I spent more than 20 years managing staff in the public sector.

I spent more than 20 years managing staff in the public sector. For the most part, it was rewarding, the work we did was meaningful, and I had the best colleagues and staff you might ask for. Not only that, but I liked and respected my boss and the director of the organization. But then, the leadership changed and they brought in a new director. This new director was inexperienced, narcissistic (so he thinks he is the best leader ever), toxic, misogynistic, trafficked in secrets as a way to maintain power, and just made it an unsafe and miserable place to work. And then, he started hiring management that was just as or even more inexperienced, politically motivated, and they are just plain bad managers. After spending decades learning how to be a great leader and manager, working with and for these people became impossible.

I stayed in the position for two years after he was hired. These were the longest two years of my life. I gained weight, got sick way too often, stopped socializing, stopped smiling, and alienated myself from my friends and family. I stayed because I hoped it would get better. I stayed because I care about the mission of the organization. I stayed because of my loyalty to and a need to protect the people who worked for me. But sadly, I mostly stayed because, like the frog in the pot of boiling water, I hadn’t noticed how bad things had gotten.

But then, it all blew up. I had missed something 14 months before and had signed off on one bill I shouldn’t have that was less than $9. It was ridiculous. It was asinine. It was a reason for him to punish me for constantly standing up for my team. It was the last straw.

I struggled with the decision - should I fight against how ridiculous this all is or should I take my skills, knowledge, and talents and go home? I had stacks of performance reviews calling me one of the best employees in the agency. Shelves of awards and accolades. Walls filled with thank you notes and certificates. And I was being treated like a small mistake 14 months before was some sort of conspiracy.

I decided that they didn’t get to keep me. I wrote my resignation letter. It was the best thing I wrote all year.

Then it was time for the meeting. I handed over my letter to that toxic director and the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders at that moment. He did not expect me to be so excited to quit that job. He thought he finally had the upper hand on me and that I would apologize and beg for forgiveness. He misjudged me. I know I deserve better.

I put my house on the market immediately and moved across the country back home to stay with my welcoming parents. I made a killing on the house so I have decent savings. And thank goodness for all that.

What I discovered next is that it takes a long time to get over a toxic work environment. The process has been similar to getting over any toxic and verbally abusive relationship. But, goodness, it is fun to laugh again. To be excited and enthusiastic. To be social and able to connect with people without them having to listen to toxic work stories. It is everything I needed for years.

After a month or so searching for jobs with fear and dread that I might land in yet another toxic place, I decided that I would start my own business. Because I worked in government my whole career, I sought out help and signed up with a program that helps women become entrepreneurs. Thank goodness there are people out there to help people like us make that pivot. I am so thankful for Her Big Leap.

Working through the steps of the program, I landed on the perfect business for me. I had spent most of my career teaching professional development workshops for formal and non-formal K-12 teachers. So, teaching is my thing. And, I had spent 15 years absorbing everything I could about leadership and had even created a new leadership development program at that toxic place I had left.

That all led me to start an online business where I use the best available brain science techniques to teach and coach public sector managers how to be outstanding leaders. This is my next big thing. This work fills me up in a way that working in a bureaucracy never did. I get to use my knowledge and experience to help people who struggle with the challenges of being a leader find their sweet spot and recover a healthy work/life balance. And, hopefully, eliminate some workplace toxicity along the way.

Starting a business isn’t for everyone. For all of the freedom and creativity I have now, there is so much to learn about things like website terms and conditions and the difference between an LLC and an S-corp. Thank goodness for AI.

I’m sharing this story here on FGB because I want to give those of you who are struggling hope that there is something better for you out there. Nearly every post on this site these days is about how miserable the workplace is and about people struggling to find a new job because they aren’t at their last miserable workplace anymore. I’m here to say that making the jump is terrifying and the best thing you can do for yourself. Keep searching for your next big thing knowing with certainty it is out there for you. Life is too short and you deserve a life that lights you up.