Has anyone realized they are not cut out to be a manager, after years of being a manager?

43 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 3:35AM UTC

   I have been a manager for over 8 years. I am over it. Also the politics is hell. You can’t say this or that. Working with different personalities is a challenge.

2. carolina girlOctober 26,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

   Then leave politics OUT of the workplace! Set rules, help your employees where it’s needed, be fair , be honest and let them know what they’re doing well and where they need to improve.

3. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

   Pretty sure they mean the office politics which while I think all of us would love to "leave OUT of the workplace", none of us can escape.

4. carolina girlOctober 26,2022 at 6:09PM UTC

   No matter what “politics “ it is, you are there to WORK. Managers are supposed to lead their employees and set the rules that are to be followed. If people can’t be professional and do their job, show them the damn door!

5. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 9:27PM UTC

   Not sure what you are so angry about, but it seems like there are some issues you need to work out.

   It is not an either/or scenario and it certainly is not as 'easy' as you seem to be implying it should be. Being a leader means understanding the people under you and trying to find ways to help them improve and have a reason to be engaged with their jobs. If your view is lay down the rules and to hell with them if they don't meet your way... I would not want to work under you.

6. carolina girlOctober 26,2022 at 10:18PM UTC

   I’m not angry about anything. I’m also not saying the hell with anything. There has to be rules and boundaries when a person is a boss. You go to do your job. Managers should be mentors and leaders, but they also have to make sure employees are doing their jobs and not having drama and other crap. AND acknowledge employees who work hard.

7. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 11:27PM UTC

   By politics I mean, “you can’t say this or that.” Not the elections lol. I have worked with some unprofessional but due to HR not wanting to get sued, they let them stay.

8. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

   I've been a manager for 8 years, I was at a senior management position with multiple departments reporting to me for 3 years. Now I am at a role with no direct reports and I think it is a blessing, it is just like being able to breath again.

9. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

   Have you worked with HR to document the performance problems? Then if/when the employee continues to not follow through you have documentation for a PIP and eventually termination.

10. Kelly MeigsOctober 25,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

    Do you have any project management software that can help keep track of their projects? It sounds like they don't have much accountability or it could be that they have more on their plates than they can do. It's so hard though...even with project management software, people don't always use it effectively. SO frustrating. I'm with you!

11. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

    Well a very immature staff require a lot of handholding.

    To grow them up fast you institute consequences. That means as a group you roll out the cadence of due states for status reports with tge consequence of a deciplinary writeup if they are not delivered on Friday by noon. On Monday you review each status report with its owner, make revisions and add any new assignments (again with delivery deadlines) to that individual. You offer counsel, discipline and praise where due.

    This heavy concentration should only be necessary for a month or two and then you start the thin the herd if necessary.

    This is your road map to manage these very immature staffers. They are used to no supervision so you turn that on its ear.

    If this amount of training and supervision is not for you, I would skip it and find another gig.

12. Laura Ann KleinOctober 26,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    Great advice

13. AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 6:24PM UTC

    Haven't discovered that yet, but definitely had someone who required hand holding, so I feel your pain. In your post you mention that you are the one setting the deadlines and you go over exactly how/what has to be done.

    Have you tried having them provide you with when they think they can have it done? That will help them take a bit more ownership of it. I also find it helpful to show people the big picture of how their assignment fits into the whole puzzle of the project. Sometimes they think that what they are doing is insignificant, so getting it done on time isn't important.

    If you haven't, you might ask them what they need from you going forward to help get things done. Help me help you type of thing. This could be a topic of conversation for the next one on one. Obviously, what you've been doing isn't working so something else needs to be tried.

    As others have suggested, a PIP would be a good next step. Also, a time tracking exercise would be good too. Maybe they are overworked, or if they are new there might be some imposter syndrome. Or if you're new to managing them, they might just be trying to see what they can get away with. Not giving them excuses, just adding some food for thought.

    It definitely sounds like you could use a day off or a day to just focus on your own things and not their projects. Hopefully you are able to do that soon. Good luck!

14. Vesela KrastevaOctober 26,2022 at 6:19AM UTC

    My advise is set expectations and then hold them accountable for it. You can even ask them when they think they will be ready, ask them also if they think they will need help and thell them that if they need help while executing the task you expect them to tell you on time and not only when you ask them after the deadline. If the task is not completed as per the deadline the first time ask them why, what were the challenges and then try to wotk with them to remove those obstacles ( it may be other workload, it may be training, etc. ), if it happens again - hold them accountable. If the tasks are not completed systematically have a conversation with the team member to understand what is stopping them and try to get to a solution/plan to improve together. Set a deadline by which you expect them to improve and make them aware of the consequences if they don't. Of course this should be done on 1:1 with each team member. Also, try to understand the geoup dynamics. There might be just one person with bad attitude and attitude is contagious so if you identify this one person - work with HR to improve or if you have to let him/her go. But one bad apple can spoil the whole keg.

15. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    Great ideas offered by others. I wonder if the prior manager instilled a fear of failure into these staff members or if this team was micromanaged? Being micromanaged can cause people to be uncertain and/or unwilling to try without being reassured on every step. Been there.

16. Sheila PhieldsOctober 26,2022 at 12:28PM UTC

    I witness more and more of this as a consultant. I just finished a contract with a reputable sporting goods company. The employees have to be spoon fed to get them to complete the simplest of tasks. I’m a Project Manager, so I have no real authority over these folks. I say cut your losses and find a IC role. It’s less stress and good money if you can find the right fit.

17. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 12:29PM UTC

    You are their manager. That means holding their feet to the fire when needed. What are the consequences of not getting the job done or not making the improvements you discuss with them? If there aren’t any it makes sense that some

    would take advantage of this.

18. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    I could have posted this. I’m looking at stepping back and leaving a company I’ve been with for a decade because of all those reasons. All the articles I’ve read and a mentor who left an exec position agree ot can invigorate a career to do this. Best of luck to you

19. Angeline DixonOctober 26,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    I have managed people, and I personally don’t like it. It’s not for me. I do take the reins in group settings when no one else will for the sake of organizing, however I prefer cooperation in groups, rather than hierarchy. Managing people and different personalities is tough, and at the same time you must reflect a lot on yourself. It’s not an easy job and those who do it and have a happy team I totally commend for rocking it out!

20. Shelby COctober 26,2022 at 12:37PM UTC

    I have spoken with a lot of women regarding this phenomenon. It seems as though the older we get the less tolerance we have for "BS" and are happy allowing the younger crowd climb the ladder and lead teams.

21. Amy Jo BulebushOctober 26,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    I agree with your statement 100%! As I get older, I have less patience with everyone and everything. I stepped down a year ago and took a non-management role and I couldn’t be happier!

22. Heather TearneyOctober 26,2022 at 2:29PM UTC

    And I would just like to say that just because you don't want to put up with your team's lack of accountability in no way means that you aren't cut out to be a manager.

    I don't know if you have managed remote teams prior to the pandemic, or if this is a new situation for you - but if it were a new way of conducting work, it could be you are just finding your way. I could say the same for your employees, if they aren't used to being responsible and seeing that the work they do (or don't do) impacts the team, the business, and their job then that could be a challenge for you to get through to them.

    And if you don't have the support of those in upper management it only makes the situation more pressurized.

    Don't let this one situation make you think you aren't meant to manage. But DO make the changes you need to take care of yourself!

23. carolina girlOctober 26,2022 at 12:46PM UTC

    The managers I’ve had, except two that were actually great, were LOUSY! I have worked my butt off to do a great job and to learn. I either get resentment or they just tell me what they think I want to hear. I quit several jobs because of that garbage! a GOOD manager will be honest, encouraging and helpful. The ones today really LACK these skills.

24. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Wow that sounds rough. And I am sorry this is happening to you.

    If you’ve already tried talking with your team to see if there’s something going on either personally or professionally, that you can provide support for, or if you’ve already asked them about their career goals, ask them about their families, what do they like to do for fun, hobbies, maybe showing a little empathy and care might go a long way. Just always end your 1 on 1s with what support do you need from me.

    They obviously just don’t like working there so try to make your team it’s own little community. The most boring jobs are bearable as long as the team and management is not toxic. Dare I say fun.

    Is there some type of team building you could try to lighten the mood and boost morale. Getting to know the team, coupled with trivia. It would be free and could only be 30 minutes if you want. If cracking the whip isn’t working try a different approach.

    I highly recommend you STAY AWAY from time tracking. That shit only causes more slow downs.

    And makes you seem like even more of a micromanager.

    But if positive reinforcement or talking to your team doesn’t work after another month or two then ultimately, in every organization I’ve been at, it’s always the people on the bottom that get blamed for shit. So when you go to your superiors for your regular meeting with them, go ahead and bring your documentation of trying to pull teeth from a toothless dragon, and I imagine they will go ahead and refer to you to HR to get the termination process going. Starting with PIPs all around from what it sounds like.

25. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    It sounds like you're burned out but also it could be that your team resents you. Maybe one or more of them applied for your job and they don't like the idea that you were hired from outside.

    Either way, another Anonymous had some great suggestions, like team-building activities. Definitely keep them short, no more than 30 minutes, and make them fun. One of my managers in a fully remote company holds hour-long "Brown bag lunch" meetings on Fridays. We play games like "Name that tune" and other trivia games. Winners get prizes like gift certificates to Uber Eats. My only complaint about them is that one hour is too long. 30 minutes would be a nice break. If you can't afford gift certificates, you might try letting the winner log off a few minutes early.

    I hope you can find a way to make this new job work for you and your team!

26. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 1:43PM UTC

    I went from a manager to IC role on a leadership team at another company and it’s been a breath of fresh air. Also I didn’t have to take a “step down” per se, I just went to a bigger company that has an IC path to leadership (vs only management).

    I had similar issues as a manager, something that helped was to have more social accountability, instead of people providing status updates on their work to me, we provided them in a team meeting. It helped keep everyone informed, was able to create leverage opportunities for people to work together or help each other solve challenges, and very quickly no one wanted to be the one under prepared in front of the whole group. I could also lead from the front by starting with my own, which created an expectation on the level of preparedness.

27. Kristen HOctober 26,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

    I have read through a few comments, but not all so I apologize if this is repetitive. I agree with team building, but also it sounds like you have to do a little more to engage the team in their actual work. I work a lot with Lean process improvement and it's really about developing people as problem solvers. Maybe your team needs to be challenged in different ways. Develop a project where you work with everyone to understand ways you can improve the work they do or help them more easily meet deadlines. If they come up with ideas themselves, they might be really motivated to see them through. We use A3 thinking as our template for problem solving. Look into it, uncover some problems within your processes, and see if problem solving might help get people more motivated to do their work.

    Also, always take time off if you need it!

28. GirlBossanova934974October 26,2022 at 1:49PM UTC

    After 30 plus years in the working world, I still go back to the old saying.........What's in it for me or as we used to say in my MBA program, what are you rewarding? What are the rewards and punishments for your staff? If they exceed expectations, they get what? If they fail to meet your expectations, they get what? Are there any bonuses? Raises being given out to top performers? Are top performers even being mentioned? I remember an old movie, 'Office Space' made in 1999 with the character, Peter Gibbons. "It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now." I try to motivate my staff and get them to think for themselves. Extra bonuses are given out frequently.

29. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 2:07PM UTC

    I was told there would be cake?

30. KellyW43October 26,2022 at 1:52PM UTC

    There's always that one team that will make you question your career choice. It will test you in ways you've never thought of.

    But you will get through it.

    I read one of the comments as doing updates in a team meeting. This is a great way to start holding people accountable.

    Are there bonuses in line for finishing a project on time or early?

    With this being a new company for you, selling the project is what you'll need to do. Let them know what's in it for them if they finish their projects on time.

    At the end of the day, they need to buy into what they are doing.

    Just like you are committed, they need a reason to be other than a paycheck at the end of 2 weeks.

31. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    2 separate topics here: a difficult team being well discussed here. The other topic is role fit. Yes, it is possible to step sideways or backwards for a time or longer.

32. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

    Now you know how many teachers feel, sometimes after years in the profession. I assure you, it’s not you. It’s your team.

33. Paula BrantnerOctober 26,2022 at 2:16PM UTC

    It's perfectly fine to determine that management isn't for you.

    We have a system where in order to advance your career and make a higher salary, you often have to take on management roles, which is a different set of skills and day-to-day activities than working on the substance that has carried you to this point.

    I reached a point one day where I was just done, and planned an exit strategy where I opened a consulting firm. I love being my own boss, having fellow consultants to work with who share my approach to the work and can work independently (no employees for now) and focusing on the work itself.

    Your pathway out of management that preserves your status and income may be different in your line of work, but I would seriously think about how to do that if this is how you feel.

    If you want to stay, I would have a frank conversation with every single member of the team to find out what is really going on. Did your predecessor manage very codependently? Are they so used to being micromanaged that they cannot handle even the slightest autonomy? It sounds like you're expecting more personal initiative than they are displaying, which can be true for an individual employee, but with a whole team behaving that way, I suspect there's a root cause that needs to be identified.

34. Mary GuirovichOctober 26,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

    This is tough.

    Know that all managers face challenges and doubts in their abilities at some point.

    Even the best leaders face employees who don't want to be led. Give yourself some grace and time to develop your skills.

    What helped me in new management roles is learning more about my team and honing my communication and leadership skills.

    All you can do is do your best and learn a little more each day. If you haven't already explored DISC, KOLBE, and Appreciation at Work assessments. This will empower you to know your team at a deeper level and make it easier to guide and engage them.

    "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (book) is another great resource. At the root, you need to determine what your team values and what they want out of their careers. If you help them get what they want they will help you get what you want.

    At the end of the day, you may need to replace your team if they are unwilling or unable to complete the role. It's the least fun part of management, but having the right team member makes all of the difference.

    If your company doesn't have a standard hiring process in place that ensures you get the right culture fit while obtaining the highest competency, check out the "Who, Method of Hiring Book."

35. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    Just a couple observations.

    I agree with the group here - you definitely need a new strategy ! I think you need a much more healthy mindset as well. You seem to be taking a "my team sucks and I've done everything in my power and I"m fed up" perspective. It's actually pretty rare that the entire team is awful. But it's definitely a sign of distress when people are unenthusiastic, uncooperative and uninterested. It sounds like you may be infected with it as well - you think you suck because you can't make them not suck, but the reality is that you don't suck either. It's that you have a challenge, and to answer that call, you're going to need to level up all that you know about managing people. You've applied what you know, it didn't work. So, a new strategy and a new mindset is in order, if you want to flip this. There are some great suggestions in the comments here, so I won't add to those. I would though add, very seriously, a suggestion that you get some clarity about what you want, as well. What do you want for this team - just do their jobs exactly as you say in the way that you say in the time that you say and go home, or do you want them to excel and be proud of themselves for their contributions, and who they are as people? Are you willing to do the hard work that it will take, including changing your own mindset and learning new leadership skills, or do you want to leave? I'd decide that first.

36. Cindy AllenOctober 26,2022 at 3:05PM UTC

    If this is a new management position it may be that the last manager had a dictating micro-manager style and wanted to make all the decisions and They may be performing as the last manager expected them to. It could be they are recovering from a less than optimal situation and aren’t quite sure what to do.

    The question is - can that be overcome? Can the team, and you are part of that team, adapt to a new way of working.

    In my experience, on every team there are a few great ones, mostly average/good ones, and a few misfits. Find the great ones and start asking questions. What happened? How did this work before? In your opinion what can we do to be more successful? How can I change my communication? Ask about the dynamics of the team - did someone in the team not get the job you hold? Are they silently protesting for some reason? Then use those insights to adjust your approach.

    Or if that all seems too overwhelming, go back to an IC role. neither a management role or an IC is better or worse! Being happy is important.

    No matter what you decide, take a day or two off. We all need a few mental health days here and there.

37. AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 4:06PM UTC

    Thank you for posting this. You are not alone I am in the exact same position as you. I didn’t want post on this topic previously thinking I was the only one and maybe I did something wrong. Seeing your post gives me hope.

38. Kimberly GrahamOctober 26,2022 at 6:40PM UTC

    There's nothing wrong with wanting to step into an individual contributor role. In fact, I've noticed that there have been times in my career that I've actually welcomed that vs. other times when I really enjoy leading a team. An area that I particularly enjoy is matrix organizations where you don't have direct reports but have implied accountability through projects, teams, etc.

39. Shelly EdwardsOctober 26,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

    If you are their manager, hold them accountable. Suzy, I asked you in our last meeting to have XYZ done. Is that done? If not, your work will be reassigned and we will have a very different conversation. I need you to complete your work by deadline. If you are not their manager, then make sure you are making notes of where your work is impeded by their lack of work, note it to your manager and, if necessary, to their manager. If employees are working remote with little or no effort to show for it, they need to be held accountable and justify how they are spending their time and why they are not completing their work.

40. Theresa McAllisterOctober 29,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

    You’ve received a lot of good advice in the comments here. In addition to that, have you considered relationship building? When I first started my new job several months ago, my boss and I had a weekly Zoom call to get to know each other. During the call we talked about personal topics such as our families, hobbies and what we did during the weekend. And my boss always asked how things were going at work and if there was anything he could do to help.

    If your team is located close enough, consider having a team lunch or team building outing.

41. AyianOctober 29,2022 at 4:25PM UTC

    It sounds like you aren't a fit for people who are disengaged from their jobs, which requires the micromanagement you've been forced into for follow up on their deliverables. The team is a challenge. I would consider any person who has to be chased for their with to be up for elimination from the role. Depending on how long it has been since you started and other dynamics, you may want to start having one on one conversations defining your role as their manager, your expectations for their performance, and the boundaries you will now be enforcing on the dynamic. Ultimately, you are there to support, not parent them. Ask them what it would take to feel engaged and enthusiastic to perform the work they are paid for and if they need any additional support around it. Give them a clear metric of improvement you want to see and a clear, reasonable time line to see it in. Consider small changes due by week 1, scaling up to larger changes in 4-6 weeks.

    Take notes, but also record the meetings. Ultimately, if they do not respond to having an active manager and have to be harassed into doing their work, it's better for all parties to seek other solutions. Suggest to your direct reports who do not respond well that there may be other positions in the company or other organizations that they wish to consider.

    These can be tough conversations and you're already worn around the edges, so take care of yourself. If you act with authenticity, others can tell and that can make them feel secure enough to be authentic as well.

42. Maria MolinariOctober 29,2022 at 7:11PM UTC

    Hey there,
    I can understand your frustration. The truth is, the employees you’re describing sound either overwhelmed or disengaged.
    isthis fixable? Yes! :) Is it fast and easy? No.
    If you haven’t done so already I highly recommend meeting with the agents one on one and discuss everything, not just their current, open tasks. How do they feel? Do they need anything from you? Are there resources that would be useful for them? Etc. this way you can ensure you are giving them the tools they need to be successful.
    from there I would suggest meeting more frequently as a touch base to see how any goals set are going.

43. AnonymousNovember 1,2022 at 5:32PM UTC

    I have been managing people for 18 years and hit the wall this year. I found that I'm not good at radical candor...I'm great at motivating people and praising them, but not great at holding them accountable for what they do wrong. So I moved to a role without direct reports, but I'm also looking to switch jobs and worried about how to handle this.

    I feel like I'm too experienced to seek Director level jobs without direct reports...most of them expect I will build out and lead a team. I find that it gives me a lot of anxiety to feel responsible for the performance of others in addition to myself. Looking back, I'm not sure I've been a good manager for at least 8 years.

    How do you plan to handle finding an individual contributor role? How are you avoiding taking a big cut in pay?

    Wishing you the best of luck!