I've been at a new job for two months.

10 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 29,2022 at 12:11AM UTC

   Is it an option for you to reciprocate and start calling out their bad behavior? This treatment will continue until there are consequences.

2. AnonymousNovember 29,2022 at 12:17AM UTC

   Dang - don’t be too hard on yourself! Men love to point at a mistake they did not make - some not all- next time they make a mistake go talk about it- start something to get them talking .. they need to be heard like all. Good luck!

3. AnonymousNovember 29,2022 at 12:53AM UTC

   Not to scare you but I went through a similar situation and I'm no longer working for the company. The boys club supported senior male leaders that weren't doing their work and degraded women. I'm hoping it's not like that at your company but I'm in my 40s as well and I wouldn't put up with it. Other women quietly left but when an unforgiveable situation happened, I called the leader on it and proved my worth with HR. Instead of exiting quietly, I had financial security for a few months afterwards. Think about what you want and please document everything. That way, you have proof if the boys stick together. I wish you the best but consider your options. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself and keep your resume current!

4. AnonymousNovember 29,2022 at 5:04PM UTC

   Been there and learned to be very self motivated and separate myself from those around me. I listen to my gut, I plan carefully for my next move abd execute on my personal plan. This has saved me stress and frustration and help me choose my next move wisely.

   I would start with boundaries and a plan to do only what I can reasonably deliver with excellence. Then I spend all my extra energy increasing my value with certifications, classes and then networking with conferences and professional memberships.

   I prioritize my personal goals first for foremost and manage expectations at my current job. I explain my work load, I deliver on my own time line and above all else I remain engaged but with boundaries. I am positive, communicative but I do not allow myself to be push with extra projects and responsibilities. It's a delicate balance but one that can be mastered when you get clear on your personal goals abd where you are going. It's a big picture mentality that can save you so much time and frustration in the weeds. Pay attention to yourself only and get crystal clear on your priorities.

   This strategy works in boys clubs and any other situation. I found this to be a formula for getting what I want.

5. AnonymousNovember 30,2022 at 12:06AM UTC

   Your comment help articulate what I have been so far been doing. Hearing that this is your MO solidifies I am doing the right thing. Thank you.

6. Heather TearneyDecember 1,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

   The above information is great and it's good to hear that you are doing that. However, it is also important to remember that things may not change. You can have all of the documentation to support you, have successfully completed projects above expectation and you may still never measure up (in their eyes.) Yes, this is negative, but not YOUR negative, THEIR negative. It comes down to what you are willing to put up with, and if this job, within this work environment has enough positives to outweigh the negatives. You can always choose to leave; should you choose to stay, set your mind to working through it and not expecting change. It's unfortunate, and as you can see by these comments all too common. Another reason, we need to support and lift each other other up.

   Best wishes to you!

7. AnonymousNovember 30,2022 at 3:58PM UTC

   i second this! Prioritize your personal goals first. Always. Your situation sounds pretty typical imo

8. M BaazaDecember 1,2022 at 5:11PM UTC

   This is GREAT advice overall....thank you

9. AnonymousDecember 1,2022 at 1:19PM UTC

   Welcome to the real world. Men are usually in charge and the boy's club is the norm. They are special and you are not.(If you truly feel discriminated against report it to HR and be prepared to go to the EEOC or an attorney).

   I see some really good advice below and recommend using some of the techniques mentioned.

   I know this may sound negative, but keep a daily journal. You don't have to write down everything bad that was said, but journal the comments in general and use it to reflect on your growth opportunities. Not everyone is good at giving constructive feedback and in some cases their comments maybe their attempt at constructive feedback. Also in the journal write a few paragraphs to yourself on things you did that day that you are proud of or a positive feedback you received.

   You say you don't have time - it is just a recap of the day in a journal. Use it as your decompression time.

10. AnonymousDecember 1,2022 at 3:07PM UTC

    If this is the company's culture, nothing will change. Are there other women in the company you can reach out to in other departments? Maybe they can give you some advice on how to deal with how things are done there. I know jumping ship may not be an option, especially if it took you a while to find this job, but it may be the only way to keep your sanity. I was in a position where I could not quit until I found another job, and I ended up in the hospital due to the stress. Some things are not worth putting up with.