Did HR skirt their job?

15 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 17,2025 at 4:39PM UTC

   You tell HR to fix it (even if there is only 1 person in the department), or your attorney will. First of all, NO ONE should say that to another. And the fact they did, was aggressive. Get a consult with an employment attorney, then bring that person into your meeting with HR and the consultant. Letting them know it's not acceptable, now or in the future.

2. AnonymousJune 17,2025 at 5:08PM UTC

   The CEO sets the tone so this colleague obviously feels very comfortable with this behavior and would probably never consider the behavior in other relationships.

   I completely understand your HR response since they have no role with this consultant and it would be inappropriate to deal with them in a reprimand. The CEO is the appropriate person to deal with this but I suspect he will not and just brush it off.

3. AnonymousJune 17,2025 at 7:00PM UTC

   HR might have been programmed to get you to tell them your desired outcome and then see if that's feasible as a way of keeping you happy. Or, with all the turnover in HR, they may have been at a loss for solutions. Neither is fully acceptable but we probably all know an HR person who would respond that way.

   When someone's words are offensive, unless those specific words are communicated back to them, they usually are clueless (or it wouldn't have happened to begin with). Yet if the specific words are communicated back to them, they know who complained. I've received feedback that I offended someone and my first thought was that I wish they had told me so I could apologize and clairfy, but also understood that my impact must have been such that they didn't want any more to do with me. If your style is to move foward without directly addressing it, that's your right.

   The best solution given that is for whomever negotiated that contract with the consultant to call the consultant. In that call, the caller should tell the consultant that feedback has been that these specific comments were offensive and need to stop, and that no further discussion on the subject is welcome. The consultant will likely apologize and lightly gaslight you to the caller. The caller will then restate that moving foward, it shouldn't be discussed and shouldn't happen again. The caller then tells HR the person apologized and HR forwards that apology to you, keeping the door open for any more feedback.

   You shouldn't have to tell HR how to do their job but apparently the universe has elected you to train them. Good luck.

4. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 2:37AM UTC

   Your boss's job to address since it's his friend.

5. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 11:04AM UTC

   Best practice, report to your immediate supervisor with what was said and anyone else, meaning provide names, who may have been present for it. Go to that conversation prepared and with 'what would you like to happen' answer. Like, do you want them to lose their contract, really only option. I don't mind that question from the HRBP, it's legit. Realistically, they can't write them up, demote them, etc, they can cancel the contract (hopefully it provided such provisions as good contracts due for misconduct).

6. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 12:50PM UTC

   Some people are just jerks. Since he doesn’t work for the company, I don’t think HR will or can do anything about this situation. However, now you know who/what you’re dealing with going forward. Turn your embarrassment and hurt into a strong defense against future interactions with this person.

   Also, Maybe (just maybe) this was his bad way of complimenting you.

7. GirlBossanova934974June 18,2025 at 12:50PM UTC

   The better question that you might be asking is what do you want HR to do? Fire the consultant for an insulting remark? That requires real evidence of course, aka collecting reports from your coworkers. If it were me, I would have said to the consultant, "Look buddy, do you want to see this study or not? We're going out of our way here to help you out and we would appreciate a bit of gratitude on your part!!. Thank you very much. Now if there are any more topics on the agenda, let's get straight to them. PS: These days, a lot of folks in the workplace are wandering around with a lot of we're so much smarter than than everyone else views. Very few have earned it.

8. Julie Chatman, MBA, CISMJune 18,2025 at 12:51PM UTC

   First, I am sorry that you’re facing this and I’m hoping my comments can help you.

   I have a different perspective than some of the other people who responded based on what I know about HR and how it tends to operate - and my hypothesis about the type of environment you may be working in based on what you shared.

   HR is a risk management and compliance function, not a “justice” engine. Rudeness is definitely inappropriate; however, it’s not necessarily a legal risk to the business (it certainly isn’t illegal), so they probably do not see addressing what happened as you described it as a priority.

   If this consultant is a friend to your boss (as in - they had a prior platonic relationship before they were hired), you aren’t dealing with a mature company from a compliance perspective. To put it plainly, the type of company that would allow the hiring of a consultant who had a previous platonic relationship directly under the person they would be delivering to and the fact that the consultant would be comfortable behaving in this way is at least a pink flag (if not red).

   Addressing it in the moment with “Can you share more about what you mean by that?” may have been the best response. In a situation like this and in a workplace like this, boundaries and strategic self advocacy are the best way to handle things. Unfortunately, HR complaints may put a target on your back.

   How would you feel about this approach? -anytime he says something odd, turn it into a polite question where you ask him to elaborate. Make him explain what he means in front of people. This will make it uncomfortable and expensive for him to keep verbally picking at you.

   Feel free to connect and message me directly if you want more specifics. Happy to help!

9. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 12:52PM UTC

   From my perspective, I would have addressed that comment in real time. I would have calmly repeated what he said and asked, 'Was that intended to be hurtful or to embarrass me?' If he continued with a dismissive tone, I would have stated, 'I'm stepping away from this call and will return once a respectful tone is established.' Following the incident, I would have documented the situation and reported it to both HR and my manager in writing.

10. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdJune 18,2025 at 12:55PM UTC

    Firstly, I'm so sorry you have to deal with not only with the rude comment, but also what seems to be an apathetic HR person.

    Personally, I don't think being asked, "How would you like me to deal/handle/address..." is a bad question. The answer can give HR (or your boss/supervisor/manager) more insight into how a person views a situation.

    You have every right to speak up for yourself. From what you wrote, I also would be offended by such a comment - but it would depend upon who said it to me and how.

    I do recommend noting this to your direct supervisor as well. If you wish to address him, let your supervisor know. If you're allowed to, I would suggest via an email so as to document everything. Even though many people would likely see his comments as demeaning, you don't want to accuse him of being so. There is the small chance he didn't mean to be and comes across this way as he does not know better.

    Whatever you chose to do, I wish you nothing but the best.

11. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 1:21PM UTC

    Sorry this happened and also that you were caught off guard by HR comment. I do think they asked a legitimate question. They need to know where you are coming from and expectations. Are you expecting the extreme of getting someone else for the contract or were you simply letting HR know so if notified again about the same person they will see a pattern.

    It might be a simple conversation with this person by whomever they report to as they might be unaware of how what they are saying is inappropriate. They might think they are being friendly. Like someone said, they might have been paying you a compliment at least in their eyes.

12. AnonymousJune 18,2025 at 4:26PM UTC

    It’s not an employee’s job to decide what HR will do. Employees report and HR must investigate and review the behaviour. HR teams clearly can’t be bothered to do their jobs.

13. Julie WozniakJune 18,2025 at 2:24PM UTC

    NOT to excuse his behavior but....likely he was "joking around." I would have responded with an equally smart-ass answer: ""Yeah, I keep it buried deep so some people don’t get intimidated."

14. QJune 18,2025 at 2:50PM UTC

    Jokes often hide genuine intent, especially when told by people we have no trust relationship with. That said, I agree with the ideal being to address it in real time with the same energy. It's a fine line, though, and so difficult to pivot with a witty comeback that doesn't overtly cross lines in the moment.

    Options for a response in different flavors: (1) I'll ignore that and move on, but suggest we keep this professional. (2) You might want to reconsider how that came across. I'll assume you didn't mean to sound condescending. (3) Yes, it turns out I bring both skills and experience to the table just like everyone else you work with. (4) Imagine what else I might know if you pay attention!

15. Michaele JordanJune 18,2025 at 2:59PM UTC

    You don't have a lot of options. Since PR won't help you, try standing up for yourself. Take a deep breath (Never speak in anger) and say--calmly, "I find your comment(s) highly inappropriate. Would you prefer I transfer you to someone else?"