Grumpy new boss

9 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 3,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

   I get your frustration.

   Maybe she's got some concerns in her personal life. I'm not defending her, but we don't know. Maybe she wanted to retire (don't know her age). Maybe she hates her role.

   It's business. Be polite, do what she wants, ask questions and go home.

2. AnonymousApril 3,2024 at 2:30PM UTC

   Whoa, you are describing my boss! Unfortunately, I don't have much of an advice, mainly - just ignore her "sunny disposition". Inside just take it with a sense of humor. These people feel very self important, the best way would be to humor them.

3. AnonymousApril 3,2024 at 3:07PM UTC

   Don't take it personally. Easier said than done, I know.

   Treat it as you would a speech impediment, like stuttering. After all, the bottom line is they are not able to communicate effectively. So be patient, and don't draw attention to it. It's her issue to work through, and does not reflect on you as a person or employee.

4. Sharon HarrigerApril 3,2024 at 8:32PM UTC

   While you may not be able to change her speaking tone, you can take control of how you respond. I have always taken the better option to respond in the way I want to be spoken to. But choose your words wisely and show confidence in your response. When you are in a 1 on 1 meeting, be ready to ask questions to show you value her answers and experience. That can go a long way for positive performance reviews.

   It also may help you to get to know her better. Maybe find some common interest that you both have to start some small talk. Sometimes managers have a lot on their plate and it can be pretty stressful meeting all the demands placed on them. You may find that a friendly smile or "hey how is your day going?" could be enough to break the tension.

   I wish you the best!

5. AnonymousApril 6,2024 at 12:30PM UTC

   I feel your pain - I've had the same experience and eventually left for a better position. After years of experience working with patronising people who can't manage their emotions in the workplace I have found that over time it starts to wear down interest and enthusiasm for the work. If you love your work then you may be able to do a Michelle Obama on this - she goes low, you go high. That works well for me. Some great advice I received and follow is to do a small amount of prep before you go into any meetings with her. Look yourself in the mirror, remember who you are, what you do and bring to the role, remind yourself of your successes. The mistake I was making was over prepping meetings by swotting up on all the facts and getting overloaded, less centred, like a schoolgirl going into a bossy, lousy teacher. That's what this kind of behaviour can elicit in us feeling-wise over time and I've experienced the loss of self and self esteem it can contribute to. Then be sure to ask any clarifying questions if you're not sure you follow the instructions - as your boss is showing signs of impatience as you say, it's easy to get sucked into the vortex and feel destabilised. The other bit of advice that works a treat for me is to practice a quasi rigor mortis smile (not too much of one that it seems facetious!) and just smile through it. I would look around for other roles too as plan B because no matter how well you handle it, unless your love for your work can overcome this, you may find yourself unhappy and/or posssibly getting undermining patronising performance reviews.

6. AnonymousApril 6,2024 at 4:03PM UTC

   This has recently happened to me and they were being extremely abrasive. About the 5th time or so this happened, I asked them to be mindful of their tone. They made an excuse with their apology then started up again and that's when I politely removed myself from the conversation and said we could pick it up later. After that they did give me a true apology. Set your boundaries!

7. AnonymousApril 6,2024 at 5:54PM UTC

   I am a contractor working for someone who does the same thing. I learned from her brother that she has ADHD which he explains is why she constantly interruptions, speaks non-sequiturially and may come across as demeaning to others. I have zero experience with this condition aside from knowing there is medication to help manage it. I’m learning, and it’s difficult, how to manage conversations with her, but she has commented on more than one occasion that she appreciates my patience during our meetings. However, I can actually feel myself tense and strain as I try to follow her stream of consciousness.

   I mention this as it may also be the reason for why your supervisor acts and reacts the way she does. It doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, but sometimes understanding why someone is why s/he is, can bring a modicum of patience.

8. Sidney BristowApril 8,2024 at 11:20PM UTC

   Tell her she speaks to you in what you hear as an impatient and lecturing tone. And you would like to have instead a mutually-respectful relationship with her.

   Hints don't work. Tell her.

9. SamApril 9,2024 at 11:00PM UTC

   Have you told her this? During the next meeting with her, let her know that you feel uncomfortable with the tone.

   I have Asperger's, and I told my manager that I I experienced "PTSD" when I get meeting notifications. Minor, but it stems from having 'rough managers' in the past (I had one that never talked to you unless they wanted something or you did something wrong...

   She lets me know, in the meeting notification what the meeting is about. it does help.

   Talk to her.