I'm having bad allergies this year.

Anonymous

July 13,2022 at 7:47AM UTC

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I'm having bad allergies this year. For the past 3 weeks every time my boss video-calls me the first thing he does is tell me how awful I look. He told me my eyes don't look normal. I know that - they're watering and have dark bags under them. I'm doing the best I can to deal with the allergies and also with "my appearance" (and also not coughing & sneezing my way through every meeting & phone call). I have another dr appt tomorrow to try to figure out what else I can do. The problem is there are allergy treatments that always worked for me in the past that I can't use now because of another health condition. Unfortunately, that includes using makeup to cover up the bags under my eyes. I already told my boss that it's discouraging to me when he keeps telling me I look awful. He says he's just concerned about me. I feel crummy enough as it is. How can I get him to stop making me feel even worse?

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AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 11:38AM UTC
Let him know the next time he video chats. Tell him you wish he'd understand that your allergies are really affecting your appearance and you are doing the best you can. Then say since my appearance bothers him, you'd like to take your calls/meetings without your camera on.
Let him know his discomfort really impacts you video calls.
AnonymousJuly 13,2022 at 1:26PM UTC
I am so sorry you're in this situation. It is important to know that it is NOT okay that your boss keeps bringing up your appearance during video calls.
I would suggest asking your boss to utilize phone calls from now on instead of video calls.
FaithJuly 13,2022 at 10:31PM UTC
Ive had this before and was able to gently advise them that its rude to comment on a persons appearance. Similar to how children sometimes need to be told not to point or say things about people just because they notice something strange, adults dont always realize the boundries there. Dont go into detail about what is happening, just ask him to stop. Hopefully he just doesn't realize it is upsetting you and that will be enough.