Do I go to HR or try to ignore it?

17 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 26,2024 at 2:23AM UTC

   A lot depends on why you left the previous team and what interactions you have going forward. I would be more inclined to ignore it, as you haven't heard the comments directly (except for the passive-aggressive remarks she makes directly to you). If you don't have to interact with her, don't. If you do have to interact, keep it professional (i.e., be the bigger person). The only power over you that she has is the power you give her.

2. AnonymousOctober 26,2024 at 1:04PM UTC

   Why don't you ask her if she has any issues with your performance that she would like to discuss with you. If she says no than ask her to stop discussing it with others. If she shares anything listen w/o becoming confrontational. I would then ask why things weren't addressed at the time and share how you perceived the situation. Clearly ask her to stop discussing your performance with others.

   Document the conversation, either for yourself or a recap email to her. If things continue then discuss with HR

3. GirlBossanova934974October 27,2024 at 1:07PM UTC

   The corporate world these days is full of insecure not so qualified managers. Your former manager seems like one of those folks. I would ignore it. If this person has no input into your next performance review, who really cares? People are going to get really bored of this former manager if she keeps it up for much longer. Like the direct report has moved on......Get over it!

4. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 3:17PM UTC

   Move on and leave her and her negativity behind, it sounds like she is insecure. As well as people coming to report what she has said, that's just perpetuating more drama, it may feel like they have your back, but its just feeding in to the negativity. Steer clear and stop reading into her reaction to you, i.e. the passive aggressive observations. Ignoring you sounds like a plus here she doesn't seem like someone I would want to interact with. So many reasons to turn the page and never look back.

   You have the opportunity on a new team to shine. Make it happen.

5. AnonymousOctober 27,2024 at 1:18PM UTC

   NEVER go to HR, they protect the company, never the employee. Trust me, I learned the hard way, even as it was done with the best interest of the company. I reported to a woman who had alcohol issues, her practices were ruining the department, I reached out to HR utilizing the most general and diplomatic statements, however providing concrete examples, my co managers were interviewed, they supported my statements, and I was terminated.

6. AnonymousOctober 27,2024 at 4:56PM UTC

   Stop bashing HR!!!! this is nonsense, if approached the right way you should always stand up for your reputation and being treated fairly. Your situation is not every situation and while yours did not turn out well hers may if she approaches it with legitimate information and documentation.

7. AnonymousOctober 27,2024 at 5:51PM UTC

   Best of luck with that. My perspective comes from experience, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You view it as “bashing”, I am simply relating a factual experience.

8. AnonymousOctober 28,2024 at 5:10PM UTC

   one sided at best.

9. AnonymousOctober 27,2024 at 4:54PM UTC

   If you can, speak directly to the person who is smearing your good name. Let them know that if they have issues withyou that they should speak directly to you. Be firm and let them know that you have documented this and it is simply untrue. If you are not comfortable doing this, document what has come back in the backspin. Send an email to HR/Legal Bcc yourself at work and personal email and also print a copy just to be safe, and let them know that you want this behavior to stop. Let them know that you will not tolerate defamation of your character or work product and hope that they will speak directly to this person and tell them to stop. If it does not stop ask for an investigation because you are concerned about hostile workplace. This should end it.

10. AnonymousOctober 27,2024 at 5:48PM UTC

    You should leave that place, which play favor and has bias on you. Don't waste your time, Ignore her and email corporate lawyers, highlight violations from “Code of conduct, ethics compliance” showing what she did wrong.

11. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 12:16PM UTC

    As long as others aren't buying into it, try to ignore it. Start by going to her directly and asking if she has any concerns with your performance. If things don't get better, discuss with your manager and schedule a meeting with one other witness. Avoid going to HR if possible. You will just get a target on your back as being a complainer. HR is there for the company not for you. Unless your former manager is saying things about you that are slanderous in regard to being part of a protected class (race, gender, orientation, etc.) which could result in a lawsuit for the company, HR does not want to be involved and expects employees and managers to work things out amongst themselves.

12. Edward WilliamsOctober 29,2024 at 12:28PM UTC

    Read Cynthia Shapiro's superb book Corporate Confidential. Going to HR is a career-wrecking move. HR is managements' toady.

13. Maggie StoneOctober 29,2024 at 12:56PM UTC

    I would not ignore this or go to HR before I had a frank discussion with her. Since she is your direct supervisor, that puts you in a vulnerable position assuming that she has control over hiring/firing and reviews. I would be as direct as you have been here: I have heard from multiple sources that you have concerns about my performance or follow through. In the future, I would appreciate it if you would discuss these with me. I would like to address those concerns together so that my performance is above reproach.” If she is as passive aggressive as you describe, she will probably back down or at least know that if she is gossiping, people aren’t keeping their mouths shut. Being assertive in a calm and respectful manner will counteract the passive aggressive behavior.

14. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 1:54PM UTC

    I have to disagree w this advice's order of action.

    She's a direct hiring manager, then HR should know your plans. It puts them on notice that's there's an issue and If she is passive aggressive, then she may try to go to HR to complain. You will have no recourse, once this happens after confronting her.

    Tell HR exactly how you told us ... Passive-Aggressive behavior... Bad-mouthing wo telling you. Everything she's done is not the right way as a hiring manager. Be the professional, tell HR your plan to confront her about her behavior behind your back and that you want to try to handle it first. If it gets worse, then have HR intervene. Otherwise, you may lose your job, if she gets aggressive directly w you about it. Good luck!

15. Maggie StoneOctober 29,2024 at 1:57PM UTC

    Respectfully, I have to disagree with going to hr first. That may only escalate the situation if she feels ratted out.

16. AnonymousNovember 1,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

    Maggie Stone, appreciate your feedback —it resonates with me. In my previous role, I had a similar situation with my direct manager, who was also the company’s first hire and well-established as a "favorite." Over time, her passive-aggressive comments were labeled as "competitive," but they eventually undermined my work and standing, despite my consistently positive reviews over three years. Unfortunately, this led to my position being eliminated.

    What I’ve learned, and would share as advice, is that while we can't always control others' actions or opinions, we can control our response. I focused on maintaining high standards in my work and chose not to be discouraged by her negativity. I also made sure that I documented my accomplishments and feedback. Ultimately, rising above negativity helped me leave with integrity, and I’m proud of what I achieved there.

    My advice to you is to continue excelling and to document both your successes and any interactions that may become relevant down the line. This will put you in a strong position, no matter what comes next. Stay focused on your work and remember that one person’s negative opinion doesn’t define your worth.

17. AnonymousOctober 29,2024 at 3:07PM UTC

    I don't necessarily agree with these "Don't trust HR" comments -- Are you at a HUGE company? If so, yeah, maybe HR isn't going to be super helpful.

    How's your new direct manager? Someone who knows your company well might be the best person to give you advice here. People are probably always going to talk some amount of smack at work, but if you feel like it's unfairly affecting your reputation, there's no need to endure it silently.

    If you decide to approach this person directly, I'd go the subtle route. Was there anything specific you heard? Like, that you didn't wrap up a specific project? "Hey X, I'm so grateful for the time I had to learn and grow on your team, and I wanted to make sure project Y got wrapped up properly. I'm here if you have any questions or need help as these responsibilities transition away from me!" And if you do approach this person directly, do it in an email so their response is documented.

    If you *don't* end up feeling like addressing this at all is going to work, and you *do* feel like it's affecting your reputation, then it may in fact be time to look for a fresh start elsewhere.