My boss keeps picking on me.

136 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 4,2022 at 3:08AM UTC

   Your boss sounds emotionally stunted. I actually had this same conversation with a friend of mine recently except her co-workers also wanted to extend the togetherness after hours too. She needed to leave since she has kids at home. Her co-workers were not amused. I will tell you as I told her. You spend most of your waking day at work during the week. During that time you have a lunchBREAK. Your lunch is your time. Do whatever you would like with that time. Anyone who gets offended because you would like to spend your free time as you wish is the problem.

2. Melissa VerdoniJuly 5,2022 at 2:00PM UTC

   exactly , i dont even spend 8 hours with my kids, i make them breakfast and lunch and run to work after dropping them off , then i get home at supper time , showers laundry homework , then bedtime.... can i PLEASE have a break geez.

3. AnonymousJuly 4,2022 at 3:37AM UTC

   Have a 1 on 1 conversation with her in that it’s not personal sometimes while u eat lunch u also take care of errands. Hopefully she is mature enough to respect that

4. anonymousJuly 4,2022 at 8:25AM UTC

   I agree with wanting to have some time for yourself - I do the same thing.

   But if you keep doing this, your boss is going to keep picking on you.

   So you have to choose - can you spend 1 lunch with her a week or be willing to hear her criticism?

5. AnonymousJuly 4,2022 at 12:18PM UTC

   I spend 4 days a week of lunch with her with my other colleagues included. 1 days for myself and she started picking on me

6. Melissa VerdoniJuly 5,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

   that's BANANAS , YOUR lunch time is PERSONNAL. no boss is ENTITLED to that. unless they pay the hour and lunch.

7. Audrey KirschJuly 5,2022 at 9:10PM UTC

   My mistake. I thought it was only once a week. 4 times is too much. You’ve been more than cooperative. You should take more days for yourself. Report them or ask for overtime. You’re being bullied and that’s not okay.

8. Audrey KirschJuly 4,2022 at 4:36PM UTC

   Your boss is using lunch as an unpaid meeting / bonding experience. If they are paying I’d say go if you like the group. Networking is a good idea. But if everyone pays for their own lunch, stick to your home brought lunch. No one should dictate how you spend your money. You could suggest that everyone do a potluck lunch in the break room. It would accomplish the same thing. Unless you really don’t like this group, giving up one lunch day shouldn’t be a problem.

9. AnonymousJuly 4,2022 at 7:08PM UTC

   I’d say stand your ground…You are under no obligation to join your boss everyday for lunch unless it is a planned lunch meeting. When I first started my job several years ago. My coworkers took early lunches. That was not my preferred time, I took late lunches. My supervisor would ask but I would decline. It would be years later that I had a change of mind. But I was not picked on. My decision was respected. Perhaps explain it in a professional and polite way.

10. AnonymousJuly 4,2022 at 9:41PM UTC

    BTDT , I really needed the "break" from work colleagues- so it was reverse with me. I would Go OUT to buy lunch while they all settled in to home gotten lunches and sharing.

    Making sure I went late to buy lunch and would sit by my own quiet self.

    People commented & HR stopped by to tell me I wasn't being seen as a team player. Despite the multiple coffees and combined work we did put in.

    I could not handle the intense bonding requirements that really were just a way to keep people reined in. Besides I liked to keep my personal and professional separate...

    You will be isolated, maybe kept from promotions, or helpful hints at work etc. but if you need your own time, take it.

11. JenniferJuly 5,2022 at 3:45AM UTC

    It wasn't clear in your original post, but in a comment you said that you already eat lunch with your boss and coworkers 4 days a week, and she is bothered it isn't all 5. That is... strange. It's odd for a manager to be eating lunch with her direct reports every single day. Most managers recognize that employees can't actually have relaxed casual conversation if the boss is there. Your boss doesn't sound particularly self-aware, though.

    How long have you been at this company? How long reporting to this boss? Based on the fact that you said you brought food from home when declining, does this mean the team goes out to eat 5 days a week? I'm not sure where you're located, but this adds up very quickly in the US, and just isn't financially possible for plenty of people. Plenty of others don't consider it to be a wise use of their money, and put it towards other things instead.

    How many times have you declined? Does she accuse you avoiding her every time? What's she asking for is completely unreasonable in the US, but I have no insight into how common this is elsewhere.

    What I would do is tell her that you are making saving a priority for the 2nd half of 2022, 2023, and beyond! You realized how much money you were spending on eating out, and you want to save for a house/car/pair of Louboutins/killer gaming set up/trip to Disney World/whatever. If you eat out one day less a week, you can save $468* by the end of the year (*I used an average meal price of $18, assuming it isn't McDonald's every day. There are some places in the US that you couldn't even keep it to $18). Heck, you can say that you're only going to be able to go out once a week, which would save you $1872 in 2022 alone!

    Should you have to make up a reason? Nope. But realistically, just telling your manager to get over herself and leave you alone isn't going to play out well either.

12. Anita GetzJuly 5,2022 at 12:05PM UTC

    Having lunch with your boss and coworkers helps with team building. Perhaps once a month you should join them. I understand you want time for yourself, but think about the big picture, in getting along with your colleagues and boss. Eventually it is your decision. Good luck

13. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    I noticed she mentioned in an earlier comment that she eats lunch w/ them 4 days a week and gets picked on for opting out just 1x a week. Truly bananas!!

14. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:20PM UTC

    If she keeps it up, I would find another job. Unless its a business lunch where its also a meeting, you should be able to have lunch alone if that’s what you choose.

15. Crystal HowellJuly 5,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Just stay calm if you like your job, say " Thank you for the invitation, I must permanently decline as I am on a budget, and eating out adds calories.

16. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Please ask HR if in any formal, corporate written documents stating you have to take a lunch break, let alone with your boss. If it doesn’t exist, you can refer to that for this ‘boss’.

17. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    AT least you have a boss who will invite you to lunch. Everyday is a little excessive - but once a week or once every other week will go a long way in building relationships at work.

    My old boss is a male - we are located in a small town and would not go to lunch with me nor would he invite me if the "guys" were going to lunch. His reasoning was people will talk or he doesn't want to put himself in a situation that could look bad. I have no romantic interest in him, I just wanted to be treated the same way as the guys and given the same opportunities. He actually did not consider me for a business/support trip because he felt the area wasn't safe for a woman. It was not a problem only in his mind. Thank goodness, I no longer work for him.

18. Lindsay HarperJuly 5,2022 at 12:29PM UTC

    it could be a communication style issue. i would talk to her in private and let her know your feelings. if she continues go through HR to report the issue.

19. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    If you are not salary then don't clock out for lunch and ask if she will be paying.

20. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    I would have an honest but kind conversation with your boss explaining that you really need one day of quiet time to reset and recharge. I'm not sure if it's true for you or not, but for me, lunchtime used to be the only time I might have to myself when I worked in an office - not just during the workday, but ALL day. Maybe an explanation along those lines will help her understand where you're coming from - it's not about her, but it's about having quiet time away from ALL people.

    If that doesn't help, I would see if HR can help you navigate this. Lunch every SINGLE day as a team is a bit obsessive, and it sounds like your environment is leaning heavily towards a "we're a family" mindset which sounds nice but can be extremely toxic. (What I mean is, if work is your "family" when do you get to have boundaries?)

    It's really sad to admit, but sometimes environments like that are best left behind. I hope you and your boss can come to an understanding, but if you can't, I would look for a new job in a healthier environment. Wishing you the best of luck with this!

21. GirlBossanova934974July 5,2022 at 12:46PM UTC

    Perhaps a little compromise is in order here. Why not a group lunch once every TWO weeks instead of once per week? As far as costs go, your desk lunch costs money too. An extra $10-$15 every 2 weeks is not excessive. You might even get a raise out of it, sooner than you think. On the other hand, the BOSS might be convinced to break out the old corporate credit card for lunch every two weeks. As for the boss being pushy, I never have understood stuff like that. The mark of inexperience in my view. Don't take stuff so darn personally is what I would tell the boss.

22. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    From someone who recently left a job due to similar strange behaviors like this. I can relate.

    This feels very much like a power play on her part wanting to control the conversation, how she is viewed, and what is being said in a group environment.

    Has this been an on-going issue or a rather new issue?

    Does she exhibit other behaviors similar to this throughout the workday?

    If you are not being paid for your lunch hour, it is your hour to be spent how you see fit. Point blank, end of story. I might suggest leaving the office, eating in your car, or taking a walk outside to distance yourself from the office. Literally, to be unavailable.

    Her feelings of avoidance are rooted into a much deeper issue she has with herself.

    Protect your mental and emotional wellbeing as you enjoy your homemade lunch - I am a sucker for leftovers!. Remember, this has very little to do with you.

23. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

    She has a reason for inviting you to lunch, you have a reason to decline the invitation. Rather than listening to each other and trying to understand where the other person is coming from, you are both assuming things that may or may not be true.

    Do you like your job? Is your boss otherwise decent?

    If so, perhaps consider approaching this from a place of curiosity and ask her what makes this important to her. It sounds something like this: it seems like having lunch together as a team is really important to you. I'm curious, why is this?

    Then she responds and tells you and you say something like, oh I see. What would it look like for me to take lunches alone and also (whatever she just said)?

    It's not about giving in to her. You can still maintain your boundaries, but you might hear that she has a need for team camaraderie or something that you can and do want to fill, while simultaneously helping her meet your needs for alone time.

24. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

    I’d like to pose an alternate view.

    Managers are responsible for creating a culture. She wants to create connection among her team and is probably frustrated that you are dragging your feet. Work happens easier when there is connection.

    Have you heard of the rile
    of the dog? ? Its a technique to foster connection with your team. The premise is… if you don’t know the names of your colleagues let’s and kids—you’re probably not communicating from
    connection. You could suggest that the team give this a try.

    also, let’s not vilify this boss. She’s trying where many don’t.

25. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Apparently, there is confusion in this post - I understood that the boss was requesting that she join once a week, many others interpreted that the boss is requesting that she join for lunch every day. I don't see once a week as an issue if scheduled in advance. If this is required by the boss, the boss should pick up the tab.

26. Doris MartinezJuly 5,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    i feel is an invasion of privacy and no one should be mandated to have lunch with their boss if they don’t feel like it. You are there to do your job not to be social. Being too social at work only gives room for others to be nosy In your personal life.

27. Doris MartinezJuly 5,2022 at 1:04PM UTC

    I totally understand you and know exactly how you feel because I was also in your position at my previous job. My situation was probably worst since not only did my boss wanted me to have lunch with him but also would invite me to dinner after work on many occasions. That can be really toxic and annoying.

28. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    ? Start making plans to leave.

    Some of the advice I've been reading is really not the way to go.

    This is not going to go away. It's already under your skin.

    Start looking for a new position if you are not otherwise emotionally invested in where you are. Because I can tell you, they will replace you in one hot minute.

29. Maggie StoneJuly 5,2022 at 1:08PM UTC

    As an introvert and someone on a budget, I totally get the desire to save money and have a few minutes of alone time.

    But it sounds like your boss has taken this as a personal rejection. Maybe it’s worth it to join them one day a week to avoid being labeled antisocial or not a team player. But if you are not going because you can’t afford it, than it might be worth having that discussion with your boss so she understands it’s not a personal rejection. You could even propose a weekly team lunch at the office where people can bring their food or have food delivered. Their choice. If it is really about not being able to stand being around these people, then there’s a bigger issue.

30. Nadia StapletonJuly 5,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    excellent solution!

31. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    Agreed!

32. Michael BradleyJuly 5,2022 at 1:08PM UTC

    start looking 4 nuther job , she's lookin'fer trouble n won't quit until that is accomplished !

33. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 1:10PM UTC

    If the team lunch is once a week it sounds like a team building activity and not a control thing. Are you hourly? If so, then confirm you'll be paid for the lunch meeting. If you're on salary, then technically you're still on the clock so just attend like any other meeting. If you really have an issue with this then you may want to look for a new job where they don't have lunch meetings as a requirement. Good luck!

34. Vanda LeeJuly 5,2022 at 1:18PM UTC

    I disagree with the team building aspect of some comments. There are other ways to team build outside of lunchtime.

35. Christie SummervillJuly 5,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

    Is she really picking on you? If you choose to see it that way, you will feel victimized. Is she just trying to build a cohesive team of people who know each other and have a relationship? Is she paying for lunch? Do you think you could join them once in a while? If not when you interview for your next job tell them you really don’t like people that much and you prefer to be left alone.

36. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    RE: "If not when you interview for your next job tell them you really don’t like people that much and you prefer to be left alone."

    100% agree!!!

    Though this statement will prolong your job search, always be honest in your interviews. No point joining a company where you don't fit in, or will be an outsider.

37. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    I understand your frustration, as I'm an introvert who uses what little downtime I get (including bathroom breaks) to reset/recharge and get ready for more human interaction.

    (yes, I'm one of those people who takes my phone into the bathroom.)

    I agree that 5 lunch-meetings/week is excessive. Since you're feeling pressed to comply with excessive meetings, ask HR what the policy is on working over 8 hours/40 hours per week. If lunch meetings aren't optional, are you being paid to join them? (We know the answer is "no", but HR might not be aware of this uncomfortable situation that your boss is placing you in.)

    Other things to question:

    If you're exempt, then why is she allowed to pressure you into joining a lunch meeting every day? If you're not exempt, is she paying your hourly wage for the lunch meetings she insists on?

    I would keep referring to them as "lunch meetings" - because you're not really invited to join so much as being pressured to join.

38. AngelaJuly 5,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    I think it’s reasonable to ask employees to join for lunch once a week, but the boss should be either a) picking up the tab or b) paying employees for the hour or whatever amount of time the lunch is. But a lunch meeting once a week doesn’t seem that out of the ordinary…

39. Angie MartinJuly 5,2022 at 2:06PM UTC

    If she's expected to pay for the lunch, I would especially say that declining is okay. If it's a mandatory meeting, the company should pay.

40. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:06PM UTC

    Imagine how you'd feel if your boss DIDN'T ask you to join the team for lunch?

41. Heather BinghamJuly 5,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

    Your boss is going about this all the wrong way if she is "picking on you"; that is not an adult way to resolve differences in the workplace.

    That said, I do come down on the side of your boss in one respect. It is only once a week and she obviously sees it as an opportunity for you to bond with her and with your co-workers. I am extremely introverted myself, but I do not think once a week is at all excessive. You might want to consider, instead, why you can't bear the thought of just one hour in the week spent them in a more relaxed setting. Your boss might be right and you are avoiding her and your co-workers! If I were you, I'd give that some serious thought, because it may signify a larger issue around your comfort in that team. Introversion is a possible explanation, but not if it is only once a week.

42. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:36PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

43. Lisa ApolisJuly 5,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

    Maybe you could suggest having a group lunch once a month? Or you could participate occasionally? She is trying to include you in the group. By always refusing, you are telling everyone that you don't want to be a part of a team. And in that case, you should look for another job.

44. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:11PM UTC

    I’d encourage you to expand your view to hold multiple perspectives.

    To do that, you would need feedback that helps you “see the other side” from the perspective of
    a manager. It isn’t helpful to you to have an echo chamber. Try to find the silver lining and you’ll be happier when things don’t “go how you think they should.” This mindset has helped me immensely.

45. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:13PM UTC

    I have a different perspective to share, I understand that others may not agree and that’s ok, but I would love it if my boss invited me to lunch or coffee. I don’t belong to a “team” because my job is highly specialized and I’m the only one who does it. I get left out when the other “teams” go to lunch outings and coffee breaks, etc. I am excluded and this is uncomfortable. I’m used to it now, but do not like it. I would love a weekly invite for lunch with colleagues!

46. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPJuly 5,2022 at 2:15PM UTC

    I'm sorry to hear your boss keeps picking on you. That's never a good feeling.

    When I was a manager, I would invite my team out to lunch every quarter. It was a chance for us to 'bond', get to know each other outside of work and build camaraderie. The intent was not to discuss work; although sometimes it would come up in passing.

    I understand you're an introvert, as am I. There are varying degrees of this as well. I think that once in a while might be a good compromise. Either way, if your boss is genuine in the invitation - to get to know you, then she will also appreciate the discussion as to why you might be declining these invites. Perhaps there can be a compromise?

    Now if you don't like her and truly are avoiding her, then that's a whole other issue in itself that needs to be addressed.

    I don't know that HR is the appropriate path unless you feel like this is threatening your job security, then yes, by all means, voice this concern with HR. But I would most definitely start with talking to your boss first. Understand where they are coming from and help her understand where you are coming from. There should be a compromise in there!

    Good luck!

47. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:16PM UTC

    id suggest taking the “16 personalities” quiz to learn

    more about your preferred mindsets, communication patterns and strengths/ opportunities. I did this and it was helpful to see how I tend to idealize situations. There were lots of

    great tips. You sound like an idealist who is struggling

    to adapt to a way of working that is not your preference, which is totally ok. It’ll be helpful to view this situation as a preference, not as though your boss is out to get you. I think that’s a unfair assessment.

48. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:26PM UTC

    Maybe it's not your preference to eat with others but there isn't enough information to suggest your boss is picking on you.

    Work is also about relationship-building and asking to join lunch once per week is not a whole lot. It can be SO taxing to socialize during a break, that I understand but it's worse if your whole team ate together and didn't invite you.

49. Christine Brush, MSW, MBAJuly 5,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    This is not picking. Picking is what I went through when the group went out, deliberately excluded me, then came back and rubbed it in my face that I would never be one of them and why won't I go away and work somewhere else? They destroyed my esteem and it took me years to recover.

50. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

    wow, I totally understand how you feel! it seriously sucks at times but do not think about other people or their opinions and you will see that what matters is the opinion you have about you.

51. Theresa PittardJuly 5,2022 at 3:40PM UTC

    That's bullying and discrimination and completely wrong

52. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

    Once a week is not a stretch and, honestly, you should try to join. Like it or not, avoiding lunch with her/your team reflects badly on you.

53. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:36PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

54. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:45PM UTC

    I think it may feel like, that however it is most likely a network and bonding experience , a social gathering to just talk not necessarily about work .

    I myself do not care for team lunch meetings and I have eating issues with my stomach but I have sucked it up and gone .

    my advice would be to just go , I think since you don’t like her it makes it much worse to go, and I understand that.

    I don’t like my manager and have even gotten a new job to get away.

    but if you like your job and you want to stay I think you should go at least once a month it will placate her and you might enjoy talking with your team mates

55. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:45PM UTC

    I would suggest eating with them at least once to see what she seeks during the lunch hour. Perhaps its a team lunch effort and would like to get your input. after that if you think its a waste of time and there is nothing productive afterwards i would eat on my own and not bother.

56. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:47PM UTC

    I once worked for an organization that had lunch together. As a new person, I enjoyed learning about my fellow coworkers and learning about their personalities. However, after a while, it became very irritating to me as only two people would talk and it was clear that they did not want anyone else to participate in the discussions. After a while I started having meetings during that hour others decided to go to the gym or take a walk. unless they are treating you for your meal you shouldn't feel any obligation to go however it sounds like your excuses are not justification enough. Tell them you are on a budget and bringing your meals. Pick one day a week that you go to lunch with the group and see if that helps.

57. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 2:52PM UTC

    Apparently this is an unpopular opinion but you are 100% not obligated to eat lunch with your coworkers. You have every right to go to work, do your job, and go home. If your manager keeps bothering you about it you could say something like, "I appreciate you including me, but it's important that I have this time to myself to recharge. I hope you understand." If it persists more, I would go to HR.

58. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 10:11PM UTC

    ^^^This

59. Ashley BasilioJuly 5,2022 at 3:27PM UTC

    That’s crazy and she’s out of line. I would pull her aside and tell her it really bothers you when she does this and that you plan to eat by yourself. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

60. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

    Le sigh! I recall a similar situation in one of my first jobs.

    Once a week is a bit much to ask, especially if you are footing the bill! That adds up!

    A thing to do perhaps is to mention that lunch is really the only downtime you have during the day to get things done that you really need to do and that you appreciate being included in lunches. In one of my jobs, I was going to grad school at night and used the lunch hour for homework, scheduling appointments, etc. The folks around me didn't care for that yet honestly their views didn't supersede my goals.

61. Been there done thatJuly 5,2022 at 4:10PM UTC

    It’s your unpaid lunch time and how you spend it is entirely up to you . You could be on the phone paying bills or organising appointments for all your boss knows because it’s YOUR times and you choice.

    HOWEVER….. sacrificing one lunch a week may play in your favour in the long run. Getting to know your colleagues and networking , hearing the gossip first hand , being able to give your opinion and thoughts in a less formal setting , colleagues getting to know you on a personal basis can aid in team building .

    it is your choice , attend and take your own food , smile in all the right places and be non commital , use the opportunity to observe others and their relationships . That half an hour could prove invaluable.

    bright blessings

62. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:35PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

63. Teresa PearsonJuly 5,2022 at 4:23PM UTC

    Hello, I wasn’t going to comment because I have read some excellent responses on this topic. However, there is one point I would like to respond to. You preference your inquiry as that your Boss is picking on me. My understanding of this situation is that you are pretty new to this team; therefore your Boss saw something in you that would benefit the team. The only window of time your boss can connect with the team is apparently lunch time, so she would like you to attend to connect in an informal way with the team. They are only asking for one day out of a week. While you may see it as your time and you don’t get paid for your lunch hour, maybe you can negotiate another hour to leave early or come in later. This lunch meeting sounds like it is more mandatory than optional. It also sounds like you are not feeling very confident in working with this particular Boss. I would do some self-examination to see if this position is beneficial for my health and wealth. If not, move on.

64. surfnwriteJuly 5,2022 at 6:34PM UTC

    If she's not being paid, it cannot be mandatory.

65. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 5:29PM UTC

    If it is so important to have these meetings once a week it should be on company time, paid lunch and otherwise.

    Please stand up for yourself with firm, polite, short responses to the lunch meeting. You are already having lunch with them the other days.

    Encroachment is real. Breaks are to recharge for premium work from you. It should be your choice.

    I do think this is about control, I worked at a place that began with asking about meetings…ok. Lunch had to be eaten at the premises, on a table in the back where everyone else talked to you. You had to ask permission to go outside! Quickly progressing to no lunch time and breaks…asking to help with this and that…then telling, getting a bathroom break was difficult, etc. Turned into 9 to 10 hour days with no breaks…it can happen. Nothing good ever came from it, culture can go bad when boundaries are not respected.

    I did stand up for myself, but since they could get away with it…that was their stance. So I had to move on…. Hopefully it will be much easier and better for you.

    The best…

66. ReachingGoalsJuly 5,2022 at 5:30PM UTC

    Maybe this isn't so much as her wanting to control who you eat with as her wanting you to join the team. While there is nothing that says you must be best buds with the people you work with, experience shows that if you socialize on occasion, it does wonders for work relations between co-workers. Would it really hurt you to have lunch with the group on occasion?

67. AyianJuly 5,2022 at 6:26PM UTC

    Weekly is not "on occasion".

68. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:35PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

69. Communication CoachJuly 5,2022 at 5:32PM UTC

    You are not reading or hearing the code of corporate culture for your company. Stop making this all about you and pay attention to your work life! It's not all about you at work! Your boss made it clear that one hour (or whatever it is) is important time for the work group you are in! Pay attention - you are sabotaging yourseslf! Your lack of insight of what this says about you is a bit off-putting and speak to that with your boss. It makes you appear a bit selfish, not caring of others and not be a team player. (and you may not be any of those things) A boss wants to see employees who put the welfare of the company high on a priority list. It could affect promotions and if you do not care about that, raises) One meeting a week does not seem unreasonable, your reaction does! You are an adult, certainly you can get through one day without having to collect yourself until you get home! Talk to a couselor if you have anxiety or share that with HR so your boss will know you have a good reason (keeping the actual reason confidential) Try going every other week - you may even find work support and camaraderie an enjoyable experience - try it - not just once, but, several times. Demonstrate you are trying to be a good and positive employee! Take a deep breathe!

70. Nick KossovanJuly 5,2022 at 6:13PM UTC

    Thank you for posting the most truthful reply here.

    When you're part of a team then you need to put your needs 2nd to that of your team.

71. surfnwriteJuly 5,2022 at 6:34PM UTC

    What?? On your unpaid lunch break? I wish there was a forehead slap emoji 'cause that's what I'd be doing now.

72. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:34PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

73. surfnwriteJuly 5,2022 at 6:33PM UTC

    You sound like you're in management.

74. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:34PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

75. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJuly 6,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    This is an execellent assessment and is absolutely true. This is a very good read for the naysayers to help them possibly understand what work culture is.

76. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 5:40PM UTC

    It’s only once a week!! It’s super important to network with your team mates!!!! Don’t you want to be “in the know”?? Most people complain about NOT being invited! Plus, it’s about team building and be a part the TEAM. It’s only lunch. I don’t get it. It’s such a perfect opportunity to get to know your boss/colleagues in a deeper level. LOOK, if you feel like an hour a day, outside work, makes you feel so uncomfortable. Maybe it’s time to look for another work-home.

77. AyianJuly 5,2022 at 6:25PM UTC

    Wow, you're very judgmental. Not everyone is an extravert, wants to spend money on lunch, or go to lunch every week with their boss. I am a flaming extrovert and would absolutely not do this in a million years. My job is my job. Unless you're paying me to be on the clock for our weekly lunch meeting (and preferably picking up the tab), you have no right to force me to eat at a restaurant when I already have food and lunch plans (ie a break from work and coworkers). This is a boundary issue, that's what you're not getting - and work isn't home, it's work. Most people do not have their dream job and dream coworkers. It's great you would be excited about it, but acting like everyone else should be or telling them to find a new job is ... I don't even have the words for how rude that is.

78. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 11:21PM UTC

    Yes agree. The judgmental comments are unnecessary. As I suggested above, to those who are making harsh or judgmental comments, and unkind remarks, repeat it to yourself in front of a mirror. It will change your perspective.

79. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:34PM UTC

    Worth mentioning that it's not part of her original post, but she eats with the team 4 days/week and is being ridiculed for opting out 1 day/week.

80. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:19PM UTC

    Why don’t you people stop with the “be in the crowd” bit? She is there to work NOT socialize! Maybe she just likes to eat and be alone for a while! If its not mandatory for her to have lunch with everybody, what is the problem? If she’s doing her job, THAT is what’s important!

81. surfnwriteJuly 5,2022 at 6:32PM UTC

    If you're not being paid for lunch, your time is your own and she has no business hassling you about it. It sounds like she's not mature enough to be in a position of leadership.

82. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 6:37PM UTC

    Having read the post and comments, I think the issue is the attitude of the boss.
    If the boss is interested in team building or whatever, fine. And if the OP doesn’t want to join the weekly group lunch - even at her own professional peril- that’s fine too. What should not be happening is the boss being harsh about it. She should have told her employee that she understands and she’s welcome to join them anytime she feels like it, but no obligation. Then the OP might actually develop a possible interest in joining on occasion. Poor management is the true issue here, IMO.

83. AnonymousJuly 5,2022 at 11:17PM UTC

    I’ve read a lot of harsh comments towards each other here.
    It’s simple, say thank you but my lunch hour provides me time to pay bills, catch up with reading etc. Your boss cannot by law require you to use your break time to work. But to keep her off your back thank her and negotiate you will lunch 1x a week allowing the other days as your down time. Leave the building if you can. If she’s harassing you, go to HR to get guidance. Good luck and to the women who are making snide comments to each other. Stand in front of a mirror and repeat what you wrote. Imagine you are speaking to yourself. Be aware of your tone and facial expressions. Be kind and let’s help each other.

84. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 12:32AM UTC

    I went through something similar at my previous job. My supervisor was a bully and would get mad if I didn’t want to order out for lunch! It was about control. My husband and I only dine out on the weekends. I understand where you’re coming from. Since it’s on your time they can’t force you to join them.

85. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEJuly 6,2022 at 12:54AM UTC

    It sounds like your boss is displaying narcissistic traits. (What makes her think that you would want to have lunch with her?)

    I found a great YouTube Channel called Common Ego with Chrintina (a life coach). In one of her postings she addresses similar situations and suggests putting it back on the narcissist. You could say something like, it's unfortunate that you feel that way -- and leave it at that.

    The narcissist wants control -- select you and NOT them.

86. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 12:34AM UTC

    That's a stretch. Someone who wants an employee to conform may have many possible motives, including wanting the new hire to be accepted by the team. This is just one thing. Narcissism is defined as a pervasive personality pattern that can't be assessed by one situation.

87. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEJuly 11,2022 at 2:40PM UTC

    It appears that my experiences have been different than yours. I try to look at each situation in the most positive light and because of this -- I have been proven wrong numerous times.

    There is nothing wrong with a healthy dose of caution.

88. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 2:41AM UTC

    Are you salaried or hourly because the response completely depends upon that. Hourly doesn’t get paid for lunch.

89. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 4:10AM UTC

    I’m salaried monthly.
    Based on the contract, that hour of lunch is not paid

90. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 3:58PM UTC

    From the other comments that you've put in the post it sounds like she is making it a "working lunch". If that's the case, you are still entitled to a 1 hour unpaid break some other time during the day.

    What if you eat lunch with them, and then take your actual break at some other point during the day? I recommend blocking the time in your calendar for that hour. Don't announce it, just silently disappear as if you're going to the bathroom. You could even theoretically leave work an hour early, but most companies frown on that.

    If/when she catches on, just politely tell her that you are taking your 1 hour unpaid break. If she tries to say that you did that at lunch, remind her that discussing work projects constitutes a working lunch and therefore you didn't actually get the 1 hour break your contract entitles you to.

    You should also look at your state/country laws and see what kind of protections you have. I am salaried too and live in California (I looked up the laws after reading your post because I was curious). Turns out as a salaried employee in California, it is my choice how I use my unpaid break. I can choose to work through it, or I can choose to take it. If I choose to take it, the company is not allowed to force me to work. There is no mention of what time during the day that the break has to be taken either.

    I don't recommend throwing the law in her face, but it is good information to have, especially if she decides to complain to HR now that you are actually taking the break you are entitled to. HR might have waived you off before, but they take laws very seriously and will do whatever they can to make sure the company stays out of a lawsuit. If you haven't been, document all the instances that she harassed you for not attending lunch, how she has punished you, and the meeting with HR. That way you have proof and it's less of a her word against yours situation.

    It's slightly unconventional advice, but hopefully it helps! Good luck :)

91. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 2:42AM UTC

    Seeking clarification. Are You eating lunch with the team 4x per week? As in, seated together and discussing or siting alone at your desk?

92. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 4:09AM UTC

    We are all seated together during lunch for that 4x per week

93. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 3:28AM UTC

    Aren't we always saying that as women we should use our voice and stand up for ourselves and what we believe in?

    So why all the shaming and bullying with the excuse of "networking" "socializing" "Team work" "outside of work team building" on her free time?!?

    You shouldn't be obligated to waist your free time on things that you don't want to do! Eating with your coworkers 4xWK is plenty enough time to socialize, if that's your choice.

    No one should be forced to do anything they don't want to do!

    It's like the episode of Friends where Rachel feels obligated to go outside and smoke to be part of the team, be in on the gossip, on the chance there's a promotion.

    When did being "one of the boys" make it's way to the women's circle?

94. AngieJuly 6,2022 at 3:15PM UTC

    I noticed that too when I read through the comments.
    That same behavior is faced by people in corporate who decide not to involve themselves in cliques, get wrapped up in malicious gossip, and/or stand up for themselves. It is pretty sad to see since this kind of behavior keeps the negativity circulating in the workplace.

95. carolina girlJuly 6,2022 at 6:07PM UTC

    THANK YOU!exactly the point I was making!

96. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 12:31AM UTC

    Sadly, women are still evaluated based on soft skills and likeability, so there's a price to be paid for not going along with it. Going once a week would be a small sacrifice for getting a positive review or reference. Cynical yes, but we have to do what we have to do.

97. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 10:58AM UTC

    Your boss is wrong to be harassing you. Your lunch hours are your own time.

    That said, is there any way to finesse this by making the group lunch more inclusive? Would it help if your boss made the group lunch a brown bag event?

    One more point: you’ve been extremely blunt with your boss. Any way your message could be softened? Example: “Thanks so much for inviting me, but my budget requires brown bagging and I need to catch up on some family items during lunch.”

98. DonnaJuly 6,2022 at 12:29PM UTC

    Your lunch break is your time to spend as you please. If your boss's behavior continues, you may want to speak with her about the underlying reason she continues to bully you about this.

99. Debbie FowlerJuly 6,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

    I'd start putting in the effort and joining them at least once a month. You might learn a few things about the inner workings of the company you wouldn't get from sitting at your desk eating lunch alone. Even if I brought lunch that day I would not miss the opportunity to get the inside scoop!

100. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

     Although it seems like bullying, it also seems to be insecurity on her part. She may be worried you are going to job interviews or that you don't like her. It's still not correct in forcing you to join them and is still controlling, but may help you see it as more pity for her than anger? :) Is she paying for the lunch on those days and not the others? She may be thinking she is doing something nice and you are rejecting her. From previous experience with weird bosses, I sense more of an insecurity on her part than being a bully on purpose.

101. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 12:29AM UTC

     That's reading kind of a lot into this.

102. Milissa JacobsJuly 6,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

     Is this the hill you want to die on, so to speak? This person won't be your boss forever. Grab your bag lunch and join them. You may make some valuable connections that will help you later. You never know.

103. Carolyn KennedyJuly 6,2022 at 1:36PM UTC

     While it seems innocent inviting you to lunch when it is done repeatedly it becomes a form of harassment and is an HR issue. I would report it. You do need to decide if this a road you want to go down. Maybe compromise and agree to go once a month?

104. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachJuly 6,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

     Maybe looking at this situation differently will help. This might be her "team bonding" efforts and just wants you involved. You are 100% valid to want to spend your lunch hour however you choose. Maybe bringing this up on a 1:1 meeting with her can help you both talk through it. Helping her see your side could change her attitude towards you and maybe you can even ask her if there are some different things/times the team can do together.

105. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 12:24AM UTC

     Giving the boss and the rest of the team the idea that you don't want to take part in their traditions can be misinterpreted. More than just the boss needs to be informed if OP decides to eat alone.

106. IntentionGirl496577July 6,2022 at 2:03PM UTC

     You sound like you may be an introvert. I'm an introvert who needs 3-4 hours of alone time daily just to function. A quiet lunch hour by myself for us is less a choice and more of necessity so I can function properly. If this resonates; maybe suggest a 1 on 1 where you explain to her the necessity of some quiet time so you can do the job you've been hired to do. Being introverted is a super power that needs nurturing in the work place as we bring a lot to the table. We have to educate people to our value and needs.

     If lunch is her idea of team building; maybe she'd be willing to come up with a different event to bring everyone together on the clock or maybe you can attend the lunches and then get your hour off later that same day. If she's continues to choose to not support you; don't hesitate to take it to HR.

107. Courtney ChaffeeJuly 6,2022 at 3:55PM UTC

     The other thing I would like to chime with, is what field/profession are you in? As a crisis services agency that is focused on mental health, I can easily bring it up to my boss and say I need time away from the work we do. One of our big 'culture quotes' is "you can't pour from an empty cup." That time to recharge can be crucial and I would explain that.

108. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 11:09AM UTC

     I am an introvert and agree that it is a superpower--unfortunately, based upon personal experience, my personality style has worked against me in the workplace. It is often mislabeled as being anti-social. Introvert mostly refers to situations and environments that depletes and fuels our energy levels. I wish I had control over this, but I don't. I have been the outcast in work settings for years. I just recently accepted a job offer where I will be able to work remotely and I believe with ever fiber of my being that I'm going to thrive in this new position. I know it's not realistic to advise all introverts to just find a new job that allows you to work remotely, however being mid-career, my advice to introverts is that before accepting a new job, to due some sleuthing to find out about the work environment/office layout, the team and organizational culture, and if the organization offers flexible work arrangements. Although I didn't report to this manager, there was a manager in my department who liked and pretty much expected her team to have lunch together. She could tell I was someone who didn't follow the crowd and became very antagonistic towards me and turned her staff against me (again, I repeat, I did not report to this manager). Unless this poster has powers of persuasion, I am not confident that this situation is going to have the outcome they want. Good luck.

109. AnonymousJuly 9,2022 at 1:12AM UTC

     I can relate totally relate to this! I have always been misunderstood myself. In work environments I am better one on one or a small group. At my previous job I was also bullied and told I was not approachable. I had to assist coworkers when they came in the office. I worked for a early childhood program. The interruptions were very irritating to me. I now work for a great company and I work independently and at home. I hope the OP can find a new position where she will be appreciated and valued.

110. Vanda LeeJuly 6,2022 at 6:08PM UTC

     This is wrong. It's a forced 'control" mechanism....if you're not getting paid during lunch, the time is yours. If she wants to "team build" she needs to put together something beneficial while you're on the clock. I disagree with these responses urging you to go to grow with your team . There are other ways to promote team dynamics than guilting someone into mandatory lunches.

111. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 6:24PM UTC

     Just tell her that it's not personal. If she persists, start noting and documenting the behavior each time she does it.

112. AyianJuly 6,2022 at 7:13PM UTC

     Bradford, I really don't think it's appropriate to come onto any professional forum and use slurs for the mentally disabled or insult them the way you have here. I think you need to seriously think about how you talk to people.

113. AnonymousJuly 6,2022 at 7:39PM UTC

     You're probably going to get a lot of conflicting advice on this issue, but I'll just tell you what worked for me with my bully of a boss.

     Stand up to her.

     Don't be rude or insubordinate, just straighten up your back, look her in the eye, and say, "X, I appreciate the offer, but I intend to enjoy some quiet time my myself for lunch."

     If she keeps on after that, I would say, "That may be, but I have already made clear that I do not wish to participate, and will be enjoying my lunch by myself."

     Don't let her get you off topic, don't let her trail off, just be direct and assertive. Often just maintaining confident body language and vocal tone is enough to teach a workplace bully to buzz off.

     It's nerve wracking, but so worth it. Don't let people push you around.

114. Helen DesireeJuly 6,2022 at 11:36PM UTC

     Could you not simply take your lunch and join them once a fortnight or month?

115. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 10:53AM UTC

     Why? Why should she have to capitulate to this inappropriate bullying?

116. carolina girlJuly 7,2022 at 6:22PM UTC

     Could you and all the other “be part of the gang” members stop with that nonsense? She is there to WORK. She wants to take her breaks by herself! Unless it is a business lunch, she has every RIGHT to spend it her way!

117. Paula BrantnerJuly 7,2022 at 11:33PM UTC

     She's already joining them four days a week! But even if she weren't, it should be her choice whether or not to join, especially if others are not being singled out.

118. Vanda LeeJuly 8,2022 at 6:11PM UTC

     Who wants to eat lunch with a boss like this?

119. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 2:13AM UTC

     Hello everyone.

     Thank you all for all your advices :) On a side note, I have spoken to my HR about this and it was brushed off as all the dept are under 1 boss. For all the 4 days we are eating together, the boss is always talking about work-related stuff which is honestly tiring to listen to and not what we want especially during lunch hours. I have also spoken to my boss about this and was told harshly that I was avoiding her. Some of my colleagues are having lunch alone in the office because they want to and they don't get pinpointed. When I do it, I get pinpointed. After not joining for lunch every once a week, she has been delegating many of my manager's job scope to me because "My manager has something better to do". (We are in the social sector industry)

120. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 6:17PM UTC

     I would look for another job.

121. Crystal HowellJuly 7,2022 at 7:05PM UTC

     I missed that as well. If you are singled out,that's an issue for ecoa.working during lunch is overtime.

     Ask your mgr, isn't this overtime?

     Contact Eeoc the state website find out your rights. Also, document all lunches as working,emails,etc. If others dont have to be involved, somehow ask them why is that,for your reference.

     Document your conversation with HR.

     Don't bring it up again,go along. Lookup employee attorney or paralegal just in case.

122. Vanda LeeJuly 8,2022 at 6:10PM UTC

     Document, document document... the conversation & date reported to HR and EVERY time she gives you issue with not eating lunch. After a month, take your documentation to HR and tell them that you are being singled out and would like them to address it. Show them the documentation but don't leave it. When they see you are serious about the issue, hopefully they will address it. In the meantime, I would be looking for another job. This is ridiculous and your boss has a serious issue that will not stop until someone takes action. Document ALL of the delegated tasks as well....

     When you do leave, I would use the documentation to try to negotiate a severance package. I would also urge you to stand up for yourself when being pinpointed and delegated to... ask why as in specifically WHY.... throw the ball back in her court and force specific answers and then DOCUMENT what is said. She's a bully and using manipulation ... you'll never win her over.

123. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 2:06PM UTC

     Is it worth it? Documenting is exhausting… staying in the hyper vigilant mindset to collect your evidence for what… a multi-year battle that may or may not land in your favor?

     OR

     Take your talent and energy to a place that is better aligned with your professional preferences and goals.

124. Sharon LewisJuly 7,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

     Perhaps it might work telling her that you use your lunch break for meditation and it helps you to be more productive and solve problems for the remainder of the day. A written note or email (paper trail) would let others understand that you're actually putting the welfare of the company first.

125. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

     That is a lot - have you considered telling her manager? Last resort is finding a new job but it's not a bad one.

126. Conscious WriterJuly 7,2022 at 1:23PM UTC

     If I were in your shoes, the next time she said that I would laugh heartily and say, “I know, right?! Like employees want to spend their free time with their ‘bosses’. You’re hilarious!” And I’d laugh the whole way to the break room. Because that IS ridiculous! Lol!

127. AnonymousJuly 7,2022 at 1:26PM UTC

     When I worked in an office ( been remote for about 10 years now), I used to get lunch shamed by other coworkers because I wanted that time to myself. It was the only time in the day that I could relax and gear up for the second part of the day. It was critical to my mental health. Having to stay "on" all the time was really, really exhausting. I liked to use the time to read a book, take a walk, shop a little. I even sat in my car a few times and listened to music. Point is, that it was MY time, not their time. However, coworkers used to be a little catty about it and I was considered "standoffish" because I didn't want to spend lunch with them. When I would a few times, they made a big deal about it so I just stopped. I'm not sure how you can spin it to get your boss off your back. I find her behavior toxic and needy. A boss I had years ago used to do that to her VP's and I know they hated it, but didn't know how to get out of it. Some of them had financial issues and couldn't really afford it but spent the money anyway. I wish I had some advice for you on this. Mostly just commiserating because I understand wanting that time to yourself.

128. Regina BrownJuly 8,2022 at 3:05AM UTC

     Where is it written in your job duties that you are required to have lunch with your boss? Unless, this is a working lunch and you are discussing ongoing and/or future projects, please do not feel obligated to have lunch with your boss.

     I'm also thinking that your boss is feeling very insecure and "not in control" of her personal life, so she figures that she can at least "control" her work life.

     You may want to gently tell your boss that you like to take your lunch to decompress and concentrate on the rest of your work day.

129. KatieJuly 8,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

     Just tell her that you call your Mom to check in during lunch hour, or that you meditate or are listening to/reading books during your down time. Maybe then she will get the hint.

130. AnonymousJuly 8,2022 at 2:10PM UTC

     I suggest speaking with her to understand what she has in mind.

     If you work in social service maybe she recognizes that the work is hard and wants to have a strong team support system. I would suggest having a heart felt conversation. Maybe she has a vision in mind but the execution could be accomplished a different way.

     Those of Us responding here don’t know your work situation, industry, personalities, work culture, etc. These things are almost never blaCk and white.

131. Ellen Smith FaganJuly 8,2022 at 7:27PM UTC

     So unhappy and childish and petty - this whole scenario - on all sides. The solutions are obvious - THE LAW IS ON YOUR SIDE - you can sue over it and win. But that might risk your job - it's illegal for them to action reprisals on youafter you win the suit, but it happens anyway....not always but often.

     it sounds like you already had a private chat with her to try to stop the abuse on you. If not- do that first, and prepare your words on paper and then calm down and get normal - your defensive emotional and verbal position is not going to win here - even though you are right, it is smarter to see if you can just chill and chat nicely to win the moment....and not thru resentful and gritted teeth body language emoting. The theater is up the street. Leave it there.

     Your boss needs to be reminded that ANY form of discrimination is illegal - and abuse to ANY of your rights when you are trying to give the job 100% just does not work.

     You might meet them halfway if you like the job and it seems to be a way to win over the harassment, and bring your home lunch along or buy with them...it's only once a week - really!

     "That what don't bend breaks" is an old truism and they are breaking you. Bend and go have lunch with them at least half the times they want you.

     If you really cannot eat with them once a week, and they continue failing to respect your individuality, if they continue making your day tiring - if they continue to put you in a postion where your names are Them and Me, pitted in combat = then see if you can find a new job - who needs abuse on the job? LIFE - don't waste it. Be good and you'll be happy. Be brave.

132. AnonymousJuly 9,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

     Some people don't have any control at home so when they come to work, that type of behavior spills over into the workplace, which has nothing to do with you. Your lunch is your lunch and how you choose to spend that time is on you and not spending it with her or other co-workers!!

133. Ellen Smith FaganJuly 9,2022 at 6:43PM UTC

     I'm too social - I would have thought it a compliment to be invited to join them, and it's only once a week.

     Our work environments ALWAYS offer chances to evolve and we earn and give much more than it says on our paychecks. "Be good and you'll be happy!" - Sister Mary Doloretta -Grade 5 teacher and genius.

134. Vanda LeeJuly 9,2022 at 7:29PM UTC

     Great statement & example! I worked with a lady years ago that was a micromanager deluxe to her team....come to find out, she was married to a very controlling husband & had very little say so in her personal life.

135. AnonymousJuly 26,2022 at 2:01PM UTC

     Just go find another job the fact you are working for a person who you feel is picking on you says every thing. Get out. This place is not for you.

     Hot take: if the rest of the team is down for this level of bonding and you find it invasive and controlling, this is not a culture fit. Move along, as a favor to yourself and them.

136. catherine reccardiAugust 28,2022 at 12:28AM UTC

     I'm confused.
     Is the invitation to meet JUST ONCE a week? I'd so, I see no reason not to.