I am frequently late.

89 Comments

1. misskelleypApril 11,2025 at 7:18PM UTC

   I have a friend who is chronically late to everything. If we're meeting for lunch I tell her 12:30 when the real time is 1:00. Otherwise I'm sitting there by myself for half an hour. When invited to her place for dinner, she STARTS cooking at the arrival time, so you'd best have a snack before heading out. It drives me CRAZY.

2. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 7:21PM UTC

   Oh I know people like that too and it drives me nuts. That's a good idea to give them a later time. And I absolutely hate it when people invite us over and haven't even ordered the take out, pizza, or started cooking. A good host has appetizers and drinks while we wait. I'm a great host and I have everything started so that my guests do not have to wait long.

3. G MicheleApril 12,2025 at 12:26AM UTC

   I've had to let go of friends that don't respect my time or even just me - things happen but when it is every time....it was becoming toxic for me. We all have choices in life.

4. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 7:19PM UTC

   There's an old adage be the first one to turn on the lights and the last one to leave. They tend to be the most successful. If it makes you feel bad, then commit to a change in your routine for at least 30 days. You may find this will become habit soon afterwards. What I have done is go to bed earlier, get up earlier to have my quiet morning coffee time and then I shower and dress. I always know it's 40 minutes from start to finish so I'm out the door in time to get to work on time. You must be the person to change the bad habits you were brought up with so you are the change maker. If you continue, you may get in trouble for it. Don't worry about what others are doing, worry about you by doing the right thing. I work with someone who is perpetually late by 40 minutes and leaves an hour early. No one says anything to them but others notice. I just shrug and know I'm doing the right thing. Ultimately the bad eggs get the boot.

5. AnonymousApril 11,2025 at 8:54PM UTC

   Your childhood circumstances don't change your responsibility. And nothing about your co-workers habits have ANYTHING to do with your chronic lateness. Respectfully, you're projecting.

   Not sure if you're the same posted that started a similar thread a few days ago?? You should look at that thread, its a good one.

6. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 12:24AM UTC

   In this day and age you have acknowledged you are late to work on a regular basis - fix it this is within your control. You can also be let go for this behavior. also, don't look at what other co-workers are doing - set the standard for yourself and step up p- make it happen.

7. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 12:52PM UTC

   I grew up with a chronically late mother as well. It actually made me the complete opposite. I am always early or on time . As others stated ,you can be accountable and fix this issue. You just have to put the effort in to do so. Start by making it a goal to arrive earlier- pretend as if your start times are 30-60 mins earlier than they actually. Reset your devices to earlier times (30 mins) so you trick yourself into thinking you have less time.

8. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 1:26PM UTC

   I have always considered it this way: How would you feel if you expect someone by a specific time and they don't show up until 20-30 minutes after the promised time and then stay an extra 15 or 20 minutes after they were supposed to leave? Are the anxiety and anger (because you were looking forward to it) excused because they overstayed their welcome? If this doesn't matter to you, then you probably aren't motivated to change how you approach a schedule, but if this makes you angry, put yourself in the shoes of those waiting on you to show up and be part of the team so their day can get started. I was the site manager at an agency with a set schedule but needed 30-45 minutes of prep work before opening. I relied on the help from my employees, who were often there or called to let me know they would be late so I could get their things done. We had a hard stop time of when we had to be out of there because the facility was used for other purposes after hours, so being late couldn't be "made up" after closing time. Being late if you are needed for others to get their day adequately started shows disrespect, as your comfort is always coming before the needs of your coworkers. If you are serious about doing something about this, I would suggest you seek some sessions on time management and chronic lateness through your company's EAP program or a private therapist. Habits are hard to break sometimes, but it will never happen if you always "have an excuse." People overcome their upbringing every day.

9. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 1:35PM UTC

   Starting times aren't suggestions, maybe get your mindset around that expectation. How do you approach going to a movie, concert or if you had to pick up a kiddo from school at the end of their school day? Whether you're salary or hourly this needs to improve and not be a fad from time to time. How would you know that anyone is early if you're saying you're not, focus on your improvement in the workplace. Around your age and this was never a mindset that either of my parents resembled, more the total opposite. Today they wouldn't understand work life balance mindsets. IMO stop trying and show up to the job as they expect you to. It is your responsibility to get to work on time and if not I agree with being held accountable. Probably not at all what you wanted to hear as I'm not sure if you were looking for 'it's okay just do your best', or reality expectations. You're probably a GREAT person, maybe time to reflect more.

10. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 12:47PM UTC

    Good points. Perhaps the coworkers get there 5 minutes early and chat for 20 minutes because the OP is late and they are waiting for her.

11. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 1:38PM UTC

    I'm not judging you (as you'll read later), but I will say that I'm surprised you're not aware of how people read lateness. Frustration and annoyance over lateness has been a standard joke on sitcoms from since sitcoms existed. I don't want to pathologize you as I'm not in healthcare, but being very bad with time management is a hallmark of ADHD. Have you ever taken any diagnostic tests? I would highy recommend you do, and if medication is indicated, you start it right away. People tell me it can be a lifesaver. Either way this is something you will have to woirk on very hard in order to change. I'd recommend talk therapy to work through the reasons you give yourself for being late and not seeing it as the problem that it is. Short of that, I think you should spend some time writing things down and trying to work through reasoning and feelings and excuses and all of the emotions and practical things that go into poor time management. And yes, the way most people read lateness is that the offender feels her time is much more importat that anyone else's and it can be triggering for some people (like me). Sorry for typos--I get lag on this site so I'm typing w/o seeing anything. Good luck

12. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 2:21PM UTC

    Me too

13. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 3:07PM UTC

    As other have written never mind what others do. My one question about your office would be is the work getting done? Is everyone pulling their weight? Does your lateness affect productivity?

14. Monette AndersonApril 12,2025 at 3:43PM UTC

    I agree with the AHDH comment below, but also I think if that's not an issue looking at procrastination through a non-shame lens. Is going to work different than when you go to something you're excited about? Is there something that makes it hard, are you having trouble getting up, scrolling before work, doing something else to justify you have time? I'd look at all these with a curious lens. Timeliness is a part of American (and many other) work cultures, like it or not. Our society places moral weight to it the same way we do procrastination, etc so being aware of that is important. These are the things in the workplace that lead to perceived work ethic, executive presence, etc. One small trick I use is to say I want to leave early enough to give myself time to stop at Starbucks- I rarely end up doing that but it gives me my buffer. Tiny Experiments is a great book I ready recently that covers some of this- maybe some of your own micro-experiments will help you identify your patterns and try to change them. Good luck!

15. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 12:42PM UTC

    Full transparency- I struggle with this, too. I often add "one more thing" to the last minute things I do before I head out and that's what gets me. My two most helpful strategies so far- 1) I have a set time to start getting ready for work. (I get up at 4:30am but head to the shower at 6:30am.) I just need that extra bit of time for myself beforehand. I can't explain why. 2) I set my downstairs clocks ahead a few random minutes (if I set them for a nice, even 5 or 10 minutes, I remember that and still wind up leaving late, but if I set them for 3 or 7 minutes, it's harder to remember and I force myself to leave when the clock says it's 7:30). It helps to compensate for that "one more thing" that I always seem to need to do at the last minute.

    You have to find what works best for you, and hold yourself accountable. Don't wait for a boss or a loved one to have to do it.

16. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 12:43PM UTC

    I won’t sugercoat this or suggest that it could be ADHD, but at 50 you should know that consistent tardiness is disrespectful of other people’s time, and there are consequences. You can receive poor performance reviews and even lose your job, lose friendships, not be invited to gatherings because you make others wait for you. It does not reflect well on you by being oblivious of other people’s time. I’ve been on the receiving end of chronic lateness and have let it slide several times, but if it’s a pattern and the person refuses to find a solution then I no longer invite them to parties, dinner, and end the friendship. Sorry to be so harsh, but you need to fix this.

17. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netApril 13,2025 at 5:32PM UTC

    I 100% agree with all of this.

18. Leader135412April 13,2025 at 12:48PM UTC

    Set the time on your alarm clock 10 minutes fast. So if it's 6:00 your clock will say 6:10. And try to forget you did it. And it might help you get out the door on time.

19. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 12:53PM UTC

    It sounds like you received some real and honest feedback, hence the post. Yet, all I read in the post were excuses and blaming others. I'm still not sure you see being chronically late as a problem. Until you acknowledge there is an actual problem and make a real effort to fix it, you will have more of these conversations and/or be the first out when a company needs to make tough decisions (layoffs).

20. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 1:09PM UTC

    Making the leap between being habitually late to being the first out the door in the event of a layoff is pretty extreme. You know nothing about the quality or quantity of her work product. Do you honestly think a company would let a hard worker go who runs 15 minutes late constantly over someone who never finishes a project correctly, or does any of the endless things that actually cause people to be let go?

21. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 2:43PM UTC

    She would not have posted if she did not receive negative feedback. You keep on coaching people that it is acceptable to be late everyday. I wish you the best of luck in your career.

22. AnonymousApril 27,2025 at 12:42PM UTC

    That’s why so many companies now offer flex hours. You are so behind the times.

23. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 2:52PM UTC

    I would absolutely get rid of someone who ran 15 mins late all the time. You’re living in a fantasy world if you think this will be overlooked.

24. AnonymousApril 27,2025 at 12:52PM UTC

    Remote work and flex hours are more standard than you think. Those industries prioritize the work, not the start time. I haven’t worked for a company in decades that would fire someone for being 15 minutes late if they are a star performer. A smart manager would find a work around to keep a value asset. That that concept appears a fantasy to you is just sad.

25. LaDonna CollinsApril 13,2025 at 1:31PM UTC

    I had the same problem early in my career. One day when I arrived late, as usual, my boss said something that fixed my issue. She said, “I don’t care what your excuse is today, so save it. Your tardiness interferes with my schedule, so be on time or don’t come back.” Her tone was not hostile or belittling. When I realized how I was impacting other people, I corrected my behavior. I will always value her leadership and honesty.

    Twenty years later, I still arrive a few minutes early everyday.

    Look at it from the perspective of you are building your personal brand. As much as possible, do all things with excellence.

26. ronnie loaizaApril 13,2025 at 2:17PM UTC

    The thing is you likely feel like you want to squeeze every productive second out of the time you have and you want to fill in that gap – you’re afraid of a gap if you show up “five minutes early“ – it’s your habitual way of thinking. You’ve programmed yourself to think that you’ll be very productive if you just finish up that little bit of action that you’re in the mist of. You think that if you show up early, you’re wasting time with that gap. So as you programmed yourself and as your mother programmed you – the good news is you can reprogram yourself. That is not a gap. That is part of your time in the next endeavor.

    Set alarms to stop action, and heed to them and Celebrate your stopping what you are doing - that you are on your way - and celebrate the second you arrive !

    when you say all these aloud, your brain hears it and goes “noted! Capable!”

    reframe your conditioning – five minutes early is on time. On time is late. And don’t worry about the other ladies – Be You

27. Autumn Renee Olivas ArispeApril 13,2025 at 2:32PM UTC

    I had honestly thought that there was really something wrong with me because of my own struggle that seems so very similar to your own. I still have not found the answers to make it stick. Best of luck.

28. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 3:02PM UTC

    This will be unpopular but how arrogant to think no one is impacted by your lateness! And you’re surprised that people find this disrespectful?

    So your work colleagues or the lady at the nail salon just like to hang out until you decide to arrive or show up for a meeting? This entire concept is so foreign to me.

    You unfortunately won’t receive a get out of jail free card because you’ve chosen to stay late at work. Sorry friend, do better.

29. Daria Skibington-RoffelApril 13,2025 at 3:49PM UTC

    I am also almost 50, and used to be super-early for everything, including work. (Up to 4 hours early!) Most of the reason for this was the reliance on things like public transit, or commuting from another city in a cold, snowy climate. (Even on warm days, there are always collisions up and down the highways, so it's not just the snow.)

    This worked well when I was young, because I'd run errands and such before work, or hang out with friends. I also worked at least 2 jobs because I always "had to be busy" - it's how I was raised. I've also had issues with showing up late, and I decided to look at the circumstances around that. When I was excited about something, and I loved what I did, I was always early. (Unless I got stuck on an icy highway for 3 hours - that has happened, and that told me that I needed stop working outside of where I live.)

    Working 2 - 3 jobs at a time, I burned myself out, and it affected my health, which forced me to slow down; particularly as I got older.

    Long story short: I look at things from a different lens now.

    Why/when am I always late for a certain job or event? It's because I've lost my passion for it, I've burned myself out, and I need to do something about that. Lateness is the first sign that it's time for me to change something. (This usually happens when I'm at least 5 years into something and the entire feeling about it is changing.)

    Sometimes, it is something outside of my control like weather, or an accident, or I've gone an done something silly like leave my purse at home. (This happened a lot when I was getting married, and was in wedding planning/nervous mode.) When it becomes common, then I know it's time to start looking elsewhere - especially within myself.

    I don't like to cause issues for other people's schedules, time, etc. Time is precious. This is why I now ask myself "Why?" Usually the answer is it's time to move on, or I am pushing my own limits to unreasonable levels, and my body is saying "nope!"

    Where am I overdoing it? Is it work? Is it my volunteer stuff? Is there a major life change happening (move, wedding, birth, dying family member)? When am I most productive? (night, day, etc.)

    I now work exclusively from home on my own schedule, running a charity. My Board are all volunteers and they work during the day. I balance my work times, so I'm not late for things, and I still respect my physical limitations.

    Maybe it's a matter of finding the right work environment. Not everyone can work on someone else's schedule for whatever reason, but people need to be self aware, and look at the whys and hows of finding balance and a workplace that can you can thrive in.

30. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 4:06PM UTC

    So, they probably have a better life balance. But if you are 5 minutes late into the office, then you stay five minutes late. Even though they are “wasting time” by networking, are they getting their work done? You do not have to work more than your paid hours.

    Even 5 minutes is huge to some people and definitely disrespectful if you are meeting someone and they have to wait for you. If your boss doesn’t care then don’t worry about it. IF you care about being on time, work on changing your habit again, do two things the night before that you would normally do in the morning.

    For example: my grandsons now live with me. I know from painful experience it takes 10 minutes to actually get it the door and into the vehicle. So now, lunches are made while I’m making dinner and put in the fridge. Backpacks are put in front of the door with shoes so you can’t forget them. And while I make my coffee, while I use to catch up on some news, I now put lunches in backpacks and see what else needs to be done that I normally would have done later in the day, evening or can be skipped.

31. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netApril 13,2025 at 5:29PM UTC

    If you do not get a handle on your habitual lateness, it is going to impact impact your life in every way. As an adult now, you must realize the importance of being on time. People get fired for tardiness, friends stop dinner invitations and yes, it is disrespectful. Try getting up an hour earlier so that you can get out of the house, allow for traffic, accidents, construction etc. so that you can get to work with time to spare. It really doesn't matter that you don't leave work at quitting time if you cannot get to work on time. Time management is a must in todays modern living.

32. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 7:16PM UTC

    I’m more easy going and understanding. As a manager,

    I have always had people working for me who are not morning people or prefer to start work later. I’ve also had “early birds” work for me who prefer to come in early and leave early. I don’t care as long as they show up for meetings on time (and if I am holding the meeting, I will try to be respectful to preferences and accommodate), do their work well, and are nice people. I do not stress about anyone being late as long as they aren’t disruptive (late for scheduled meetings) or I see them struggling, in which case, I’ll address this respectfully. As a matter of fact, I don’t watch clocks. If you get work done and do it well, I have nothing to say about the hours you keep. If you’re ambitious, you’ll come ask me for more work or how you can help. If you’re not, that’s fine too. Not everyone lives to work, and as long as you do what is asked and do it well, I take no issue. Everyone’s style, life and priorities are different. As a good manager, I respect this. Being a hard ass for no reason, is just a power trip and people are not going to respond well to this.

    This all being said, if you are disrespectful to others, mean, or not doing your job, we are going to have a problem. I also don’t tolerate or entertain people who tell on their coworkers (e.g.: Tara was 10 minutes late today.) or bringing their petty beefs with other coworkers to me. I tell them nicely to resolve their personal issues directly or leave them at the door when they walk in. You will be treated like an adult as long as you act like one!

33. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:08PM UTC

    You sound like my type of manager.

34. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 12:32PM UTC

    This is what I did as a manager as well, I didn't watch the clock and as long as you were doing you work- I didn't really care as long as you showed up. Things happen, everyone has things going on in their life.

    I had a manager prior to me becoming one that required everyone to be at work at 730am on Mondays. I explained many times that it simply isn't easy for me to do so as I have 4 dogs and 2 of them can not be outside together [alone] so they have to be watched. This makes it a little harder in the morning, as I don't know how long it will take them to eat and go to the bathroom. I was nice to my boss, but I explained myself and they changed their tune. I would suggest you explain to your boss what you need, they should understand - if they are a good boss.

35. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 12:46PM UTC

    I agree. If you are 5 min late sitting down, just make up that 5 min and get your work done. Not overly concerned. Everyone is different. Perhaps just tell your manager and co-workers that your day starts at 8:15 and tell yourself it starts at 8:00 then you are on time. But overall, as a manager I feel like the poster above. Get your work done, be respectful to others (tone, etc.) and we won't have a problem with you being 5 min late. I have people that start at many different times of the day from 7 am to 8 or a bit after. I also tell them when they begin employment that we can be flexible on start time but I would like you to be consistent with your schedule or inform us if you need to vary it (eg; have a dentist appointment and need to come in late or leave early). I like to know when to expect someone to show up.

    Sounds like you make up these 5 min at the end of the day but I would suggest you look at that as well. Work life balance is important. You didn't say how long you were staying after hours. If it is 10-15 min and you were 5 min late, no issues. If you are staying several hours late, I think that is something to look at further. You also don't mention whether you are exempt or non-exempt and if you are non-exempt, if you are reporting those hours or providing them for "free." If you are spending significant time every day after work, that is an issue, regardless of your status for OT. You may want to take a look at your duties and how you work and if you are prioritizing your time well. Perhaps the issue with being late or always having one more thing to do is more about how you prioritize. Does everything really need to be done, are you prioritizing the biggest things first, etc. Just a thought. I do have to tell my staff and myself on a regular basis that the work will still be there tomorrow. Get the urgent and important things done and tomorrow is a new day. You are likely never going to be able to leave with everything completed and no work hanging. You don't really talk much about the one more thing to do, but please think about it a bit. I'm not sure if this is an issue or not so you will have to assess.

36. InterestingApril 14,2025 at 2:25PM UTC

    Bravo

37. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:06PM UTC

    Failure is where growth happens. I wouldn't beat myself up over it.

38. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 8:06PM UTC

    Should must or ought are unhelpful thinking styles that don't change anything.

39. Betty WarrickApril 15,2025 at 12:54PM UTC

    She's 50 . . . come on.

40. AnonymousApril 13,2025 at 9:47PM UTC

    Hello! My two cents - and I would rather this was a private message, because I don't know you beyond what you have shared - but I would say that the shame is actually a good place to start.

    Therapy (specifically IFS / EMDR) may be able to help you work through the childhood shame that is being triggered when you are constantly late going to and leaving work as an adult. (You are not alone in that, by the way!)

    For children whose parent(s) were always running late, it is possible that they internalized the shame or anxiety that their parent felt at the time. What seemed like "just one more thing to do" could have been an attempt on the parent's part to self-regulate from their own unresolved trauma. I have a lot of compassion for this issue, but I know most people don't understand it, and a lot of people find it unprofessional and/or disrespectful. That isn't to shame you, but if that's the way the world works, it's better to find out now than never find out. Right?

    The main thing is, sit with that child part of yourself and see what they need. In resolving childhood shame, it is surprising how today's challenges seem to become smaller or disappear.

    You can do something about this, don't give up hope! And when in doubt, take it one moment, one meeting, at a time. It could mean the difference between just getting by and succeeding wildly at work. :) Good luck!

41. Bonnie WoodwardApril 14,2025 at 12:42PM UTC

    I have struggled with this, too. My mother was and is the force behind this disorganization in my brain, and we were criticized for being along for the ride, as children. Passive father who just complained.

    For me, I give too much credit for how fast I can operate in that five minutes before I need to leave.

    In my counseling classes, we studied Gabor Mate's research - he is also a compulsively late person (ADD). He gave his assistant 10 $100 checks, and told her that if he was late, to deposit one of the checks. :D

    His research shows how our brain circuitry is molded by our early experiences. Good news is, it can be somewhat reversed with intentional help to reverse this (= therapist with knowledge of attachment/family systems)

    YouTube Video: When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others. Dr. Gabor Maté

42. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 1:01PM UTC

    I am the 53 year old "child" of wonderful, loving parents who were chronically disorganized and chronically late for everything. I saw the looks on people's faces when we showed up late to everything... frustrated, exasperated, the eye rolls. It left a lasting impression on me and I went completely in the opposite direction. I'm the early bird. Not saying that's any better, because that has it's own challenges, but I just never wanted people to think that I don't think their time is valuable. Since you have recognized this issue in yourself and can now see things from the other side's point of view, you can take steps that you feel comfortable with to work on the issue. Good luck!

43. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 1:23PM UTC

    Do you miss flights? Are you seated late at plays? Do you miss the beginning of movies at the cinema? Miss doctor appointments? If the answer is no, you are not always late and have the tools to address it. In that case, fugire out why you are chronically late.

    Putting off something unpleasant? Don't want to be idle or bored for a few minutes? Can't calculate how long tasks take?

    It IS disrespectful to be late, especially at work. If 12 people are delayed 5 minutes by your tardiness, you have wasted 1 person-hour of time and perhaps made it impossible for the topic to be addressed in the time allotted. So yes, you have to do better, and it's probably a matter of determining both why you are laye and then having strategies to fix it.

    I think we all struggle with this at times, so don't beat yourself up. You'll feel so much better without the stress or shame, so think of addressing it as self-care.

    And one other thing -- you can build rewards into the early arrival. You can enjoy a coffee at your desk or in the conference room, check your e-mail or phone, etc. You can make being there on time more than it's own reward.

44. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 1:38PM UTC

    Time management is a big issue for many people and unless you grew up in a household where it was ingrained into your mental psyche, it doesn't come naturally. I too learned well into my adulthood just how much of a negative impact that being late can have on your livelihood. It wasn't until it nearly cost me a job, that I took it seriously. Practicing being punctual may require trying different things. Some folks use planners, timers or other time management tools to keep them on track, and what works for one person, probably won't work for the next. I'm finding that being proactive works for me. And what I mean by that is, for example, if I have to be somewhere on Friday, I'm prepping on Tuesday about everything from putting the logistics together of how I'm going to get there (car, uber), fare and what my arrival time should look like - which in my mind is 15 minutes beforehand, on down to what I'll be wearing. It's becoming a daily habit too. Does it work all the time, no. The unexpected happens. But for the most part, I feel confident and less anxious because I've done my part to prepare to be where I'm supposed to be on time. As for the ladies you referenced, you might want to get to know them and find out what time management secrets they've harnessed that is working for them and adapt and adjust accordingly. Best wishes.

45. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 1:42PM UTC

    Just no. There is no way it took you 50 years to realize being late is rude; no one is that completely self-absorbed and oblivious. It is time to pull up your big girl pants and take some responsibility here. Maybe you need to see a therapist or a coach to figure this out, but please stop blaming your mother. That's just honestly sad.

46. Katherine "Kate" ParramoreApril 14,2025 at 8:51PM UTC

    Agree totally. Plus this smells like clickbait, to be honest.

47. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 1:29PM UTC

    There is no way you made it this long without knowing that some people might have conditions that don’t allow them to learn “society rules”, and they can still be unaware and realize it later in life. There is no way you need to be so rude because someone didn’t have your same development.

48. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 2:12PM UTC

    If you really can’t make the start time, can you put in a formal request to start later and leave later? That way, it is completely transparent and everyone will know your schedule. If you do this, you have to stick to it though. You can’t slip since it is a formal request.

49. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 4:52PM UTC

    Just another crutch to perpetuate the bad behavior.

50. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 5:40PM UTC

    You say bad without knowing the person and their work.

51. Kathy SternerApril 14,2025 at 2:17PM UTC

    I learned years ago that the visual of seeing someone walk into work at least 5 minutes early, sends a completely different message to co-workers and bosses, even if a person spends the next 15 minutes chatting with co-workers while sitting at their desk. The perception is they are ready to work. Staying late will not offset the practice of arriving late. You could be their most productive person, and your image will still not improve, unless you start arriving at least a few minutes early and are ready to work by your start time.

    I recommend you start leaving for work even earlier and work hard to ignore the urge to stop for something else or taken on a task along the way. Save those things for the ride home, when time is your own.

52. TriciaApril 14,2025 at 2:33PM UTC

    I agree that it is disrespectful and yet, I have been where you are now in trying to find a solution to my tardiness. Believe me, I hate being late. It’s almost like I lose track of time. It’s embarrassing and I’ve tried multiple things.

    I have corrected my issues of being late and the way I make it to work and other events on time is my timer on my phone. It seems annoying but it helps me to stay on track and not get distracted with other things.

    I will set a timer for 5 min to shower, 5 min to put on my makeup and etc. It does help me knowing exactly when I need to leave to make it on time. Timing myself really has changed life for me and as annoying it is to reset the timer, I get to work on time, every time.

    Hopefully this advice might help you like it does for me. ?

53. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 2:36PM UTC

    There isn't anything more important unless you have a personal emergency or safety is a consideration than being on time (a few minutes early, ready to start at the allotted time) for your job. If you haven't been promoted and wonder why, you've created the optics that your job isn't a huge priority for you. It sounds like you aren't managing your time well in the lead up to starting your day. What could be done if you rise earlier? What could someone else do? What can be prepared the night before? Have you ever done a personal time study. My husband always underestimates how long things take. Many people do. If you are salaried, then staying longer is expected. If you are not, but always staying longer, it might not be because you have more to do than your co-workers. It might be because you have a time management problem with your workload. Longer work doesn't mean more or better work. Bosses understand that.

54. Carlene NicholsApril 14,2025 at 2:55PM UTC

    It’s all about priorities. And, yes, it’s rude. You are telling the other people that your time is more valuable than theirs is. You are telling them that they can just wait for you to arrive.

55. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 3:01PM UTC

    Imagine having a neurological condition and being told you’re being rude and choosing to disrespect people. It’s 2025! Where is the compassion? You can help people without calling them “rude.” It comes off as rude. The person isn’t choosing to disrespect anyone.

56. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 3:20PM UTC

    I’m 52 and have ADHD and am always late to things (usually 5-15 minutes). I ALWAYS stay late not just to compensate, but because I’m also late leaving. My mom was always early so I didn’t learn this behavior from her. If I get up earlier early, I’m even later because I have a false sense of extra time. Having ADHD means I have trouble regulating my impulses and get easily distracted (squirrel). Without pressure I can’t finish things - giving myself 15 minutes to get ready in the morning is easier than an hour. Add to that a strong dislike for mornings and that tends to equal being late. I recommend finding a job that will accommodate a flexible schedule. It’s possible your current job allows that, but it might be worth it for your mental health to have it put in writing and then you won’t have to stress and you won’t have to worry about those time-wasting “early-birds”. If they aren’t getting their work done from too much socializing it will come back to them. Also, being late is considered rude by American society. That isn’t going to change. I hate it too, but it’s the world we live in. My advice, find a way to be on time or get approval for tardiness, if for no other reason than your mental health. Good luck!

57. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 5:40PM UTC

    Agreed. Many aspects of adhd make this hard, and finding a job where it's not a huge deal and you can make up the time has been my best strategy. I'm very productive and always put in the expected amount of work.

58. Lilye Stallworth ChaffinApril 14,2025 at 4:07PM UTC

    Prioritize you! What matters is are you doing your best? Set your clocks ahead, have everything ready the night before. Discipline yourself and don’t use your Mother as a reason why. Once I got a ‘job in jeopardy’ warning for being late. It scared me so bad that I immediately changed that bad habit.

59. JoAnn MooreApril 14,2025 at 4:46PM UTC

    I'm a wedding planner. My job includes developing and working with detailed timelines. From setup to breakdown, I insure everything and everyone are on time. When the bride was late for her own ceremony because she was "having a moment," 80% of her guests left. When the food is cold and tasted awful because no one eats it, blame it on the couple who chose to be late. You miss out on so many things by your constant tardiness. I consider it a "rudeness" and "disrespectful" to your vendors, your family and your guests. Perhaps your perspective is that because you mother was always late you got by, so why change your behavior now? Imagine a job where people don't make comments behind your back about your tardiness, and living a life with less stress, because you "chose" to be on time from now on. You've developed a bad habit, which is a choice and NOT a life sentence.

60. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 12:48PM UTC

    Seriously??? Beat her up more??? Sure that will help solve her problem, NOT! Smh

61. BarbaraApril 14,2025 at 5:39PM UTC

    It's an idea that is outdated for most jobs. Most of us don't work on assembly lines where your tardiness could hold up the line. Unfortunately many managers fail to realize that you being 5 minutes late isn't going to hold up the departments production. Had a boss that brought up it was an issue for her than I was late many mornings. I reminded her that I have a child that is special needs and the bus is very inconsistent. I have no control over it. I was pretty annoyed and fully prepared to find another job if she ever brought it up again or even write me up. My not being that at 8am did not hold up anyone else. Managers like her need to pick their battles wisely.

62. Betty WarrickApril 15,2025 at 12:43PM UTC

    Manager walk a fine line between being too strict and not strict enough where people walk all over them and they lose respect of other team members. I've always had a relaxed policy on tardiness with the understanding that the time is made up at the end of the day, or by coming in early another day. But there was one who just took advantage constantly and other people resented it. (And didn't always "make it up") It doesn't really matter if you're not holding up a production line. If you're getting preferential treatment, others notice and resentment builds.

63. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 5:45PM UTC

    Calm down, no need to yell in all caps at someone you don't know.

64. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 9:15PM UTC

    Used to be like this, just made the commitment to be on time, period. Leave 15 minutes earlier than you think need to. Start wrapping up your day 15 minutes before quitting time.

65. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 9:21PM UTC

    It's not that bad unless she unlocks the front door or needs to answer the phone. It's a bad habit to break, not the end of the world or destroying the work environment. Don't like drama llamas

66. AnonymousApril 14,2025 at 11:57PM UTC

    It’s a cultural thing too. I don’t know where you are writing from, but in the US punctuality is very important. It was my first advise to a Latin American seeking to do business in America. Be on time. Your points about staying later and your coworkers wasting time chatting are very valid, but timeliness is one of the most important things in business culture.

67. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 5:23AM UTC

    I struggle with this but have had several jobs, both in the non-profit and for-profit sectors, where I had to be on time as I was the leader and needed to set up or open the meeting. This made me change my ways.

    The trick that works the best for me is to do two things - either one, or sometimes both:

    1) Plan to be 15 minutes to 1/2 hour early, especially if there is a commute.

    2) On your morning agenda, skip one item that you think you must do before heading out or going to a virtual appointment. (Or make sure to do it the night before..)

    Seems to work well for me - Also, I put everything I need to take with me in the path to my front door. I usually do this the evening before. That way, it doesn't take much time to "get out of the door" and I don't end up forgetting anything.

    Hope one or all of these suggestions help. You will feel so much better when you are not constantly late.

    Wishing you the very best in your daily battle against tardiness! You can conquer this! If I did it, you can, too!

68. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 12:47PM UTC

    Well I hate being late and I can say I am rarely late, I get my alarm set 15 min early and start out early prep the night before have everything your clothes , lunch etc ready do a lot of prep the night before so I am ready to just go , I do think it is disrespectful to be late especially if people are waiting for you , that being said if you working late I don’t see why you can’t come in a little late if your salaried that balance out but I would make sure my boss and colleagues knew that if your hourly it’s seen as being late and your paid the overtime , change what your doing to be on time if you have to try different methods keep trying but give yourself some grace , don’t put so much pressure on yourself that can make it worse and honestly the stress can really hurt you instead find some methods to help yourself good luck! I’m sure it wil all work out

69. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 6:14PM UTC

    it does not matter getting up a few mins early, having everything ready…always arrive JUST exactly 2 mins prior or after.

70. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 1:12PM UTC

    Have you ever been tested for ADHD or some neurodiversity? I’m not internet disgnosing, you would need to talk with your doctor, but the fact that you are anxious about it, says that you care, but you are still struggling with time. Some conditions cause time blindness, like neurologically, is not something the person can control. For me getting to know how my brain works has been important to manage my work life. Plus if there is something you can’t accommodate on your own, modify while getting to know what works for your brain, then you could ask for an accommodation. If there is any condition, the “tricks” other people use won’t necessarily work for you and will be more frustrating, leading to burnout. That is considering the possibility of some neurodiversity, that once again, investigating is between you and your doctors.

71. Kimberly McKenzie-KlemmApril 15,2025 at 1:16PM UTC

    Five minutes late is usually accepted, as long as you do not mind staying ten to fifteen minutes (at least) longer at the end of the day. You should have a conversation with your manager and explain the efforts you make cannot change your schedule problem. Offer to put in and make up the extra time.

72. devine speightsApril 15,2025 at 1:49PM UTC

    If you're on time you're late, try getting up earlier ,meal prep the night before and coordinate all your outfits for the week. Fill your car up after work.

73. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 1:25PM UTC

    Your comment is completely ignorant and ableist. I hope you don’t manage humans at work, because that is not how DISABILITIES work and people like you are a liability for companies. If what you say is true, then why do we have laws to accommodate DISABILITIES? Just imagine that comment of “I know the being paraplegic excuse to not walk, even paraplegics require discipline and learning skills and discipline blah blah”. That is how ignorant you sound saying an actual disability is an “excuse”. If you deny progress to an employee with a disability that can be accommodated without keeping them from doing their major functions, you are violating the law. FYI, ADD is not even a diagnosis anymore, at least try to be respectful and learn the right diagnosis, you could also take advantage of that and educate yourself.

74. Lisa OGradyApril 15,2025 at 1:47PM UTC

    Unfortunately all management doesn’t see it that way. I’ve always been told to be at work and ready to work at my time. But, I see your point. I guess it depends on the job too - whether another person is waiting on you so they can move forward with something

75. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 4:21PM UTC

    I'm late to everything, movies, doctors offices, etc and hilariously I was late to my own wedding. But no one left. I am successful and I am bright. But I also have ADHD but I found a career where there are a lot of other people who have ADHD. It's part of what makes us great at our job. Am I going to be in the office 5 minutes early, probably not. But I'm going to outperform those that showed up 5 minutes early. If it's not a problem don't make it a problem and try to improve. If your manager or boss isn't bringing it up then don't over stress about it. Know your strengths. If time management isn't your strength that's ok. Also I found it's best if I don't make excuses. Don't come in apologizing or looking sheepish. But come in quietly and get to work.

76. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 6:33PM UTC

    May I ask which career has a lot of people with ADHD? I got diagnosed last year, and I really think I need to consider to change my career...

77. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 4:52PM UTC

    People here are unnecessarily cruel about this topic. I'm 45 & have struggled all my life. Time blindness is real.

78. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 4:45AM UTC

    But it’s not okay. It’s incredibly rude to make people wait for you. You can’t just chalk it up to time blindness. If that’s the case you need to do something about it.

79. AnonymousApril 27,2025 at 3:01PM UTC

    Time blindness is YOUR responsibility! How arrogant you think others should accommodate this.

80. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 6:31PM UTC

    I also struggle a lot with that :/

    I always calculate the time in a optimistic way, and end up running around the whole day. So stressful! Just an idea, but could be possible that you have ADHD?

    It's very normal for people with ADHD to have time blindness, and feel very bad about that...

81. AnonymousApril 15,2025 at 9:14PM UTC

    I feel like I wrote this , same thing my mom was always late so I just am always late and I'm 35 , and agree that untill someone pointed it out I never knew any different. Some days I am early but then next day I'm late. So don't feel alone in this !!! Lol

82. dotsydoApril 16,2025 at 12:25PM UTC

    I am sympathetic even though I am obsessively punctual. My late husband was always late, which created some interesting situations. (He never acknowledged it, either. I miss him!) I used to work with camera crews and often would schedule them a half-hour earlier than they really had to be there. Try setting the watch forward, alarm earlier, anything to trick yourself into being on time. Try not to focus on your co-workers. It won’t help you get where you want to be.

83. AnonymousApril 17,2025 at 4:57AM UTC

    Some chronically late people catch on and get insulted when you tell them an earlier time so that they’ll actually be on time when they get there later than the time you told them. Funny that they find that rude but their chronic lateness is supposed be okay.

84. AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 12:56PM UTC

    I'm gonna hold you accountable a bit because the fact that you feel so bad and anxious about being late all the time means you know that being late is bad. Furthermore, being late every once in a while I can understand. Being late for everything...every day...always? That's a choice, and THAT'S why it's disrespectful. You're expecting people to wait for you while choosing to be late.

    Staying late at work I can understand if you have a little bit left (less than 10 minutes) but if you have to stay 30+ minutes everyday, that also speaks to a time management issue.

85. M BaazaApril 16,2025 at 9:07PM UTC

    Adhd?

86. AnonymousApril 27,2025 at 2:59PM UTC

    Not an excuse to be late.

87. AnonymousApril 18,2025 at 11:37AM UTC

    I, on the other hand have never been late. It depends on you and what is your task priority.

    I think what you saw earlier in your life is what your life style will be.

    When I was a child, my mom as a nurse showed me her pay check stating that she got bonus for being early.

    My mother showed me all the times to be on time in anything. Making payments, completing tasks on time, and never be late in any activity we have to do.

    The Most important thing was that she showed us that action by doing not by saying.

88. AnonymousApril 25,2025 at 6:03AM UTC

    I am always on time & often early because my mom is always late & it was embarrassing & stressed me out as a kid! I truly shocked that an adult would not know it was considered disrespectful to others & not at all acceptable in a professional setting to be late!

    my mom can be on time for work but not at any another time! I just don’t understand lateness. Especially if it stresses you out!

    I have been diagnosed with adhd at 54 & have lots of issues but am still on time.

    my mom truly is not stressed when she is late she believes it will always work out.

    if you are going to be consistently late don’t stress about it! It is a waste of energy since you are going to be late regardless so why freak out!!!

89. Jackie DanielsSeptember 13,2025 at 12:48PM UTC

    Are they respected or tolerated because they bring value to the org?