Need advice for telling a narcissistic boss I quit

22 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 11:02PM UTC

   Firstly, are you owed any holiday? You can use that as part of your notice. Secondly, if you cannot bear it and fear that she will ratchet up the nastiness, you can go off sick with stress. Let me say that again - you can legitimately go off sick with stress. Between those two points, I think you can probably legitimately shrink 10 days of hell down quite considerably. Another important way to look at it, if you have no holiday and you can't bear to go off sick, is that you're moving on anyway. She can no longer bully or hurt you effectively because you have already planned and finalised your life without her.

2. Nanette CanonicoMay 26,2022 at 12:26AM UTC

   Give your notice, only because it's the professional thing to do and in the long run you will feel better for it. For the remainder of your time there, know that you are doing what's right for you and her words/actions are not a reflection of what you've given her during the time you've been there, but her. I've been there. I gave a 2 week notice once and was told by my giant a-hole boss that a month or two was customary. [insert eyeroll] I told him I was done in two weeks, but if he needed to hire me as a contractor for 1-2 months following my last day, my rate is $50/hour with a 3 hour minimum.

3. Almira AlmonteMay 26,2022 at 3:16AM UTC

   I totally agree with this! If she starts speaking badly about you remember the relationship is not healthy already and you've been wanting to leave asap. She can do and say whatever she wants but do not let this affect you. As soon as you gave your 2 weeks notice, be proud of yourself for doing it! Then, Move on.

4. AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 12:38AM UTC

   I went through a similar experience that ended yesterday. If you work in a state that is at will, give your notice effective immediately and move on. In dealing with a narcissists'/toxic leader use the D.E.E.P method- don't defend, explain, elaborate or personalize it. Take care of you. How she responds is not a reflection on you. I tried the two week notice and (actually was 3 weeks) and was abruptly sent home 3 days ahead of my notice. I did not expect to last that long..

5. AnonymousMay 27,2022 at 5:32AM UTC

   I suggest tell her in person and email the letter of resignation shortly to her and anyone else who should be cc. If she has questions, be courtesy and say I will be transitioning out of my role.

6. Felicia FandreyMay 27,2022 at 12:22PM UTC

   I would def give the two week notice in person and follow up w N email if she decides to send you home so be it. I agree with the others. Don’t take her actions/words personally and know it’s almost over.

7. Valerie RiegerMay 27,2022 at 12:34PM UTC

   I would give a notice and provide a written letter of resignation. How she handles is on her. Answer her inquiries courteously and professionally.

8. SueMay 27,2022 at 12:39PM UTC

   Give 2 weeks notice. Keep it short and sweet when you tell her you are leaving, perhaps at the end of the day. Don't give specifics, just that you are exploring new opportunities. I understand the part of not wanting to come back, but you are a grown up. If she chooses not to be a grownup herself, there's little you can do. Follow up in writing that you spoke with her and gave sufficient notice. If she walks you out the door, or tells you not to come back, then so be it. Good riddance to a bad employer.

9. Pamela WhiteMay 27,2022 at 12:48PM UTC

   Don’t let her behavior be your hindrance. You have made your decision now execute. Give your two weeks notice, put it in writing and make it be known it is final. If she asks you to leave before that good for you. Your 2 weeks date is your date nothing more, nothing less.

10. Joanna PoeMay 27,2022 at 2:06PM UTC

    Prepare the letter of resignation and schedule the sending via email to coincide with handing her a copy in person. Offer two weeks, but don't be surprised if they ask you to go that day - pre-pack any personal items.

11. Sarah StadtherrMay 27,2022 at 3:44PM UTC

    prepack - I'd alredy have taken bits n pieces home (or to the car) before handing in resignation.

12. Joanna PoeMay 28,2022 at 1:33AM UTC

    I totally did this, and facilities even gave me a likely excuse - a few weeks before I left, they sent out a note saying they were going to do a deep-disinfection cleaning over a holiday break, so please take all the knick-knacks off your desk. Yoink - thanks!

13. EMILY KIKUE FRANKMay 27,2022 at 4:40PM UTC

    Two weeks is ideal but if you're at your breaking point, your last day can be tomorrow. It's poor etiquette, but since you've been being treated badly anyway, I'm calling that fine.

14. SamMay 27,2022 at 4:56PM UTC

    As the others have mentioned, have your letter of resignation ready. Go with the two weeks, because that is what the professional thing to do.

    Now, having said that, if she rants and raves, tell her, in person, to her face, that THIS is one of the reasons you are leaving. Then leave with your head held up, and enjoy that new job. Don't answer your phone, block her from texts too.

15. Debbie CachatMay 28,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    I just went thru this ! I gave 1 week notice because it would not matter if I gave a month or 2 weeks notice. It was easy for me because I knew the end was near and if she continued to act that way I just would not come back the next day. Don’t be surprised if she tells you how surprised/disappointed she is that you are leaving. These types of people really do not live in reality - she was so nice to me the last week and I wondered why the past year could not have been that way! Don’t over think it…..be pleasant and move on it truly is the best revenge!

16. AnonymousMay 28,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

    Yes give 2 weeks notice, you could do one week, or none.

    Put at least a few days in between old job and new one, you'll need to time to refocus and recover.

    I worked for a woman like this. Just gave her a letter saying this is my two weeks notice and my last day will be June 30. She wasn't happy, ignored the fact that I ran the office for her and was in effect the only employee and kept track of all the contract workers she had. Was also the only one running the work product from contractors and making sure it got to the correct client and was billed. She waited until my 3rd to last day to look for and hire someone. In her own "special" way, on this poor person's first day of being the only person in the office, she didn't show up until noon. On the third day of that employees job, she realized about 10:00 that the phone were still ringing to her house (they always came to me when I worked for her), so she went in. Keys and a note I quit were on the desk and she just couldn't understand it.

    She hired someone we both knew and 6 weeks later fired her. On Christmas Eve. That woman was smarter and better at the job than I was.

    I still have PTSD from her and it has been 12 years

17. JaneMay 28,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

    I worked for a horrible woman like this for years and I gave two weeks when I was at the end of my rope. Do it sooner than later and don’t take it personally when she gets upset.

18. AnonymousMay 28,2022 at 5:24PM UTC

    I believe each comment cements the choice, the change and the exit strategy. Now get your own head in order, congratulate yourself for taking the necessary steps for your own wellness. Move forward, be kind and authentic. You had got this.

19. Liz MilneMay 29,2022 at 12:05AM UTC

    Bite the bullet, give her your two weeks, and prepare for two weeks of hell. During that time, be polite, respectful etc, do the job, ignore her narcissism, even if you go home and cry after each shift. You'll soon be out of there xx

20. Madeline AlvarezMay 29,2022 at 1:21AM UTC

    Give the amount of notice you feel comfortable with. Be it 2 weeks, 1 week, 1 day. Give it some thought and follow your instincts. You will know what is right for you.

21. AnonymousMay 31,2022 at 1:37PM UTC

    Give her the 2 weeks notice and be prepared for whatever. Her response and behavior on how she handles it is on her, not you. She may give you hell for 2 weeks, she may be the nicest or phoniest person for the next 2 weeks, or she may blow up and tell you to go home now. None of these actions can you predict nor control. The sooner you give it, the better you will feel.

    Best wishes.

22. AnonymousMay 31,2022 at 2:19PM UTC

    You could certainly leave without notice, wouldn't blame you for that. But avoid that if possible.

    Just type up a letter of resignation, set up a time to meet with her, let her know you are giving your notice and leave it at that.