I work in a male-dominated industry, mid-management level. My direct boss is based elsewhere. At my location there’s an older mid-manager who seems threatened by me.

34 Comments

1. IreneNovember 5,2025 at 1:26PM UTC

   I would start documenting, recording, if legal in your state. I would not take this lying down with as tough as the job market is right now. Reach out for a meeting with his boss. Fight

2. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 2:38PM UTC

   That’s solid advice. I’ve been keeping detailed records for my own clarity, it’s helped me see patterns more objectively. I’m trying to balance staying professional with protecting my peace, so this reminder helps. Thank you Irene.

3. GirlBossanova627261November 5,2025 at 1:35PM UTC

   One strategy is finding like minded people to share ideas and experiences. Going at it alone is hard. Addressing a cultural change, like it sounds your department, and possibly broader company needs, takes a group effort. Find those you can share openly with and form a business group. Ideas from the group are likely to get heard as companies are less inclined to ignore a groups opinion. Another option is form a womens organization with a C-suite member acting as chiar and counsel. I find this is a great way to break downs with the senior leadership team as ideas and suggestions that come out already have the support of a C-suite member. If internal groups are ignored then it might be time to find a stronger culture elsewhere. If you go that route make sure to take time asking cultural questions in the interview such as How would you define culture at this company and what resources are dedicated to support it? How are challenging new ideas welcomed in the company and do you have any examples to support that?

4. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 2:35PM UTC

   This is very grounding advice, thank you. I’ve been realizing how much the issues I’m facing tie back to culture, not just process. I like your idea about forming small internal alliances focused on problem; solving rather than hierarchy. If that doesn’t gain traction, I’ll definitely carry your suggestion forward into future interviews, asking about how they define and support culture. Thank you for that lens

5. Elizabeth Stiles WestNovember 5,2025 at 1:50PM UTC

   If you otherwise like the job, keep pushing. He may retire or who knows, even change his mind about you. Keep being professional and otherwise doing your job well. This may sound crazy, but I suggest inviting him for lunch or coffee one day, your treat. At the coffee shop or restaurant, tell him that you get the feeling that as well as disliking your fashion sense, he doesn't like you. Tell him you want to clear the air and if you inadvertently said or did something that caused him to feel that way, you don't know what it was, and can't solve a problem you're unaware of. Then let him speak.Either he will be at a loss for words and perhaps realize his own foolishness, or if he comes up with some sort of misunderstanding, you can take the appropriate action to clear it up.

   When I taught at a technical college, one particular student was very rude to me on the first day of class. He complained about how stupid it is to even have to take my class, my get-acquainted activity was lame, the textbook cost too much, and this class sucks. When class took a 20 minute break, I asked if I could speak to him. I said that I gather that I'm not your favorite person and you clearly don't want to be here. What can I do to help? I found out that he had a bad experience with a previous English class and that his anger at me came from a place of fear from something that actually didn't have anything to do with me. When I told him that I will gladly help him any time he has questions and reassured him that I don't grade with a red pen, pointing out minor mistakes the way his previous instructor did, he became much more cooperative and later would say I'm his favorite teacher. I can't guarantee that the same thing will happen for you, but if this guy seems threatened by you, try to let him know you're not a threat; he and you are on the same team . Point out that it's smarter for both of you to help each other instead of being enemies for no good reason.

   It's difficult to deal with a curmudgeon, but often, showing kindness and willingness to listen will really help.

6. Elizabeth Stiles WestNovember 5,2025 at 1:56PM UTC

   As for getting him to accept initiatives, try to make it seem as if your idea was his idea-- "Bob's insights at the meeting led me to think about what if we did it this way... thank you, Bob, for sharing your thoughts." It's magical how what Bob used to think was the world's dumbest idea becomes exactly what the company needs to do if he gets to take credit for it.

7. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 2:17PM UTC

   Thank I love your response, I don't feel like I'm done here. I have invited him to lunch and he snapped her doesn't have time to take lunch. He works through lunch and brings microwavable food. When I approached him to clear the air and work together on the same team he said he didn't want to argue with me, I was not arguing ironically and he told my boss he hates I ask questions. To which my boss told him I ask questions and you don't react in the same way towards me; he agreed but it never got better.

8. Elizabeth Stiles WestNovember 5,2025 at 2:44PM UTC

   In that case, you have already really tried. Your boss knows that you are doing your best, so just ignore him to the extent you can. I can see why you want to look for a different job and you can certainly start looking, but there are difficult people everywhere and no guarantee that a similar or worse person might be at the new employer. Just do your job very well during work hours and treat yourself extra kindly outside of work. Don't take anything this guy says personally because it's really not you. He is the one with the issues. He may have been raised in a very sexist family; his father may have bullied his mother, and seeing a strong woman who doesn't take that crap may be terrifying to him. Is he married? If so, I would be very curious to meet his wife. If you could actually befriend her at an office party, that would be a game-changer.

9. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 2:27PM UTC

   Six months is a very very SHORT amount of time To settle into a role, And to completely understand the dynamics of the team you're working on. I think you're jumping the gun. We don't know the details , but there is also a possibility that you are pushing too hard and asserting yourself too much as the new member... Consider switching into a servant mindset and speaking to the local manager about ways that you can support his work. Stop looking for credit... Again,

   You have only been there 6 months and you have not earned enough signority.Or respect to be seeking affirmation.

10. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 4:40PM UTC

    That’s a fair point, six months really isn’t long in the grand scheme. I actually came in with a mandate to help modernize and digitize a few legacy processes, which naturally takes some adjustment. My counterpart has been here about a month longer, and I’ve been intentional about taking a patient, non-confrontational approach as my boss requested. I avoid arguments, focus on listening, and let results speak for themselves.

    It’s been a delicate balance with the ebbs and flow that can be expected. Respecting what already works while quietly building the foundation for what’s next. I’m learning that sometimes cultural evolution moves slower than process improvement, and that’s okay. Thank you for the reminder to stay grounded in the long view!

11. AnonymousNovember 6,2025 at 2:53PM UTC

    I disagree, she was brought in at the same level. There should be the respect.

    To OP: If there is HR bring the receipts, or contact your manager. I know you said he is in another area, but he need to know what is happening ... especially if its bad enough that you are thinking of leaving. They felt you could do this role.

12. QNovember 7,2025 at 4:11PM UTC

    This view is problematic, as it appears the OP was brought in as a peer to the individual who is bullying her. That means they are on the same level from the start. While it’s true that getting a feel for the team’s unique dynamics takes time, it is unprofessional for the man to treat her as “less than” or to repeatedly shut her down.

    Offering insights on departmental processes as someone with longer tenure is one thing. Exhibiting dismissive or exclusionary behavior is quite another. She does not need to earn seniority as she already holds the same mid-management level. Her responsibility is simply to perform well in her role, act in the company’s best interests, and remain open to learning any unique workflows or dynamics within the team. Nothing more, nothing less.

    This kind of pushback from longer tenured individuals doesn't strengthen teams - it undermines them. It slows progress and shifts focus away from collaboration and outcomes toward defending personal territory instead of partnering for shared success.

13. Melody SchulteNovember 5,2025 at 2:31PM UTC

    I feel like if disrespect is being served at the table, ask for a booth and look for a new job.

14. AnonymousNovember 5,2025 at 4:46PM UTC

    That’s such a powerful line, and it resonates. Disrespect and blockage are heavy indicators that something deeper is off. I’ve been wrestling with that balance, on the one hand six months feels too short to truly test change, but two years can feel like too long if your energy keeps getting drained. I’m starting to realize there’s a difference between patience and stagnation. Maybe the real measure isn’t time, but whether the environment still allows you to grow.

15. Maria FeltonNovember 6,2025 at 1:39PM UTC

    I hope you had a chance to speak with HR

16. AnonymousNovember 6,2025 at 2:27PM UTC

    I’m going through something similar also in a male dominated industry too. I’ve gray rocked him, put my guard up and established strong boundaries he started to think I might quit he’s gotten his act together fast. I’m still preparing to leave as this is temporary he will act up again if he feels threatened. The only way forward is to move on when you can. It won’t get better, but it will ebb and flow until these manager either gets held accountable or get therapy, both are unlikely.

17. Milissa JacobsNovember 6,2025 at 2:34PM UTC

    Do you have an HR department? Nothing this guy is doing is legal. Document and report.

18. AnonymousNovember 6,2025 at 5:45PM UTC

    Heres what to do. Immediately document as much in terms of dates, times, places, witnesses as you can. What you are dealing with is bullying, gaslighting, and a professionally jealous person. Take what you have an quietly in private speak to your HR rep and let them know that what you are dealing with is borderline hostile workplace. Use those words exactly. Let them know that you do not feel safe and that his behavior is affecting your ability to interact with others as well. Check your employee handbook to see if there is a section on sexual harassment as this does fall under that guideline. Ask them to intervene and to help you to navigate a solution to the problem. If need be involve your manager as well and let them know your goal is a peaceful high output work product from you and mutual respect on both sides from this person. Ask for an investigation. It is the companies responsibility to do this and if they do not within 30 days you will be left with no recourse other than to file a formal complaint with the EEOC/their legal department and also any leadership within the company. Be sure to copy your own email in bcc and take photos as well of the emails you send in case there is any suggestion of retaliation. Good luck.

19. AnonymousNovember 6,2025 at 8:05PM UTC

    To piggyback on another's reply, be sure to document, but make sure you BCC everything to your personal email and print everything. Timestamped.

    Your options are to fight it, going through HR, which sometimes can be as bad as the situation, or go ahead and put yourself back on the job market and then leave once you find something else. Either way, none of this is comfortable. I would first get a meeting with HR AND your boss most likely virtual since your boss is off site. And tell them this behavior is unacceptable, not professional and not what you had in mind when you took the job. Use power words like: hostile, unacceptable, sexual harrassment, workplace bullying. If you have anything in writing from the other mid-manager that shows any of this behavior then send it to your private email and print it. If you need to share it, scan it to your boss and HR. Many times this is the first step, then you ask HR, what are the next steps and timelines of each step? Have it documented. Then make sure they are doing their due diligence, if not, then you get an employment attorney and they will call HR on your behalf. I can tell you that person may not have a job after this. Not your fault, but it hopefully will get rid of the bad seed. Or it may be part of their culture and it is allowed.

20. Tina FletcherNovember 6,2025 at 9:51PM UTC

    I've found over the years that HR has turned into protecting the company instead of being a non- bias entity within the company. I would quietly start looking for a new job.

21. AnonymousNovember 7,2025 at 11:43AM UTC

    I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. I've worked in Employee Relations and had a very similar experience. The first thing to do, is to document everything with dates and times. Then go to HR. They have to investigate and then, they will speak to your direct boss. Remember.... HR is there to protect the company....... not you. It sounds harsh but it's true. The boss can respond to HR but HR won't tell you what he said. He can retaliate and make things worse. You can hire an employment attorney but this will take time and they will take 30 to 35 percent "IF" you win. The attorney will also charge you a retainer fee, and the court cost to file the actual documents, which you have to pay out of your own pocket. My advice would be, to report this to HR and start looking for another job immediately. Obviously, your boss has a serious problem and doesn't deserve to be in a position of authority. Sadly, some people are just ignorant, mean, rude and disrespectful and just don't care about other people. They move from company to company and get promoted with the same terrible behavior because the victims are too afraid to speak up. They behave this way because they know that they can get away with it. You deserve better.

22. AnonymousNovember 7,2025 at 1:53PM UTC

    It’s time, now. You can’t force anyone to like you. You will never get promoted. It never gets better. Pull back your emotional investment and start looking for a new job.

23. WendyRMNovember 7,2025 at 3:30PM UTC

    I know everyone is telling you to take this situation to HR. My take is a little different. You are both peers on the same mid-management level. This "man" is throwing his weight around because he wants control and bullys people to get it. Your story also read as he's a misogynist. He's deeply insecure. I'd ask for a meeting with him. If he blows you off, next time he's blatanly disrespectful of you, call him out on it. Just ask him what his problem is with you. Put the onus on him. If he can't provide a valid reason let him know that his disrespectful behavior smacks of sexism which is against company policy. Sometimes bullys need to be confronted. It's not easy for women to do so but nothing will change if nothing is done.

24. AnonymousNovember 7,2025 at 5:30PM UTC

    Start preparing to leave. I am in a similar position and am actively job hunting.

25. Jennifer GonyeaNovember 8,2025 at 5:48AM UTC

    Don’t just leave. Go to HR like NOW and explain what is going on. You have rights. You could talk w a lawyer whom specializes in job harassment. We need to fight these bullies but in the right manner and hit them where it hurts their pockets or livleyhood.

26. Jennifer GonyeaNovember 8,2025 at 5:44AM UTC

    Have a conversation with your boss or HR. Give him a kick In the ass. He has no right to treat or speak to you in any incorrect manner. Once he knows his job could be in jeopardy he will see the light. It is signs of harassment and they must take it seriously. If you happen to get fired or let go that’s a lawsuit… I would goto HR first. Make sure you write down what he has said & how he treated you w time & dates. Find out if you might have a witness who will stand up for you also. But keep things quiet until you talk w HR

27. AnonymousNovember 9,2025 at 4:46PM UTC

    Your direct boss needs to be aware and take action on your behalf. If you’ve already informed him and nothing has changed you need to go to HR. This guy commenting on your attire is enough to get HR involved. This is creating a hostile work environment and HR will be obligated to do an investigation. Also, make sure you let your actual boss know thst you intend to lodge this complaint. Things will not get better unlsss you remove yourself as the target. This guy doesn’t want to be friends he just wants to dominate everyone. So get him away from you using the only tools you have. Then if he stays he will find another target. Companies seem to have lots of jerks like this these days. Good luck

28. CEJNYCNovember 10,2025 at 8:11AM UTC

    Start keeping WRITTEN, DETAILED records (date, time, any special circumstances triggering the remarks, whether by phone or face-to-face, etc.) of your encounters with this particular mid-manager. Keep all emails and memos, if any. Suggest you buy a separate notebook for this documentation and avoid using a company computer or phone to record these encounters.

29. AnonymousNovember 10,2025 at 9:08AM UTC

    Sometimes colleagues are envious of your situation in life. For all we know, he might be jealous of the school you attended, the opportunities you have, your level of success at your young age, etc. He shouldn't make it your problem. I agree with the other posters to document details, report him to HR, begin to apply for other jobs. If done in an upbeat, almost playful, friendly way, consider replying to some of his inappropriate remarks with some verbal kungfu. It's a thing. Prepare some of your replies in advance. It's a way of politely setting the person back on their heels and may discourage him from running his mouth in the future. Take care to not humiliate him in a group setting, though.

30. Ms. S.November 10,2025 at 2:23PM UTC

    I am so sorry that this is happening to you. If I were you, I would immediately send an email directly to that offensive mid-manager with dates, times and "exact" words that he used. I'd say "I do not come to work to be bullied by you and will not tolerate such 'school-yard' bullying behavior from you." with a cc to your off-site manager informing him of such treatment. You have to hit a bully between the eyes and have ZERO fear of him. Who does he think he is to insult your attire?

    Don't you DARE remain neutral when being professionally attacked for no reason. I've encountered many types of bullies throughout both my personal and working my life and the ONLY way to overcome them is to "hit 'em between the eyes." You must professionally defend yourself in writing (i.e. - collect and keep receipts) in such a way that this individual will NEVER dare to act unprofessionally toward you ever again.

    Yes, you can find another job if you absolutely must do so. This man's unruly behavior; however, is proof that you are progressing well in your position. You have a right to dispute his actions. Don't run away from this job if you like it. If you wish, please feel free to email me at missemmaworks@gmail.com for additional moral support. You will prevail. Tightest hugs.

31. AnonymousNovember 10,2025 at 6:50PM UTC

    Question: is this your supervisor or a colleague? If this is just a colleague that's behaving like an ass, go scorched earth. Call out their atrocious behavior in real time. If you need help with what to say, get the book "Radical Candor."

    While I agree that this isn't necessarily for your boss or HR to solve, I would make your immediate supervisor aware of the situation. And I'd go in with solutions and next steps you plan to take.

    -I've noticed increasing hostile comments from XXX mid-manager, I'll plan to call out the behavior while it's happening to try to trouble shoot.

    -I'm on the receiving end of comments about my professional attire and I won't tolerate this moving forward so I plan to document.

    I'm really sorry this is happening, pls keep this board updated.

32. AnonymousNovember 30,2025 at 4:13PM UTC

    Colleague who wants to boss me around and be my boss. We have the same boss. My boss has seen it and corrected it privately.

33. PixelDecember 1,2025 at 1:36PM UTC

    Get an attorney and sue him and the company. In the meantime, get ready to leave. Obviously your boss is an idiot and this mid-level manager is an angry coward. You don't have to put up with people's mess just because you work for them! If he has a gender/racist problem that's ON HIM not you you just come there to get a check, do the work, and get out. If they can't understand that then that's the company fault and they need to fire that manager and hire someone who has better social skills than him but companies have a tendency to pick bad people depending on the company itself.

34. AnonymousFebruary 27,2026 at 3:55PM UTC

    Well I ultimately chose to get a certification then leave. I was hoping to use it as leverage in this rough market.

    I finished the certification on Wednesday. On Thursday I was let go with severance and an apology for lacking the bandwidth to help me navigate. I was asked if I wanted to say anything I chose not to. My boss was surprised I was not already interviewing perhaps because I had updated my LinkedIn profile to read less mid manager more executive tone.

    Either way, happy to put that chapter behind me. Approaching the future with both gusto and honestly fear ladies. Wish me luck in this rough market.

    Truly appreciate all the great advice.