So, I'm looking to vent and to get advice on my situation. Here's the short version....

19 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 10,2024 at 2:00AM UTC

   Document your ideas. Only share your ideas as part of a mass email. That means create witnesses and a paper trail.

   No one will care about your rift with this person. It's just a she said, she said. But everyone acknowledges the origin of original ideas and great follow through. If you deliver impeccable work, create strong bonds with others ,etc.....no one will just magically assign that respect of work ethic and those ideas to another person if you are clearly showing up as a leader at work. Not going to happen. But you won't be seen as a leader if you see yourself as a victim.
   It's human nature to rally around performers. It just makes sense. So if you don't have the support and no one rallies then there is much more going on here.
   No one cares how many years you have in the business. You will be best recognized for your latest triump. You will create a reputation over the recent past. Your track record will speak for your expertise. People gravitate towards you. Being ostracized should not be tolerated by you. Invite yourself to every meeting. Share your capsule ideas, energy and enthusiasm. This is not about someone else. Be your own cheerleader. Walk the talk. Don't wait for anyone to invite you to lead.

2. AnonymousDecember 10,2024 at 2:39PM UTC

   That is fantastic advice. Thank you!

3. Christi LopezDecember 16,2024 at 1:02PM UTC

   This is exactly what I would do.

4. AnonymousDecember 16,2024 at 2:26PM UTC

   Definitely don’t share your ideas fully. Leave out pieces that you know will make the work unique/successful. If she’s demanding to know them on the spot in person you can always respond by saying you do better by writing things down where you have time to consider your words. Then you can share the idea in a shared doc (something with tracking) so it is clear who created it. You can even create a template for your ideas since they come and ask them for you so frequently. You can call it a “creative brief” and make it more “organized” but it’s really just a way of tracking your good work. This person will still claim credit and others might believe them but it is your name on it and without the crucial details, your idea in their hands is it going to be successful.

   some of us don’t have the luxury of leaving a toxic workplace no matter how bad it is. If this is you, do what you can to document your good work and protect your sanity. As someone else said HR isn’t your friend, make sure you document your work and your actions so you are looking after yourself. However at the end of the day, remember if the company wants you gone they can and will fire you.

5. AnonymousDecember 10,2024 at 4:17PM UTC

   This sounds like a high school drama series....sorry to hear you're going through this!

6. Faithful Pest EliminatorsDecember 10,2024 at 4:23PM UTC

   I'm really sorry you're going through this; it sounds incredibly tough. It might be helpful to document everything, including her behavior, and have a candid conversation with your supervisor or HR about how this is affecting your work environment and well-being. You deserve to be treated with respect, especially after all your hard work and experience. Setting clear boundaries and standing firm on sharing only what you're comfortable with could also help. Good luck, and I hope things improve for you soon!

   Visit us: https://faithfulpesteliminators.com/

7. Cindy GloverDecember 10,2024 at 9:35PM UTC

   Wow - This sucks but.....How I'd handle it is focus on my work and kick her a** that way - When she spits crap - Smile.

   Focus on growing your skill set - Focus on a promotion., Keep management out of it. Or - Find a new job.

   It sounds you have seniority so I'm guessing you know a bit more than the rest - Use it to your advantage but do NOT withhold any training or be unprofessional within your role.

   You've been there longer and can run circles around all of those cackles.......You got this.

   Although - I can't believe she said she didn't like you to your face - Had it been me, I may not have handled it professionally..... She sounds like a VERY toxic employee which brings ZERO value to an organization.

   I'm hoping management and HR recognizes this (on their own) and throws her out the door.

8. AnonymousDecember 11,2024 at 2:10AM UTC

   Seems she's after your job - And so far it's working. Please don't think seniority will save because it most likely won't. Continue the new job search and engage only when necessary via email (as previously suggested) - Keep a low profile & just smile ?

9. AnonymousDecember 11,2024 at 3:01PM UTC

   Documentation will serve you well, and to allow this to continue for a year is a concern that will be asked, why did you wait so long. Now you're going to share I did tell someone, and if you didn't see a change in behaviors you should have followed up and asked. Following up on conversations with emails, as this is what was discussed, etc. If your immediate leader isn't concerned you go to your leaders leader. However, document.

10. AnonymousDecember 14,2024 at 5:29PM UTC

    Document, document, document. Then take the documentation into HR and cc legal and let them know you are dealing with a hostile workplace and expect their intervention to do an investigation and that you want them to get this person to stop their behavior. Nothing else. They are required by law to do this and if they do not file a formal complaint with the EEOC and name names. Don't accept that kind of behavior from her or others. As for the others. What you could do is have a meeting with the manager in tow and let them know that you want them to make this stop and that you will not accept treatment of yourself in any other way that others also expect to be treated. Don't let this toxic person (use that language too) get you out of a job and place you love. She is just professionally jealous. You deserve better.

11. AnonymousDecember 14,2024 at 8:17PM UTC

    she sounds like an immature person and if she continues to do this, it will only hurt her. If you are on site I hope the supervisors see her behavior

12. AnonymousDecember 15,2024 at 3:32PM UTC

    She is a bully, and she will not get herself in trouble because she looks good to the supervisor by using the other person's ideas as her own and creating ga roup think in the department

13. AnonymousDecember 14,2024 at 9:15PM UTC

    Thanks, everyone, for the advice! For clarity, I didn't let it continue for a year without speaking up. I talked to her and told her the behavior was unacceptable. When she didn't stop, I took it to my supervisor. They said, "I don't talk about people," so I took it to their supervisor, who took it to HR. HR maintained that it was "women being women" and told us to be professional. For the last year, I've continued to do stellar work and advocate for myself about how I want to be treated at work. I now document everything. I cc my supervisor's supervisor on every communication I have with her and my supervisor. We are a TINY department with six people, but we support every other department in the company. The feedback from other departments is that I am a delight to work with and that my work is consistently above expectations. They are surprised because they had heard otherwise.

14. AnonymousDecember 15,2024 at 3:30PM UTC

    Wait, What HR said it was "women being women"? Oh no, they did not. Have you contacted legal? Take all your data, find a lawyer, file a complaint with the EEOC, and find another job. The reason is that you have outgrown the position.

15. Carl KemDecember 15,2024 at 12:10AM UTC

    It sounds to me as if your boss is the problem. If there is a dispute between employees that is affecting production, which this sounds to me like it's doing, then they must step in. Step in or step down. If a boss cannot manage destructive disputes between employees, then they cannot be trusted to manage to department or franchise.

16. AnonymousDecember 15,2024 at 3:26PM UTC

    She is bullying you. Start keeping track of her behavior. You have gone to your manager, and nothing has changed. File a complaint with HR. Have copies of your calendars where she has excluded you from meetings; if it is not against the law in your state, record any dealings you have with her. In some states, only one person has to be aware. Please do not give in she sees you as weak. Treat it like a project, take notes, record unacceptable behavior, and do not expect help from your teammates. You need this data to file a report with the EEOC and to sue your employer. Keep dates of your meetings with your manager, send follow-up emails to the manager after meetings, and do not use emotional language. For everything she does, send a follow-up email with a blind copy to the manager and HR once you have spoken to them. The manager has had a year and has done nothing. Get your proof together, go to HR, file a complaint, and then implement this plan. Keep track of dates, times, and what was done. Your company has a policy against her behavior. You can do this from a fellow suffering from bullying.

    As for sharing ideas, ask her what she thinks first, keep your good ideas to yourself, and give her the ones you have rejected. With the manager, BBC copied asked her about the missing meeting notices; you were not getting them. Perhaps you have somehow been missed on the list.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Get another job you are too good for these people. Go love what you do somewhere else.

17. AnonymousDecember 15,2024 at 4:08PM UTC

    Well, it seems to me like the company has kind of shown its true colors - that they’re not gonna help you or manage this in anyway. And you can document everything all you want, but in the end, do you wanna really still work there with this kind of behavior being allowed? Nothing kills a good employee’s morale faster than a bad employee being allowed to remain.

    If it were me, I’d be hitting the pavement looking for a better job - you deserve better. Let her have the mess that she’s created and the bad environment that they’re happy to be in. Go find a better job and your peace.

18. AnonymousDecember 15,2024 at 7:36PM UTC

    Is she a nepo?(nepotism). She might be awkward as a person and someone help her to get a job to become and learn to be a professional, but it seems not...., looks .ike whe has advantages on everything. Thats why I awk if she is a Nepo....if she is, then be very very careful how you address your issue to HR.

    Remember HR is not your friend ( may be a fake one...), they are there to protect the company you worked for.

19. AnonymousDecember 16,2024 at 3:35PM UTC

    I am very familiar with your situation; it happened to me at my last job. It’s a bizarre situation to be in. In my experience not everyone sided with the bully, but they were afraid to complain because the managers loved her so much. I completely understood; we needed to keep our jobs.

    I did find a new job that I love. Ironically, people from my old job reach out to me complaining about the bully now. I just ignore most of the texts. I confess I am amused at the all the problems they are dealing with now. She bullies others now. I found out my old manager is trying to find a way to get rid of the bully but she’s afraid of her too. The company did it to themselves. It’s not you. I kept a CMA (Cover My A**) file of emails, recorded meetings, etc. I do recommend that if you aren’t already doing it. I used some of it as a response to my last review at that company. My manager was not happy but it was hard to argue with emails and recordings so I still got a respectable raise. She couldn’t argue and didn’t want HR to think she was biased.

    I wish you luck in finding a new job. You deserve a workplace where you are valued and supported.