How do you best deal with this?

9 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 25,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

   Even though it's uncomfortable, asking your boss directly if they have issues with you may help. Approach it matter of factly without emotion but really question them to get at the heart of the matter.

2. AnonymousApril 25,2024 at 3:43PM UTC

   I like this response, and want to add to it...

   Understand that if the boss is short on emotional intelligence (which is likely), they will deny having any issues with you to maintain "control" over the situation and your emotions via the passive-aggressive behavior. However, they'll know that you are very aware of what's going on. Ask them to be more direct with you so that you are clear on any requests or tasks assigned to you. That way, YOU are the mature one. And, if it continues, and you get blamed for an error, you can remind them of your request for direct, clear expectations.

3. AnonymousApril 25,2024 at 2:41PM UTC

   Take the emotion out of it, have a touch base, and then follow up with an email to them on it to make sure you both have a clear understanding. Please make sure you don't use 'you' that can trigger nothing but being defensive even if they do it.

4. AngelaApril 25,2024 at 4:20PM UTC

   Please take care of yourself.

5. Eloise EonnetApril 25,2024 at 4:32PM UTC

   These situations are so hard. I feel you, and am sorry this is happening.

   I'd suggest doing as others suggested: ask to meet with your boss and in that meeting share what you've been feeling and experiencing. It's not about blaming them! It's about checking in and asking to collaborate on a solution. You can use language like: "I've noticed that" or "I'm finding it difficult to" or "I'm curious about" or "I'm feeling..."

   Essentially, share what you're experiencing, share what you'd like for it to be like instead, and and ask for their support in finding a solution.

   These conversations are so hard. Make sure to practice out loud before hand so that you build a strong narrative that you feel comfortable with. I'm also a big advocate of a good cry (or your equivalent of true release) before so that you can empty your emotional load ahead of time :)

6. AnonymousApril 25,2024 at 5:45PM UTC

   This work relationship is coming to an end. You won't fix this with carefully worded conversations or talking about feelings. Your boss doesn't care, that's why he's comfortable treating you like this. There are no consequences to his behaviors. Aggressively start to look for a new job and end this suffering. It's horrible and I'm sorry you're going through this.

7. Frances SadlerApril 25,2024 at 6:38PM UTC

   This situation has all the elements of a 'crucial conversation'--oinions differ, emotions run high. There is a technique to use if the relationship has the possibility of repair.

   https://www.sdmesa.edu/about-mesa/office-of-the-president/presentation-documents/Crucial_Conversations.pdf

8. AnonymousApril 26,2024 at 5:31PM UTC

   You can go above and beyond for a boss like this and they will never see your support and only pick at your trivial faults. It's time to report them and move on.

9. AnonymousApril 28,2024 at 12:39PM UTC

   Report them for what? While unfortunate, it’s not illegal to be an ass.