Man from work not getting the hint

Anonymous

September 17,2022 at 10:58PM UTC

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Man from work not getting the hint

I am a consultant and met a colleague on LinkedIn who is a super nice guy, but he’s a massive oversharer and has really taken to me. He emails me constantly (I had to block his number) and has mailed me gifts. I can’t tell if he’s hitting on me or if he’s just genuinely wanting a friend. I know he’s lonely. He’s an older man and in an unhappy marriage. Is there a way to tell him to back off without being totally rude? I’ve been not replying as of late but it’s not working.

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AnonymousSeptember 18,2022 at 12:00AM UTC
I think you have to be very clear and a bit blunt. Explain to him that you think it's inappropriate to communicate on this level and you would like him to respect your wish to stop contacting you.
AnonymousSeptember 18,2022 at 12:05AM UTC
Or if needed, just block anything from him and return all gifts
AnonymousSeptember 19,2022 at 2:28PM UTC
I'm sorry that this is happening, first of all .
I'm also mad for you! It really sucks to think you've made a good work connection, and the guy turns out to be a vat of slime. Perhaps his marriage wouldn't be "in trouble" if he spent half as much time talking to/buying gifts for his wife. So gross.
I would return all the gifts and firmly tell him that you are not available for these conversations anymore - and that he needs to respect that boundary. If he doesn't - block him on all platforms. And be sure to document everything - it may come to a point where you need to contact someone in HR at his company and bring it to their attention - you are likely not the first and won't be the last woman he's harassed like this.
Beth DaniellSeptember 22,2022 at 3:07PM UTC
I'm not sure if this person actually works with you, but if he does, please let your immediate manager and HR know immediately. I had this happen to me when I was very young and a temp and didn't know how to handle it so I just stopped showing up. I wouldn't contact him to return the gifts. This will give him an opportunity to "but I'm a nice guy" and make you feel guilty. Send one last message and block him on everything. I don't know if it's possible to get in touch with UPS or whoever is delivering the gifts to make that stop. If he is delivering them himself to your home, I would file for a restraining order.
Make no mistake. He is hitting on you. This is not how you go about making friends. Any softening you try and do will only make him feel like the door is open. I hope this all works and you get this emotional energy back!
AyianSeptember 25,2022 at 12:58PM UTC
Return gifts to sender, redirect all contact to professional topics, and clarify your position gently but firmly : you keep your personal and professional life separate at all times and his being friendly makes you deeply uncomfortable. Even if the first is not always true, setting the expectation can help delivery the message more directly. You may have to defend that boundary a few times before he gets it, as it is clear his understanding of boundaries is poor.
If even that fails, it is time for an even more direct conversation to the tune of ' Your behavior has been highly unprofessional and I do not want any contact with you unless it is absolutely required for our mutual work. Thank you for understanding.'
Sometimes, you just can't be gentle because the other person isn't paying attention or they are not good with social cues.