There is a colleague on my team who comes across as "nice" but I have noticed signs that this person is volatile and tries extremely hard not to erupt into violence. I would rather not be around the person for fear of bodily harm. Any advice?

9 Comments

1. Raven WildMay 31,2024 at 3:30AM UTC

   Start documenting with dates and times events where he starts to erupt into violence or you can see him holding it back I mean, or whatever it is, even a nasty look. Perhaps notate how it impacts you emotionally and physically-like does your stomach get butterflies? Do you feel anxious? How long does it persist? Do you have trouble sleeping because of it? Sensations and thoughts. Whatever it is. Maybe keep a little notebook on you or use notes or note taking apps on your cell. Also you could use the voice recorder to record him if there is an issue.

   This can help you pinpoint the triggers and how it affects your mind and body. If / When you need to go to HR, your records can help and substantiate your claim or case.

   Also, maybe FIRST try talking to him one in one while applying the basics of Non Violent Communication.

   And /Or if you don’t feel safe, use your Employee Assistance Program-do you get a few counseling sessions if you need them? Some companies offer that. Use them. That’s what they are there for.

   Then go to HR tell them you don’t feel safe.Tell them why. Remind them how important it is for employees to feel safe to be their most productive. Ask for what you want. Ask to be able not to work around him. Maybe be transferred? Hopefully they will get him counseling. Does he have any criminal records-such as domestic violence, orders of protection against him? Run a background check on him

   Just pay one of those background check websites.. When you experience those emotions in reaction to this guy, breathe, pat you legs and arms. Remember your own boundaries. Ground yourself

   Embrace those icky feelings. Go into them. Then let them go. Breathe it all out, imagine them floating away, dissolving , exploding, burning. Whatever it is for you. Then shake it out. Refocus on what you want to feel. Move on. And make a note of it

2. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 3:47AM UTC

   Yes, if you are afraid for your safety report this to HR and request accommodation to work from home or be moved to a new department in another area as far from them as possible.

3. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 1:54PM UTC

   Oh good lord. ??‍♀️

4. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 5:59AM UTC

   What I hear you saying is that someone on your team, even when they're angry, successfully manages their anger. And I hear you saying that you're afraid of bodily harm. Is he doing something that makes you think he would touch your body if he were to lose control? I'm not understanding how you're predicting that physical violence would be the result of him failing to manage his emotions.

5. AlexisJune 1,2024 at 1:29PM UTC

   Talk to HR.

6. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 1:52PM UTC

   Have they shown any violence? You used a lot of inflammatory language like “erupt” and “volatile”. What signs?If this is valid, have others noticed? I feel like this is you wanting to see something. If you feel

   strongly, speak with HR about your concerns.

7. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 7:47PM UTC

   Hi colleague—thanks for responding. Since you smell one you must be a drama queen also!

8. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 7:48PM UTC

   Hi colleague — thanks for responding! Takes an attention-seeking drama queen to know one

9. AnonymousJune 3,2024 at 9:05PM UTC

   Only document facts to HR. Noticing “signs” sounds like you have baggage or a bias against this person. If you report someone on a hunch because you saw a “sign”, while everyone else saw a nice person, you could seem like you are attacking them.