I love my boss but...

10 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 26,2024 at 2:28PM UTC

   You need to find ways to ignore it. I would suggest you having a few short responses on hand. Always remove yourself when she begins to spin. I've found that anxious people feed off other people's energy. So what I do is immediately get up and walk away. I say something along the lines of, "I'm sure everything is just fine", "let me know if you find anything out of line " etc. "May I get back to you on that?" Etc.

   As for your own anxiety, practice diversion, meditation and a quick walk outside to help defuse the aniety.

2. AnonymousMarch 26,2024 at 3:54PM UTC

   You need to find a way to work with them, this seems like how she operates and when you say everyone it should bring some level of understanding and comfort. Why are you reacting when this is an ongoing characteristic of them. IMO, it's a you thing, you can adapt.

3. Anne KrookMarch 26,2024 at 4:19PM UTC

   You have some decisions to make: if you can't change her, do you want to stay working for her? if so, you will need some canned responses that you can give without engaging much mentally ("check away; we've been here before" etc.). If not, you can look for lateral jobs or promotions at your current organization. But if you have a boss who's this difficult you should update your resume and LinkedIn and quietly start a job search, or if not a full-blown search a more casual look for a good next role. Her behavior is unlikely to improve and may well worsen with any criticism she gets of her self or of anyone on her team.

4. AnonymousMarch 26,2024 at 4:54PM UTC

   Why wouldn't you talk to her about it. If you can in a positive way influence changes that would help her grow it is a good thing for her to also get feedback. Perhaps tell her that you noticed that she is triple checking things and that you want to understand what specifically she is worried about being wrong. Then perhaps suggest some paths to have others check so that she is not left to do this. As for PTO that is something where HR should be brought in if she is denying that for folks. Be the change. Help her to grow and let her know how it makes you feel diminished by being second and triple guessed.

5. AnonymousMarch 26,2024 at 5:03PM UTC

   What's your boss's boss like?

   There's a high likelihood that your boss is nervous because her boss is on her back.

   Most workplace behaviour is topdown driven.

6. Damie WilsonMarch 26,2024 at 6:25PM UTC

   Trying to manage the day at work and then trying to figure out how to have a life outside of work could be part of her OCD/anxiety.

   For example: a director of nursing has to cover anyone not coming in for that 8-12 hour shift. And who do they get to cover their job the next and to watch the kids, etc.?

   Not sure what kind of work it is you do but making sure their boss is happy can make people miserable.

   I'm sorry, take her out for a drink. Get her talking but don't judge. No, that's for bad dialogue in movies. LOL

7. Alexis GladstoneMarch 27,2024 at 12:24PM UTC

   I get the 2nd guess yourself. I once had a client who edited everything I wrote. Most edits didn't change the context, just used different language instead (the communications were not coming with her signature, she just wanted input). I was always frustrated and hated finishing anything to share with her. Then a friend suggested I reframe my thinking and understand if it was really bad writing she would have rewritten it entirely. It was just "her thing" to put her two cents on it.

   As for how to handle it, I agree with the ideas from others that you need your own consistent response so you don't get pulled into the swirl.

   If her checking is holding you up from completing something, I would move on to something else until you hear back. If she is doing it in front of you, I'd find a way to remove yourself. Tell her you'll check back in a few minutes, or to let you know when she is done. Or, you can just say, "thank you" when she gets back to you.

   If you decide to talk with her, one way to approach it is to frame as you want to take the burden of checking away from her. Ask her what you can do to make this happen so she has more time to focus on other things. Are there ways she wants things written, completed, etc. As has been pointed out if this is an anxiety behavior, nothing you do will change it and you have to decide how to work within it.

8. GirlBossanova934974March 28,2024 at 12:57PM UTC

   Just an FYI here. Nervous people like your manager usually either burn out or withdraw and become very ineffective. They cannot handle the pressure. My last manager was a perfect example. By the time I left, she was missing 20% of available workdays and most of our one on ones. She couldn't get a single thing approved. CHECKED OUT!

9. AnonymousMarch 28,2024 at 1:22PM UTC

   If you like your boss, you should give her the honest feedback because it's impacting your work and morale. It's up to her to decide what she wants to do about it. She may just have a micromanaging style to begin with, or it may be an indicator that her management is not supportive and she has a low level of trust in them.

10. AnonymousFebruary 2,2026 at 1:29PM UTC
    Love is amazing, sure, but it’s not just vibes and movie scenes. When you look at something like uniform dating, a dating site for people in uniform like military, police, nurses, you realize love is also about shared lifestyle and understanding. Those jobs come with stress, weird hours, real pressure. Love here feels grounded, earned, not fluffy. I kinda disagree with the idea that love is just magic. It’s connection plus respect plus knowing what the other person’s life actually looks like. That’s what makes it feel solid, not just cute words.