WWYD?
Anonymous
WWYD?
I dislike my job and have for quite some time so I’m actively looking. I’ve recently begun reporting to someone new as my previous manager found an opportunity outside the company. This is the 6th person I have reported to in almost 5 years.
The newest person inherited us and a few of us (middle management) agree that it probably wasn’t the best fit (being under him/his organization).
He’s brash, over talks people, and has IMO been unprofessional in his tone, approach, and his verbiage. For example, during an MS Teams call, he kept hammering at someone and then said to the guy, “I’m just asking, no need to get defensive.” Not one time was this guy defensive. He didn’t talk defensively, wasn’t argumentative, literally nothing. Yet he used the word defensive.
During another call he hammered again at another peer. You could tell she felt exasperated and defeated. I then heard her say, “I can’t” and a few moments later, her avatar was no longer visible meaning she left the call.
On a different occasion I asked a question/made a comment regarding an issue they were discussing and his reply suggested that not only did I not know what I was talking about but that these companies are high valued companies worth millions or who were paying us loads of money—giving me the impression that my inquiry didn’t matter as it (and possibly I) were too low on the totem pole to even register. I guess what I mean is, I felt devalued. As if this issue exceeded my capacity, my position, my knowledge, etc.
I’ve decided that going forward, I will speak as little as possible as I can no longer give him an opportunity to belittle me.
During a business dinner he said to me, “X, order whatever you’d like.” He didn’t say it to anyone else and he said it not once, not twice, but THREE times. I felt put on the spot. Why single me out? Especially when I was the only POC at the table. His gesture didn’t feel welcoming. It felt like it came from a place of power, it felt demeaning, and it felt presumptuous as if it to say or make one feel like where we were was somewhere I couldn’t dine on my own. Why not “offer” the same gesture to everyone? Again, I felt singled out. Like I was some poor girl from the other side of the tracks who couldn’t possibly be used to fine dining or anything of the sort.
Under his leadership I’ve sunken into some what of a depression. I do not look forward to our 1:1’s. Promises he made when he first came about development for me and my team have fallen below the wayside and/or he has back tracked.
I learned that you can’t coach up, so I certainly can’t talk to him about my own experience with him and certainly won’t put on a cape and discuss what I’ve witnessed as far as his interactions with other. I’m smart enough to know I also can’t go to HR. He would really have to get feedback from someone on his level (SVP) or higher… but if they don’t know, how will he learn or be coached that he is creating an environment that some of us loathe? The person who dropped from the meeting I mentioned earlier said if it doesn’t improve, she’d be looking for a new job and she’s been there going on almost twenty years.
I’m certified in emotional intelligence so I understand the importance of forging good working relationships and this ain’t it!
Until I can find another job, what can I do in the meantime to manage this situation?
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