where my desk is located.

  31. Anonymous

    So now the office jokester is retaliating against you because HR talked to him?

    If they term you, in this instance definitely seek legal advice. Or don't wait until they term you to do so.

    This is obviously not a good place to work, please keep documented everything. Any email evidence you have, save that as well.

  32. Maureen Corbett

    If I were you, I would move to another area in the office and let your manager know in writing, I am relocating to another area as it's too disruptive for work. Or I'm relocating to another area as there are inconsiderate comments about older workers. The manager should take heed.

  33. Wanda

    Ignore the advice from the pseudo therapist and take this up with both HR and the company's director. None of what this team is doing is in fun. It's mean-spirited and it's targeted toward you.

  34. Anonymous

    If you went to HR and they haven't taken any action, you may want to resign because this will continue. If they have HR at a corporate level, I would reach out to them to see if they are aware. You can request an accommodation to be moved to an office so you can concentrate due to the noise.

  35. Anonymous

    THIS IS a situation that feels like it's boiling over. Please- step back for a minute, because you need to regroup for your own mental health (I'm 63, so I get it). I would simply ask for a private, or more secluded/quieter place to work. That's it. This has nothing to do with age. Simply state: I'm the kind of person who works best in quiet, and i feel that the noise and activity level around me is negatively impacting my productivity. DONE. that's all you say. Do not elaborate on "What he said", menopause, age, or anything else. You could be 25 and STILL BOTHERED by noise and disruption!!! Many folks are!!! Step "away" from the age-ist comments, and simply make this about your need to be able to concentrate better. I support you, but I also know that once "age or harassment" becomes an issues, you'll be out the door. Yep, it's sneaky but it happens...and if you employ a lawyer or EEOC, it will takes MONTHS (if ever) to prove or resolve. (I had a case with EEOC once; I learned alot about what DOES NOT HAPPEN). Put a positive spin and smile on this with HR- ask for a better work location, stop "blaming" (though you should)- and see how that works. if you get not support for this simple, necessary request, start looking for another job or transfer to a new department.

  36. Anonymous

    I have a question. How much of a hearing loss do you have if you're experiencing loud conversations?

  37. Anonymous

    Or noise?

  38. Joanne Weeden

    If she’s wearing hearing aids she will pick up all that conversation.

  39. Anonymous

    Absolutely right! The simplest solution here is to ask for your desk to be moved to a quieter area. Doesn't matter HOW old you are or are not, you should NOT have to deal with loud conversations and people talking over your desk when you are trying to work!!!

    Also, another bonus - when you get yourself moved away from all the rabble and chaos, you'll be out of earshot from all the ageist jokes.

  40. Wanda Shaw

    Great advice.

  41. Anonymous

    Your employer 'should' make reasonable accommodation for your hearing loss disability. Not seeming like they have addressed that. Try to keep the emotion out of your reporting with HR. It is so unfortunate that you've experienced such a horrible work environment. Best update your resume and look for a new job. You are not going to win at this place. Get out while you still can. I left my last job after 10 years due to change in executives and took stress leave due to a horrid boss my last 2 years there. Thankfully found my current job while on stress leave! 50s is not old. I've had 2 longterm positions after 50. Now 69 and still happily working in current C-suite for 5 years now.

  42. EMILY KIKUE FRANK

    Unfortunately, workplace discrimination and harassment are incredibly hard to prove. You might find an employment attorney and have an initial conversation, but generally my clients in similar situations have been told that they don't really have a case. I'd advise you to use that energy to find something else, honestly, and then be sure to write up a review documenting this behavior on a site like Glassdoor.

  43. Anonymous

    I respectfully disagree that it's hard to prove. I've experienced discrimination and my documentation won me a settlement. Going through the process was stressful, but worth it to me. I found a very smart employment lawyer (free consultation-as most will do because they want to see if you even have a case) and it worked out. I believe it's in the OP's best interest to discuss this with an employment lawyer.

  44. Joanne Weeden

    When the discrimination is obvious why not start recording it - several minutes here and there over the course of a week. If it supposedly have to prove, then recordings will prove it. A good attorney can argue the catch 22 if they say it’s illegal taping.

  45. Anonymous

    Very hard to prove , however you sound extremely unhappy here and like perhaps you don’t fit in, I think you have two choices

    1. Really look at what is happening objectively and see if perhaps you are being paranoid and it really just bad jokes in general
    2. if you are so unhappy look for another job it’s not worth the stress and hard feelings you will suffer for that stress later

    good luck with whatever you choose to do !

  46. Anonymous

    File a complaint against your employer with the EEOC, because it sounds big time like discrimination and harassment based on disability. Make sure to keep track of all conversations, when you file your complaint. The more examples you put in to your complaint the stronger your case will be.

    I filed a complaint against a former employer several years ago. I received a settlement from my former employer with the help of the EEOC, that allowed me o receive enough money that I was able to start my own small business, where I'm much happier and I can set my own schedule.

  47. Anonymous

    Talk with EEOC. Explain what is going on in your workplace. Take your notes. When making noted, you should always note who witnessed this behavior, date, and time.

    With everyone being required to return to the office, we are going to see a lot more of this type behavior.

  48. Rina Mee

    I often deal with this myself. If someone else has advice, I am also all ears.

  49. Anonymous

    That was harsh.

  50. Anonymous

    I would take my laptop and sit at a meeting room or in the kitchen area if you have one. Tell your manager few times...nothing works, go to HR. Remember HR is not your friend.

  51. Aryn

    How atrocious!! Good for you for standing up for yourself and making your voice be heard and holding your perpetrators accountable. I am disappointed to read of how you have blatantly been unfairly judged to unfounded (and might I add - flat out lies!!) in your place of employment. You were treated unprofessionally and, I suspect, were the target of others insecurities.

    A few suggestions: as it stands now, do you plan on continuing to work for this organization, the one who has blatant, flashing, red lights & flags?? If you decide ‘yes’, might there be a different department that would be worth considering? One where you’d be able to hear yourself think and not continue to be bullied? This is most certainly an ‘abuse of power play’ by your immediate supervisor and up the chain of command. I’d suggest a bit of researching on your part to familiarize yourself with your states/countries laws. Have you considered contacting HR directly to seek out your options? To seek out their feedback? They may not be aware how deeply you have been cut repeatedly and ridiculed. Are you inclined to contact your friends/colleagues in other departments (even companies) who would agree to be a character witnesses *in writing*? (Docs like this can be extremely impactful & beneficial, both now and in the future). Tip: when seeking out your character witnesses (2-4 individuals - the higher up the chain of command, the better). I suggest that after you receive their verbal agreement, maybe “to make it easier on them*, would they willfully sign a letter/doc that you can type up and taylor-make from their point of view? I’ve never had a person turn me down, esp when I offer it from the viewpoint that all they have to do is sign, no lengthy wordy documents that they have to come up with on their own. Is there a ‘parent company’ where you might be able to continue working for the same company, but that would limit your time physically being in the office? Or perhaps you can work remotely from home? Lots to consider.

    Again, I applaud you for standing up for yourself. That can be immensely intimidating, but beneficial down the road of life. Oftentimes, that decision has myriad domino-like positive effects in your future.

    Cheers.

  52. Regina Brown

    They don't know what else you want?! You tell them that a experienced HR department would know exactly how to handle this situation.

    At this point, document everything, keep track of every conversation by following up with an email as to what transpired. Make sure you are taking names, dates and times.

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