I'm having a bit of a dilemma and am wondering if I did the right thing.

Anonymous

June 10,2022 at 5:11PM UTC

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I'm having a bit of a dilemma and am wondering if I did the right thing. I think I did, but sometimes I need the confirmation.

I am pregnant with my first child due in August. Essentially, since my pregnancy became public knowledge, at around 12 weeks, the woman who will be partially covering me while I am out has cornered me at least once a week to find out what my plan is and how I am going to handle my maternity leave coverage. Each time, I have told her I will speak to my boss at the appropriate time, that it is too soon. Today was probably the 8th or 10th time she confronted me, this time on the phone. I listened to her concerns and tried to calm her neuroses, reminding her that I will have it all taken care of at least a month before my due date, and there are other people in the office who will be acting as backup as well. She would not let it go, and I finally said I felt that she was bullying me about the situation and that I have told her numerous times that I would take care of it. The last time she cornered me in the copy room about it, I approached the CFO asking what I should do...This is not the first time she has bullied about several things. It is, however, the first time I said something about it. Mind you, I have always stayed calm, centered, and together during these chats.

She quickly became upset and offended that I used the term bully and ended the conversation. I told her I was neither mad, nor upset, however we have had this conversation numerous times with my answer being the same. These conversations stress me out, and I need to be avoiding stress as much as I can. If this had been a one time conversation, I can understand. But seriously, almost once a week is completely overboard. Was I wrong?

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JJJune 10,2022 at 6:21PM UTC
Nope. Sleep tight growing your perfect human knowing you did the right thing.
AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 8:08PM UTC
Thank you!
AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 6:39PM UTC
Nope. She's dumping her anxiety on you.
AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 8:08PM UTC
Thank you!
AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 9:47PM UTC
You were NOT wrong! This woman is acting like a narcissist by throwing the victim card when you called out her repeated hounding of this issue. You were also not wrong to call this bullying. You called her to the carpet and now she's shifting blame because she looks like a horses ass. I'm really sorry this happened to you, I'm proud of you for throwing the bullshit flag on this person!
AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 8:08PM UTC
Thank you! I appreciate it!
AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 10:55PM UTC
You are not wrong in how you feel, but you probabaly did not make the best approach. An executive never wants to hear about workplace bullying because it opens pandoras box for litigation. So even if the executive (CFO) did care, their biggest priority is protecting their position, not you. If you had to go to someone, why not your frontline manager? A frontline manager is expected to handle and resolve those first level conflicts.
Most importantly YOU need to stand up for yourself and learn how to set healthy boundaries. And if you have to keep repeating yourself or go silent do so. Some example responses:
-I am sorry, but my pregnancy aka personal health is protected information and you are not entitled to it.
--I know you have asked me several times in the past, but quite frankly it is none of your concern
--none of your concern
--"You are making me uncomfortable, can you stop asking me that question"
---Your question is coming across as hostile, can you stop asking me that question.
---Your interactions with me are a form of harrassment.
(Everytime this person ask you that personal question, follow up with a written email, copying your frontline manager regarding any of those above statements).
Try that, and I bet that nosey rosey will simmer down. Why, because now you have a paper/email trail of logged incidences. When you use certain terms like hostile work environment in an email most employments have policies in place to take action. So verbally approaching leadership about it would cause them to want to immediately end the conversation. But if you have a trail of notifications where you repeated asked the person to stop being hostile towards you on multiple occasions, most employers have to take some kind of action to demonstrate they did something about it.
AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 8:07PM UTC
To clarify, the CFO is part of the HR team, and the only one there that day. The company has less than 30 employees. My direct supervisor is the CEO/President of the company, and I know not to bother him with such things, it seems petty. I didn't name the person to the CFO, I simply asked how to handle the situation because it has been continuous. No formal complaint was made, nor will one. It was more of a here's a hypothetical situation, what's the best way to handle it should it arise again. CFO knows I am not interested in causing problems. We chatted about it, in order to help me process it that day. My biggest issue now is returning to the office on Monday knowing this person has already called other coworkers to play she said/she said, and gossip about. I am not interested in playing these games and haven't mentioned it to anyone but this forum. I am more concerned about repercussions I may face from this one particular colleague and the other people she chose to talk to than anything else. I keep my head down and do my work. I don't need the drama.
Sarah HernandezJune 15,2022 at 1:00PM UTC
I don't think you're wrong at all. IMO, and I know it's not easy, I would either inform her manager or bring it up to HR. From here, I don't think it should be on you after all the action you've taken to ensure you will be prepared. You are very considerate to think of your manager at their level, but I would still bring them in if it gets too much. That's part of their job, to support you in times like these.