I work remotely from home and so do most of my co-workers.

36 Comments

1. Marcia SmithJuly 13,2023 at 2:29PM UTC

   I have been working remotely for 15 years - and I even lived in Canada for 3 of those years! I always reach out by phone every once in a while just to chat-or ask a question (or answer one- instead of using email. This helps to create a better connection. Also, does your company use Slack or any other messaging? This is another good way to connect and sometimes just say "hello" and "how are you?" Good luck!

2. AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 3:51PM UTC

   Keep reaching out offer opportunities to connect. Send the group a picture of your weekend. Something sharing your Canada location or something you did that weekend. Give your colleagues a peak at who you are as a person.

   You need to build these bridges to push thing along. You need to make connections your priority. Your coworkers will share more as you provide opportunities.

3. Kristen WilliamsJuly 13,2023 at 4:38PM UTC

   My company uses a tool in Slack called Donut to organize 30-minute Virtual Coffee meetings between 3 team members who may or may not work together on a daily basis. In addition to this, they also have a Virtual Watercooler channel that posts informal, fun questions to inspire conversation and participation.

   I just checked out their site and it seems that they are launching a Donut for Microsoft Teams - it is in Beta. You might check it out - a trial may be free.

   For the record, I do not work for Donut App. However, in my company, I actively try to drum up participation within the organization for this tool. We are growing quickly and we are fully remote. I think it is a great way for team members new and old to meet others whom they would not normally meet and to start to build connections, which can help w/ future collaboration.

4. ShelsJuly 14,2023 at 12:17AM UTC

   This sounds so interesting! And the advantage of being virtual could also help those of us who feel we don't measure up to society's perceived "perfections" where a lot of people see the outside and make assumptions before even giving the person a chance!

5. AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 5:01PM UTC

   You mentioned that you are relatively new. It may take just a little longer for this team to acclimate to someone new and for you to also adjust to not being in person in a work environment.

   With that, I love the idea of a conversation starter as a previous poster mentioned - like a background for your meetings, etc. For one, I had a photo of my grandparents from Japan and that got a conversation going with folks coming back inquiring about what to do, where to say, etc.

   And lastly, there is a slight possibility that this team is clique-ish and don't realize it .

6. AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 10:17PM UTC

   oh they realize. You are probably not in the right politically correct demographic

7. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 3:10AM UTC

   You are most definitely rude. Have a good day

8. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

   Way to bring a whole mess of your own personal garbage into a thread with just one sentence. May want to go rethink your life and your attitude.

9. AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 5:25PM UTC

   Pick one coworker and set up a coffee chat to get to know each other better. If you have a regular go to with questions build on that relationship too. Steer clear of team gossip and caution to stay professional on Teams. It takes time. Ask questions that create dialogue not 'yes no answers'. Ask their opinion on what has worked best for them, with discernment. Give it time.

10. Heather (she/her)July 14,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    It may just take some time to get into the flow of the new team. But in the meantime, try setting up a Teams meeting with the whole team every so often just to chat, or put 15-minute chats on each of your teammates calendars every so often to talk about anything except work.

11. sabrinabaker@ymail.comJuly 14,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

    Try to pick up on cues during water cooler talk. Listen to what they plan to do over the weekend, learn about their families, etc. For example, if they mention the are going to a concert over the weekend, ping them and ask how it was. You’ll make a connection with at least one of your team members if you make an effort to invest in them on a more personal level. You may not connect with them all, but that’s okay too as long as you have a couple of solid relationships.

12. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 12:37PM UTC

    I'm not sure being in on the others' talk on Teams will even fulfill your need for social interaction. Perhaps remote work is not for you.

    I hate to be so blunt, but remote work for 2 years with COVID made me incredibly, incredibly depressed and frankly, not care if I lived or died. Got a new in-person job early 2022, and the difference was night and day. I started being a good employee again, started caring about how I looked, rekindled my creativity...

13. AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 12:23AM UTC

    Not the OP yet wanted to thank you for this perspective. It feels as though either things are a fit or they are not and your post reminded me of one of my first jobs in which as an introverted person, and sensitive at that, was just not it. Looking back, I really wished someone would have told me what you have stated here as that was the truth then and now.

14. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 12:46PM UTC

    Unfortunately, this is one of the downsides of remote-only work. If your team also has zoom staff meetings that can be a way to get to know your colleagues better, but it really takes a while when you're remote.

15. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 12:51PM UTC

    Have you tried 1:1 to get to know them? Like an ice breaker? Get to know them more 1:1 and they get to know you more 1:1 first.

    You also noted that you get your social needs met at work. This leads me to believe that an in- person or hybrid (where the team is together at the same time) - may be a better fit for you.

16. Sarah BordersJuly 14,2023 at 1:46PM UTC

    I’ve been there. It is hard being the “new kid”, no matter how old you are, and shifting to a 100% remote position adds a layer of complexity. If you haven’t set up 1x1 calls with each of your colleagues, you definitely should do that. It’s a great way to get to know them, and to give them a chance to know you. In my last job, we once had a virtual trivia team building over Zoom that was a mix of company and team trivia, and it encouraged folks to get to know each other better because everyone wanted to win at trivia. You could suggest something like that to your boss. Good luck!

17. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

    Give it time. Soon you will be in the loop, but it doesn’t happen overnight…

18. Julie EJuly 14,2023 at 4:49PM UTC

    I work remote, hybrid now but my team is in different cites so pretty much remote. In my experience of 3 years in the role, it’s very difficult to have your social needs met in a remote role. There’s very little ‘how was your weekend’ talk. People are more work-focused and get annoyed when you disturb them to chit chat. It’s a different world and I’m hoping to find a hybrid role where my team is in the same office so I can actually get to know them on the days I go in

19. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 5:55PM UTC

    In addition to the advice you are getting about making connections with coworkers, can you do some intentional in-person socializing too? Meet someone for lunch once a week, pop out for half an hour to have coffee with someone. You may need that kind of interaction even if you do get friendlier with coworkers.

20. AnonymousJuly 14,2023 at 6:06PM UTC

    Yes, there is a way to find a deeper connection. A few suggestions.

    1- book a 1-1 with each person and interview them subject for the meeting is coffee chat. Make it 15-30 minutes- recommending 30. This should be where you speak about yourself tell them your story how you got there and a few things about you personally that you would like to share. Prepare about 10 questions for them- how they got to the company, what is the best thing about their job and such, a bit about them personally - (tell me about you) etc. Do they like sports, film, etc. Create a personal bond. Find out how they like to communicate best with new co-workers and what should you go to them for when you get stuck- their expertise. This should create a direct relationship with that person. Do this with each team member.

    2- do the thing above with the whole group but you would have to run it as a facilitator, share at the top of the conversation that you want to be included in the fun and chatter but being so new you just don't know everyone's personalities well enough to know how people communicate. Keep it light and humorous and share some fun things about you, and what drives you. Make it work and personal - a bit.

    3- last option is pull aside your manager and ask for their guidance on which item above is best for onboarding you into the fray. They should help, and if the manager is not in your opinion the right resource speak to your HR rep.

    4- use the US/Canadian differences to help warm the party. American's really don't have a clue about Canada and have many jokes (mostly bad ones) you could share some bad American jokes or ask them about the worst funny things they think about the cultural differences.

    Remote work is not as fun as many people think but you have to lighten things up to get people to open up to you and you will have to share yourself to get to know people.

    Let us know how it goes. I hope my advice is of some help to you!

21. Molly FJuly 16,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

    I like this. I've been remote since 2006 (about half the company was remote). The majority of my company has stayed remote even with lifting of restrictions. For most it's 100% your choice although my company offers lunch every Tuesday for the folks who come into the office. We have monthly "water cooler" meetings. People who want to participate are randomly assigned into groups & meet for 30 minutes to just chat about life. I've gotten to know people better & enjoy this chat. We have them over Zoom.

22. Erica MitchellJuly 15,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    My suggestion is to send individual messages to your teammates asking questions to get to know them better. People love talking about themselves so showing interest in getting to know them should eventually bring you closer to the team.

23. AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 1:54PM UTC

    Respectfully, I would consider getting your social needs met outside of work. Take up a hobby - something you can go do once a week maybe - and meet up with other people of a like mind.

24. Rosa GoesJuly 15,2023 at 8:26PM UTC

    I agree with those suggesting an activity to meet others outside of work, especially since your co-workers are all in the USA. But you don't mention if there are other employees who live in Canada. I would recommend connecting with those employees, they don't have to be your co-workers, you work for the same company and that is good enough reason to network within and have coffee or lunch. On TEAMS you can say something like 'I noticed your also located in Canada. I'm new to the company. Maybe we can meet for lunch sometime?' Or something like that. Good luck to you!

25. G C HesseJuly 15,2023 at 11:02PM UTC

    Honestly you need to find your social life elsewhere.

26. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    This is one of the major downsides to fully remote work. Our team has bonded well, developed a much more positive team culture, and become more generative and productive since returning to the office post COVID. Our interns are also finding mot opportunities to find mentors and networking opps. I don’t have any suggestions for you in your current situation. People are going to respond rudely like G C Hesse. I’d look for a job that is at least hybrid.

27. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:40PM UTC

    you shouldn't be looking to get your social needs met trough work, you're being paid to work, not socialize. the best bet to get ahead is to keep your head down and focus on the job. if you want to hang out you need to join an after work activity or club. this goes for both remote and on the job in the USA. it's not 1995. Teams at my job is monitored and we're not supposed to be private messaging and disrupting the work day. in fact, if someone does this and it disrupts you you can report them to the manager. (we were told to do this at orientation)

28. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 2:34PM UTC

    Wow. I couldn’t work in your organization. That’s way too rigid. Yes I get paid to work and not socialize but building camaraderie is a key to successful partnerships. I’m a Technical Program Manager and lead teams comprised of members across the globe, across a multitude of time zones, ethnicities, and backgrounds. We are fully remote and building relationships with my colleagues is a cornerstone of my success.

29. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 7:13PM UTC

    I don't understand why employers believe that just because you're "on the clock" it should mean that you become a robot (no feelings, no concerns about your co-workers, do not share ANY information outside of WORK!)! Evidently, they don't realize that sometimes, the "chit-chat" helps relax a person's mind enough that they suddenly find clarity on a problem they're working on FOR WORK! I worked at a place where I was told they do not allow remote work (even during the pandemic) because the supervisors supposedly have to take a "head count" each day. And yet....I find it difficult to understand why, just because they can see there's a butt in the chair, they assume that person is actually WORKING! I've seen far too many people showing up to "work" and then pulling out their phones to text others or even those within the company for NON-work related stuff", to play games, and even watch favorite movies/tv shows!

30. Kimberly WorrickJuly 16,2023 at 7:25PM UTC

    I wholly disagree. Work goes faster and smoother when the team interacts socially. A personal connection to team members builds the founding trust and ability to lean on each other as each person brings different strengths to the table. DM is a great tool for interaction and questions. How bizarre you'd advise someone to pretend to ignore their social programming we all have as anthropods, a highly social species.

31. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 8:01PM UTC

    While there is no one size fits all environment that works for everyone, I agree with you wholeheartedly that people should not seek to have their social needs met at work. Of course, if a person has ever dealt with/investigated employment law claims of harassment and discrimination, you immediately understand why too much socialization with those you work with can become an extreme liability to you. Being cordial is fine, but work relationships should not be one's primary social engagement. People should also keep in mind that not everyone appreciates co-workers idle chit chat throughout the day. Some may, but others could simply be tolerating the distraction in an effort not to appear rude. Work is where you go to get paid to do tasks for a set number of hours during the day. Building genuine relationships take time and effort. If you are able to accomplish that over time with some of your co-workers through authentic and organic conversation, great! If you aren't, so be it, that is why you build a life outside of work with people outside of work. The people you engage with at work are really only required to be professional not your social buddy. However, if the Original Poster is determined to make social connections with the people at work, maybe try listening to conversations and exchanges around you to see if there are a few people you may share some things in common with, hopping on small projects with those people to get more 1x1 exposure with them, inviting people to 15 minute getting to know you conversations as you try to get acclimated to your new role, try some icebreakers at the beginning of meetings, host a virtual lunch hour, etc. I personally am an introvert and like to keep things very professional with the people at work, while fully destressing with friends and family that are totally unrelated to work. Those boundaries are important to me. The extroverts
    I know tend to handle those boundaries differently and can often forget that everyone is not open to personal non-stop engagement with everyone.

32. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 8:09PM UTC

    Wow... your TEAMS is monitored? That seems a little extreme. We are encouraged to use TEAMS and call our colleagues. Of course, I don't want to bother those who are working so I don't tend to "bug" them. They do call each other and build rapport though, if only for a few minutes. You can tell they are "bonding" when we are in group meetings. People are in the loop with each other. That is all I want. To be in the loop and feel friendly. I don't want to hang out and chat with someone for an hour. I have work too. I am lucky friendliness between coworkers is encouraged at my work place. I would hate being 'monitored'.

33. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 12:50AM UTC

    I have been in exactly this situation and empathise with your position. I know some people love having their work life completely separate, but it made me feel like a robot and meant that, while the job itself was fantastic, I felt extremely unfulfilled. One thing that did help was to motivate for some face-to-face time a couple of times a year. Even just meeting people in person once made a big difference. I would also encourage you to pick up the phone (or Teams call), rather than messaging people every now and again. Having a one-on-one chat, even if it is predominantly about work, still helps to build connections better than just typing messages.

    Best of luck, and don't let people tell you that you have unrealistic expectations. We only live once and having fulfilling relationships is a key part of happiness, regardless of whether they are personal or professional.

34. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 1:10AM UTC

    I've worked remotely for 12 years and have developed close relationships with my colleagues all the time. I have worked with people all over the world so I don't understand the people suggested you don't communicate socially with others. Working as a remote team iis important. You can solve problems together. Yes it's important to get your work done but building a rapport is important. I would think one way to break through is to ask work related questions. Also be willing to make suggestions or offer assistance. I think then relationships will grow naturally.

35. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 2:34PM UTC

    I've worked remotely for 15 + years. in addition to much of the good comments, here are some ideas:

    0) Turn on your cameras. If it is your team culture (or if you can motivate people to do it for ONE meeting) bonding is much better when people turn on their cameras on Teams. You can each use the same virtual background or personalize them. A star wars background says a lot about someone, as does a beach house or a plain neutral gray background.

    1) Be the first one to meetings. Enjoy the pre-meeting start banter that often comes along with it.

    2) Set up 1:1 meetings with your peers. Just say you want to connect with them, learn about their path inside the company and ask them how they struggle with people being remote. Share back your feelings too. Do it with everyone on your immediate team. Find out where they live. If they're widely dispersed, that's good as the US is a big place too.

    Remember, "I'm in Canada" can mean anything from Edmonton to Toronto to St John's. That's 3 very different areas. So to the US.

    Pro tip: follow what's going on in the cities of your coworker. "I heard there was major flooding in Vermont, is your basement dry?" "Is it really going to be 104F/40C in Phoenix today? How many days in a row has that been happening?

36. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 8:17PM UTC

    Thanks for all the excellent suggestions. I am trying them. I do have a social life outside of work too. My remote work colleagues are around the world, so hanging out is not in the cards. However, I do spend 8-10 hours at work, and not having rapport with the people I work with is weird to me. If others cannot talk with their colleagues for 8 hours everyday and then leave without a thought, kodoos to you. But "social needs" do not mean being best buddies. They mean having rapport, being included and in the loop for work matters, and generally good will. Ignoring people to get work done seems unhealthy to me. I have also seen people become very good friends that socialize after work and remain great connections even if you leave the ocmpany. I would like to be friendly with any group, including work I am involved in. I too am an "introvert" but good work relationships are so vital to my mental health. That is what I mean by "social needs". It has been interesting reading the diverse opinions and suggestions here in this forum. Thank you all for your input.