My current supervisor is dominating and rude.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 7,2022 at 5:46PM UTC

   She probably doesn’t realize she’s coming across this way- and she might be insecure about her position or just dealing with stress/issues outside of work. I’ve found that maintaining your calm, asking for their advice/feedback, showing that you’re listening, and/or giving an honest compliment on something specific that she is doing well can go a long way. They’ll get out of this rut eventually and remember how you handled the situation.

2. AmyDecember 7,2022 at 6:58PM UTC

   Exactly what I was thinking. Active Listening. Thinking if you calmly listen and repeat the points back to her perhaps you will understand you hear here. And maybe a class on dealing with difficult people to get pointers and ask questions will help.

3. Crystal HowellDecember 7,2022 at 7:42PM UTC

   I would say, this is how I was trained when I came aboard.

   If you have a better way or solution, of if the training was changed and I was not made aware of, please let me know.

   You dominate the conversation and turn it around.

4. AnonymousDecember 7,2022 at 8:01PM UTC

   If you aren't prepared to find a new job, then find ways to be extra vigilant about avoiding mistakes, stay on the down-low and out of her way. Keep your head down and work abs avoid speaking with her when nor necessary.

   You won't change her and she will persist. So if you want to stay , look after your wellbeing and stay out of her way.

5. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

   I would add to this to find allies in other areas if possible. This may help you see opportunities for a move or even a promotion within your company. Even if your supervisor disses you it’s important to have others who will speak for you

6. Maria MolinariDecember 8,2022 at 7:10AM UTC

   I would have a conversation with her. Be open about how some of the feedback comes across but also be prepared for her response and open to her perspective. As an example, if it’s the same mistake that happens frequently- be prepared to explain why or create an action plan for yourself. If they are different little things… what’s causing this? Could it be lack of training, lack of direction? Think of these situations before your meeting. You might be surprised how her feedback changes afterwards

7. Rhonda RoyalDecember 9,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

   Many times a mgr. behaves as though they must always be in control or prove their authority to others, your mgr. sounds like she ‘fits the bill’. Be careful about details, timelines, comp. changes, etc. , stay clear of her and don’t socialize. Also, consider working in another dept. or different location altogether, it will definitely relive the stress you’re feeling. Good Luck to you!

8. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

   She’ll never change and they will allow her to behave this way because it produces results. Unfortunately, most jobs have someone like this, so going somewhere else will put you in the same position with someone else like this. So instead of letting her get to you, turn the tables on her but without getting yourself into trouble.

   Aside from that, what I find appalling is that in this day and age, women are still behaving this way to other women and it needs to stop. We are not each other’s enemies. We should be supporting our sisters in the work place. Not beating them down to make oneself look better. Enough is enough already.

9. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

   I've found that these types of people treat men just as poorly IF they allow it. But most men will nit allow it.

10. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 10:51PM UTC

    Being a man isn’t my problem, so I cannot speak for them. So as I said, women need to do better to each other.

11. Christi MillerDecember 9,2022 at 2:03PM UTC

    I would say find a new job. In my experience, domineering bosses stay that way and they are very good at managing upwards so they won't get feedback to stop. They typically choose the person on the team they feel they can bully. Don't let what she says faze you if you can help it. Do you work and speak with her professionally when you need to. If you don't get rattled she may move into someone else with her micromanaging. Good luck. Find a new role as soon as possible.

12. Kelly HammerDecember 9,2022 at 2:23PM UTC

    This implies a cultural issue that you are unlikely to change.

13. Jessica FerlandDecember 9,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

    I've been there and it's the worst. Aside from finding a new job, ask clarifying questions and try to engage her to make her lectures more of a conversation. Use I statements to confirm your understanding of what she is saying and take notes. So that the next time you can say something to the effect of, the last time we discussed this...

14. Anné LeonardDecember 9,2022 at 3:06PM UTC
    1. It is a personality type issue. Some people cannot not be in control... Their brains literally get fried when other oppose them... Find a way to let such people's style roll off your back...
    2. Just never become like the people who act this way... Diplomacy, patience, kindness and cooperation with colleagues will EVER get old or go out of fashion.
15. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 4:10PM UTC

    I have to tell you - I’ve been this manager before. I was under pressure from my own boss to fire a subordinate due to making too many mistakes and I did not want to pursue the path of termination.
    It was such a stressful time and she kept missing BIG things and I would have a coaching conversation with her in the hopes that we could identify where she may benefit from some additional training and guidance. Those conversations were frustrating to no end because she did not participate in the process and I ended up doing most of the talking. Short of telling her that her job was on the line, I took the mentor/coach approach and she just didn’t budge. I was in a tight spot because my boss kept asking why I haven’t terminated her yet. I was a ball of nerves.
    A working relationship goes two ways. Maybe she doesn’t mean to come across as lecturing and is under pressure herself. Be open and honest and it’ll go a long way! Best of luck to you!

16. Brenda CrawshawDecember 9,2022 at 5:36PM UTC

    HUGE yes to bullet pointing back to her what you are hearing her say. After going back and forth until SHE agrees that you've "got it", you could then say something like "I will pay extra attention to this because I am sensing from your approach that this is something that is causing you some stress". (or some such acknowledgement of her demeanor).

    She sounds like a bully and bullies don't want supportive attention - they want people to fear them, to see them as having power. If you make it clear that this is not the case for you, there's a chance she will realize she's barking up the wrong tree.

17. Bradford McCormickDecember 9,2022 at 5:54PM UTC

    I agree with this very well stated sugestion! Bullies are bullies and they are incorrigible. Are you looking for a new position either in your current company or elsewhere which she must never get wind of, of course?

18. Letta RavenDecember 9,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

    Document everything. If you are told to do something a specific way, write it down and then if that changes, write it down. That is not for her. But when it comes time to put you on a plan or worse, you have clear documentation of what you were told and how you responded.

    This sounds like she has unspoken expectations and that is not healthy.

19. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 7:23PM UTC

    Be patient. Learn all you can from her (even though she's annoying). None of us know your situation, whether you need alot of support/teaching, or what? ...So cannot give you any more specific advice other than to be "teachable". If you aren't teachable, your attitude will kill your career. If you're working your tail off, and you have a great attitude and this goes on and on...look for another job.

20. Betse McGuireDecember 9,2022 at 8:53PM UTC

    Document everything, and learn what you can from her - sometimes the most difficult people are great lessons. The most difficult boss I ever had did teach me to have high standards of customer service, with vendors and customers, and those high standards have been very beneficial throughout my career.

    She also taught me a number of lessons on how *not* to treat employees and coworkers.

21. Dagney TaggartDecember 10,2022 at 12:02AM UTC

    Deal with her calmly, rationally and reasonably until you find something else. And, most importantly, ask for an exit interview. Everyone knew that my superior was like this, but they had nothing in writing. I explained, in great detail in my exit interview, how she was a bully and a terrible manager. Two months after I left she lost her leadership position.

22. AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 1:07AM UTC

    You say that your supervisor is rude and dominating, but the only justification that you give is that she gives you a lecture when you do simple mistakes. A lot of people are giving advice without understanding the background and I need the context. What is your definition of a simple mistake? How often are those mistakes being made? What industry/department do you work in and what is the downstream impact of your mistakes? What is the lecture? Is it feedback on identifying what you did wrong and what you should be doing to correct it?

    Let me give you a bit of perspective, being a people leader can be tough. It's no longer about you being great at your job, it's about motivating others to do the work and depending on the industry or role a simple mistake can actually be huge. Think finance or the medical field. If your leader is in fact spending time on providing you feedback on how to improve then it means that they probably value you as an employee.

23. AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 10:57PM UTC

    This! The author has labeled the manager as dominant and rude without supporting details and this entire forum has demonized this manager.

    The author is reading all these comments and going down a path that could prove potentially wrong if this wasn’t truly the case (that her boss is a rude and dominant).

24. AnonymousDecember 10,2022 at 4:35PM UTC

    Some people just have to talk. Chalk it up to style, and accept the fact that you will have to deal with it.

    Focus on your breathing, and make notes if you can.

    Then at the end of the conversation, summarize what she's said with a couple of bullet notes. This will confirm to her that you do indeed absorb what she says. She may be an extrovert who doesn't understand introverts. Maybe you are too subtle for her to read. Whatever.... it's just style.

    Try to reframe it in a way that doesn't demonize her.

25. AnonymousDecember 11,2022 at 9:53AM UTC

    Is this a new supervisor that you have? If it is, she might not know you well and her way of setting expectations with you is by giving you feedback when you make a mistake.