I have a combination of what others are saying…but also a reminder at the end:
1) Get assessed for ADHD. Time blindness and chronic lateness was a major symptom of mine. My entire life I beat myself up for being late, procrastinating, and other things that ended up being symptoms of ADHD. I internalized that I was some rude, awful, lazy person when I actually desperately needed help and understanding. You can't control folks opinions and perceptions of your symptoms, but you can find ways to trick your brain. Here's some things that worked for me:
-Get rewards. ADHD brains like dopamine. After one week of being on time, two weeks, one month, etc. buy an item or get a treat. The longer you’re on time the bigger your reward. 1 week on time = dinner at that one restaurant that’s a little pricier. One month on time = those headphones you desperately wanted.
-Change up your routine. ADHD brains like gamification. At one point I literally had dice and a list of things I needed to do to get ready with numbers by them. I’d roll the dice and get ready in that order. It was hilarious because I’d have to grab my keys and bag first and brush my teeth, do my hair, and get dressed with them the whole time. But it made it fun and got me excited to get out of bed.
-Switch up staples. ADHD brains like novelty. Buy new breakfast items that make you excited to wake up and have them. One thing I did was map several routes into work, and not just the “fastest” ones either. I’d find ones that might take a small 10 min detour, but would go past a cool coffee shop I wanted to try, a pretty nature view, etc. It required me to plan the route, time to leave, and leave time for doing whatever activity. I’d do it maybe 2 times a week and rotate them out, finding a new one to throw into the mix every few weeks to keep it fresh. It got me motivated because it was exciting.
2) Use different methods of reminders especially if #1 is true. If I had a nickle for every unused planner, out of date wall calendar, or snoozed alarm I’d be a billionaire. They simply do not work for me and for a lot of ADHD folks. Try a combo of visual/audio/sensory cues. For example, when I bake cookies I will quite literally set a timer and walk in the other room with an oven mitt or spatula. Yes it sounds insane, yes it works. For work, try keeping a silly statue on your desk and put it somewhere slightly inconvenient like on top of your phone for when your alarm goes off—visual (weird item), tactile (have to move weird item to turn off alarm), auditory (alarm) all in one to really drive the point that you need to get to that meeting.
3) Ask for reasonable work accommodations. This is a tough one depending on your work/employer. Be honest about your limitations with your manager, and ask if you can have a small grace period where you make up the time if you’re late. So 30 mins late is 30 mins you have to stay over or distribute through the week. Invite them to time you and create a spreadsheet to track it to show you’re serious about it. Knowing that if you’re constantly late means you have to stay late or work longer can also trick your brain into motivation mode to be on time—cause no one wants to make it to 5PM and have to stay later because of being tardy. You might find them more understanding if you’re showing you’re coming up with creative ideas to improve what you’re struggling with while still getting them what they need—AKA your work/productivity.
4) If you can’t do #3 or work in an environment that this is not possible, find new employment or consider starting your own gig/business. I recognize that the job market is not the greatest at the moment (trust me I’m 200 applications and a dozen interviews deep) so please know you can take this point with a grain of salt/as a last resort. I cannot stress enough how remote work, flex hours, and “output vs. time” organizations have changed my productivity and outlook on myself. If your environment isn’t working for you, change your environment. I no longer have anxiety over lateness, I know if I get my set of tasks done my hours worked doesn’t matter. I’m a better worker because I’m not focused on “being like others” and have the freedom to work the way my brain works.
Finally, even if you don’t have ADHD, you simply have never had the right tools, the right tricks, the right support, or even the right environment to improve or work well in spite of your lateness. So please, give yourself some grace.
I also want to invite you (and anyone reading this) to take a beat and reflect on empathy.
Chronic lateness can indicate a person who is undiagnosed and has struggled in silence to cope for years (potentially the poster’s scenario).
Chronic lateness can indicate a person who is the single caregiver for small children or older parents and cannot abandon responsibilities.
Chronic lateness can indicate a person who has severe depression and is lucky to have gotten out of bed at all this morning.
Chronic lateness can indicate a person who has an invisible illness or disability that makes movement and getting ready unpredictable.
YES, you should take responsibility for your limitations and the consequences that come with them. YES, you should reflect and be open to honest feedback about how your struggles can negatively impact your work, partner, friends, and yourself. YES, explore and experiment with all the methods, medications, and therapies you can to ensure you are improving. YES, be vulnerable and seek help in both professional and personal environments not only for accountability reasons, but to help others see you care about how this impacts them. YES, find a new role, company, or industry that isn’t impacted by your limitations.
AND don’t attribute malice to something that may very well be explained by the simple reality of…being human.
You’ve got this. Good luck.
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