Burnt to a crisp.

42 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 7,2024 at 4:46PM UTC

   I am 100% here with you. A year or so back, I got what I thought was my dream job. Corporate environment, emphasis on work-life balance. One year later I was slightly relieved when I got laid off. The job was easy. The aggressive toxicity of the role left me worn to a frazzle and doubting my every move. Someone convinced me to take a month off from working to recover before starting a new job. I did not know how much I needed it. But the bigger question is why is such a toxic environment benefiical to corporations? Why do they tolerate it? And why is it us middle agers who feel it so fiercely? I am not sure I have answers to any of this, but I stand with you in solidarity and understanding that that toxic crap has got to stop.

2. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 4:30PM UTC

   Having gone through all the phases and recently retired, my experience is the most toxic environment is in commission sales groups. Companies will run "contests" with extra bonuses to "encourage" the salespeople to drive more business. Other departments do similar things with bonuses for production quotas, meeting deadlines, "persons of the month," and similar nonsense. This leads to an environment with backbiting and people stepping over each other to obtain recognition. Some people never fall out of that mentality when they change jobs, so they continue it to the next one, even if the "incentives" aren't a part of the new company's culture. It continues the mentality of "there is only one winner" and "climbing the corporate ladder." It explains the free-enterprise system at its finest (or worst, depending on which direction you are looking at it).

3. AnonymousMay 7,2024 at 5:42PM UTC

   I am with you, in the same boat. Looking for an alternative now, but struggling to find it. I loved my jobs up until a few years ago. Not sure what happened. I just want to do my job well. Why is this so difficult!

4. AnonymousMay 7,2024 at 8:42PM UTC

   ALL places seem toxic anymore.

   I've worked for huge corporations and small businesses as well as government and NFP. You work with those that comment on EVERYTHING from your wardrobe, your lunch, your tasks (having ZERO clue on what your duties are)

   I'm 51 and partially blame on social media. I'm professional, an introvert that stays in my lane - but helps where needed- and if you are "too smart, too dumb, too fat, too skinny..... too "anything"- hell to pay. Even a vacation is a problem. I'm over people.

   Last place I worked as a temp, I found a permanent role. Another temp made it clear I didn't earn role because "I was single and uneducated". She knew NOTHING about me. Being single, she surmised I am an unlovable idiot and ASKED if I could refer her for my role. Seriously??

   Over it.

   Love WFH. I'm hybrid so go when needed, but no one cares about anything except accomplishments. I dress up when needed, but have ability to do good work in track pants!!

5. AnonymousMay 7,2024 at 8:51PM UTC

   Amen!!! Thelma and Louise one of my FAVORITE movies- know every line.

   Social media and entitlement to know everything or tell-all has gotten way out of control. FB used to be fun, now I despise it.

6. AnonymousMay 7,2024 at 8:59PM UTC

   I did the same, but it was earlier - late 40s. I pivoted from tech to non-profit work and recently retired. My last 20 years were full of school, learning, and working my way out of debt because a pivot from a high earning potential to something that was less than half the pay came with a major adjustment to my standard of living, that I hadn't adequately prepared for. I was laid of in 2003, and, like you, was done with corporate work. I would do it all again, but try to financially plan better.

7. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 5:12AM UTC

   what advice do you have? also looking to pivot into a role that pays less initially (becoming a therapist takes 4-5 years and school loans before it starts generating income) and will take a minute to catch up.

8. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 12:26PM UTC

   Start working somewhere that aligns with your target industry. If you want to be a therapist, you could do case management for a non-profit (this is what I did, and it gave me some valuable experience in counseling techniques). I got coaching certifications in the interim that I could do as free-lance. I eventually got a doctorate in human services and am looking to start my own or run an existing nonprofit organization that targets underserved communities.

9. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 1:11PM UTC

   I left my job for an early retirement at 51 last year in June 2023. I felt the same way and needed more than a break! It's been thee best year of my life. I spoke to my financial advisor about making a plan so I never have to work again. I may do part time work here and there when I need some extra cash to travel. I don't have to make any decisions until 2025.

   Couple of things to do or consider:

   1. What will you do about Healthcare insurance? I'm single, and I have COBRA for 18 months then will transition to ObamaCare for about $400/mo (PPO Ins).

   2. Pay off all your debts, if possible. I still have a mortgage and car note and I am doing fine with those.

   3. How will you bridge the loss of income before you are eligible for Social Security? I am currently living off my savings, but I may have to start withdrawing from my 401k early or take a loan to get me to 55 years of age and invoke the age 55 rule. There is also another method to withdraw from your 401k early without penalty. It's called Section 72t of the IRS code. That's a last resort.

   Good luck! Live the life you dreamed of while you are still relatively young and healthy! I realized that the life we were taught is a game that I don't want to play anymore.

10. Elizabyth HarringtonMay 8,2024 at 1:31PM UTC

    I hear you loud and clear! I abandoned the career-ladder carrot and now only freelance or accept temp contracts. I find the toxic office politics are far less and to be honest, the contracts are more stable than the layoff culture of most tech companies these days. I have three jobs that scratch three different areas and this keeps me sane. I'm a tech program/project/product manager - which keeps the mental part of my brain focused (and pays the bills), a part-time graphic designer to keep the creative itch scratched and a part-time yoga instructor, to keep my body and soul satisfied.

11. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 7:35PM UTC

    This is what my husband did - he was in IT and decided to only do contract job. Currently working for a company for the last year and he loves it. He focuses on the work only, no other concerns, fake performance reviews, rat race. My job is trickier though.

12. Elizabyth HarringtonMay 8,2024 at 9:37PM UTC

    Oh yeah…. Those fake performance reviews… I remember those…

13. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

    I am 100% with you.

14. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

    I'm with you but wondering how to pay the bills?

15. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 1:56PM UTC

    100% with you! I hit my breaking point with the corporate world at 35 - got out and never looked back. I've been working freelance for the past 14 years. Now, at 49 years old, I still know it was the best decision I ever made.

    Whatever you choose to do going forward, I say take a month off and enjoy life. You've suffered long enough!

16. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 2:36PM UTC

    Overstand and please take care of yourself! That job can replace your position but you can't replace you.

17. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 2:59PM UTC

    Take it! I have been there, done that and walked away from a seriously toxic environment (and I hate to overuse that word but it truly was) in my last corporate job. I quit that and took the road less traveled at my age (50’s) and went back into hospitality and love it. It’s not necessarily a career but I went back to school too. Like I’d do much more enjoyable now. The pay and hours are not ideal but I’m appreciated and my colleagues are all wonderful (and mostly make). You’ve got this!!!

18. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 5:07PM UTC

    Totally with you, in my heart, my health care and financial needs have me firmly in corporate life. At 60 I am sick and tired of people smiling on your face and stabbing you in the back. On a webinar right now about the importance of mission statements. It really is about money and you can't make it sound nice with pretty words on the wall.

19. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 7:16PM UTC

    I'm 67 and built a consulting business right before the pandemic. It's worked wonderfully and provides a wonderful income with less than 23 hours per week. I have my time back and love the work and my clients. I schedule plenty of pto and because I work remotely, I can work anywhere. I work 6am to about 10 or 11am and when I work and am healthy and happy. Being older , I wanted to ward off ageism and all the corporate politics that exist. My goal was to specialize in work no one else wanted to do but was easy due to my skillset and expertise. It worked and I plan to continue for at least 5 more years or until it no longer fits my life.

20. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 7:36PM UTC

    What do you do?

21. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 10:25PM UTC

    I'm a Paralegal who specializes in government contracts. My clients (former Employers) don't like to file quarterly reporting and RFP compliance declarations. They feel it's too complicated and time consuming. It's actually not but they are willing to pay me a very high fee to take it off their hands. It's a win win.

22. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 2:35AM UTC

    Oh I've heard that is a great way to build a very lucrative career. From what you've described, it seems also very independent too if you want it to be. The paralegals at my company never get threatened with layoffs and seem to be paid really well.

23. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 11:00PM UTC

    I'm there with you

24. AnonymousMay 8,2024 at 11:17PM UTC

    I look very young so people say things that they would not if they knew my age. In addition to all you said, ageism is alive and well.

25. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 2:02AM UTC

    I quit my job two months ago for this same reason!

26. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 4:43AM UTC

    I wish I could afford to. There's so much I'd love to do, but I can't risk my income and benefits.

27. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 4:45AM UTC

    I can't quit. I want to retire and travel- plus I need insurance and I rely on myself.

28. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 5:09AM UTC

    thanks for saying it out loud. they truly are the majority. it feels like so many of us got fooled into this sad life. most people i know are unhappy or are too afraid to say the words out loud. i used to love my previous job but omg the drama, relentless sabotage, undermining behavior, incivility, etc.

    i also completely agree with some other commenters on the bogus performance reviews. i've received good reviews but the games that go into them...the excuses for docking bonus or the purely subjective business goals...

    i quit for self employment...it was a terrifying decision, and it is amazing. yes my income is still building up but i love it so far. i may pursue some contracted work to supplement.

    my sabbatical made me realize just how toxic that culture is ...watching others who remain in those roles and it's sad how they don't even see the depth of their stress and misery.

    society has conditioned us that this is a normal way to live and it is not. People have to do what they have to do though :/

29. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 12:18PM UTC

    burnt to a crisp I hear you, similar age w/ 20+ years in corporate environment where I built a good career in a male dominated industry, made a lot of money ( luckily I saved a lot too) after COVID layoffs & trying a few other industries with same problems (bad comp plans, micromanaging etc) I took a job with a small company with a very basic salary and % of what I bring in, no benefits, no name recognition, no real client base BUT No stress, No quota, No micromanaging, No travel, No office politics, should I go on! My point- if u can afford to give up $ in exchange for quality of life/ mental health, give it a try!

30. AnonymousMay 9,2024 at 12:41PM UTC

    I hear you and feel you on this topic! I'm 51 as well and in the tech industry for the past 20 years. I've always wanted to just be an individual contributor and never climb to upper executive level positions because the higher you climb the more BS you have to deal with. The toxic workplace and culture really does mess with you mentally and emotionally. And yes I understand having the right mindset to navigate in these types of workplaces is important there's only so many years of it you can take. I've experienced at all the tech companies I've worked at the back stabbing, throwing under the bus and micromanagement and don't get me started on the "extra" hours I had to put into the job I had because the company wants to run lean on resources and have 1 employee work the job of 3 employees is unreal. I'm talking about working your regular day and then overnight and then expected to work the next day without any compensation...oh and weekends as well!!! I've been on a sabbatical for the past 9 months to regroup but I'm actively in the job search now and not looking forward to getting back to corporate America but I have a young toddler (had late in life), bills and retirement to think of.

31. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 12:20PM UTC

    38 years old and I cannot take much more. The amount of toxicity

32. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 12:23PM UTC

    42 and also done

33. KJLeaderMay 10,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

    Same, I’m thinking business owner/ entrepreneurship.

34. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 12:35PM UTC

    Employers greed is ruining corporate america. I opted out a couple years ago and work in a cemetery, what a difference my coworkers and the owners really care. I didn’t think it was possible to find a utopia, but this is as close as it gets good luck.

35. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

    I literally left work in the middle of the day yesterday because my bully boss once again yelled at me in the middle of the office. Not because I did anything wrong mind you, but because she didn’t like the answer I gave her in regards to a policy related to my dotted line boss. I’m burnt out on the whole “that’s just (name)” “don’t take it personally.” How many times am I supposed to be able to accept being yelled at and bullied without it impacting me? It’s toxic as hell.

36. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 2:16PM UTC

    Retiring this month at 60…I find myself matching the toxic micro aggressive energy directed at me and this is not how I want to live on a day-to-day basis. Know that you will get back what you put out sooner or later!

37. Holly VilaMay 10,2024 at 3:04PM UTC

    I'M WITH YOU!!!

38. AnonymousMay 10,2024 at 5:40PM UTC

    Unfortunately you can't look to companies to take care of you. Actually because toxicity is allowed to flourish in most organizations in some form, your mental heath must be vigilantly attended to by each of us and decisions to safeguard our peace must be followed up by action by the individual. I changed my mindset to use the employer as much as they use me. No OT unless they make it worth. No overly committed allegiance unless I'm paid extremely well. I demand a hybrid schedule and will not tolerate micromanaging. The answer is to find a position that reduces exposure to toxic people and difficult, mind bending situations. If that's not possible, then removing yourself to a more controlled opportunity with self employment is the way to go. Unfortunately the trade off to working for an organization and enjoying the income and predictability of someone else handling the financial obligations is you have to put up with whatever that company serves you in the form of being overworked, harassed and just not appreciated. It's a tradeoff.

39. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 12:32AM UTC

    I'm not OP. However, you presented this eloquently. Thank you!!!

    I used to work ot, but no longer unless I see value (ie going on vacation soon and want to get ahead or I really enjoy project and lost track of time)

    I work hybrid and an independent contributor and love it.

40. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 3:08AM UTC

    Absolutely ! It is time for many people to take their power back. Design a work-life that serves them and their goals. Employers are pretty clear that you are there to perform but within that performance you can adjust expectations, reward, comfort and fulfillment. Too many of us look to the company as provider for all. I've learned that is not the case. The individual leaders are looking out fir themselves. Getting what they need and want. Why shouldn't I? If I am of value to these leaders (and I figure out how to do that real quick) I can leverage that value to get what I need and want. It is a trade off. If I'm not valued highly enough according to me alone, then I'm off to the next opportunity somewhere else. It's quite simple really.

41. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 3:36AM UTC

    Exactly!!!!! Amen to all of this.

    Work to live,not live to work. Also, working smarter, not harder.

    One reason I love being at home: I get more done with fewer distractions.

42. AnonymousMay 11,2024 at 1:04PM UTC

    I read from someone else a job is like a bus. May not take us to where we want, but hopefully closer to the next stop. I'm at point in my life as my sons both graduated HS I'm no longer "stuck". This town isn't working for me, but for now my job is. I hate to say, but I'm using them for the resume. I'm dedicated and all but been burned so I'm saving $$, living life at 5p AND lunch- with a to-do list. I WANT to stay but I'm no longer afraid of a layoff. I'm single and rent so with one signature and a moving truck....Like the Beatles said "Let it be, Let it be-- There will be an answer, let it be!"I'm a worry wart so this took a long time to admit!!