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Feeling pretty defeated today.

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Anonymous

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Feeling pretty defeated today. I applied for the perfect job for me. Something that I love and can do very well. I went through 8 interviews and felt they all went well.

I got the call today that nobody wants to get....I didn't get the job but I was a close second. The recruiter couldn't even tell me why. I interviewed well and met all the requirements.

I know it happens but this was the most excited I've ever been about a job and a company in my 17 year career. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but this hurts.

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  1. Sabrina Cortes

    I'm so sorry that you went through this. Rejection hurts.

    It may be a little difficult now, but maybe you could write out what you learned through this process - about yourself and the job search process.

    This job wasn't meant to be, and a better job is out there for you!

    Sending you warm thoughts and positive vibes!

  2. Anonymous

    Thank you so much. I'm definitely trying to stay positive. I'll keep applying for similar roles.

  3. Sabrina Cortes

    Don't forget to tailor your resume to each job that you apply for. This increases your chances of passing through the ATS (applicant tracking system) scanning process.

    I'm a professional Resume Writer and am happy to take a look at your resume. I'll give you a free review with some helpful tips too. If you're interested, feel free to email me at sabrina@writewithsabrina.com or take a look at some of my work on my website, writewithsabrina.com.

    The job for you is out there, you just haven't found it yet.

  4. Anonymous

    I've been searching for a new job for a long time as well so I feel your frustration. It hurts right now but don't forget that you made it all the way to final round. That's something to be proud of and you don't know if they had an internal candidate who often gets the role over an external applicant.

    Now that you know that's the type of job you want, build up your LinkedIn contacts and start connecting with employees in similar companies. Having a foot in the door makes a difference and utilize what you learned in these past interviews. Wishing you all the best and the right position is ahead.

  5. Anonymous

    Thank you. I really appreciate it. I knew not to get my hopes up until I got the offer but I did it anyway. Lol

  6. JYJ

    I understand how you feel. Same thing has happened to me. Part of working through the disappointment was my belief that it was a redirection-not a rejection. That there was something even better coming my way. Ultimately, that's exactly what happened. Hang in there. You got this!!!

  7. Anonymous

    Thank you! I am trying to think this way for sure.

  8. Jennifer Kaufman

    Eight interviews? WTF?

  9. Anonymous

    Exactly. Do they not realize the psychological damage that this can inflict!

  10. Anonymous

    They don't care. People are "widgets" to employers.

  11. Anonymous

    ?? right?? It was a lot but I get it. They want to be sure you know your stuff. I just felt like I had the job based on the way the last interview ended.

  12. Christi Lopez

    Right?!? I have never heard of someone going through eight interviews. Although, I've been exclusively employed in the public sector for 29 years, where you only go through two interviews, but it takes three months before you find out the outcome. ;)

  13. Anonymous

    I feel for you! I had two interviews for a job that I was excited about and then asked to apply for the supervisor position instead. Had two more interviews and was asked for references. I knew this was the perfect job for me!

    Now I’ve been ghosted. I was devastated. The day of my last interview, I was told “early next week”. The end of the next week, I emailed and asked for an update telling them I was going to be out of town. He apologized and said the director was out with COVID but wanted to know if I had any availability for the next week to talk. I gave him the dates I would be available but no call. Waited until after the holiday and emailed asking for an update, no response.

    The frustrating thing is they came to me! I didn’t reach out to them for either role.

  14. Anonymous

    I'm sorry. That's terrible. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Maybe they are still deliberating. Interviewing has become a very tedious process it seems.

  15. Anonymous

    Keep the connection warm. You never know - they might have another role to fill in the next few months. It’d be a lot easier to reach out to the person they obviously were very interested in than go back to the well.

  16. Anonymous

    I understand & send virtual positive vibes! (8 interviews. Hopes up. Job offer. Lowball. Accepted. Rescinded <24 hours before start)

  17. Anonymous

    Similar thing happened to me. Got through 4 interviews and then “the other candidate” was just slightly “more technical” than me.

    I know it feels shitty. But you can eat a giant serving of your favorite comfort food and get back to Indeed again tomorrow.

  18. Anonymous

    I am about to have the same call today at 9:30 after waiting almost 2 months on feedback. Finally, the hiring manager set up that dreaded 15 min "chat". I know the feeling, I am hurt as well knowing I was a fit. You know what? We are going to hold our heads up high, adjust our crowns and keep steppin! Better is coming.

  19. Anonymous

    You never know - the first candidate might fall through, either not passing the background check or backing out from the offer. If you were a close 2nd then know that you're pretty awesome so try not to let it get you down. Something even better is waiting for you.

  20. Anonymous

    Many of us have had the same experience. Just know there was a reason; it's hard to look at it in the moment. There is something better out there for you. The right opportunity will come!

  21. Anonymous

    Don't get overly invested in any job during your job search. Always keep 4 or 5 other plans going on.

    I once applied for a job, I had education, experience, everything. The employer only wanted to hire people fresh out of graduate school. It was frustrating.

  22. Horia Patience Prossaird

    It makes sense that you'd hurt and feel defeated...The interviews went well, you felt excited and confident, and your hopes were raised because this was the perfect job. So it's ok to feel sorry and hurt when you don't get something that sounds like the dream job.

    Now, you have 17 years of experience. Getting through so many interviews shows you are competent and confident to ace the recruiting process and eventually get the job when the time is right.

    "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

    ~Japanese proverb

    Keep going, keep trying. You are AMAZING!

  23. Anonymous

    I really want to encourage you to stay close to the recruiter and the company. The very same thing happened to me, only I had to go through ten (10!!!!) interviews and a written Case study. I am a Senior Exec in the Tech Industry.

    The feedback I had was 'that I was too strong a woman for the job'

    I almost fainted with anger when I heard.

    But lo and behold the company's female recruiter was equally angry and found me another opp some months later.

    I now have another job with the same company, a much better Team and a super Line Manager. Hold fast and believe in yourself!

  24. Anonymous

    No is not always final. Genuine interest in the long term can pay off through building relationships, not one-time tranactions.

  25. Nadine Bonner

    Keep your chin up. This has happened to me a couple of times, and both times I later leaned I had dodged a bullet. The first time, a few years later a friend of my husband’s came to visit. He knew the woman who had been hired and a year later the company had financial setbacks, and she was let go. I had planned to relocate my family for that job and would have been stuck in a city without a support system. The second time was also an out-of-town position. They flew me in for interviews and then hired someone local. I had really clicked with my potential boss so even though I understood what happened, it was disappointing. Less than six months later, he moved on. He ran into my sister and told her there had been things he couldn’t reveal when I came down but it was no longer a good place to work and I was better off. I hope you will turn out to be better off too.

  26. Saria Carter Saccocio

    Keep going! It sounds like you did your best. You are still AWESOME! Though disappointing, some times it’s a “fit” that a company is looking for in the matched candidate. This does NOT mean you’re a misfit. There are other opportunities that will present themselves as a better fit with the company and you. It’s also ok to feel defeated for a moment, ask the question why, then keep going. You are worthy!

  27. Anonymous

    Been there…just went to a final round (top 3) to only get a standard form letter about “qualifications”—like out of 75 candidates, you couldn’t give the other 2 who made the finals a courtesy call?

    I also was second place for another job. This time I got the call, but I was crushed even worse when I learned the kid who got the job had zero experience (I knew this because we were waiting together in the lobby). Turns out, his dad was a friend of a few people so he was guaranteed the job (I found out later). And he flamed out spectacularly in under a year (by then I had something else).

  28. Cindy

    Maybe it was something you missed ? ? Perhaps not keen enough

  29. Tara O'Connor

    I know this feeling well. I was the "bridesmaid" for 3 or 4 jobs I really wanted. It hurts. It doesn't fee like it but there is something better out there for you. I promise.

  30. Tina Asher

    I know that can be so devastating.

    One of my earliest clients was consistently ending up in the same spot you mentioned, getting down to the final two candidates and then getting passed over. When we first started working together I couldn't understand why, his credentials were great, he had a lot of experience, and within a few sessions, we determined it was just a few minor tweaks on how he "presented himself" we worked on a few tactics and he soon found his dream job. Continue to stay connected with the company, it may have been something simple around what that other person had as a skill set that they were missing. Your consistency with keeping in touch may end up with another opportunity later with them, or that person may end up not working out and your perseverance with staying in touch may have them reach back out. Either way, you will find the right job for YOU! :)

  31. Stella

    8 interviews? That’s just wrong of a prospective company to you through that, especially if you are working through a recruiter. It is your recruiters responsibility to get some answers.

  32. Kathleen Fisher

    How about looking at the direct competitors to the company you interviewed with? Similar companies, similar jobs, similar qualifications.

  33. Beth Scott

    8 interviews o NOT get the job? That is definitely a hard pill to swallow. I like Kathleen Fisher's suggestion to look at their direct competitors. You're obviously qualified so why not take your talents to another employer in the same industry? I don't have much more to offer than my empathy, though my experience was only after 2 interviews. Keep your head up and keep on trying. The right position will come along for you.

  34. Ann Braun

    I'm so sorry you went through this! As some people have mentioned, stay in touch with the company. Write them a kind letter or email expressing your gratitude for their time and your hope that they will keep you in mind if something comes up like the candidate they hired didn't work out, or another similar opening comes up.

    Give yourself a day to mourn the lost opportunity but then get back into the game. Keep applying but also, it never hurts to pick up a new skill. Go to Linkedin or one of the other sites that offer free training and learn something new that will make you stand out next time you're in consideration for a job.

    Best of luck to you!

  35. Diane Frances Lesley-Neuman

    8 Interviews! that is pretty messed up. give them a warm thank you and follow up periodically with them.

  36. Cindy

    Commuicate on how you can do bettee next time and where you went wrong in areas qas it a certain age they were looking for? Did you show determination or not much care and determination and playing games ? May be friend them ??? depending if they feel comfortable ? ?

    Happy 21zt did u say ut was your bday

  37. Kathleen Fisher

    No disrespect Cindy but I wouldn’t ask “how you can do better next time and where you went wrong”. She made it through eight rounds of interviews, she is a superstar!!

    Go get a job with their competitor!

  38. Anonymous

    Unfortunately this happens and we don't get to control who gets picked regardless of how excited about the job and how perfect we are for the position. Try to get any feedback you can to use next time. And allow yourself to be disappointed. We put a lot of ourselves into these interviews, time, research, self. It is healthy for it to hurt a little. But I do believe as much as we think something is perfect for us, maybe it really wasn't and there is something out there that is. Hang in there and believe in yourself and your talent!

  39. Anonymous

    That’s really pants ! 8 interviews for the same job ? Really picky employers .

    I had a similar situation. I interviewed for a lead carer roll with 4 other colleagues. I knew 2 didn’t have the experience and weren’t really in the running. The choice was between myself and a male carer , who had been working by the employer for several years .

    I absolutely nailed the interview and was quietly confident. So was shocked when I got a phone call on my day off that the man had been offered the position.

    I asked what he bought to the roll that I lacked and was told he’d answered one question with more depth than me .

    I knew in my heart that it was a political decision. He had worked there far longer than me , and at that time there were no male team leaders in a female dominated role .

    he is a genuinely good person , so although disappointed for myself ,I was happy for him .

    ironically, the following day I went to work and saw I had been written in for the lead position because no leaders were on rota for the day .

    I let it be known that I was unhappy because evidently I was considered skilled enough to fulfil the role when they were short but not enough to get paid at the correct grade .

    I was offered a team leader several months later when a post became available.

  40. GirlBossanova934974

    Here is the lesson I learned from experiences like this. Any company peddling more than 3-4 interviews is NOT worth messing with. You invest too much time in that 1 company when you COULD be going after 2-3 other opportunities with the same time you invested in this one company. And why 8 interviews? Rest assured that there is a VERY VERY high probability that you found a company that cannot make decisions AND/OR you found an organization where they like to PLAY EMPOWERMENT. 1-2 people are in fact calling all the shots and the rest are there for window dressing. So for my 2 cents, you won on this deal. I have worked for organizations where no one can make decisions or you have a 'shot caller' who likes to pretend to empower and plays the puppeteer. NO FUN! The competition either knocks the snot out of these outfits or they go running off in some misguided strategy and no one can talk the company out of jumping off a bridge. Just my 2 cents.

  41. Anonymous

    Agree! Do NOT waste your time like this. You are worthy of so much more.

  42. Anonymous

    Applaud 1000x. Came across a company like this and even after the 7th interview they thought of more people I should meet AND they wanted a sample of my work. I declined. The hiring manager kept in touch with me and called me while he was on "vacation." He wanted me to know that although he was vacationing on a beach in Mexico he was still working. Yikes! Imagine working at such a place.

  43. Michele Chambers

    It's okay to be hurt so give yourself grace today, and then tomorrow dust it off and move on. One thing I learned from my recent job search experience is that it is never a good idea to get emotionally attached to a prospective job. That's not to say that you shouldn't put in your due diligence and fully prep for interviews, but once the interview is done (whether it is 1 or 8...which really is a bit much BTW) put it away in your mental filing cabinet and put all your energies into the next position(s) you have your eye on.

    Good luck on finding the job that's right for you.

  44. Stephanie H. Wical

    8 interviews? You dodged a bullet.

  45. Ria

    I concur

  46. Heather Bingham

    I have been through this myself and I know others who have been through the same. It is a bit like buying a house in the UK - you lose what you think is your dream home, you mourn the loss, then you find another, and by the time you've moved in you've realised that the original "dream home" what nowhere near as good as the one you move into.

    Here's the great news - you've gone through an involved interview process, done a really good job, and nearly got there, so the next job that comes along, you will "have your eye in". You know how to interview well and the next time you do it, you will have greater confidence and you will be the person who wins the role. I wish you the best of luck, because that is all that you need to get over the line.

  47. Karen P. Storey

    We learn more by welcoming criticism than by rendering judgement. Let it go - you shot your best shot. Don't look back.

    From old recruiter - Karen Storey

  48. Anonymous

    I see what your saying but, after 8 interviews. That is a lot to go through. If it were me I’d have a hard time processing. I hope the original post is able to bounce back and land a position she’ll enjoy. I’m just saying simply saying “let it go” and “ don’t look back” could be difficult in this situation. Can you maybe expand on this advice because even a rejection after a much less rigorous interview process can knock an individual off their game.

  49. Audrey Kirsch

    I applaud you for making it through 8 interviews. I think I would have tapped out after 3. Maybe the person they picked won't work out and you'll hear from them again. Investing that much time in you caused you to begin developing relationships which led to hopes and expectations. Of course you're depressed and feeling let down. Do something good for yourself to improve your mood, dust yourself off and get back out there.

  50. Maureen B. Weisner

    Eight interviews is unreasonable, however, there's much to learn here. What was so exciting about this job? When you break down the elements that made this the perfect position, identify other jobs/companies that offer the same or similar. Is there anything you can incorporate into your current role while you are in the job search process?

  51. Susan Price

    Also - consider asking the individuals you talked to and connected with for referrals to similar jobs or people in their network, since you obviously made it through several layers.

  52. Anonymous

    8 interviews????? Don't feel sad, seems you dodged a bullet. Sounds like a stressful, unorganized company.

  53. Karen Gongaware

    8? That's insane. Was it for Fort Knox? Yep 3 is my max and then I am gone. I really agree with others here, you dodged a bad situation. And it shouldn't hurt. Hurt is you have the job, work at it for 6 months and get laid off or worse, fired. Let it go and move on.

  54. Anonymous

    I think we’ve all been here, and it’s soul crushing! Consider yourself lucky though, because 8 interviews is ridiculous and a sign of a dysfunctional culture.

    I just landed my dream job and it was 3 interviews (4 if you count the chat with the recruiter who contacted me).

    You will find the right fit, and, know you can kick a$$ in the interview process if you made it through 8!

    You did great!

  55. Arlene Frances Gottardo (Bryak)

    8 INTERVIEWS? You deserve to know why you were not chosen- perhaps an ‘exit interviewing’?

  56. Bernadette M Martinez

    After 8 interviews, you deserve some type of reason on why you weren't chosen. That's insane.

    I would honestly assume the other person had a more personal connection and got along better with someone during the process. Not saying that you didn't or that it was nepotism at all; sometimes it's a coin toss so it could be something little.

    And honestly....any place that makes you jump through 8 interviews is hiding something in their culture that screams dysfunction and over-management (and probably micromanaging as a norm).

    You'll find something even better.

  57. Christi Miller

    Don't give up hope. I did a lot of interviews for my current role. At first they went with someone else. The other person feel through and they came back to me.

    This may come back to you or you will find something for you.

  58. Anonymous

    This is REALLY resonating for me today.

    although it wasn’t 8 interviews.

    i had 3 rounds and researched so much & prepped a lot. Interviews are hard for me as english is my second language and i get tongue-tied with the stress.

    i’ve applied for roles since last august, it’s discouraging. I get interviews but not an offer

  59. na1102

    I know how you feel when you interview well for the position and then don't get it. Don't be hard on yourself you did nothing wrong. many times, a company will decide on a different candidate and then have second thoughts, the candidate might not accept the position, etc. so keep your mind open to that. Also, they may have you in mind for a different position. There is a great position out there for you. Don't be discouraged.

  60. Marie McKenzie

    God has something better for you. I know it’s disappointing, but don’t give up. Keep focused.

  61. Gwendolyn Free

    Putting anyone through 8 interviews is absurd!

  62. Anonymous

    I can totally empathize with the OP. And he/she is validated in their feelings -- it is crushing. I once interviewed with 13 (yes, 13) people for a position and was told by the internal recruiter it was between me and another candidate. They ended up going with the other candidate. I walked away emboldened knowing I made it that far. And, I ended up connecting with many of them since we're all in the same industry. I agree with other posters, don't be discouraged and use it to form bonds. You never know when they'll remember you when another opportunity presents itself.

  63. Anonymous

    I laughed out loud at your comment. I would be so beyond upset for a company to put me through 8 different interviews. This must have been a position for the NSA.

  64. Anonymous

    Ha!
    I wish! They were actually considering me for 2 different roles simultaneously but yes, this company requires 5 interviews per role typically. You interview with the hiring manager twice and 3 other people from various departments that interact with the role. I'm still looking at this company but yes, the hiring process is much more invasive than I've ever experienced. LOL!

  65. Rosa Goes

    I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the job. It sounds like you had so much enthusiasm, 8 interviews were not a problem! There is something wrong about a company that makes you go through so many interviews, i.e. they may be indecisive, not focused, unclear direction, etc. Take some time to regroup. The good news is you had a chance to practice interviewing. The next opportunity will come your way. Good luck to you!

  66. Allison Halfhill

    Agreed! Eight interviews is way too many! Heck even four is a lot unless the position pays over $100k.

  67. Wendy Scott

    Sometimes both applicants are great but the hiring manager just has to pick one of them.

  68. Anonymous

    This just happened to me. It was the best series of interviews I think I’ve ever had, and the recruiter said “They agreed it was a great interview, and they really like you, but they’re moving forward with other candidates” even though I know I was the only one they were interviewing. It’s extremely discouraging and makes you second guess yourself, but keep going!! If you made it through 8 rounds, you’re clearly qualified and talented.

  69. Anonymous

    Yes! And I understand they don’t want to be sued and can’t tell you exactly why they didn’t move forward with you, but it is so defeating! I have had second interviews where in the interview they tell me “obviously you are more than qualified for this position” and the rapport/banter feels natural and positive and then I get the rejection. Sometimes if I go through a recruiting company they might provide me with one nugget of feedback, but it is incredibly frustrating not knowing why.

  70. Kathryn

    Rejections happen breathe and move through it. You will find your place and you will be happy you did. This is a very small moment in the big picture. It has happened and probably will happen to me. Just keep going knowing they lost out on you.

  71. Crystal Howell

    Take a deep breath, the recruiter can't tell you why to avoid lawsuit. They should be able to guide you in what skill set you lack, and work on that. This way you can figure it out.

    Keep trying, usually try with a competitor and promote yourself. Good Luck

  72. Dr. Ginny A. Baro

    Of course you’re disappointed! I would be too. Getting this close shows you that the job you want and are looking for is out there. Keep you chin up! The perfect one is waiting for you.

  73. Eee Huddy

    I know th e feeling and I emphasize. But the strongest advice I can issue is to congratulate yourself because your closer to your next victory! In the future you will see this perceived missed opportunity as a blessing!

  74. Anonymous

    I was reading a similar post from a few months ago, has some pretty good thoughts as well

    similar boat as you. Working on picking back up my grit, resilience etc

    https://fairygodboss.com/community-discussion/z4osKZ-aL/i-made-it-to-the?utm_source=email-transactions&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=community-missed-notification

  75. Missy

    Hey, I hope you keep at it! If not with that company, I bet there is another dream company or job that is out there that will come along and that you will be able to have. In my own experience recently, I have felt really defeated by low pay grades and high stress.

  76. Sarmi Parida

    This has happened to me multiple times. I am not sure if the recruiter just wanted to be nice to me by terming me as the "second best" candidate. Please don't feel sorry for yourself. There is an even better position for you. I have seen this pattern play out in my life too. Another person's opinion of you does not define who you are or what your capabilities are.

  77. Rocky Salim

    making it through 8 rounds of interviews and coming in second is a huge achievement. you should be proud. it's like coming in 2nd place in masterchef.

    if you are really that excited, don't give up.

    in 8 rounds of interviews, you've developed some rapport and will have a big advantage when another opportunity comes open. ask the recruiter if you can take a tour of the company and see what it's like to work there. talk to employees and see if they like it. team dynamics are really important and if you are seen interacting positively with the team, it will help your future chances. be genuine though. you want them to hire you not the fake you. this way you can find out if the company is really all you think it is. :-)

  78. Anonymous
    Im no expert, but I believe you just made an excellent point. You certainly fully understand what youre speaking about, and I can truly get behind that.free fc 24 points
  79. Anonymous

    I'm sorry friend, this is tough. There is nothing I can say to make it feel better or explain the "why". What I would like to do is say, this sucks. It's ok to be disappointed, frustrated, even a bit mad. Feel all the things and be patient with yourself as you process. When you feel you are ready, take a moment to really cement all the key factors that made this role so exciting. Use it to help you create a focused profile for other opportunities you want to explore and keep going. Again, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but this experience, including not getting the role, has helped you progress on your journey to your next opportunity. You learned a lot. 17 years is an amazing amount of experience and knowledge, something to be incredibly proud of, and that role, that next one, is out there. Good luck, you got this.

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