First of all - I know this is stupid, but there is a valid reason.

21 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 7:43PM UTC

   I wouldn't have anyone call him to "scare" him, he may just let you go if he finds out you are looking. I've worked in places with bosses like this, just keep doing well at work and don't tell anyone you are looking unless it's to give your notice because you've found something better.

2. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 7:47PM UTC

   Make sure to get the offer in writing before you give notice. Lots of cases where the company has backed out of an initial offer.

3. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 7:54PM UTC

   Other than your boss acknowledging you in private but not in public, is there something actually malicious that occurred between you two not shared in your post?

   If the only reason why you are thinking of leaving is because your boss does not publicly give you credit, my question to you is are you so sure, your perceived lack of recognition is out of intentional malice? There are so many worse reasons to leave that people experience like habitual harassment, racism, hostile workplace, open embarrassment. So it concerns me that you want to scare him as a threat to leave. Your approach to threatened to quit is not a good move. And could end you up in a worse unintended environment to the point you might be begging him to come back. So yes, really weigh your options and think this through before you proceed. Yes apply for other jobs and promotions if you think you outgrew the environment and or want more pay and a greater challenge aligned with your career track. But there is no way you can predict how well or often you will be recognized for good work on a future job. Even if you inquire about it during an interview, no mgr is going to openly admit to not acknowledging their staff. Heck you can go into a new job and completely suck at it, then what. This is in addition to some of the several anxieties you pointed out in your post.

   It is possible your boss is rational, well-meaning and just has not carve out the time to recognize his staff in general. Have you tried to talk to him on a 1 on 1 when he says the company would fall apart without you, then try to address out of curiosity, not frustration, hey I really appreciate the comment, but I would really appreciate it even more if you publicly recognize staff like in a townhall or team meeting to acknowledge their efforts? Make it about the team. If you have not tried to have the conversation and you are just assuming he is doing this out of malice, especially after he complimented you in private is not making sense to me. Keep in mind, managers can have alot of things on their mind, especially in meetings, making sure they hit all the critical points. So offer up setting up quarterly meetings for staff recognition as an idea so you dont come across as self-absorbed.

4. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 8:14PM UTC

   Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, don't stop". The environment you're in sounds nothing short than. If you have to "threaten" your boss into quitting, that's a recipe for disaster. I highly recommend finding a new job (preferably remote) where you don't have to deal with kind of emotional roller coaster.

5. JenniferAugust 2,2022 at 12:35AM UTC

   But OP didn't describe a hellish environment. Her sole complaint is that her boss is very positive and complimentary about her work when they interact one on one, but isn't giving as much praise to her publicly as she would like. The rest is referencing employment practices in her area and state.

6. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 8:41PM UTC

   The question to ask yourself is how important it is to be appreciated by someone other than your boss.
   In my old job I never even heard good words from my boss! And when I expressed that I felt that my boss didn't celebrate the achievements of her reports she basically acted like there was something wrong with me. If you live in a culture in which people don't show appreciation, how would leaving help your situation?

7. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistAugust 1,2022 at 8:49PM UTC

   If you pull this stunt you're talking about, be prepared for your boss to say "I gave you a great reference, I'd never stand in your way, good luck in your new job."

8. AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 9:54PM UTC

   Please don't call yourself an idiot. You have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. But some people asked some great questions and provided some very thoughtful responses!

   What are you looking to get out of the public admiration from your boss? If it's just an acknowledgment of the great work you're doing, he's already done that. Some managers don't feel the need to extoll the virtues of their employees.

   If you quit, what does that gain you? Hypothetically, if you were to be offered another job tomorrow, are you sure that's what'd make you happy? Is that really what you're looking for? If it's just for your boss to say nice things about you in front of other people, is switching jobs really worth the effort of starting somewhere new?

9. Barb HansenAugust 1,2022 at 10:06PM UTC

   You're not an idiot. Most of us, at some point in your careers, would like to have this very conversation with managers. "If you don't pay me more or treat me better, I'm just going to quit and then you'll see just how much work I do around here"

   But....

   Don't say anything that you aren't willing to follow through on.

   You may catch your manager on a bad day and your threat may just trigger a response that you're not looking for.

   I think that you could have a conversation with your manager about an increase in your compensation, perhaps more vacation days, or a modified work week (a 10/4 schedule as an example). You could ask for the opportunity to present your work to the team (as you said that your manager doesn't give you the credit that you deserve).

   Take a look at what you don't like about your current job and see if there are some adjustments that you could ask for to make your current position more palatable.

   Good luck!

10. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 12:28PM UTC

    "Scaring him" will only evoke a negative reaction. Instead you need to stand up and take credit for the work you do instead of waiting for him to give you the credit.

    Example: You put together a brief on a potential competitor and in the team meeting the boss talks about it as if he put it together. You can say, "To make sure everyone gets the most from the brief, when I put it together I formatted in this way...". or "This was a really challenging and fun project to work on, I hope everyone finds the results informative. If you feel anything is missing or want to talk further on any point let me know."

11. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    You have lots of options. Have you ever thought of promoting yourself? If your boss is not saying how great you are, why don't you? Make note of the contributions you've made. When he says he couldn't manage without you, ask him particulars. It is a great practice for interviewing if you decide to leave. I recommend before you leave, research the type of job you want. Interviewing is not as stressful as you think. Compile your skills and review jobs for which you think you would like to apply. I would not ask for a reference unless you are ready to leave or have a backup.

    The interviewer can not ask for this information about weight/appearance/sexuality/religion.

12. AnonymousAugust 3,2022 at 3:55PM UTC

    OP here - they legally can't ask those questions, but they do. I've had a manager tell me that joining a gym would be a requirement to work there. (I'm plus size, not circus size.) I have heard many, many folks talk about inappropriate interviews. I've had a manager stalk me in the past (legally stalking - I got a restraining order and lost my job because of it).

13. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 3:02PM UTC

    No company would fall apart without one employee... Unless it is a single employee company. Sorry to say, it usually is a guilt ploy to make the employee feel useful without a raise or perks. You've threatened to quit... that's why. Dealing with the devil you know? All you get is burned! You cannot scare him, but he scares you. You are selling yourself short. Stop the name calling; You are not an idiot or stupid; you are afraid of those incredibly invasive questions (which by the way, are illegal and inappropriate) Who would want to work for a company that asks those kind of questions in an interview? Most of the country works for an at-will employer. It works both ways. It means you can leave when things are inappropriate as well. Not all employers in your geographic area can be out of their minds. You just hear stories about the bad ones. Do some behind the scenes research at the companies you might be interested in; you might be surprised what you find.

14. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 3:26PM UTC

    I'm just curious what geographic area is known for bosses being out of their minds....?

    But, other than that, is needing public validation your only problem with the job? Companies and managers should do better at that, and I won't excuse his failure. But, are the other aspects of your job good? Pay? Flexibility? Great coworkers? Or, is this just the crummy icing on a crap cake?

15. Leonor FitzgeraldAugust 2,2022 at 5:01PM UTC

    If the only complaint is a lack of public credit, there may be a reason.
    I am going to assume your area doesn't value diversity. Perhaps, by giving you credit the work will lose value, just because of the area mindset. Is your boss claiming your work as theirs and benefiting? Or is your boss just not saying so and so has overseen XYZ, and here is the data? Although public credit can feel amazing are there other things your boss could do to show you are valued? Have you told your boss, I want more public recognition for my work? Or I need XYZ to feel valued and willing to stay. If that is the only thing wrong with your boss, honestly, that devil is a mini devil compared to your description of your area.

16. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 5:59PM UTC

    I was in a role like this and am so glad to have moved on--you're worth a better situation!

17. AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 7:37PM UTC

    Don't play that game. Just don't

18. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachAugust 3,2022 at 7:10PM UTC

    Consider these questions :

    What it the positive benefit of trying to "scare" him?

    What could be an even better more positive way to handle the situation ?

    Where is your need for public credit really coming from?

19. GirlBossanova934974August 6,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Just a few thoughts. You should never threaten to quit a job. First off, it tells your employer you are half way out the door. Second if you do NOT leave in short order, this tells the employer you are not to be taken seriously. I have never heard of any region of the country where bosses are "out of their minds". Maybe you should be a bit more picky about the COMPANIES you interview with in your area. If you look them up on Glassdoor, it is very likely these days, you are likely to find the offending companies. It is very different world than 20-40 years ago as far as this stuff is concerned. The employment lawyers of the world are all out there looking for these goofs and morons. Keeps them driving around in fancy cars etc. Most states are at will these days. However, that does not mean in any way that the employment lawyers are not out plying their lucrative trade.

20. AnonymousAugust 6,2022 at 4:07PM UTC

    You don't want to threaten to quit. I had a former boss (owner of the company) tell people openly that I was the one holding the company together. Didn't even slow him down during the recession to lay me off.

21. Vela SivasankaranAugust 7,2022 at 1:32AM UTC

    Bosses use different methods to motivate. Take it with a grain of salt.