I feel guilty for leaving my job because I don't know how the team will cope without me.

Anonymous

January 3,2023 at 11:10PM UTC

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I feel guilty for leaving my job because I don't know how the team will cope without me.

I have been at my company for almost 4 years and have loved so much about it, there has been career progression, amazing people to work with and opportunities to present at amazing events both virtually and in person.

Over the last year and a half there has been a real change in the company with lots of amazing leaders leaving, redundancies where leadership chose new people without experience over seasoned employees and it has meant that the few experienced team members who are left have had to hold up the ceiling whilst everything crumbled underneath them - often doing their own work, training up the team and managing our most complex accounts without any support.

Whilst this provided a great opportunity to grow my skillset and leadership style it was exhausting and I didn't feel supported. Often when I tried to get people to take more accountability for their own accounts or step up people would just say that they were tired and didn't want to take on anything else.

I haven't taken off any time in the last year and when I took one week off to move house I was being called hourly by the team ( and my manager) asking me questions about how to do their role, how they should handle things and asking for help with "urgent projects" even though I had done thorough handover notes and they knew I was offline.

I have accepted another role at a new company and so I have handed in my resignation and am 2 weeks into my 8 weeks notice period. My boss wants to wait until everyone is back from leave to announce my departure which means I will have roughly 4 weeks to go.

I am excited about my new job but I am terrified for the team I am leaving because I am not sure how they will cope. I am also really worried for my clients.

My partner, colleagues who know and career coach say that I shouldn't feel like this because it's not my fault that the company hasn't set the team up for success and made them reliant on individuals but I just feel anxious and sad for the team.

Any advice on how to combat this?

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AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 12:25AM UTC
You feel what you feel. The remaining team members are adults who can easily make their own decisions. The see the writing on the wall.
If any new opportunities become available you can always bring the over.
Dr. Jessica Parker, PMPJanuary 4,2023 at 1:17AM UTC
Document what you can, work with your boss on a transition plan, and use the remaining time for as much knowledge transfer with the team as you can. At that point, you've made your best effort to help them be successful.
AnonymousJanuary 4,2023 at 1:37AM UTC
Your team will be just fine. They are choosing to stay and weather tge storm. They stand to do quite well if the company can stay afloat.
Give them all your cell phone number and be available for questions and support. I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly they will move on.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 4,2023 at 6:43AM UTC
It's no longer your problem.
You gave them 8 weeks notice? That's way more than generous.
Guilty about what? Wanting a better job? That company could lay you off tomorrow and never think twice about it.
I promise you, neither your boss nor your team members have ever, WILL ever say "gee, I'd love to take this great new job, but I would feel so guilty leaving anonymous."
Never. Going. To. Happen.
They'll get over it. Trust me on that.
You have to do what makes you happy. Well, first you have to believe you deserve to be happy.
Do NOT let any of this bother you or give it one single second more of bandwidth in your brain. Forget about it - don't look back, use your energy to look forward to the exciting new opportunity you have in front of you.
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW ADVENTURE!!!!!!
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 1:39PM UTC
Focus on yourself and the new opportunity. Personally (and professionally), I would never give that much notice. Your current colleagues and clients will be fine, even when they struggle a bit. In my experience, I’ve given all of my energy and time to a company only to be tossed aside when it came to the bottom line. You’re expendable, period.
GirlBossanova934974January 5,2023 at 2:09PM UTC
You are seeing something first hand which affects a lot of companies. Some deal with it better than others. It seems like your current company is dealing with "a youth movement" aka let's bring in a bunch of younger employees which of course means we don't have to pay as much for them AND we hope this does not hurt profits. Often times this is the result of bringing in a key or a few key executive replacements. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, if that new executive is a lousy hire, he or she brings in a lot of bad hires and the disease spreads like cancer throughout the company. OF COURSE, the really good employees know this and are always the first ones out the door! Seems like they did this at your company as well. Remember you are now gone and on to greener pastures. I would spend my time onboarding myself at the new company. You have several weeks head start. Last but not least, if one is paying attention to the financial news these days, you are now seeing the results of several of these "youth movement" management teams. Layoffs in those companies are exploding! Apparently when things got a little tough, the "youth movement" management teams just cut and ran!!
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 2:09PM UTC
they will be ok and figure things out. don't worry about the past and focus more on getting further in life.
Orlagh CostelloJanuary 5,2023 at 2:14PM UTC
This is really not your problem. Give them 6 months and they'll be back on track and probably managing better without support. But you need to focus on finishing up as professionally as possible, and looking forward to the new role.
Rebecca Gale-GonzalezJanuary 5,2023 at 2:17PM UTC
We are all replaceable. In the short term they will have to pick up the pieces. But you should not feel like moving on, being promoted or whatever is not possible because you owe something to a current employer. Focus on your new job!
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 2:24PM UTC
If you died, they would have to get along without you. Everyone is replaceable, no matter what your value is. Good luck on your new venture. Change is what makes us grow.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 4:52PM UTC
For that matter, if you died, your job would be posted before your obit was written. Your loyalty is admirable, but it's time to let go and move on. Best wishes.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 2:37PM UTC
People who stay in that environment are just enabling management to continue to make poor staffing decisions. Sometimes you have to let stuff break so that things can get better. You're setting a good example for the other people being burned out that they have other options - that they can leave and find something better. When the work doesn't get done, then management will have to step up and do the right thing. They weren't going to be motivated to do so as long as all the work was getting done.
Adrienne LeightonJanuary 5,2023 at 2:45PM UTC
Your concern for your team is admirable and shows how much you care for them. It may take you a few months to work through the emotions of leaving. Give yourself some grace during that time. It is hard to think that they'll be ok without you, but they will be. And you'll only be a quick phone/text away to maintain your relationships. You'll find growth in moving on and so will they. Good luck!!
froerden@yahoo.comJanuary 5,2023 at 2:58PM UTC
No time off. 8 weeks notice!! 8??? And you feel guilty? No! Please take care of yourself and get ready to move on. This is what caused you to look for a new job! You are right for leaving. Good luck.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 2:59PM UTC
One of the most challenging places to be is irreplaceable. For that reason, I left my first job and told the director as much. I explained that if I stayed for another ten years, I would still be doing the same job I was doing today. He told me I was right. Sometimes, we have to do what is best for us. Companies show no loyalty to their employees yet expect absolute loyalty in return. You were on the road to both physical and emotional burnout. That first job I mentioned did not want me to take a vacation as I was the only one they could rely on when a crisis occurred (which was often). It was hard after I left, and they did call me a few times, but they finally got on by themselves.
Diane Frances Lesley-NeumanJanuary 5,2023 at 4:19PM UTC
Take some time before you start your next position to decompress. As a matter of fact, move up that leave date to 6 weeks and take a two-week vacation.
Peggy J HolenJanuary 5,2023 at 4:42PM UTC
Stick your finger in a glass of water. Pull it out. That is you in this company. That is ALL of us in any company...sadly. Life will go on. Those behind will sink or swim. They are not your responsibility. They have to make their own decisions. Go forth knowing you did the best you could and succeed elsewhere.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJanuary 5,2023 at 5:15PM UTC
Your team will cope because they will have to. Change happens. Eventually, they'll be fine or move on too. Good luck and congrats!
Mary PoolJanuary 5,2023 at 5:34PM UTC
Eight weeks' notice is not healthy for you or the company. It is excessive. If they valued you the way you value them, then you would have been on the promotion list. That is a simple truth. Why not shorten your notice to two weeks from today and take a break between jobs? Going to the new company, tired and worn out or worse yet burned out, is unfair to them, and they will value you less. There is only one first week, and people remember it forever. The new company is your future; this company is your past. Act accordingly.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 6:15PM UTC
Trust me your team will be just fine. You are replaceable just like everyone.
AnonymousJanuary 5,2023 at 7:30PM UTC
I learned that everyone is replaceable when I was 8 years old. That was when President Kennedy was shot and killed 60 years ago.
misskelleypJanuary 5,2023 at 7:48PM UTC
Do your best in your remaining notice period to set your current team up for success, then go to your new job with a clear conscience. If they call you, just say, I covered this in my handover, and I'm learning a new job right now. I'd be happy to speak to you (this evening, this weekend, whenever convenient for YOU), but can't do so right now. By the time it's time for the callback, likely they'll have figured it out. If you make it too easy for them to call you for answers they will never be weaned (so to speak). Congratulations on the new opportunity!!
Liz PerryJanuary 5,2023 at 9:11PM UTC
I disagree with this. If they call you expecting help after you've created process documentation, handed off and then left, you should not be helping them without being compensated. You could discuss with the manager and say, "I'm happy to discuss consulting and helping out. My consulting rate is $150 / hour." Otherwise they are going to continue taking advantage of you.
Good for you in making the choice to leave! Congrats on the new role.
Anne M GinsbergJanuary 5,2023 at 7:49PM UTC
Congratulations!! Do not waste one more nanosecond feeling guilty. It is NOT your fault that your manager has mismanaged the team. Finish out your time by handing your projects off to them. Look forward to your new job!
KatJanuary 5,2023 at 8:44PM UTC
Like Elsa says, "let it go". I've been there. It's tough because you care about your co-workers and clients. You have to remember why you're leaving and move forward. They'll figure out how to get things done without you there. It may force them to reassess how things are done because you're not there to fix everything and pick up the slack for their incompetence. Stop feeling guilty-they're the ones taking advantage of you (calling you during vacation, not taking time off for a year)! You are making yourself a priority, not them - that's a good thing. If you can move up your start date at the new place or take some unused vacation time before you start the new job, do so. You'll need some time to separate from your old role and you deserve a real break before starting the new role.
Leslie KaiserJanuary 5,2023 at 8:55PM UTC
in your description, you have already been trying to work with the team to take more accountability for their own accounts (which i read as "that accountability for their own job"), showing you have already gone above and beyond. The real disappointment here is the decision to hold off on announcing your departure... setting the team up to fail (and later try to blame you), which may end up being an opportunity for you to provide consulting services at a price. Go forth and prosper in your new role!!
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 12:16AM UTC
You're done. You've already done waaaay too much. Trust me when I say that they don't care as much as you do. There are clearly issues here that go beyond the workplace. Please consider counseling.
AnonymousJanuary 8,2023 at 9:44PM UTC
Thanks for the suggestion. Completely agree and am doing a lot of work on myself outside of work with a psychologist - basically I am a people pleaser who needs to get better at setting boundaries.
AnonymousJanuary 8,2023 at 10:07PM UTC
I have found that "third chair" to be invaluable during certain periods of my life. I'm so happy for you that you're actively working through these issues. It takes courage to face our stuff.
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 1:00AM UTC
"You can love you job, but your job doesn't love you back!" Respectfully, this organization isn't going to give you a second thought once you're out the door.
You might maintain contact with some team members, but frankly, that will likely be to exchange gossip.
We're all replaceable, including you. Both your team and organization will survive without you. They're going to figure things out.
It is no longer your problem to solve staffing issues or memorialize institutional knowledge. As others have said, you've been more than generous with out notification period. Time to move forward.
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 2:42AM UTC
Your first issue is an 8 week notice. Unless you are in the C Suite of a global public company, 8 weeks is a very long time and most likely not necessary.
Chances are good that you will miss them much more than you know and might try and hang on to your feelings of connection. What they need is for you to leave and give them space. The company is going through some major changes and the remaining team members need to weather this storm and plot their own path. Allow things to shack out and evolve so your team can get used to the new normal.
Vanda LeeJanuary 6,2023 at 5:43AM UTC
I used to be like this but I once had a negative experience that pushed me to leave for another job & while I had feelings of regret for leaving my awesome teammates, I was sooooo ready to get away from my micro-manager. I’ve kept in touch with them & but never looked back with regret. I had to take care of me. We’re all replaceable…they’ll figure it out. After you leave & are in an environment where you are valued you’ll get it. I agree that 8 weeks is a long notice.
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 5:57AM UTC
Your partner, colleagues, and career coach are correct.I felt the same way, but they won’t learn or get it together if you remain their holding them up.Been there, done that, and they figure it out…You need to think about you and your family.
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 8:42AM UTC
Sounds like something Trump would say :)
They will handle it without you. You’re not indispensable to them like you are to friends and family. Know what I mean?
Looking for a changeJanuary 6,2023 at 12:40PM UTC
Im not trying to be rude but it sounds like you’re making your job your life you need to take time off. 8 weeks is too long unless that’s what’s mandated if it’s possible I would change it to 2 and give yourself a week or so before new job. Also your job will survive without you, please take care of yourself your job isn’t your life
AnonymousJanuary 6,2023 at 9:28PM UTC
I agree with your partner, colleagues, and career coach though I empathize with you. It is tough to leave a team that you care about - however - they will be ok! Things take time, though it will all work out.
AnonymousJanuary 12,2023 at 10:54PM UTC
I have been there. I left a job where I created all the training materials and manuals. I have even been told at another position while on vacations to be able to check email because they cannot handle things without me. It was a relief once I left. At the job where I created all of the training documentation, I did have a newer colleague in my department that I was fond of, and the couple of times they called me for help after I left I did answer and helped them out for a few minutes. But after a little bit, they learned and everyone was able to do what was needed. You have to do what is right for you. You can be replaced at work, it is harder to replace you at home.