I need help. I'm HR for a company owned by two brothers, one of them has significant mental health challenges.

30 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 3:15PM UTC

   Up to this point, what have you done? Whether or not targeting a protected class? Even if it can't legally be defined as a hostile work environment, I think from what you described this would certainly qualify as toxic and as HR, you really should take steps to address. Is the demonstrated behavior only from one of the brothers? Could I safely assume that the other is at least aware of what's going on and what has been his response to this? Are you losing employees and/or customers because of this behavior? Would you be if the economy were better?

2. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 3:45PM UTC

   This person is an Owner and per your post has broken no laws. So until there are consequences (EEOC complaints or lawsuit) there is nothing to do other than plead for change. You risk your position but hey what can HR do?

3. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 4:01PM UTC

   It seems a natural question to ask whether you've spoken to the other owner about this. You do have an obligation as HR to do *something* here.

4. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 4:37PM UTC

   I have spoken with the other owner and he's asked for my advice.

5. AnonymousMay 23,2025 at 2:37PM UTC

   @ OP - that SUCKS. Do you get the sense he's asking your advice as the HR person in the room or as a person he trusts? Because to me, if my kin work with me and I'm acting up, I'd hope they'd approach me as family. What are you going to do about this behavior that his brother, who is RIGHT THERE, couldn't?

6. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 3:56PM UTC

   Responding to myself here because I have been thinking about this a lot -- I think if you don't think you can do anything to help in this situation, it's probably time to leave. Especially if you're in a spot where the owner is asking YOU how to deal with HIS peer and BROTHER, it's only going to get worse if you don't know what to do. I genuinely feel like this has the potential to become unsafe.

7. AnonymousMay 28,2025 at 12:07AM UTC

   Thank you, I'm taking the great advice given in this thread along with things I've already done. I really appreciate you giving this some thought. I'll come back and post and update when I have one.

8. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 4:18PM UTC

   I am depressed reading the comments…. Protected class ?? A HOSTILE work environment is TOXIC. This has nothing to do with a protected class. This needs to be adressed … yelling at employees and making derogatory comments or passive aggressive comments is grounds for psychological abuse. I can’t get over what I am reading. Do better people. Bosses don’t have the right to treat people like dirt verbally. Unless there is something weird in your state or country. But here where I live it’s unacceptable. You need to have it in writing that you asked them to stop unless the company gets sued. Then you will have it documented that HE hanged himself. So to speak. There are consequences in life. Make sure you do the right thing, this seems like way over your head. Get help with this situation.

9. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 4:25PM UTC

   While I agree that it is a toxic work environment, what OP has shared doesn't meet the definition of a hostile work environment (because, again, it doesn't have the protected class part). Regardless, she absolutely should be doing something and should have already been doing something.

10. BarbaraMay 22,2025 at 5:51PM UTC

    Sadly this is normal in so many small organizations. Not enough real consequences available. The owners are virtually autonomous. Best thing would be an employee revolt !

11. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 2:00PM UTC

    This happening because the job market is shit. If the job market was better and the role had a high turn over rate the owners would acknowledge the problem

12. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 5:55PM UTC

    As HR you are between a rock and a hard place. Regardless of protected definitions, you are required to investigate and document employees complaints. In this case I would go further and contact your states labor board for specific directions. That way you have documentation should they wrongfully terminate you for doing your job. I would also contemplate the idea of an employee intervention. If it is a small company, having all your employees refusing to work in such an environment would be impactful! Check with the labor board and possibly an attorney to find out your best next steps n

13. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 7:22PM UTC

    Create a paper trail of bringing this up to the Owners (both) as well as any upper management. You need to show you tried to remedy the situation to protect yourself and your position.

14. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 7:44PM UTC

    This doesn't seem like an environment anyone would want to work in. Appreciate that as a person in HR, you are looking out for the employees. I would meet with both of the owners, even the one who has mental challenges and provide feedback. Do it in a way that is not disarming to them, but go to them as if you want their advice. Then get your resume ready to go and get the hell out of there. In the end, the employees will leave, or someone will file a lawsuit, or whatever. It's going to get messy. Protect yourself and find your way out. The other brother probably knows the less mentally capable brother is a problem. If you bring it up, be ready to find yourself a new job. Family owned businesses are very messy.

15. JenniferMay 27,2025 at 7:07PM UTC

    I like the idea to include both owners at once. It's best practice to speak in person to the party that's being "accused." Having the other brother as a foil, while approaching both in a way that's not abrasive, is key.

16. AnonymousMay 24,2025 at 3:43PM UTC

    In family owned businesses as an HR pro you might have little to or less power to control abhorrent behaviors. If you need to perhaps bring in the EEOC for serious violations but don't put your reputation at risk by supporting any type of abuse as in a court of law you could be called into the conversation as well for aiding them. Be firm in guiding them and do it with both brothers in attendance. As for using restrooms perhaps get in a cleaning crew to spruce up the old one for your employees, charge it to the company budget. Good luck.

17. Julie Chatman, MBA, CISMMay 25,2025 at 12:59PM UTC

    You’re in a tough spot.

    A few things come to mind. In family owned businesses of any size, HR is typically a compliance function versus a strategic partner.

    Based on what you’re sharing, there could be a ton of risk for the business and for you - professionally and personally.

    You may want to think about approaching the other brother with an aggregated and anonymized summary of the complaints raised by the employees, a high-level view of the potential risks to the business, and a recommendation that they bring in a lawyer to conduct a risk assessment.

    with this approach, you are demonstrating that you are a valuable strategic partner and you’re bringing up an issue not out of a sense of morality, which can be highly subjective, but from the perspective of business risk / protecting the business

    You may also want to begin a quiet search for another role, because the risks to you are not insignificant

18. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 10:11AM UTC

    Agree with this approach.

19. R.A. AndrewsMay 26,2025 at 3:00PM UTC

    Thorough, thoughtful response and I fully agree with all points.

20. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 11:44AM UTC

    Agree fully

21. AyianMay 26,2025 at 3:53PM UTC

    This is tough. First, it would help employees to understand the definition of hostile work environment from a legal perspective. While the actions are literally hostile, they don't meet the criteria for HR action within the legal definition of hostile work places. It may also help to institute an empathy based approach to mental health challenges, maybe with a weekly newsletter with an article about behaviors exhibited or even other mental health challenges. You may also wish to approach the other brother about seeking a diagnosis so that appropriate therapies, pharmaceutical it otherwise, can be explored, with a focus on the negative impacts that the unpredictable and/or unpleasant behavior has on employee retention and therefore the cost of training new employees and the resulting instability in the business.

22. Terry CostelloMay 26,2025 at 5:06PM UTC

    Quit

23. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 6:37PM UTC

    Because this is a privately held company, I don't think there is absolutely anything you can do. I would document everything carefully and consider talking with an attorney to protect yourself... If these complaints escalate, there could be a lawsuit against the company.And include you

24. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 1:40PM UTC

    Why don't you speak to the other brother ?

25. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 11:57PM UTC

    That's been happening and I plan to continue. This post was created to gain some helpful tips that I could use to speak to the other brother about.

26. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 2:18PM UTC

    Maybe suggest training for the employees about special needs and inclusiveness. Maybe as part of the on-boarding for new employees as well. Special needs can be tough to deal with at times and its hard to not take it personal. It sounds to me the brother with special needs is not feeling heard and maybe not getting some of his needs met so trying to control what he can in his snow globe world of needing things just so. Maybe the special needs brother needs an personal aid to assist with employee interactions. Maybe the employees would not feel the environment to be hostile if they had some understanding of what life looks like from the special needs brothers point of view of the world.

27. Tina MorenoMay 27,2025 at 2:51PM UTC

    This is definitely a tough spot to be in—and unfortunately, not an uncommon one when ownership and leadership issues overlap. As others have said, part of working in HR is navigating murky waters like this. But that doesn’t mean you should be left without structure or support. A few things to consider as you move forward:

    -Mental health challenges do not excuse harmful behavior—and as you noted, unless there's a documented disability with an accompanying accommodation plan, your role is to focus on the impact of the behavior, not the cause. The ADA protects against discrimination, but it doesn’t give anyone a free pass to create a hostile or unsafe work environment. The owner should be working with a clinician to understand his limitations and how to manage his behavior—not leaving that burden to staff or HR.

    -Document everything. First-hand complaints, direct quotes, and observed behaviors—especially those that impact morale, productivity, and employee retention. Even if no legally protected classes are involved, creating a timeline of events and behaviors builds a foundation for presenting the broader risk to the business.

    -Frame it through the lens of business risk. When you speak with the other brother, focus on retention, morale, reputational damage, and potential legal liability. Explain that while the behavior may not yet meet the legal threshold for a hostile work environment, it’s absolutely creating a toxic one—and employees won’t stick around for it. Even worse, one solid claim could trigger an expensive investigation.

    -Clarify expectations. You can recommend outside leadership coaching, mediation, or mental health support resources—but also make it clear that continued disruption, verbal abuse, or unreasonable behavior isn’t something the business can tolerate. At some point, it becomes a risk to everyone.

    This is heavy, but you’re right to address it head-on. If you're not already aligned with an outside employment attorney, now’s a good time to consult one—not necessarily to act, but to make sure you're covering your bases. And if you’re not already getting support as an HR pro (peer group, SHRM chapter, etc.), I highly recommend finding one.

    You’re not alone. And you’re doing the right thing by facing this instead of turning a blind eye. You've got this—step by step.

28. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 3:55PM UTC

    Did chatgpt write this?

29. Tina MorenoMay 28,2025 at 3:06PM UTC

    I wrote my answer and yes, I used Grammarly to clarify my points. It's a tool that many could benefit from using.

30. Sameera SumarJune 2,2025 at 9:45AM UTC

    true that the above nails it all - however the ride is going to be bumpy- so have patience and take it slowly and indeed you need to speak to the other brother informing him of the risks & compliance... ;)