Colleague's bullying is increasing

19 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 1,2025 at 6:17AM UTC

   Why change what you are doing? It is the professional approach to a difficult person.

   In life there are difficult people. Practice not investing energy and identity into her verbal insults. You will not change her. And no one cares what she thinks. So smile and thank her and move on. No need for anything of her behavior to exhaust you. She is who she is.

2. AnonymousOctober 1,2025 at 12:20PM UTC

   Just stay calm and serene any time you deal with her. Do not ever give her the satisfaction of making you lose your temper or cry; she is not worth compromising your professional excellence at work. You could try using the same phrase over and over: "thank you for the feedback. Constructive criticism is always appreciated." It will give a subtle hint that perhaps her criticism wasn't constructive at all without coming out and saying so.

   If you don't think you can keep doing that and/or the prospect of working with her for several more months until you can transfer to a different department fills you with dread, invite her for lunch or coffee and tell her you want to clear the air. You get the feeling she dislikes you and if you did something to make her angry, you don't know what it is and can't apologize or change it without knowing what her anger is about. Then she will either bring up something that may have been a long-ago misunderstanding that you can clear up, or if she comes up with nothing, at least you know you tried everything within reason, so if she's still angry, it's a choice and you should ignore it beyond that point.

   A third option: put yourself on autopilot when you are at work, and just concentrate on the money hitting your bank account. Once in a while, a person may dislike us for no fault of our own; maybe we look somewhat like the woman their husband ran off with, or we have the same first name as someone who bullied them in high school, or they are just plain jealous because we're attractive! Keep living your best life and don't worry about it; in the wise words of Taylor Swift, "haters gonna hate... I'm just going to shake it off."

3. LauraOctober 1,2025 at 8:11PM UTC

   Ugh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this especially since she is a known issue. I truly don't understand companies who put up with these type of employees - they're toxic and everyone knows it but instead of addressing it they have everyone tip toe around them.

   You mentioned you think it's some type of game for her where she wants you to fight her on it, in which case it's best not to take the bait.

   The other part of me wants to say stand up to the bully? After a rude comment, simply say "What was the intent of that comment?" and stare her down until she answers.

   Also make sure to document EVERYTHING. Seriously who knows where this could go in the future and I would say to cover your butt just in case.

   Good luck!

4. AnonymousOctober 1,2025 at 9:38PM UTC

   So she's a "bully".......now what? You have no leverage other than to limit her access to you and your investment in her words. You have 100% control over her impact on you.

5. Barbara M.October 2,2025 at 2:20PM UTC

   How absolutely draining. You are smart for not taking the bait. Here are some suggestions having dealt with a workplace bully myself.

   Since she’s criticizing in emails, that actually helps you because it documents her behavior. Save or archive those. If she corners you in informal spaces like the breakroom, jot down dates and summaries in a private log when you get back to your desk. If things escalate, bring your emails and documentation to your supervisor, presenting it as: “I want to focus on my work, but repeated undermining is making collaboration difficult. Here are some examples. Can you advise me on the best way to handle this?”

   When others say “great job,” thank them in group settings (meetings, email threads). This subtly counters her one-off digs and ensures your contributions are publicly recognized.

   When she criticizes your choices (like photos or formatting), say "These are the approved materials we have, so we will make the best of them".

   AI suggestion (delivered critically) - "Thanks for sharing your thoughts. AI is definitely something to watch".

   When she critiques that your work should have been done by someone else like John because he's has more experience., try something like “I appreciate your perspective, however this assignment came directly from [Supervisor].

   I hope this helps with the way ahead.

6. AnonymousOctober 2,2025 at 4:00PM UTC

   She is baiting you, it's a power struggle for the limelight and being relevant and now that the others have left she is targeting you for attention. Don't take the bait. Rise above and kill her with kindness. When she tries to corner you to speak hurriedly walk away saying something like oh I'm late for a meeting, or have to go do something. Turn your back to her physically and move past her without saying anything as well. Don't lock eyes, don't engage. Every time you do you will end up being in her firing line.

   As for emails or written notes from her, save those and forward them to your manager and HR and be firm and tell them that this is hostile workplace and that you expect that they will tell her to stop. Document everything, time, date, place etc. Be firm don't take her crap and don't let her ruin your good vibe or work environment. Focus, focus, focus on your work and you. If you must interact with her make it be in front of others and be sure that you are always smiling like a cheshire cat. She won't know how to attack when you do that. You can endure this nonsense by not letting it get under your skin.
   As an alternative you can firmly confront her but given your tone in your post I suspect this may not suit your style. If you do choose this path, sit her down share the last example where she was rude or disrespectful of you and tell her that it is not acceptable and you expect the same treatment from her that you show to her from your side. Let her know that any future disparagement will be sent to highers up and notated as hostile and uncivil and will not be tolerated from her or anyone else. Let her know that comparisons of your work to AI or anyone else is her drivel and is absolutely crap and that you will no longer take her berating you or others in the team.
   Good luck but I think you got this!

7. AnonymousOctober 2,2025 at 10:20PM UTC

   A nice kick in the ass would be nice

   We can dream

8. Leader135412October 3,2025 at 12:18PM UTC

   Silence is golden, just act like anything she does or says doesn't rattle you. Stick to common sense and don't defend your work to her. Keep yourself aloof to her comments. Kill her with silent kindness and watch her.

9. AnonymousOctober 3,2025 at 2:25PM UTC

   She has created a hostile work environment and the company can be sued for that. Document everything. Their lack of action makes me wonder who she knows in that place. When I was a kid, I was taught that the best way to deal with a bully is one good punch to the nose. It worked. They never bothered me again. But since we're not children, I would practice "neutral" responses that show you don't care what she has to say. IE-"Thanks for the feedback. I'll consider it". "Noted". "I'm open to constructive feedback. I don't find this approach helpful". And walk away!

10. Liz MilneOctober 3,2025 at 3:51PM UTC

    Be polite but firm and push back.

    'That should go to John'

    'I've been awarded this project and I'm perfectly capable of working on it.'

    'I bet we could use AI to do that report.'

    'AI needs careful management: I don't think it's as easy as you assume. Unless you don't care about the quality of the work.'

    OR

    Just ignore her: she's not in your line of management and those who are have praised you. If you need to say something: 'Well [BOSS] is happy with it and he pays my salary.'

    'Those photos aren't good enough.'

    'They are the ones I've been told to use by [BOSS or person higher on the business rungs than her], so that's what I'm going to do.'

    And, of course, there's always the tried and trusted, 'What an unusual thing to say, what do you mean?' When she's being unwontedly bitchy :)

11. AnonymousOctober 3,2025 at 11:35PM UTC

    Everyone commenting below is over thinking this and being too wordy. This woman doesn't deserve the energy ya'll are putting into carefully crafted responses for the OP.

    Go on and document it, but trust me, "feeling" and "intent" can be difficult to capture in writing unless this capital 'B' said something or did something specifically that is considered harassment or malicious.

    The simplest approach is probably the most elegant one. Immediately shut her down each and every time. Be consistent.

    Your rebuke: "THANK YOU, (Karen). I'll take that under advisement."

    No need to string it out, over explain, or rephrase for each encounter. Why? You are dealing with a petulant 60 year old child. Feel free to even start interrupting her as you anticipate each snarky remark.

    A person like that doesn't deserve your breath, time, and energy. But you'll feel slightly better to have politely told her you're not gonna deal with her BS... Not today, Satan! not today.

12. AnonymousOctober 4,2025 at 12:08AM UTC

    I have to add. If you really insist on collecting thorough documentation (that when written down by you, doesn't inadvertently make you sound petty), tell her that she can provide her feedback in writing.

    If it's not in writing, she doesn't mean it.

13. AnonymousOctober 7,2025 at 2:05AM UTC

    Well said!

14. PatriciaOctober 4,2025 at 2:32PM UTC

    That sounds so draining — you’ve handled it with real professionalism, but given it’s been 3 years and leadership hasn’t stepped in, it might be worth seriously looking for another role (in another company?) where your contributions are valued.

15. Mystery MysteryOctober 4,2025 at 2:37PM UTC

    Document everything

16. ElizabethOctober 4,2025 at 5:59PM UTC

    Options

    1. Continue to ignore, no reason to answer. She likes to hear her own voice.

    2. Whenever she gives an unsolicited critique say, "why do you say that? The other feedback was good do what was standing out to you?" And make her explain it. Then smile and say thank you for the feedback and never ever do anything about it or acknowledge it again.

    3. Be obtuse. "That report should have gone to John" "Wow, thanks, I'm glad I was trusted to do it instead. It really worked out." And then walk away lol.

17. SPNN4 SOctober 6,2025 at 2:49PM UTC

    Agreed. Rise above it and then throw shade like the above on her for her petty behavior. Consider her as a hater and scrape her off the bottom of your shoe like something you stepped in. She sounds like she is jealous of you and secretly hates it when people say Nice Job on your work.

18. Patricia Osborne RandolphOctober 6,2025 at 9:31AM UTC

    What is the reason you feel if you stand up or de-escalate with an assertive response, or as you state "come back at her", you will be viewing as being hostile?

19. Pamela RosenOctober 6,2025 at 8:43PM UTC

    Oh man. This is one where you have to "not let butter melt in your mouth." My suggestion would be to agree with everything she says, ever. She's not your supervisor and she doesn't control your job, so just agree. "It could have been done by AI?" "I suppose it could have, aren't you glad we work for a company that values human work?" The photos arent' good enough and you're required to use them?

    "I agree, but they're required. Maybe you could suggest a new source of images to the managers." Should have gone to John because he has more experience? "Great idea! Maybe next time you can suggest that." Or, "I know, but John was so busy, he asked me to do it. I did get his input, though, thanks for noticing!" And then DON'T ENGAGE FURTHER. Just let it go, shake it off, and if you want to add a juicy epithet at the end, do it under your breath as you walk away. This is high school Mean Girl stuff and you're in your 50s. You're above it.