Boss tells you they dont trust you, but you havent done anything that would show them they cant.

11 Comments

1. Holly NunnallyJanuary 27,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

   Ask. If this was a direct statement to you from your boss, ask your boss to elaborate and ask what you can do to gain trust.

2. AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 7:00PM UTC

   Start with a candid conversation and find out what you need to do to build trust, as Holly Nunnally suggests.

   Can you also build some friendly rapport with your boss through casual conversations?

   But if your boss doesn’t come around after a reasonable effort on your part, you might consider seeking greener pastures either within your company or outside it. A boss who doesn’t trust you will not help you advance your career.

3. AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 9:02PM UTC

   Personally I would start looking. If they are not providing any concrete actionable feedback, what can they possibly expect from you to change that would make them 'feel' better?

4. AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 1:47PM UTC

   I agree. I would ask what I did that gave them that impression.

5. AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

   Help us understand how that conversation went.

   Boss: I don’t trust you

   You: ok, I’ll get back to work

   As others have said, didn’t you ask why they don’t trust you or press for more information?

   I’m having a hard time understanding the narrative here. Did this happen in passing, during an annual review or were you reprimanded for something? This seems like an odd statement to make out of the blue.

   More info and context would help this board give you more actionable advice.

6. AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 12:26AM UTC

   The boss has been micromanaging everything the past few months and finally I decided to ask why. I told her that it felt to me she didn't trust me. She said your right I don't because of 1 innocent that happened 6 months ago. Which I apologized back then for it as the thing that happened 6 months ago was simply a misunderstanding between the 2 of us and I told her it was my mistake for misunderstanding and I did take full responsibility of it. This innocent made her decide to no longer trust me after I have been working with the company for years.

7. AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 1:10AM UTC

   So you do know where the root of this mistrust lies. This is a very different story than your original post. Sounds to me like you know exactly what happened and why she's reacting the way she is. You can remain in denial about this strained relationship or become proactive in your efforts to repair this work situation. If you're interested in salvaging this work relationship, take steps to demonstrate this intent.

8. AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 8:25PM UTC

   If the position is a place OP wishes to be, as mentioned they had been with this company for years, have they or did they ask how they can or if there is a way to establish trust with boss? Also, am wondering what the OP's position is - or if English is their first language. Not good writing skills

9. AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 9:38PM UTC

   It sounds like you are aware of the catalyst here - whatever the incident was six months ago. I hear that you're frustrated it's still impacting you (which is a valid way to feel, especially if you've done a lot to take responsibility!). Unfortunately, I think you may need to put some additional effort into the situation.

   If it were me, I'd probably go back to my boss and share that I understood their lack of trust was stemming from XYZ situation, and because it's important to me to earn that trust back, I propose doing XYZ going forward. That might be a daily/weekly update to her of what you're doing, or having her sign off on your work, or something else (without knowing what the incident was, it's hard for me to make a strong suggestion here). You could also ask her directly what you could do to show that you are trustworthy.

10. AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 4:43PM UTC

    Did you make a mistake or did you get into an argument with her? The answer is sort of the same. You need to book some time with her to either ask her what she needs to see to rebuild trust or you need to ask her about clearing the air.

11. AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 8:18PM UTC

    Depending on your age and marketability, you might just hand in your keys! Everybody handles things that have to accommodate them and their situation. I had a similiar thing happen and went to my desk, got my keys, security card and went back to the Vice-Presidents office who had just told me things were really bad between us (unbeknowns to me prior) and handed him them to him. I later found that a jealous employee had been telling him all kinds of malicious things supposedly I said about him. He never confronted, asked or communicated any of this with me, so, I realized if he that bad at communications, this was a situation that could easily be repeated even if we had worked out that mess. Point of importance - don't tolerate toxic!!