Professional Black woman routinely talked over in meetings. Advice requested

11 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 9,2025 at 5:23PM UTC

   Sorry Sis but that's the way it seems to be at many places, current political situation not helping.

   Stay positive, don't overvalue external validation, be grateful you have a steady well paying job, perhaps in a better position than many others.

   Whenever it gets too hard to grin & bear, tell yourself it is just a case of "pearls before swine"! Could have been much worse, believe me.

   So chin up, deep breath, smile, keep doing great work in good faith.

2. AnonymousMarch 11,2025 at 3:13AM UTC

   Unfortunately there is no real solution. If you complain you will be seen as the “ABW” and a problem employee. I have learned to just come in do my work and go home. I’ve stopped trying to get my ideas across because they will still never see me as an equal. I’m sorry Sis.

3. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdMarch 10,2025 at 1:10PM UTC

   To begin, I can't reiterate enough how sorry I am. The discredit to women in general is bad enough. But as a woman of color, it can be even worse.

   I admire that you've spoken u so kindly. What you're experiencing could be taken for racism, sexism, and even bullying. NONE of which are ok.

   Have you spoken to HR? Is there anything that can be done this route?

   You could also address these coworkers and say directly to them something like, "It seems that every time there's a meeting you have a habit of taking over me, or taking what I say and making it your own. This doesn't go unnoticed by others who comment on it constantly. I'm concerned for you as it makes you appear racist, sexist, and even a bully.

   Giving them the benefit of the doubt, it may be they don't realize their behavior - or the negative impact it has.

   You might also reach out to some of the people who've contacted you and ask if they'd be willing to back you should you say something. They may be hesitant to speak by themselves, but willing to stand up in a group.

4. AnonymousMarch 10,2025 at 3:27PM UTC

   As a white woman who has worked in roles that men traditionally do, I have experienced this my entire career. It only got worse after I turned 50, and everyone assumed I couldn't work a computer (despite my first career in IT research and development). In your case, race may be part of the issue as well. I'm not discounting that, but does the same thing happen to your black male colleagues? Gender and race are two of the most blatant discrimination issues. Age and ability follow closely behind. Senior management is challenging enough, and senior managers should know better. With DEI being dismantled in the federal government and companies (especially ones with federal contracts) falling in step, this sort of thing for both of us is only going to get worse before it gets better.

   I'm not sure what type of advice you want. Calling them out doesn't seem to be working. Thank you for doing that. Are "passionate" and "excited" phrased in a cynical, snarky, or derogatory way? When this happens, I often clap back with, "I'm sorry, but it sounds like you think 'passionate' or 'excited' about what I do is a bad thing."

5. AnonymousMarch 10,2025 at 4:26PM UTC

   Thanks for the feedback. There are no black male colleagues in my entire division.

6. AnonymousMarch 11,2025 at 12:24PM UTC

   This speaks volumes, then. When I was a VP of a Research and Development group, I refused to do something illegal and unethical (marking a product still in development as available for sale so that they could meet a quarter end quota), so they asked a Black marketing manager with the same credentials who did it for them. I know this because he told me once he had done it. Where I was in senior management, the Black men were given more credence than white women, and the Black men were often more accommodating for anything shady, unethical, or illegal. It was something that I certainly did not want my fingerprints on if anyone found out, which eventually happened, and it brought the whole company down. At that time and place, the only Black woman above a middle manager was in HR.

7. Tray BurgeMarch 10,2025 at 3:58PM UTC

   Ever consider it's just you and has nothing to do with the color of your skin?

   Pulling the race card seems to be the "go to" these days when we don't measure up?

8. AnonymousMarch 10,2025 at 4:24PM UTC

   I did consider that and I provided you with all the reasons that my performance is not the reason. Tray, it’s pretty common these days to discount experiences that are truly racially motivated as “playing the race card”. Why was that *your* response rather than providing any advice or just not responding.

9. AnonymousMarch 10,2025 at 6:17PM UTC

   Clearly what you are dealing with is horrible and unacceptable. Instead of verbally sharing your ideas in meetings perhaps come in with written notes and document them in a way that you watermark what you have come up with. If someone plagiarizes you document that and memorialize it in a follow up email reminding them where the idea came from. If you are comfortable bringing the subject of how you feel communication needs to change when you speak in front of the entire team in a meeting you should do this. Often folks don't know their bad behavior until you mention it to them and then they suddenly become aware. Not saying here that I condone what they are doing but sometimes people are blind to their own crap. Good luck and keep being the excellent leader you know you are!

10. Gigi DevanneyMarch 11,2025 at 4:46PM UTC

    honestly, probably has less to do with the color of your skin than your communication style.

11. AnonymousMarch 13,2025 at 3:32PM UTC

    I've been having a similar situation at my company.

    There is us a vice president, I'm a director, at my company and she routinely talks over me and cuts me off when I'm presenting my proposals or findings.

    When I am in other meetings that I am not participating and I have observed her to do this to others so I know it's not just me.

    I am well liked at my company and have a big, I wouldnt say social circle, but a positive reach/network and I can tell she really wants to be "friends". I included her by nature of being kind in the beginning and was burned so many times, I now avoid her and don't involve her on any of my projects, as I have flexibility and it's not a requirement.

    Interested to see how suggestions are made for the original poster so I hope I can adapt them to my situation.